underneath my skin like a splinter - Ryan

Ryan got up and followed the other into the kitchen to help him with the cake, but found when he got there that Justin had, once again, finished almost all of the work. He looked down at the bakery-perfect looking cake in awe. Justin was a genius baker, apparently. He wondered if it tasted as good as it looked, and he was eager to find out. He took the fork and couldn't wait for Justin to cut his slice before digging in. It was melt-in-his-mouth delicious, covered in a creamy chocolate ganache and tasting completely decadent.

“You're gonna make me fat, bringing stuff like this into my house.” He teased. “You actually made this? You didn't buy it at some bakery or something?” He asked, almost skeptical. Justin wouldn't lie to him, but it was very good. He could have done this professionally. He finally put his fork down and went to help Justin finish up around the kitchen. He hadn't really expected the other to do chores, like washing the dishes, especially since he was the one cooking. It was a surprise, a nice surprise. It made Ryan daydream about what things might be like if they were roommates. Justin would probably keep the place so clean. They could split chores, and Justin would keep Ryan on his toes, optimistic, and happy. He frowned a little. He missed Jane. She was a good roommate, too, but she was gone so much now that Ryan felt a bit like he was living alone.

He forced himself to stop thinking about them living together. There was a large elephant in the room where that was concerned, and no real way to get around it. They couldn't be just roommates, not for long. Ryan wanted him so bad that he could taste it. Then came Justin's confession. So, Ryan had been right after-all. It had been just him. He didn't know how to feel about that. It had been two years. Hadn't the other found anyone he was attracted to since then? Had Ryan really ruined him for anyone else?

“It's okay.” He said, finally. “I'm sorry about.. all that. I was kind of a jerk in school, wasn't I?” He couldn't quite meet his eyes. “I don't mind if you want to talk about it. I think we should be able to talk about it, considering. I remember it happened. I wasn't sure you remembered, but I guess you do. I was just... you know, a wimp back then. I was so far in the closet...” He trailed off. “Still am to an extent.” He confessed. “But I remember pushing you away. It was pretty hard, actually. I remember I used to imagine us holding hands in the hallway and me punching anyone who didn't like it in the face.”

Justin's smile was huge as Ryan teased him about the richness of the cake. He giggled and shook his head, proud that he had managed to make something good. It had been hard but he'd pulled it out in the end, apparently. "Nope!" he declared with a cheeky grin. "Completely home-made." Justin watched Ryan finish the clean-up, his chest filled with a warmth and lightness that he hadn't felt in a while. It felt like he had swallowed a lumos spell. He wished he could bottle this feeling and keep it always. "If I keep feeding you like this, I'll just have to figure out a way to get you some exercise," Justin teased. He realized that his statement was flirty and suggestive in the extreme and he blushed hard.

Ryan seemed to be saying pretty much all the words that Justin had waited two years to hear. The apology felt like a soothing balm on a wound. He smiled at Ryan gratefully, instinctively reaching out to place one of his hands over the other boy's. "Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that." Justin shook his head, giving Ryan an understanding look. "I don't blame you or anything," he told him quickly. "Everything happened so quickly and it was, well, a lot to process."

He could hardly believe his ears when he heard Ryan say he had imagined having something more with him. Holding hands, walking together; it sounded like the things Justin had wanted. It was strange, to sudden feel the world shifting. A moment ago, he would have sworn Ryan Hadditch had never felt anything for him besides regret and disgust. But now? Now there was a feeling bubbling inside his chest like champagne. It felt like hope. "You," Justin murmured, blushing, looking at Ryan with his big hazel eyes, "you really wanted that? With me?" He took an unconscious step towards the other boy, his voice low and warm. "I would have liked that."

When the clock struck the hour, it made Justin jump about a foot in the air. He had been looking at Ryan's lips and it was only a matter of moments before he made a move that would either end gloriously or in a train-wreck. He blushed beet-red and cleared his throat, stepping back. "Guess you better head out," he said, regret clear in his voice. "Too much longer and you'll be late."

Justin walked Ryan to the door, feeling shy and nervous for the first time since they had started seeing each other every day. "Would," he began, his voice squeaky with nerves, then continued in a more normal tone, "would you like to hang out on Saturday? I could come over before lunch, cook us something, and we could watch some more movies or just talk or do anything really." He was flustered and hopefully and he was giving Ryan a look like a love-struck puppy.

As Ryan was about to leave the flat, Justin plucked up his courage and said, "Wait." He moved quickly, placing his hands on Ryan's hips, leaning in and brushing a chaste kiss across his cheek. Justin quickly stepped back, smiling coyly. "Have a good day at work. I'll see you Saturday." He closed the door behind Ryan and leaned against it, his hand pressed over his heart and a huge smile on his face.

[[out]]

Ryan was out the door before he really realized what was happening, and suddenly he felt jipped. A kiss on the cheek? What the fuck was that? What was Justin playing at? He seemed to light up like a child on Christmas and then shove him out of his own house like he didn't even live there. He was acting like his mom, not like his friend, and he hadn't waited for an answer on  Saturday, either.

Ryan tried to forget it all as he walked the short distance to the bar where he worked. What the actual fuck was going on between him and Justin? He thought the other might have had something more to say about him in school. It would have been acceptable, too. He had been a royal asshole, especially to Justin. Justin had the unfortunate affliction of being ridiculously attractive to Ryan, being too nice, and being too happy. Those things came together to anger a seventeen year old Ryan to the point of undeniable violence.

Justin had really impressed him when he finally showed his backbone. If Justin hadn't... Ryan didn't think they'd be in the same place now as they were then. He might not have given him a second glance outside of the Hare. That didn't matter, though, because what happened was... inevitable, it seemed like. The inevitable outcome of their mutual magnetic attraction... but would it be the only time? Would that be their swan song?

If Justin was really looking to go one dates with Alexander from Greece—some guy he didn't even like—then maybe. Would Ryan get mad about it? No. He promised himself; he pulled himself together. He wouldn't be mad about it. He'd just move on. His memory of leaving the house was so abrupt that he missed little things about how Justin acted towards him, the little smiles and hope in his voice. He forgot that friends didn't kiss each other's cheeks, or put their hands on his hips with way Justin did, or smile that stupid beautiful charming coy smile...

Maybe he did remember... but he also remembered that he was trying to move on. If Justin could do it, so could he.