(Jan 04) my bones are caving in (basil)

Night had drawn closer with it's dark curtain of blue hung high outside her window. Dim yellow lights decorated the city line outside. From the many candles around his home, there was a soft glow round about. The red brick walls looking almost orange in the later hours of the evening. Dishes stacked neatly in the drying rack beside the sink. Though dinner had been cleaned and put away, the aroma of rosemary, thyme, and garlic lingered in the air. Azalea curled up with her favorite leather-bound book in the corner of the couch. Across from her sat Basil with the pictures of old crime scenes Azalea had worked on. She knew he had a fascination for them -the blood and the gore- and loved to indulge his interests when given the chance.

Within the last couple of weeks, having her friend over for dinner had almost become custom. For the past few months, since Halloween, they'd barely seen each other. Rather than get help, he drowned away his problems with potions and drugs. He was as high as a Nimbus 2000 all of time. He seemed to be coming down a little while he was over-able to have a focus and somewhat of a grip on the present. Basil was always welcomed whenever he pleased. Sober or not.

A warm, rare smile pulled at her lips as she found herself deep in her book with a small fuzzy lap blanket over her. Not often did she smile. She'd come to know many hardships. Happiness was a fleeting moment of illusion. It never lasted long and always came back to laugh in her face as she'd watched almost all of her hopes be proven impossible… There was still one she held onto. Her eyes flickered up from her story at Basil then quickly back down before he noticed. Azalea was human after all. These emotions were natural. There was no denying what she felt though.

Her feet were tucked beneath her giving Basil plenty of room on his end of the couch. It wasn't unusual for them to take up this routine of him admiring the evidence photos while she basked in the light of characters who could hope and could dream. He could ask questions as they would arise and she would happily give him all of the details she could.

It had been three months. While she found similarities of herself with those within her book, her life was not a fairy tale. It was confusing and made her head spin as she attempted to decipher signals and cues she'd picked up on from Basil. During those three months, questions had brewed inside her head. Questions then, at the time, were of no importance. Now, she couldn't help but wonder.

Her book was carefully closed with the bookmark tucked into place. "Basil," she started, holding the book on her lap. "What did it mean?" Her voice was soft and sweet-her usual tone when she wanted something from him. Now, she wanted answers. Clarity. Something to soothe her racing thoughts. He was sober-to an extent. Sober enough she knew he could clearly answer her question. "You almost kissed me in October," she reminded him cooly. "What did it mean?"

@Basil Stringfellow

Things had been hard for Basil in the past month or so. He had been on a bender, as it was. It was just as bad as things had been in November, yet, in some ways, worse. He was more emotional now. Hurting more. He was always high now, at least almost always. He still sought out affection from his friends, but he rarely got to indulge in any real connections. The last time he really felt a connection with someone, it was Jimin, and that had come to a very finite close over the past few weeks. 
 
He had seen him in December. He had wanted him, and wanted him badly enough to take a chance for it. Unfortunately, he had come on too strong. He had hurt him, and spent the rest of the night gently trying to make it up and realizing how not-over him he was. He loved him, still, and might always love him. Even so, there was no chances for them to ever get back together. Basil didn’t know if he really needed that, either. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. So, he had said goodbye. In a (rare) moment of sobreity, he had gone to talk to him. He had told him everything, and they had connected one final time. Basil had let every ounce of love out into those kisses, and felt Jimin had done the same. Now, though, he felt hollow. 
 
It wasn’t as if he didn’t have people to fill his time. He was seeing a much older man, a club owner named Engel Moser, off and on. He had recently began seeing a former classmate, Casimir Regan, in the same manner. Even so, the sex felt hollow as there was no real emotion in it. The only emotions Basil felt lately were for the drugs, his true loves. 
 
Azalea had visited him this evening, and he was happy for the distraction. They chatted and talked, but he remembered there was something between them in the past and didn’t know if he had the energy to go through with anything in the present. He was starting to wonder if he was exclusively into men, and that thought filled him with terror. 
 
Azalea broke him out of his thoughts with a sudden question. She was asking about their near-kiss that had ocurred in October. Truthfully, so much had happened that he almost forgot that he had tried to kiss her. He remembered now. He hadn’t cheated on Xan that night, but he nearly had.  
 
“I wanted to.” He admitted. “I didn’t, because of Xan, but I wanted to because of you.” He slid closer, a hunger growing in the pit of his belly. Was this an opportunity for a distraction? 
 
“I’m free now, you know. Single as a bachelor.” He peeked up, eyes catching hers. “Did you want to know what it’s like? To kiss me?” 

His questions rang loudly in her ears. That wasn't the reaction she had been hoping for. Azalea had expected a shirt, a grumble, or some half-assed excuse. She had almost wanted to smile at hearing him admit he wanted to kiss her. If she did that, she'd expose just how badly she wanted to kiss him. Basil, though dear to her heart and one of her longest crushes, she knew she had to be careful with him. His addictions were red flags but his struggle to commitment was a warning siren.

He moved closer and instantly, a feeling of dread mixed with hope settled over her. Of course, she wanted to know what it was like to kiss him. The thought of it made a deep blush settle across her nose. But she wouldn't admit it. She was trying to read his body language by the alarm bells in her head were distracting and made it difficult to conclude what he was doing.

"You wanted to because of me?" What on earth did that mean? With Basil, there were so many ways he could have implied it. They'd been friends for awhile and Azalea still had a hard time deciphering him at times. Partly-sober Basil was one of those since she didn't see it often.

She felt her palms begin to sweat. Nervously, she wiped them on the skirt she wore while she took deep breaths to focus her attention and calm down. Basil was one of her best friends and he hadn't tried something with her in the past-except that night they almost kissed. He knew about her past with guys, so maybe he was just getting closer to be friendly? If they were going to kiss, Azalea wanted him to have a clear head on his shoulders. Her feelings for him were deep and she had been patient with him. Indulging in his wants right now was a quick way to open the door to disappointment. What if he was just using her to forget about Xan? She wouldn't be surprised-

She blew out quietly on an exhale and she'd him as she worked diligently to keep herself composed. "I want to know why you almost kissed me. None of that Xan stuff. You said it was because I was me, you wanted to kiss me. What does that mean?" She wasn't going to give in so easily to him.

“I liked you, Azalaea.” He shrugged. “It’s not that complicated.” He shrugged again. “If I wasn’t with her, you know, at the time… I would have gone for it.” He admitted. He looked her over, she looked better than he remembered a bit. Happier than he recalled, he didn’t mind so much. He had no idea of her relationship with Christian, their kiss, their anything. He didn’t care either. She could kiss other people if she wanted, but he knew if he wanted her she would come to him. He was confident in that way, on one hand, and very persuasive on the other.

He moved a little closer. “I still like you, you know. I’ll show you what it’s like if you want me to.” He admitted, voice low and a little sultry. “I’m a good kisser, and I bet so are you.” He was now invading her personal space. “I tried to kiss you because I liked you then, and I’m trying now cause I still like you.” He shrugged for what felt like the fifth time. “You gonna make me beg for it?”

He didn’t think she would make him beg. She seemed confused, though, somehow. He didn’t see this as anywhere near as big of a deal as she clearly did. He was a little buzzed, lonely, and eager for person-to-person contact.

Her heart pounded loudly she could hear it echoing in her ears. At first, everything he was saying stirred a little panic in her. He made it sound as if he was just coming after her now because he wanted someone to mend his heart with whatever physical contact he could get. She was at aoss for words, truthfully. The air had been snatched right from her lungs as her mind raced for something to say. Something to do. She wanted to kiss him, she did. She was scared though and they way he came onto her made her tremble in her hands.

“I still like you," it was like a spell had been cast and her mind ceased it's race towards the deep, dark pit she was quickly falling into. She looked up at him their faces only inches apart. The blush settled in bright and red across her cheeks. She'd been waiting so long for some kind of affirmation that he had feelings for her too. Perhaps her silly schoolgirl crush wasn't just a crush, but potential for a real relationship with him?

Their breaths intermingled I'm the small space between them. She searched his face for some sort of sign that he was lying. At the point, she could hardly tell. His words made her heart skip a beat and the trembling started to cease. A part of her wanted to tease in reply to him. The other part of her was tongue-tied over what to say. She carefully moved the pillow aside as she rested a check on his face. With a soft swallow, she leaned in to his honeyed words and closed the gap between them as she pulled his face gently closer.

She knew what kind of state he was in with his wellbeing. She wanted to give him a chance if his words were true. Azalea had been waiting for this for so long, she had to find for herself what he meant. Worst thing that could happen was this was.all a show and they fought about it later. They'd make amends though. They were close enough to each other in that way that it was easy to let the water run under the bridge and move on.

He wasn’t lying per say. He did want to kiss her. He did like her. Still, what he liked most was touch. He just wanted to touch her, feel her, feel something. It had been so long since he had felt much of anything. He had felt it with Jimin, in December. That was the last time he had been sober enough to feel. With Jimin, then maybe Cas, then Jimin again. He was hungry for something else, though. Something longer-lasting than a one-off night with Cas that wouldn’t be repeated. Or a one night with Jimin that would never, ever happen again.

When she kissed him, he felt it in his chest first, and felt it spread out like a spiderweb down his fingertips, down his legs, to his cock. He felt her kiss stir something in him, and remind him how ravenous he really was for love. He was high, making this trickier. He felt everything more intensely than he typically would. He cupped her face, pulling her closer into his lips. He tilted his head to the side so their mouths would fit better together, and nibbled on her lower lip.

After a moment of this, he slid his tongue between her lips to slide against hers. The kiss was heated quickly, fast-moving, and buring hot.

She adjusted how she was positioned, sitting up a little bit more as Basil closed the space between them. Her cheek burned under his hand, but she liked the feeling. Azalea felt a burning in her abdomen as the two kissed. Her lips parted with a shaky breath as he nibbled. Her mind grew clouded and all judgment and clear thinking vanished. Basil was a good kisser. She knew he'd had practice. Despite what most people thought, she kissed others too. She had kissed enough to know what he was searching for as he pressed on.

Azalea pulled away for a brief moment and looked at him with her now lustfully glazed eyes. She couldn't look away as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She had to cling to reality and keep in touch with what was happening. He was moving quickly and it startled her a little. Cautiously, she came back in after catching her breath and kissed him again. This time she parted her lips and slipped her tongue out to meet his and explore his mouth. Her eyes closed as her free hand gripped the cushion beneath her to keep her anchored. She had to remain alert. She had to beware and couldn't indulge herself as much as she had wanted into the kiss.