[mp] [hogwarts express] if only one remembers.... [danny]

As much as he might of hated Danny's guts sometimes he wouldn't wish what was about to happen on his worst of enemy's, not even Elias. It was going to be bad and Jeremy's stomach did a flip empathetically just thinking about it. "Bite down on something." He said quickly and then took a few steps back before crouching down enough to hit the target on the first shot. He wasn't sure any boy could survive having to take a second.

"Ready? Three, Two, ---smash!"

Jeremy didn't wait to count all the way down, he didn't want to draw this out any longer than it needed to be and also he was pretty much just kneeling down there staring at his friends fun zone and that wasn't how he pictured this afternoon ending. As soon as he felt knuckle make contact he tried to get out of the way and as far away as possible quickly. Diving to the side and waiting for the inevitable to happen he wondered if Danny was going to man up through this or puke his guts out. Really it could go either way at this point.

He didn't want to laugh but also he really really wanted to freaking laugh, how could he not as he watched the pieces of rock solid unicorn shorts slowly tearing patches of Danny's leg hairs with them. And then the flood gates opened. "Next time... you should... probably do the spells... yep..." He barely got out the words as he rolled around on the cabin floor laughing, the cats on his sweater meowed as he rolled on each of them in time.

"What?" Danny asked. "What am I going to b--arghghhhgh!" Danny doubled over at Jeremy's fist smashed into the softest spot on his body. The pain exploded through his body and he wanted to roll into a tiny little ball and not move for at least a decade. Maybe two decades. Not until his cobblers stopped throbbing in pain. Merlin. If that region was going to be throbbing at all, he definitely didn't picture it like this.

Jeremy's well-aimed punch did release some of the pressure of the solidifying shorts and Danny reached down to pull off the pieces that were sticking to the most important areas. He fell to his hands and knees as he cupped his family jewels and held on for a few seconds as the pain washed over him. Jeremy, his best mate, however, wasn't as sympathetic as some might be. He was rolling on the floor laughing and Danny staggered out the words, "as soon.. as this stops.. hurting like a jinx... I'm going to kill you," he said.

Danny squeezed his eyes shut and after a few minutes passed he sat back on his heels, the shorts cracking underneath him with the new position. His hand was still over his goodies and he glared at Jeremy. "This isn't any better than where we started," he told his friend. "I can't get off the train looking like this. Do you know anything useful with that wand or should I just resign myself to riding this train back to Hogwarts?"

Laughter and groans of pain filled the weirdest compartment on the Hogwarts Express this evening. When he finally caught his composure Jeremy rolled to one side, finding a spot where the black and white tabby on his ribs wasn't meowing on constant repeat to position himself at. He propped his head up with his elbow and watched as Danny was doubled over in pain. Eventually he got up again, he'd be alright, but Jere could just imagine the twisted feeling he had in his stomach right about now. He nodded at the threat the other sent his way, believing that Danny actually believed it in this moment and then laughing even more. It was hard to stop at this point.

"Nope I s'pose its not." He said between low chuckles, Danny needed a new outfit but Jeremy wondered if he should even attempt something new at this point. And then it hit him. Jumping up fast enough that the Persian on his shoulder blade even joined in the chorus of meows emanating from him the Gryffindor pulled at the cushion of the long seats in the cabin. "Diffindo!" He said with a bit of confidence, this one he knew like the back of his hand. "And people said the kid who always got gum stuck in his hair wouldn't go no where." He boasted as the fabric on the cushion was sliced open. He continued the motion until the fabric he was pulling off the seat was long and wide enough to at least wrap around his friend.

He turned and handed him the worn down, crumb littered, red fabric and sliced the end of it so it was free from the seat before speaking again. "You're not gonna' win any fashion shows mate but at least your junk will be contained. I think you've scarred enough small people a lifetime."

Danny tried inhaling and exhaling more deliberately than normal to equalize the pain that was still throbbing through his crotchal area. But he kept an eye on his friend as he waved his newfound wand around at the cushions. "Better hope that trolley witch doesn't come in right now," Danny muttered under his breath, but didn't go to any lengths to help or prevent the other Gryffindor.

Finally Jeremy held up a long strip of fabric and Danny stood gingerly, slowly. It hurt everywhere and particularly there to move at all and he couldn't wait for this train ride to be over. Danny snatched the long strip of material out of Jeremy's hand and began the process of tying it around his waist and covering all the important bits. "I wasn't the one running through the halls with only a tie," Danny grumbled as he wrapped the extra length of the fabric around his middle. When he was done, he looked even more ridiculous. The shirt was like a bra on him, the red seat fabric covered the rest of his stomach and was looped around cojones and the shorts completed the outfit, now fully solidified like paper mache, crunching and flaking off every time he took a step. He was lucky if his 'shorts' would make it all the way home.

"Danny?" he heard a small familiar voice ask and his stomach dropped as he froze and glanced up. His youngest sister Molly stood in the doorway, her curly blonde hair falling all around her shoulders as she stood in her red pajamas. "What are-- what are you wearing?"

It wasn't perfect but at least it was something and Jeremy was quite proud of his magical prowess in that moment. "Yeah your welcome." He said in reply to Danny's mutters as he wrapped the fabric around his waist. They should of used the curtains, that would of made a lot more sense... but this whole day was kind of banking on the fact that neither of them had much forethought. When he heard the pitter patter of little feet and finally the voice of a small child Jeremy's first instinct was to hide. He looked around but there was no where to go so instead he tried to cover up his face and hair, not that it mattered. The new comer already knew who they were, at least she knew who her own brother was and would probably be able to figure out the rest.

Molly was too sweet to know the truth of what had happened on this fateful train ride so Jeremy resigned to lie to her. Lie though his candy riddled teeth as he fell back onto the not torn apart bench seat. He crossed his legs quickly, thankful to of remembered he was wearing a skit and not pants. She didn't need to be seeing any of that. As he sat he left the wand they'd found in his skirt sitting on the torn up seat across from him, just out of reach.

"Well Molly he was playing dress up." He said trying his damnedest not to laugh as he said it. If Danny wasn't going to say anything to her then he was going to take his pay back now. "Sometimes when your brother is alone he likes to put on girls clothing, just to see how it looks. But don't judge him for it, hes just like you, he just wants to be a pretty girl."

"Don't tell her that," Danny grumbled at Jeremy as he turned back to his younger sister. "No, I don't Molly. Jeremy's just joking." He took a step forward but his shorts crunched with the effort and he could tell by the curious look on Molly's face that she had noticed. "Are your pants.. crunchy, Danny?" she asked, taking a few small steps closer and to Danny's horror reaching one of her small hands out to touch them. "No! No they're not!" he said, his voice too loud for the situation and he saw Molly flinch back with confusion on her face.

"Look, why don't you just go find Maisey and Mark?" Danny suggested. "I'll find you in a little bit," he said to get her to get going. With his luck, he'd be able to find some normal clothing before the train came to a complete stop at King's Cross. Before he had to face his mother in a crop top and a seat cushion for underwear. "Okay, but I'm telling Mum," Molly said before she flounced away back down the corridor. Danny put his head in his hands and then a second later he was glaring at his friend. "You're an idiot, you know that?" he threw at him.

He collapsed on the seat across from the redhead, his shorts crunching and crumbling even more. Danny picked up the wand that was next to him and twirled it between his fingers. An idea popped into his mind and he slid his gaze slowly to Jeremy. "How do you feel about exacting some revenge?" he suggested lowly, that look of trouble in his eyes that was so characteristically Danny. "We at least have to get our wands back," he added. "And maybe some of our dignity."

"Make sure to tell her he likes Unicorns now, not Quidditch!" Jeremy called out down the hall to Molly as she skipped away from their cabin and came back chuckling. Especially once he saw the look that Danny had on his face. This day had been a roller coaster but this was definitely a high point. He shrugged off the words from his friend and tried to keep himself from chuckling. Really his cheeks were getting tired from the last ten minutes, they were starting to go numb. He leaned to one side to pull a rhinestone that was in the worst possible spot forcefully off the back side of his pleated skirt and then turned back to listen to Danny's scheming.

Like he even had to ask. "I'm game." Jeremy replied quickly and shot up from the seat before adjusting his sweater and skirt so they were at least somewhat manageable. The kittens meowed and he wanted to punch them in their cute little faces but the idea of revenge kept him sated for now. "Those girls are gonna' pay." Different tactics were already rushing through his mind as he unlocked the lock on their door and slid it open, leading the two of them into the hall and back toward the prize.

"Maybe make it rain in their compartment. Or conjure a bunch of bugs, witches hate spiders right?" He whispered answers as they made their final walk of shame clad in the worst clothing choices ever toward what Jeremy thought was certain victory. After a day like today, after the months he'd had, he was due for a win already.

"I know the water spell, do you know any good spells?"

Jeremy had agreed just as quickly as Danny had expected. No thought at all. None required. Wasn't that just their motto today. Merlin. But Danny really did need his clothes back if had any hope to survive his mum's wrath. And his wand. Yep, that was probably an important part of all this. His paper mache shorts crunched and crackled with each step and it felt breezier as they continued down the corridor. Danny was afraid his shorts would fall apart at any second so it was a good thing the seat cushion fabric was wrapped and knotted tightly around his waist.

They were getting more and more looks as people pointed and whispered to each other at Danny and Jeremy, but Danny pretended like it was all good attention. He even winked at a younger Hufflepuff and gave her a thumbs up. Like they had done this on purpose. Just to distract everyone, give them a little entertainment after everything that had happened. And that thought brought a genuine smile to his face. If someone else was laughing instead of crying because he and Jere were being more stupid than usual, then it wasn't really that bad after all, was it?

"We only have one wand, you dolt," Danny told him in an equal whisper with a roll of his yes. "The compartment door is probably locked so we gotta deal with that. Then maybe you make it rain and I'll make a mad dash for our wands and clothes? I can do a pretty good hair growing charm after that one time I buzzed my hair too short? Think that'll work?" he asked.

Jeremy could hear the whistles and catcalls they were getting as they walked the halls but he too was trying to pretend they didn't exist. Like this was totally what they meant to be doing and thus he puffed out his cat riddled chest with pride. When they began to whisper about spells Jeremy responded with a soft "Oh yeah, right." They only had one wand. He was too eager to pull of some serious revenge that he had missed that one important detail. But the plan wasn't ruined just because of that one hiccup. Soon enough they were nearing the enemy camp and Jeremy felt his heart beat rising. He had a bone to pick with these girls.

"Yeah that plan sounds good. Alohamora, water works, you grab the stuff, we switch, you wreck their hair, perfect." Jeremy hadn't had the heart to tell Danny that not all of his hair had grown back after his spellwork that night. Most of it had, but there had been these small patches that just weren't quite even ever since. He was sure they would grow back in eventually, no reason to stress him out.

Finally they were just two doors down from their target and Jeremy slinked up against the wall again, trying to be covert. "Are you ready for this?" He asked his friend, his heart in his throat and the kitten sweater riding up to his bellow button. He gripped the wand tight and awaited the signal from Danny to start. When he got it he took off in a short lived sprint and closed the distance between the two of them. "Alohamora!" He called and even though the lock contorted and twisted and looked like it was about to explode into pieces it finally let up and the door to the girls compartment came slamming open with a loud crash. "Go go go!" He yelled as he waved the reclaimed wand at their ceiling lamp, "Fons Aguamenti" and watched as water began to pour out of the lantern like it was a water fountain in the park. The water wasn't crystal clear though, actually it was rather yellowish brown in color and Jeremy's eyes widened as he remembered Gamp's Law, that nothing could be conjured out of thin air and he grew worried about exactly where this liquid was coming from.

Taking a step or two back he shouted to Danny to hurry up. "Might want to get out of there!" He called to him, standing outside the door as the girls inside screamed frantically and tried to cover their things from the water.

Danny nodded and then nodded again as Jeremy repeated his plan. Good, they were on the same page. The Gryff repeated the plan to himself once more just to make sure he had it down pat. Plans were important in missions like this. If they had had a plan earlier, they might not of shown the entire train his cheeks, but oh well. That was done and over with. Forward was the only way to go.

"Ready!" Danny said, a smile finding his way on to his face. Even with everything that had happened tonight at school and then on the train, Danny's enthusiasm for mischief apparently knew no bounds. He was raring to go all over again and the thought of enacting his revenge on Penny and Jill/Rachel was going to be great! "Plus I don't think these shorts are gonna last much longer," he admitted with a downward glance. He was leaving a trail of crumbling paper mache pieces wherever he went and while his boys weren't being crushed anymore, the situation was going to turn into another flashing incident if he kept moving around. He gave Jeremy a grave nod and tensed to run and ransack the compartment as soon as the other Gryffindor charmed it open.

Danny rushed in as the door slammed open even amidst the surprise screams of the girls. His eyes were on the ground where they had left their clothing and shoes, but the girls had shoved everything over into the far corner so Danny dove for it just as a stream of what looked like yellow-brown water came cascading down from the top of the compartment. Danny was grossed out just as much as the girls were, but he was still scrabbling  across the floor army style to get to their belongings.

He heard Jeremy call out to him to get out of there and he wanted to hit his friend upside the head. "Oh you think?" he yelled back sarcastically as he scopped up everything into his arms. His timing was very unfortunate, however, as a stream of the gross water went directly into his mouth. He spluttered and coughed as the brownish water choked him. Danny stumbled his way out of the compartment, dropping one shoe along the way, his hair dripping into his eyes and making his vision blurry. "We need to come up with a distraction that doesn't involve me getting wet next time," Danny said as he shoved the pile of stuff at Jeremy and then proceeded to hike up what was left of his 'shorts' and the red seat cushion that was concealing his rubles.

Watching as Danny scuttled around the cabin and the girls hollered Jeremy kind of hand to smile, it was amusing, even as the bathroom water began to rain from the ceiling. Once Danny was safely out of the compartment Jeremy shrugged his shoulders in response. "Next time were streaking and someone steals our clothes and we end up looking like drag queens and have to steal them back I'll keep that in mind." The girls were still distracted, but they wouldn't be for much longer, as they attempted to gather all of their notes and text books and protect them. Trust that the Ravenclaws will always value knowledge over hygiene.

Turning to the other Gryffindor he snatched the clothing pile, less one of their shoes, from him and then barely managed to toss him the wand without dropping all of them. "I have no idea how to turn that off," he motioned with his head and shoulders toward the water fountain of nastiness coming out of the light fixture in front of them and continued, "So if you're gonna' do your thing you should do it now."

"And then we should probably leave!" He said unsteadily as Mindi threw a shoe at him and he barely ducked in time to escape the line of fire.

Danny fumbled between Jeremy grabbing the clothing from him and trying to catch the wand he threw at him. But he eventually got it together and just as he straightened with the borrowed wand in one hand, he realized that he was holding his own wand in the other. It had been among the pile of clothing and Danny's hand had gravitated toward in naturally apparently. So when Jeremy nodded toward the fountain of gross water that was still going off amidst the girls shrieks of outrage, Danny grinned and shook his head. "Me neither!" They were Ravenclaws Danny figured. They would figure out how to stop it.

"Oh! Yeah! Okay!" Danny said as he took a half step forward, suddenly remembering the very last part of their plan. The most important part. The Revenge. Just as he was calling to mind the incantation so he could get it right, a flash of light zoomed past his ear, so close to his face that he screamed and ducked, falling against the wall on unsteady legs. He looked up to see Penny, furious, wand in hand. Seemed like revenge was on her mind too.

"Expelliarmus!" Danny shouted and then watched as Penny's wand flew out of her arm a second later. "Time to go, Edwards!" he said as he started side-stepping away from the girls' compartment, wand up just in case any of the rest of them wanted to try something funny.

"At least we won't be naked anymore!" Danny said triumphantly to Jeremy as he started to pick up the pace toward the back of the train again.

Jeremy held tight to the prized possessions in his hand, never knowing how dearly he valued clothing until today, and promised to himself that he would thank his mother when he finally got home. If the train ride from hell ever ended that was. Turning to look at Danny just as Penny threw a nasty looking curse his way Jeremy involuntarily mirrored his friend as he dropped to the floor. "Woah!" He bellowed, clothing still clutched tightly to his chest as the kittens meowed fiercely. No time to stop and wait, no time to exact revenge, but at least they got what they came for.

He heard Danny announce it was time to take their leave and he nodded quickly and shuffled off. Running down the corridor for what had to be the billionth time this evening he was acutely aware of his surroundings, not wanting another run in with the treat car. He didn't think he could take another event, especially not in a skirt... but then again it wasn't like the pair of them hadn't already given the whole train quite the show. What's one more nudity mishap after an afternoon like this one anyway?

Smiling, breathing heavy, and nodding wildly as they reached the cabin they had sought refuge in earlier Jeremy responded excitedly. "You can say that again!" And he tossed their belongings down on the un-torn seat and pulled out his slacks. Pulling them up under the skirt he was happy to be rid of the dreadful thing. He kicked it as it got caught on his feet sliding down, furiously trying to lose it but it clung tight. He wondered how Danny was going to get the rest of the rock solid shorts of of his junk but decided that was a question better left for later just as the final horns began to ring out. He looked to the tiny window in their compartment to realize they were coming up on King's Cross.

"Finally, I'm starving." He commented, pulling his sweater back on and leaning against the wall, it felt good to be clothed again.

[[out]]