Excellent. She had tunnel vision.
The walls were closing in and they were closing in bloody quickly. How could she be so utterly and ridiculously stupid? Dorian and Elijah did look a lot alike. Similar height, build and hair styles but what she'd done was unforgivable. It wasn't just a kiss, it was a proper kiss. The type she greeted Dorian with every single morning they were together; soft, slow and heartfelt. Eloise lifted a shaking hand to her mouth, feeling sick. She'd ruined that now. How was she supposed to kiss her boyfriend like that again now?
Making a weird noise halfway between a squeak and a sob, Eloise covered her eyes. All she could hear was her own blood pounding in her ears and it was making things a heck of a lot worse. She was an awful person. She couldn't meet Elijah's eyes, she couldn't be any where near him at the moment. She didn't know Dorian's friend very well, except he was quiet and tended not to be around when she was. Hot. She felt hot. Swallowing, she fanned herself, forgetting she was wearing nothing more than an oversized tee shirt.
Shiiiiiiit.
Hearing Dorian's voice, her head snapped upwards as her heart dropped to somewhere that felt like her knees. Her big green eyes flicked back from his to Elijah's and back again and she felt a wave of sadness. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates and she'd gone pale of a sudden, her mouth dry, her pupils dilated as she continued to shake. The thought of losing Dorian was too much and it was clear to see. She looked smaller, paler, colder. Having no time to rebuff her boyfriend, he caught her just in time as she collapsed into his waiting arms heavily, her body soft and pliant like a rag doll as Elijah spoke.
The vet closed her eyes tightly, thinking this was going from bad to worse with every possible passing second. She didn't like the tone the artist had used, especially when the other boy hadn't done anything wrong at all in this instance. "It's not his fault," she managed to cough out, clumsily trying to right herself, one hand on Dorian's chest as she pushed weakly, trying to free herself from his embrace. No. She didn't deserve his sympathy or his love. She'd betrayed him and his hold, once comforting, now made her feel nauseous.
With a groan, she stumbled sideways, her head in her hands. Elijah was so sweet, explaining things for her. "No," she said sharply. "It's my fault. It's all my fault. Everything. Don't blame him," she said, her voice cracking as she pleaded with Dorian, feeling the coldness of the kitchen now she was free of his arms. Right. Here goes nothing.
"I thought Elijah was you," she said slowly and carefully, looking at Dorian and looking so utterly and completely distraught. Her lower lip wobbled and a single tear escaped her left eye and slid down her cheek, marring her porcelain skin as it did so. "I was half asleep and he had his back to me," she said, crying freely now. "And I kissed him." It was out now and how awful it was in black and white. She didn't bother to wipe her eyes. She reached out to touch Dorian, her fingers inches away before she dropped her hand. Nah. She wasn't worth his time any more. "I didn't mean to, I swear," she said with wide eyes, her slender body still shaking. "I honestly thought you were making tea," she implored her boyfriend. It was clear she was telling the truth. No one had ever looked so utterly distraught before.
"He didn't do anything," Eloise was quick to defend Elijah. "He actually pushed me away and I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry," she said, her voice hoarse as more tears flowed again. "This is all my fault. I'm a horrible person. I'm the worst," she sobbed, one hand over her mouth as she tried to control the whimpering. "I made such a terrible mistake," she whispered.
Without saying anything else, Eloise sprang into action. Like a bunny, she scampered off. Her feet went skidding on the kitchen floor as she sprinted away to Dorian's bedroom with one thought in mind; she had to get the Hell out and now. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to work things out. He hated her. Elijah hated her. They both thought her actions were inexcusable and honestly, so did she. She was abhorrent. Slamming the bedroom door behind her, she ran around the room, throwing all of her belongings into her bag.
She needed to remove all traces of her so Dorian would be okay. Usually, she left some things here. A bottle of perfume, underwear, a dress, a scarf but no. "Shit," she swore, getting more and more frustrated as her cheeks turned pink. She couldn't find her perfume. "Where are you? Ow!" She howled as she stumped her toe on Dorian's dresser, collapsing on the floor again as she sobbed. Maybe she could escape out of the window. It wasn't a big drop to the floor. Yeah.