these wild oceans shake what's left of me loose { phillip }

When she had her eyes closed, her attention mostly zeroed in on his hand on her thigh. It made her nervous, but not in a way that was necessarily bad. With her eyes open now, she’d expected to be distracted by other things, but no – that hand was still right at the front of her mind. He smiled, so she smiled too, but her eyes flicked to his flashing watch first. Her smile faded a little as she met his eye again.

“Me too,” she breathed, just as soft. She still had goosebumps all down her neck and right down her back. She’d pulled away a little, but when she turned her head a little to look at him, they were almost nose to nose. Her heart beat hard in her chest. “I want –” The blonde cut herself off as the porch light came on. She winced a little as everything was flooded with light, and put a little space between them automatically. She was quiet for a moment. “That’s me I suppose,” she said, nodding at the door.

There was a rush of cool night air invading the new spaces between them when she backed up. Phillip didn't care for it, his hands wanting to pull her back in. Sucking in a little breath he steadied himself and he knew the night was almost over. She'd go inside, he'd head back, and soon enough they would probably be writing in their journals but it wasn't the same. It wasn't enough, not anymore.

Hanging on the end of her words Phillip frowned deeply when the light came on above them. Yes he knew it was that time, and it wasn't like Kendrick had been rude about it or anything, but still, at this moment Phillip hated every part of it. Hated that she had a curfew, that the time went by so fast, and especially that she hadn't finished her sentence. It was going to drive him inside thinking about what she was about to say. And even if he asked her again right now, he wondered if the answer would be the same as it was minutes ago. Now that their little bubble had burst, it wasn't just them, Phillip figured Kendrick wasn't far from the door, waiting to see if another reminder was needed.

He sighed, standing up as she did and wiped at his pants out of instinct. "Yeah, seems so," Phillip replied even though they both knew with certainty that it was in fact that time. The little words like some half-assed bumper giving them the smallest bit more time before she had to really go inside. "Movies this weekend then?" He asked again, double-checking, and fully intending to do research on it when he got home to make sure it happened. Any excuse to see her, he took it.

"Well, goodnight Billie," He said softly, leaning in slightly to give her a quick (not that he wanted it to be) goodnight kiss. This was his least favorite part of the night when she had to go inside. It was a bold reminder of the differences in their ages and home situations, like a bright light coming on over a porch.

Of course a part of her wondered how much Kendrick would let her push the loose – mostly unspoken – boundaries. How late she could stay out here. What he’d do, and when. But that was a small part of a much larger whole, a whole that felt immeasurably grateful to Kendrick, and unwilling to do anything that would make him unhappy. Kendrick had been her guiding star for so many years now, and she already felt like such a burden. She wouldn’t make decisions that would make her more burdensome.

Still, it twisted her a little to sense disappointment from Phillip. Billie was as attuned as she could possibly be to his feelings, and the ways he expressed them. The things he said. His little expressions. She wanted his approval all of the time, but it was more than that; she wanted him to like her too. And he did – as she often reminded herself. Sometimes, though, she wondered why he did, and couldn’t come up with much. It made her reluctant to do anything that might disappoint him; there was always a tiny part of her that was convinced he’d get bored of her, or something equally devastating.

It was strange and uncomfortable, then, to find situations like this one, where Kendrick and Phillip clearly had conflicting wants, and she couldn’t dedicate herself completely to either. Billie just wanted to make everyone happy. She got to her feet, and he followed suit. Their height difference seemed so much bigger when they were standing, she thought distantly. She adjusted her pyjamas as he brushed off his pants. Her skin was still tingling, and she made a mental note to check her hair in the reflection in the window before she went inside.

“Yes,” she replied to his movie comment, smiling at the thought. “Pick something good,” she ordered playfully.

Phillip kissed her, and the kiss was quick and sweet. She waited for him to take a step down the stairs at the front before turning him around, though, and kissing him properly, her hands sliding up his chest and over his shoulders. It was always better – for her, at least – when she was standing above him, so they could be more or less the same height. Long afternoons spent standing-up-making-out made her neck ache. "I'll write straight away," she breathed, only pulling back far enough to speak. "Unless you're busy?" she added, a little tease in her tone despite the sincerity in the words themselves.

Phillip knew she had to go inside, the nagging voice in his mind reminding him that Kendrick could have been right inside the door. The idea that the older wizard might have been watching, waiting for her to come inside, made him uncomfortable. While he'd never seen or heard of Kendrick being an overbearing type of 'I make the rules' adult Phillip still didn't like that, he did, in fact, make the rules. Especially because Billie was one hundred percent the sort to follow said rules. While the seventeen-year-old would never try to convince her to break them, he was hard-pressed to keep the look off his face when he knew it was time for her to go inside.

"Something good," He repeated, having no idea what was considered 'good,' but he did have a pretty good understanding of the types of things Billie tended to like. Phillip was a Ravenclaw, research was pretty much part of his blood, and he was motivated. While he might not have asked many questions or been the type to speak much at all, Phillip was always listening. Over the last two years, he had learned a great deal about her, and he was confident he'd be able to find something that she would like.

Starting down the steps but turning back around smoothly, he was beginning to understand her silent cues. They hadn't been at it long, but Phillip had kissed her in this spot precisely enough times to realize it was one of her favorites. He figured it was the height difference, and he had to admit he didn't mind not having to lean down to reach her this way. Backing up when she pulled away, Lip matched her playful tone with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. "Oh yeah, super busy," He told her even though they both knew he didn't have much of a social life outside of this (and that that was just the way he liked it). Sure he'd have to dodge some questions from the sleuth he was staying with over the summer, but he'd be glued to his notebook all night after that. Just like every other night.

She enjoyed that little glint of determination when he repeated her words. Something good. Once more, she felt lucky to have him. Some of these things were pretty routine by now; the lingering goodbyes; the kisses at the door, then at the top step. If she were a cynical third party it might all be a bit gross, really, but Billie was a romantic, and she was head over heels.

“Oh nooo,” she complained, a whine in her voice even though she was speaking quietly. “I guess I’ll go straight to sleep tonight then?” she teased, a small smile on her face as she leaned forward and brushed the tip of her nose playfully against his. Truthfully, she did feel pretty sleepy. She’d been yawning only minutes ago, and if she wasn’t about to stay up all night talking to Philip, Billie probably would be going straight to sleep now.

As per usual, though, she knew she’d stay up for him.

With reluctance, Billie kissed him lightly once more and took a step back, putting real distance in between their bodies. She clasped her hands behind her back, waiting for him to leave. Her foot brushed against the outside of the ice cream container, and she almost winced at the feeling of cool condensation touching her skin. It’d be all melted, for sure, she thought distantly.

"We both know you won't," He told her confidently with a wink that was unlike him. "And neither will I." The playful side that only came out when she started it shining on through. While he had imagined the two of them together many times, the playfulness was a surprise. And certainly never coming from himself. Phillip could imagine many things, wild, complicated things that plenty of his peers couldn't even begin to fathom, but picturing himself happy was always just out of reach.

 The wizard waited for her to start backing up before he turned around to really leave. He never left on the first try, not really, and it wasn't like he was even actually trying. He'd sit on the porch all night with her if he could, but he knew that wasn't rational. Whether he was sitting next to her or miles away, he'd still be thinking about her. That was a given these days, not that he minded. Billie was one of the few things he could think about (obsess about really) that didn't leave him feeling hopeless and sad. Billie made him smile when no one else could.

He saw her bump into the carton of ice cream, but it barely registered as he found himself staring at her. Realizing once more (not that he could have possibly forgotten) that she was wearing shorts tonight and not her trademark conservative clothing. It was quite the change, a rare sight, and he wanted to capture it in his mind—another thing to think about later. Finally Phillip started really getting ready to leave, clearing his mind enough to safely apparate and thinking about London.

Billie smiled, then shook her head. They both knew he was right, of course. She tucked some hair behind one ear as she watched him walk down the steps, wishing (as she always did) that they had a little more time. Billie wondered what it would be like when they went back to school; would it feel like they had more freedom, or less? They could eat every meal together, see each other every single morning and night… but they would also have a harder time being properly alone. She didn’t know which was better or worse.

He usually waited for her to go inside, knowing that if they both waited for the other to leave, she would inevitably cave first. Unlike Phillip, who basically had no responsibilities now that he was legally an adult and out of his uncle’s house, Billie still had rules and guidelines to follow. She couldn’t keep Kendrick waiting all night. Tonight, though, she picked up the tub of ice cream and the spoon and hovered by the door until he disappeared, one hand raised in a gentle wave. She resisted the urge to blow a kiss (something she’d never done before).

And then she went inside, took care of the melted ice-cream and went straight to her room, flipping the pages of her journal open immediately.


/end

Moments like these meant a lot to the wizard. The quiet exchanges, catching her eye, there was something special about the way that they could connect without saying a word. It was a cornerstone of their friendship and something he had always truly appreciated. Phillip didn't really like talking and it was nice to know he didn't always have to around Billie. The silent comfort between them pulled the corners of his mouth into a little smile as he realized she wasn't going to go in until he had disapparated.

Typically he was the last one, the last to leave, the last to fall asleep when they spent half the night writing in their journals, but not because he had to be. It was nice to see that she was still standing there, waiting to see him off, it made him feel warm. He gave her a little wave before finally closing his eyes to summon the magic. His hand gripping tightly to his glowing wand Phillip's body twisted and folded onto itself until he was whisked away with a soft pop!

Two seconds into the flat in London and he was already on his way to get out his journal and write to her. Secretly hoping she was doing the same.

/End