It had taken several days for Cezary to decide whether or not he wanted to meet with Dieter Meer inside the bar where it had all began. Or, well, most of it. The moment he got the owl, he’d been confused, surprised, and puzzled. He’d hidden it from his wife, despite not knowing why he should even bother. There was nothing left between the two of them. Dieter had made it clear, through months of silence and unanswered letters, that he wasn’t interested in him anymore and Cezary had almost gotten over it. He loved being married. Moira completed his life in a way Cezary didn’t know lives could be completed. For a business partnership, theirs was perfect. He loved and cared for her, and the more time they spent together, the stronger their bond became. She was perfect for him, the ultimate balance of control and obedience. She led with a gentle hand, but let Cezary think that he was out in front. She had similar interests to him, and was never put off by his eagerness and excitement for the few strange interests he had. He couldn’t have done better.
For the past nine months they had lived happily, finding a routine. While she was pregnant, he’d been able to be even more doting to her. He worked hard at his job to support her, and he really got into the swing of things. He got into a routine of comfortable silences, helpful efforts, and quiet nights in. He thought he might miss his old life, but he was never dissatisfied with the way things were going for him. Every day at work was an adventure, and there was some darkness to his wife that kept him on his toes. She thoroughly frightened him, and he was always eager to follow her and protect her.
This hadn’t changed at all once his son, Damon, was born. It was still new and different for him to have a child. He was already well on his way to fulfilling his duty of rearing a bunch of pureblooded babies to carry on the name. He loved being around him, too. Sure, the baby part wasn’t always great, but Cezary nobly endured the crying and dirty diapers to enjoy the feeling of satisfaction and closeness. He’d made a little person. A blank slate waiting to see the world. Cezary was eager to tell him all the important things, share all his interests and skills. The important things, mostly. How to sail, how to fight with weapons, how to become a great necromancer. He wanted him to see everything.
With all of these new things to keep Cezary busy, thoughts of Dieter had slowly faded from his mind. He could vividly remember the days where Dieter felt more like some surreal, unattainable idea than a real person. After so many months, he chose to think of him like that again. Those months where he had considered them to be a real couple faded away to silence. He knew that nothing would ever break the spell the other had put over him, but as they said, out of sight meant out of mind. He was able to heal in the older man’s absence. Of course, until the letter.
In a way, Cezary was outraged. How dare he ignore him for nearly a year, and then expect him to just show up because he asked him to. Cezary was a busy man, he had better things to do than chase broken dreams and hurt feelings. He decided that he wasn’t going to go. Fuck him. He would have to try harder than that if he wanted to get Cezary’s attention. If he was truly sorry, if he truly wanted to talk to him, then he’d write again.
Cezary went back to work, leaving the letter forgotten and tucked away in with his other personal things. That worked for almost a full day, before he managed to rationalize it. Dieter probably just wanted to talk to him because he knew that Cezary would chase after him. He was the sure thing. He was an obedient dog, waiting for his master to come home to him. Unfortunately, Cezary knew that to be the case. He felt like he’d been left at home, alone, too long. He remembered months of hoping he’d get a reply. He didn’t want to give the other the satisfaction of whatever he wanted, but if he never showed up... Dieter would probably not bother. He’d assume Cezary hated him, rightfully so, and then never contact him again. If he went, he could at least demand a reason why. He could get to look him in the face and ask him why, if he planned on doing this to him, that he had to convince him that he was loved, first. After months and months of denying and feeling confused and unworthy, Cezary had finally felt loved by him. He’d felt confident in what they had, something Dieter had needed to work for. As soon as Cezary had let him in, though, it was gone. All of his comfort and self-worth, washed out to sea.
This was what Cezary told himself as he attempted the long-distance apparation. He was just going to tell him that he wasn’t someone who could be ignored for that long, and then expected to just come when he was called. He was going to demand answers. Damnit, he was going to be intimidating and scary and the other man would know not to mess with his feelings anymore. Or, well, he would try. As expected, the moment he stepped foot into the bar and saw the blond man sitting at the table, he felt his resolve falter. He knew that it hadn’t just been revenge that brought him there, despite his efforts to assure himself of the contrary, but it was also concern, sadness, and love. He hurt. He did want answers, but it was hard to not come when he was called. He couldn’t leave the other in a time of need, regardless of what he might or might not get out of it.
He swallowed and took a deep breath as he approached him from the side. He wrapped his fingers around his knife in his pocket, comforting himself. “Hey.” He greeted, voice quiet. This was a bad choice. He should have just stayed home. That would have been a lot less uncomfortable than this. It wasn’t until Cezary opened his mouth that he realized how much was left unsaid between them.
