i wanna get better [pike]

He watched as Riley examined his sketches, feeling the same way he always did when people were looking at his art - exposed and vulnerable. And yet it felt a little different with this young man. Both worse and better at the same time. Both safe and yet also nerve wracking. He tried not to analyse that too much, instead letting a smile tug at his masculine features as Riley's eyes settled on one of his personal favourites. "Yeah me too," he muttered softly, "When I did this one... I'd been really struggling.. really wondering if I could go on. If the world would ever get better. And then I saw this and something told me that the world was still good in places, it's just hard to stop and see them sometimes." He fell silent as Riley seemed to fade out, eyes glazing over in a way that was all too familiar to Pike. It made him want to fiercely wrap his arms around this stranger and protect him from his memories, from his inner demons, from whatever he was running from.

"I find it cathartic," Pike responded with a light shrug, "sometimes you need to... feel the pain. Give it time. Dwell in it. Only then can you really move on from it. Otherwise you just spend your life running from the darkness until it catches up with you." Maybe this was too deep a conversation to be having with a kid he barely knew who had just thrown up all over his floor. "Yeah, sorry," he murmured, his arm automatically wrapping around the boy as he leaned in. Riley needed a physical comfort, Pike could sense that. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries, but he also knew when someone was asking to be held. He looped his hand gently around Riley's waist, fingers and thumb brushing lightly over his shirt.

"You can sleep if you like..." he said after a moment's silence. "Seems like you're ok now, and I can watch over you to make sure..." aaaand he was back to sounding creepy again. A light blush tinged his cheeks for a moment, and Pike hoped the dim candlelight of the room would keep it hidden. "I uh, won't... share the bed... unless you want me to.. there are other mattresses, I can sleep elsewhere, or bring one in here near you.. or.. whatever..."

He didn't want to judge him as he spilled his thoughts. On some level, though, he couldn't help it. He'd heard this before, this idealism, this optimism. It worked for many people, most people, but for Riley it had never stuck. His mother was gone. His grandfather was gone. He had no finalized Hogwarts education and nothing to look forward to. Hell, he'd thrown up on a stranger's floor just a few minutes ago. Optimism wasn't in his nature. It wasn't something he could wrap his mind around, even when someone like Pike was speaking so powerfully of it. He nodded, and smiled, and tried not to dwell on it.

And then it felt, almost, like he was talking to Riley. About Riley. Like a thinly veiled bit of advice, an enlightened warning of be wary for him to ponder. Pike was warm, and handsome, and kind... but Riley had to remind himself that he'd only known him for about half an hour. Pike didn't know his story, didn't know his struggles or his sacrifices. Then again, Riley didn't know Pike's either. Perhaps all of this conversation was too heavy for this night, too deep and complex and abstract. As far as Riley was concerned, the world was dark and grim, and Pike was the first real bit of light he'd seen in weeks. Maybe months. He wanted to fight against the cynicism. He wanted to bask in Pike's glow for a while longer.

"I would like that," he said sleepily, nuzzled up against him. His shirt was soft and he smelled earthy. He had an aura, like he knew how to heal, like he knew how to make it better. Maybe Riley was drawn to him because he was tall and broad and handsome, but maybe it was something deeper. Maybe he was meant to be here, meant to meet him, meant to find a light in a room full of dark. Pike's arm was around his waist and he savored it, gentle fingers touching him. Reminding him that he was alive. "Shhh...." he said lightly, hearing the man stammer. He sounded unsure, nervous perhaps, but Riley was none of those things. Sleep was imminent. He was fading and he was calm.

"Stay with me," he said, more so a plea than a request. He needed him. He needed someone to stay with him and to hold him and to get him through to morning. What happened after that, well, that was up in the air.

A soft smile teased at Pike's lips as the younger man cuddled in against him, once again seeming to drift off. Pike nodded, moving the cushions a little and carefully lying down on his back, drawing Riley down with him, cuddled against his chest. He wrapped both arms around him, holding him close, not firmly, but enough. He nodded again at the boy's plea, moving one hand to lightly stroke through Riley's hair, unsticking it from his forehead where drug-induced sweats had pinned it in place. "I'm here, not going anywhere," he murmured, reassuringly.

He continued to lightly stroke Riley's back as the younger man drifted off, but he forced himself to remain awake, determined to watch over Riley for a while longer. If his guest choked to death in his sleep, he'd never forgive himself. Even though he didn't know this stranger, he already felt fiercely protective over him. Riley seemed like he needed that too. Needed someone who actually cared. Someone who wouldn't run off when the going got tough.

And Pike needed this too. Sure he'd played mama bear to any waif and stray that came in off the streets, but it had been so long since he'd had someone fragile curled up in his arms. Someone that needed him. Needed his protection and care. He'd failed Frey, at least that was how it had always felt. He hadn't been there to defend him at the battle, hadn't been able to fix him afterwards. Hadn't been there when Frey had needed him the most. Pike still beat himself up daily over that. But tonight, he felt a little better about himself. He'd been here for Riley. Who knew what could have happened if he hadn't been - maybe he'd saved the kid's life. That felt good, and not in an ego-boosting prideful way, but like he'd found his purpose once more. Like he needed this just as much as breathing.

is this a good place to end this thread?