unravel me [tag; basil]

“Ugh.”

Came the soft sound of her protest as the sound of a deep breath being taken filled the air next. Shaky hands rose to push long dark locks back from her face, as a cool gaze took in the reflection before her. She looked exhausted, because she was. Her pale skin was misted by a light layer of sweat and her long hair was held back by a small headband. The sound of the water caused her gaze to drop as she watched the stream wash over her fingertips. Time seemed to slow as she leaned forward, cupping her hands to bring as much of the cool liquid to her face. Alexandria often allowed her imagination to take her on journeys of what ifs and maybes. She let those vivid images paint together the order in which she hoped their story would flow. But the former Slytherin knew that if life could be planned with what ifs and maybes then everyone would surely be living the perfect life. Nothing in life was perfect otherwise it would be such a dull world with very little growth.

The knock, soft in nature, at her bedroom door caused her gaze to shift. Her gently colored eyes stared at the deep wood across the room before they drifted to the neatly polished chrome handle waiting to be turned for entry. Reaching she pulled a towel from its resting place to dab her face, “It’s open.” Came her response as she took the few steps from her bathroom into the room. The elf poked its head in and Xan gave a slight curve of her lips, just barely a smile. “Has Basil arrived?” She asked the frail looking creature as it let the door open more to give it’s mistress a look into the hall. Her lips curved up farther and the hints of the smile became more prominent. She had sent him a note that morning that only held four words; we need to talk. The Herbologist wasn’t sure if he would arrive and if he did when that might be.

The towel was held out silently for the elf to take before a delicate hand waved the creature off, “I think we’ll have tea.” She said softly just before the pop of the elf’s departure echoed around her. “I….” Her throat was suddenly dry and for a moment she wished she had more time to prepare. More time to run her mind over the intimate thoughts of their future. Just a bit more time to gauge his response before she put her vulnerabilities on the table. She wished that she could float away from her problems, her fears as her gaze drifted to the closet were her box was safely hidden now. “I wasn’t sure if you would come or not.” Her thumb ran over the ring she wore on her left hand to ease her rising nerves.

“Come in. Make yourself at home.” She moved to pull the throw blanket from the foot of her bed to drape over her lap as her small frame dropped onto the plush mattress. “I know my letter was…lacking.” Her full lips pursed as her nerves came to life, her heart pounding in her chest. She could hear as the blood rush just behind her ears and at her temples the rhythm of her heart caused her to swallow. “I just…this had to be done in person.” Well that was ominous wasn’t it now? How could she tell him that their lives would be out of order, that he would be a father before he was a husband? Once more her hand rose to run through her hair, fingers toying with the ends to calm her otherwise racing mind.

“I…we’re…” She looked away from him, gaze cast down to the floor as she whispered her truth. “I’m pregnant.” Saying it aloud had made it suddenly real. Not tests, the sickness or the exhaustion had hit her like the weight of her words. “I’m pregnant.” She repeated but loud enough for him to hear yet her gaze didn’t shift. She was afraid to look at him, to see the betrayal she knew would be there. Would he feel as trapped by her as she felt he was now? Would he hate her for not being more sensible about the way their lives were supposed to go? Would he…would he leave her because it was all too much?


@Basil Stringfellow   

We need to talk. That was all the letter said, and Basil had been angsting over it all day. He had to wait until he was finished with school and work before he could make his way to Alexanderia’s home, and by the time he got there he felt sick to his stomach. What could she want that warranted a “we need to talk” cryptic message? Was she having second thoughts about their wedding? He had been happy with her lately, growing very comfortable with her. They shared a place sometimes; they had a cat together. He didn’t think he had really done anything wrong lately, either. He had been faithful, which was saying a lot for him. He hadn’t been with anyone else. He hadn’t even tried anything with anyone else since they got together.

He waited to be let into the home once he arrived, looking a bit frazzled and nervous. He was too sober for this, shaking a little and feeling queasy. He swallowed hard when he finally saw Xan. She did not look happy, and he hated that. He hated seeing her look even remotely upset. “Of course I came, after a letter like that…” He swallowed. “Are—is everything okay?” He asked, but she beat him to the punch, whispering something under her breath before stating it loud enough for him to hear. Pregnant? She was pregnant?

Of course, they weren’t safe. Basil never used protection, and wasn’t safe about it. Even so, this seemed to his him like a ton of bricks, surprising him. “I—really?” He asked. “Did you check with the doctor? Did you—oh Merlin.” He swallowed, unsure if he was happy or upset. “I mean… that’s... you know, I always wanted kids. But… what are you thinking? How are you feeling?” He asked. “Do you know how far along you are?” His mouth was dry, and he was torn. On one hand, he had always wanted kids. He knew his children with Alexanderia would be gorgeous, smart, hopefully with Basil’s gift of talking to snakes… but he wasn’t quite ready for it yet. They weren’t even married! Her mother would kill them both unless they were somehow able to hide the pregnancy until marriage. Did Xan want to keep the baby, anyway? That was up to her, he supposed.

He reached out for her hand. “We’ll… make this work. Whatever you want to do.”

She wasn’t sure what she expected his reaction to be but that feeling in the pit of stomach felt much like dread. In all the stories she had read, and people had told over the table at parties, it should have been a happy moment. Of course, there would be nerves and maybe a bit of doubt, but she was certain there should be no dread. She had thought of this day in the days before Basil had noticed her. Her being pregnant but in those thoughts, she had been married. She had been older and wiser, and her life made sense. Her life in those rare moments was perfect. There was perfection with Basil she couldn’t deny that. She wondered for a moment if he would ever stop seeing her again and this was the moment it would start.

“Yes.” She wished she had some water. Where was the tea? Her gaze finally lifted, eyes searching his handsome features. “I wouldn’t have said unless I was sure.” Her voice was soft, “I…” She wasn’t sure what she felt or what she thought because the whole time she worried about how he would feel and think. “I guess…” Her hand rested over her stomach light, “I’m still processing. I can’t say this is the order in which I saw things...” Her gaze drifted as the elf suddenly appeared with a loud crack that caused her to jump, her hand moved to her collarbone as she took a breath. Her throat cleared as she was handed a glass and suddenly, she wasn’t thirsty.

Her body felt warm and she swallowed instinctively. “I planned to go to doctor but I figured you would want to be there in case the four tests were wrong.” Her lips pursed and she shifted hoping to will the urge to vomit down. There was so much to consider. They were far too young. Her mother would kill them both. They were nor married. Oh, so much to consider.  “I’m not sure what I want to do. I mean it’s not as if we can hide it. My mother will…” She couldn’t – wouldn’t – think of what her mother would say. “I can’t imagine you feel as if you are ready…I cannot say I know if I am truly myself.” She looked down at their hands, “I do know I want you to take a moment and let it settle.” She needed one too.

“Give me just a moment.” She rose letting the blanket fall to the floor as she moved towards the bathroom resting her cup on a table as she passed. The door closed just moments after she crossed the threshold, water turned on immediately as she leaned to splash the cool liquid on her face in an attempt to cool herself. “Please.” Xan whispered to herself as she gripped the sink. “I’ll be right out.” She called out to him as once more she leaned to splash her face. Had her nerves gotten the best of her? She couldn’t be sure. She waited for a bit before turning the water off and moving to the small cabinet to take another towel to dab her face dry.

She stepped from the bathroom with a slight grin “Sorry. I got a bit warm. I don’t mean to spring this on you, but I felt if I waited to tell you…” he would leave, “you might become upset. How are you feeling right now?”

Basil sighed a little, without meaning to. “I didn’t mean to make you think I doubted you. It’s just.. such a big thing. I’m surprised.” He really should not have been. They were far from careful. This really ought to have been obvious. That said, he’d been just as careless with every other partner he’d had and no one had ever gotten pregnant before. “I’m definitely still processing.” He agreed. “I didn’t… this wasn’t the time I expected either. I thought we’d be married for a little while, I’d be out of school and working full time…” He swallowed.

She excused herself, and he was happy for a small moment to break his composure. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to think clearly. He needed a cigarette, but he really shouldn’t smoke around her if she’s pregnant. He  chewed his lip instead, gulping down his tea  without sugar, even, and wishing it was something stronger. When she came back, he sighed. “Can we go onto the balcony? I need a cigarette…” He managed. “I’m mostly fine, just feeling a bit…” overwhelmed? Scared? He didn’t finish the statement.

He led the way towards the balcony without waiting for a response. “Might do you good to get some air, too.” He offered. “But… how are you feeling? Hot? Ill? Do you need anything? I’ll be here for whatever you need.” He promised.

He sighed and it only heightened her uncertainty at how he was handling the news that their lives were changing. Was he thinking this to be a mistake because they hadn’t talked or planned for this addition? “I know it’s a lot at one time. I don’t think I ever fully came back from the shock.” And she hadn’t. In all honesty Xan had sat up most of the night with her knees tucked close to her chest as she weigh the possibility of the choices before her. She had obligations and an image to uphold and doubted very much that a baby had out of wedlock would shine a good light. “Yes, I thought we would be far more settled be this talk was had.” She wished that the timing had been different but logically she knew there was never a good time to start a family.

She watched him from where she stood trying to read his expression. So many years together and she felt lost. She should have been able to read him and usually she might have been able to but she knew now nothing was the same. Nothing would ever be easy again, not that it ever was. “Of course.” She moved from her spot and her legs felt heavy as if each step were leading her towards some terrible fate. “Uncertain?” She asked despite herself as her bare feet carried her over to the balcony. The cool air caused her to give a sigh as her hand moved to run along the back of her neck. The warmth in her body felt manageable now and it wasn’t all her mind could focus on.

Xan leaned against the rail looking out towards her garden. “I feel…lost.” She kept her gaze on the garden, “I’ve been ill all morning and I hope not to be anymore today. I’m hot and I want for some reason…cake. Just cake. Not chocolate but something else.” She shrugged as her gaze drifted to her hands, “I feel as if this will break us. I worried all night about telling you, worried all morning about your reaction.” Her hand rose to push her hair back from her face, finally looking at him. “But then I think about how we’ve created something that is equal parts us. The best of us and I wonder what the best of us looks like.” She looked back at the garden, “Do you want kids right now, Basil?”

Basil was very careful with his word choice and felt a bit like he was navigating a mine-field. This would be an interesting game of chess, to bring her to the correct conclusion on her own without making it sound like he was pushing or nagging or pressuring. On some level, even now, he felt exhilarated by the concept of playing a mind game. But, he needed to be serious. On one hand, he either needed to play the best game he’d ever played, or he was just going to break down. He couldn’t handle the second option, and neither could she, frankly. She wouldn’t be able to handle him falling apart in front of her and letting it all out.

“I’m sorry you’re sick. Do you want to sit on the balcony?” He asked. There was nothing he could really do with his lit cigarette, so he just took another few puffs and left her to her own devices. “I promise this won’t break us. I mean, it can’t. I can’t just run away from this and leave you two behind.” He swallowed. He didn’t know, yet, if he wanted to or not.  He listened to her talk about the best of them combined, and it made him feel queasy. This didn’t feel good. Not right, not yet.

“I’ve always wanted kids just… this isn’t the time I was expecting them. You know?” He took in a deep breath, exhaled, then inhaled on his cigarette. He did not. He knew that for certain. He did not want kids right now. “We’ve got a lot to think about. Are we even being responsible? Will be able to meet the kid’s physical needs? It’s not like our jobs are well-paying, and I know my family will cut me off, even if they don’t murder us.”