[Hogwarts Express] any change in time; we are young again | • k e r r

After the mad dash out of the school and the ensuing crying and hugging and making sure her cousins were okay that ensued, Freya had found herself moving out of the compartment she was sharing with a mix of relatives and friends and into the hall of the train. There was chatter on either side of her. The compartments were full to the brim with people who didn’t seem to really want to split up. When they’d lurched into motion everything had seemed so surreal, but somehow this part of the trip was familiar, despite the fact that she hadn’t changed into muggle clothes or robes yet, and the fact that she’d gone to school with a full trunk and was only returning home with a duffel bag.

Freya felt like death was something that happened to other people. She supposed that most people felt like that, especially when they hadn’t lost lovers or children or anyone particularly close to them. It was crazy to think – now, in the relative safety of the Hogwarts express, in her stupid food themed PJs (that no one would be able to take her seriously in) that she could have died multiple times in the past few weeks. It wasn’t a concept that she’d learned to wrap her head around yet, but it had somehow changed her; made her more grown up. More strong.

There was also a bit of a perspective shift that came with her personal growth over the past couple of months too. Everything that had happened with Kerr and Danny had felt like life-or-death only a couple of short months ago, but since then they’d all experienced much more real and visceral examples of this life-or-death thing and it made Freya absolutely sure of one thing. She didn’t want what had happened to be the end of everything. She didn’t want things to be awkward with Danny and she didn’t want to never talk to Kerr for the remainder of their messed up final year at Hogwarts. Freya was turning eighteen in a very short week and a half. Time to act like it.

Of course, that didn’t shoo away the butterflies in her stomach. Freya wasn’t sure if she wanted to faint or throw up or some ungodly mixture of both, but instead of either option, the blonde straightened her high ponytail, patted down her PJs with sweaty hands and then knocked twice on the door of a compartment containing one housemate in particular that she needed to talk to. Freya took a deep breath as she opened the door, fully aware of the fact that she was interrupting conversation with her presence. Her honey-brown eyes found him immediately, of course. She’d spent too much time making sure she wasn’t looking at him in places like class or the common room to not know exactly where he was when they were sharing a space.

“Kerr?” she said, somehow turning the single word into a question as it left her soft lips. “Do you think I could borrow you for a sec?” The blonde felt the eyes on her swivel to him. She could also feel an embarrassing flush rising in her cheeks and she bit her lower lip to stop herself from immediately launching into some babbling rant or apology. She wasn’t sure which yet. Her heart was beating way too quickly in her chest right now for her to think straight.

Kerr’s baritone was a soothing murmur as the 18 year old sung a low Italian song with his lips pressed against his first year cousin’s temple. Her hands were dug deep into his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her, and as much as he wanted to rock her to sleep, the Regans were packed so tightly in the compartment that there wasn’t much space to breathe much less move. He wouldn’t have it anyway else. His light eyes focused on the serious face of his big sister, and he met her gaze. He wanted to smile, wanted to sob at just the sight of her.

This year had been harder than the boy had expected, and that was after him being attacked the year before. That was nothing like the emotional torture that he’d gone through trapped in a seething pit of hormones and anger at Hogwarts. Usually there was a release, but there’d been nothing. He thought he’d been going insane, seeing monsters everywhere. Paranoia had seeped into his very being, and even now his eyes kept flicking around the compartment as if something was going to jump out of the shadows at them. His hand reach to wrap around his wand and he squeezed it gently, reassuring himself with its shape.

The Regans were going straight to the big house where their family was waiting. Anyone living anywhere near had been recalled back home and they were going to work through this together. It was in times like this that being part of a huge family was reassuring to the boy, knowing that all he had to do is speak up and they’d be there for him. Mama Riona was sure to have her hands full with the slightly malnurished and tired kids and even Murphy, who was sitting next to Nessa, antsy as if he had somewhere he wanted to be.

His hand wrapped tighter around the wand when he heard the knocks, and it wasn’t until he heard his name that he lifted his head to look up. His song trailed off, and his eyebrow flicked upwards as he gazed at Freya. He had an empty pit where his anger had been, and just looking at her made this bone deep weariness even heavier on his frame. But stupid him, when she asked for him alone, he would follow. He deposited the sleeping girl in Murphy’s arms, rising slowly to his full imposing height. Looking at her through his lashes, he nodded, jutting his chin towards the door. Kerr followed Freya out, closing the door behind them, walking a little bit further into an empty section of corridor.

Leaning against the wall, he opened his eyes fully, focusing the entirety of his gaze on her. “Your family all in one piece?” He asked, wondering why the hell he still cared.

“Yeah they are,” she breathed. Freya knew that his family was mostly fine too; she’d kept tabs on as many Regans as she could in the past few months. Like her own family, there were so many of them that getting out of something like this with everyone alive was almost a miracle. Freya had never asked him if members of his family had died in the war or the battle of Hogwarts; she sort of assumed that some had. This time both families seemed to have pulled off a miracle. Freya swallowed, shooing away these thoughts. The blonde could feel her heart beating hard in her chest and she remembered last time they’d been together on the train, coming home from school after their sixth year finished. It felt like decades ago. They’d broken up soon after.

Her honey-coloured eyes searched his as she patted her PJ shirt flat. Why wasn't she a super skilled legilimens right now? Being able to know what he was thinking would be so usefull in quelling her anxiety, even if she discovered that he hated her or something. They hadn't talked since the whole incident in the common room. “Look, Kerr…” Freya dropped her gaze, making sure not to fumble over her words or get too flustered when she spoke. “Everything just seems so…”

Pointless, she wanted to say. It seemed pointless to avoid each other or stay angry or upset. The girl played with loose strands of thread at the side seam of her shorts with one hand as she glanced up at him again. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened with Danny. I know it seems like a weird time to bring this up,” she added hurriedly. After all, there were sleeping Tricketts and shell-shocked Tricketts and little Tricketts who needed comfort too (she tried not to imagine herself as one of them); the Regans surely had the same needs.

Freya wasn’t the baby in her family anymore – especially not here. At school, she was like an older sister to all of the younger ones. Freya was sure Kerr played the same role with his family. That was one of the reasons they’d clicked so well in the beginning, she’d thought; they’d both understood things like family loyalty and family pressures. “But after everything we’ve been through…” The fighting, the monsters, the dome, “…I just didn’t want to leave it like this. We could all be dead,” she added weakly.