[gstcbdc] pray the real live forever [carrie]

It would not be long until winter break and here she was, in the bakery at Shackamaxon, savoring her third bite of the delicious confection before her. It was her favorite—a hearty slice of caramelized pineapple pie, topped with whipped cream, and delectable sweet ribbons of caramel drizzled on top. The material was all there, her favorite pen, her trusty notebook, and most importantly her textbooks. But, she could not stop eating or thinking enough to really concentrate on studying. Who was she kidding? No wonder her roommates all but outright laughed when she told them that she would be studying at the bakery—all day, no interruptions, and hours of concentration. At this rate she would fail her exams and would be staying up all night to finish her homework. However, Minerva found it almost impossible to concentrate. Too much was on her mind and too little time. 
 
She had invited @Carrie Marshall to meet her under the premise of a study session. Having company would make the pile of work in front of her more manageable and if she ran into any problems, Carrie would probably be able to help her figure things out. Minerva was sure there would be a lot of those moments. But even Minerva knew that it was a weak excuse.  She stretched her hands above her head and readjusted in her seat, running her hands through her brown locks as she forced herself to open her notebook. But instead of planning out a to-do list as she had intended, she ended up doodling hearts in the corner of the page and then looking around the café for any signs of Carrie. There’s no point in starting now if Carrie is coming, might as well wait, she told herself, a way to excuse her lack of motivation. She had motivation for the right thing, and for the last few months, the only thing that inspired her was her relationship.
 
Minerva was crazy about her boyfriend; Zane had slowly managed to penetrate almost all parts of her daily life. And like usual, he was the reason she could not concentrate on the task ahead. Just thinking of the next time she would see him again made her smile. But then, also thinking about their next meeting cause her smile to turn into an expression of anxiety. He was also the true reason she had sought Carrie out and had almost begged her to meet her in Shackamaxon. Her ears perked up at the sound of the soft ring at the café’s door, signaling that a new customer had arrived. She looked up to see Carrie and with a big smile on her face, waved her over to the seat.
 
“Carrie!” she called out, “Over here!” she motioned to the seat across from her and quickly moved all of her materials out of the way to leave her friend some space. “They’re having a one plus one deal on the drinks today so I got a ginger tea and some coffee. And this pineapple cake is so good, want some?” she asked, sliding the clean fork to her side of the table. “I’ve got so much work to do, this is like unreal,” she added with a nervous laugh as she opened her notebook and wrote the date at the top of the paper. She had a report on New World Magic due in the evening and still had not started the long list of Charms that she had to learn and master by the beginning of the following week. But she could not stop her mind from wandering to the real reason she had asked Carrie to met her there. Sighing heavily, Minerva put her pencil down and dropped her voice to a whisper, “so I’m going to do you know what with you know who…” she started, an embarrassed and somewhat anxious expression written on her face, “I’m sixteen for goodness sake—he’s going to be so disappointed when I tell him the truth. How should I tell him? I don’t need to, right, just go for it?” she asked and looked on to her best friend for advice. “I’m so stressed out,” she added. Carrie always had the right answer, she would know what to do. Surely.

To say that Carrie was looking forward to winter break was an egregious understatement. As much as she enjoyed being physically on Ilvermorny’s campus and – to an extent – her classes, the Iron Witch was feeling desperately in need of a breather. The last couple of weeks leading up to the holidays were always the worst; not only had many already begun to mentally check-out, but there were also the usual end-of-semester essays and quizzes and projects and presentations that all coalesced within the last week or two of term. It was almost a lose-lose-lose: if you tried to get ahead, you burned out not long after getting the on-time stuff done (or maybe even before); if you procrastinated too much or tried to give yourself too many mental health days, you were really in trouble; and if you stayed par for the course and kept your head above water you were still drowning.

So when Minnie had asked her to meet at Grann Sosseh’s for a study session that would involve the most delectable bakery items known to wizardkind, Carrie knew she’d be insane not to accept. Though, if Carrie hadn’t personally laid eyes on a very frazzled-looking Minnie multiple times this week as her friend slogged through schoolwork (and felt similarly herself), the half-Peruvian might have called her bluff right then and there. Not that she doubted her friend’s honesty by any means or was discounting her studiousness – but if Carrie knew her even half as well as she’d thought, she wouldn’t be surprised if there was something else Minnie wanted to discuss that was entirely unrelated to academics. She grinned to herself at the thought.

Almost as soon as she crossed the threshold of the shop, she heard her name drifting towards her from the corner. Locating Minnie immediately, she beamed back and serpentined between the intervening chairs and tables, lowering her bag to the floor and sliding into the proffered seat across from her friend. Carrie rubbed her hands together excitedly as the Thunderbird mentioned the day’s deal on drinks.

“Yesss, fantastic. And did you really even need to ask if I want cake?” The former Virginian returned with a laugh, tossing her long braid over her shoulder and reaching for the fork Minnie had slid towards her without hesitation.
“That was a dangerous move, to offer me this,” she told her friend, – who, in fact, needed no warning whatsoever considering she knew Carrie well enough by now to know she’d never turn down food – spearing a piece of the dessert with her fork and giving it a small bob for emphasis. “I might have to get my own before I eat all of yours.” With an impish grin she popped the bite in her mouth and closed her eyes in sheer bliss. “Mmph… ohmygod that is so good! Madame’s pies are the best. Have to remember to bring some home for the girls… and not eat them on the bus ride.” Her last comment was more of a note-to-self, which she tended to mumble aloud when alone or in select company, and in this case for Minnie’s amusement. By “home” she was referring to House Irons, and the “girls” were the Wayward Girls: those in the care of House Irons but not yet old enough to attend Ilvermorny. They were another reason Carrie was looking forward to break.

“Ugh, I hear you,” she agreed, snagging another bite of cake. “I feel like I'm freaking drowning. Can I try this?” She gestured towards the ginger tea, glancing up at her friend’s face: and saw Minnie was wearing that expression. The one where she busied herself with something while she contemplated a varying degree of bombshell on the conversation. Amused, she merely waited, claiming the unattended cherry on the pie for herself. Minnie heaved a sigh then, and Carrie lifted her hazel gaze casually.
‘And the truth comes out…’

“so I’m going to do you know what with you know who…”

Right on cue, Carrie’s eyebrows began creeping up towards her hairline. She didn’t mean the gesture judgmentally (Minnie would know that, surely?): it was just her involuntary reflex of amused disbelief. She couldn’t say she was surprised; ever since Minnie and Zane had started dating, he was mentioned at least once in probably 90% of their conversations.

“You’re sure that’s… what you want?” She’d almost said ‘a good idea,’ but it was most obviously not (at least in Carrie’s opinion) so she’d shifted gears. She leaned forward in her seat slightly to accommodate her friend’s lowered tones, fingers interlaced under her chin as she propped her elbows on the table. Her catlike eyes narrowed slightly in appraisal, listening as Minnie said her piece.

“I think you already know what I'm going to say, Min. Nothing you want to hear,” Carrie began with a wry smile, and freed one of her hands. She touched her right index finger with her left. “One: don’t do it, especially if you want your first time to be… special. Two:” – she ticked off the second finger on her right hand – “just tell him you’ve never done it before. If he can’t respect that or handle it maturely in any sense, then he’s really not worth your time.”
She shrugged, as though it really was that simple for every teenage girl’s logic. Carrie would be willing to bet that same piece of information would have elicited squeals and giggles and a barrage of questions if divulged to another of their peers; how incredibly anticlimactic of her, by contrast. But the former Virginian took a slightly different approach, in that she was a strong proponent of her own self-worth over peer pressure. She tried to be empathetic – really, she did – but sometimes it was almost impossible to see where some of her classmates were coming from. Carrie loved Minerva to pieces and she was one of the Iron Witch’s closest friends; but sometimes she wished she could literally shake some sense into her.

Of course, Carrie had minimal experience from which to speak, herself. She’d had a couple of semi-serious boyfriends but never really did more than just make out, and hadn’t yet found someone she’d be willing to lose her virginity to. In all honesty, many of her observations and conclusions had come from watching her peers – specifically, all the things that went wrong. Truthfully, she wasn’t averse to sex or experimenting or anything of that nature: but she was averse to making poor decisions about whom those partners might be. Carrie and Zane were friends, at least casually, but knowing him as she did, she would not advise sleeping with him to someone as emotionally volatile and emotionally dependent as Minnie.

Pressing her fingertips gently into her temples, she looked up at her friend.
“Look, Min, obviously I can’t tell you what to do. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I really don’t think he’s a good match for you. I’m sure it’s stressful” – she reached out and squeezed one of Minnie’s free hands – “but if it’s the right move, it shouldn’t be this stressful. Y’know? I just don’t want you to, like... regret it.”

Minnie examined her friend’s expression closely, and then immediately looked at her hands folded in her lap, anxious to hear her reply. It had always been her favorite thing about Carrie, the fact that she concealed her emotions for no one, her expressions were clearly written on her face. But, it also made Minnie feel a little self-conscious. Carrie was the only one who knew the entire picture, not only was Minnie dating Zane, he was her first serious boyfriend and had no idea that she was a virgin. Not that he didn’t ask, Minnie simply felt too embarrassed to tell him the truth. She didn’t have to ask for details to know that he had had his fair share of conquests. Most of Minnie’s experience came from things she had heard from cousins, night time television, and a few love scenes she had spotted in novels while digging for a new book to read in the library. But, Carrie knew everything, Minnie was grateful that there was at least one person that she could be one-hundred percent Minerva with, even if it terrified her. And considering that Minnie had been talking about Zane and how much she liked him since the beginning of their 5th year together, she was certain that Carrie was the only person she could ask for advice. Or, a little reassurance. She swallowed nervously.   

“I think that’s…what I want?” she started, and immediately regretted sounding so unsure, “yes,” she added as firmly as she could. “Of course,” she nodded quickly, as if she were still trying to convince herself, “I can’t even imagine doing it with anyone else, you know?“ she continued. It was true; Minnie had liked her boyfriend for so long it felt strange to even think about anyone else getting that close to her, especially in an intimate way. There had been previous boyfriends, sure, and a few make out sessions but no one had ever made her feel exactly the same.

Minnie had already made up her mind, at least she thought she had, and had gone as far as to reassure him, in the very playful and adventurous persona she had fabricated to pacify the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach every time she was around him. But Carrie had known her too long, so long that her mind inadvertently spilled out her true thoughts without filter. She took a breath before sighing heavily, her shoulders dropping in a huff of disappointment—she pushed a big forkful of the cake into her mouth. “We might need another slice after all, maybe a whole cake,” she added with a small smile. “I kinda just want to eat my feelings at this point.”

Her best friend furthered her explanation, it was nothing that she wanted to hear, and at least Minnie could agree to that. “I want it to be him, I don’t need all the flowers and candles and romantic stuff, if it’s him then that’s pretty special to me,” she started. At least she wanted to believe that now. But Carrie would probably have known better. Minnie had always had an idea, a very elaborate and somewhat unrealistic expectation when it came to romance. At least she had before her parents had finalized their divorce. She often thought about romance, but preferred to dismiss it to impress her boyfriend. He cared for her, at least that’s what she wanted to believe, but he wasn’t exactly the affectionate type. At least not affectionate in the classic romance movie type.

“I know I can just tell him…but aren’t guys kind of weird about that? Like about clingy girls and stuff?” she asked, at least it was what she had heard. “So I figured that I can just not tell him, I mean I have a general idea about how it goes down, I don’t think he’d even notice…right? And things will just be like before, I mean I don’t think anything is going to change…it’s not that big of a deal, I don’t know why people make such a fuss about girls and never about guys losing their virginity,” she dropped her voice. Minnie was not afraid to talk about these kinds of things with her friend but the last thing she wanted for everyone at Grann Sosseh’s to be in on her predicament. Minnie’s slow pace made it obvious that she doubted her own line of thinking, she ran a hand of frustration through her hair, “I should’ve just done it as soon as we started dating. I think I might have accidently led him to think I know what I’m doing and now he has expectations so it’s too late to back out, gosh, I always do this to myself,” she continued. Minnie was probably overthinking this.

It was a complicated situation. Minnie had been raised to believe that virginity, her purity as a woman was the most valuable gift she could give to someone after she was married. In theory and as a child, it sounded sensible. After all, Minnie had always dreamed of a romance with a fairy tale ending, this was how all of her favorite stories as a child went. Love at first sight, courting, marriage, baby, happily ever after. However, as Minnie become a teenager the notion of the meaning of virginity lingered in her mind. She could either disappoint her mother and defy her childhood beliefs or disappoint her boyfriend, who she was pretty sure she was in love with. Whose disappointment would hurt her the most? Even she was unsure of that at this point. She needed someone on the outside; she needed Carrie to tell her what to do.
“I know that you aren’t crazy about Zane but you know...the harder I try not to like him, the more I fall for him. It’s almost like he’s the perfect person for me…” she smiled at how silly her words sounded, “that sounds cheesy I know, but I don’t think I’d ever regret it being him,”  she started, “I think I’d just regret disappointing him with silly stuff like this. Haven’t you like liked, liked someone before?”

@Carrie Marshall  hi-hi! please let me know if any edits are needed! ily <33