He could do this, he could climb from his car and walk up to that door and knock, but, he couldn’t. Ollie had been reckless and it haunted him. His hand rose so that his ink covered fingers could run over his hair. He knew he had done something horrible, something he should apologize for. The problem was that he couldn’t exactly remember, most of it was hazy. He remembered the moments just before as he walked the cold streets up to the house that now rested in the intensity of his blue gaze. His jaw tightened as he pulled his eyes away to look at the palms of his hands.
He had to get right with her, he had to, there was nothing else that mattered really. His birthday was approaching and the thought that he might not spend it in her presence did something to his core. It tore at the edges of his heart and reminded Ollie that if he ever broke it would be for or because of Valeria. He had never been so attached to another person before. Saying he needed her was an understatement. Hollister was slowly realizing that was he felt was love. The weight on his chest was longing and he missed her. His brows twitched before he shifted restlessly. You got this, he thought, she down for you, you got this. Just say sorry. the thoughts tumbled.
He couldn’t apologize, not really if he didn’t know what he had done or if he had done nothing at all. His own fears had kept him away. He liked to think that he feared nothing but the lost he would feel if she ever left him scared the boy down to his bones. The soft ding repeated as the door opened and black sneakers came into contact with the street. Ding. Ding. Ding. He shifted, he could do this. He could push his fear aside and face her. Ollie knew she would be mad but he also knew she never stayed mad at him for long. Ding. Ding. Ding. He nodded finally before he stood, listening to the last few resounding dings before the door fell shut.
He stood there for a moment in the cold simply looking at his destination before his body moved, he felt a bit numb as if he didn’t know what he was walking into. His steps echoed more than they usually did, his head shook and he stopped, turning on his heels. “Man forget this.” He couldn’t. He wanted to but what if she said the things he didn’t want to hear. What if, what if she broke up with him? His hand rose to run down his hair and over his face as opened his mouth in a quiet cry, his frustration boiling over for a moment. She had him feeling way too much and that was just unacceptable.
“S**t,” He stopped. “Don’t be stupid.” If he walked away it was a choice he made, a decision that would define them. He loved her. It was a strange feeling in the pit of his chest that now felt more like am ache. He had to man up, he was Ollie. She was the best parts of him and if he left now he was saying that meant nothing. He turned moving back up the path, his head shaking once more. “Man this is crazy.” He muttered as he stood at the door finally, lifting his hand to knock as his gaze dropped on his wrist to check the time. Just after three and he had been there for hours convincing and unconvincing himself to do what needed to be done.
His weight shifted and he looked around him. Maybe she wasn’t home; maybe he could have another day or two to really build up his courage. He wanted to turn and leave but instead he knocked once more as his gaze drifting as he stepped back to lean and have a peek in the window off to the side. His lips pursed and he turned to leave when the locks clicked and he paused. His stomach hollowed and he turned slowly, stepping up the one step he’d made it down.
He wasn’t sure what he could expect when the door opened but he hadn’t been expecting the face that met him. Be cool, he thought. “What’s up, little man?” He’d been inside this home quite often, having even slept under its roof. Now he felt like he was seeing it all for the first time. But, even though he felt safe on the other side of its frame, he still shifted. His hand rose to rub the back of his neck because he hadn’t prepared to see anyone but Val so his surprise wasn’t easily hidden this time.
“Uh,” he started as he shifted uncomfortably, “I was –“ He turned to look behind him as his hands rubbed together in front of his body, “in the neighborhood and thought I would swing through.” He always used his work for this family as an excuse to be there, to see her. “Is, uh, Val around…” He turned to look at the other boy with the same confused look he had when the door had first been opened.
@Ricky Luzzatto
