[TTD - June 04] Bisous (Lijsbeth)

It was a lovely Wednesday and Honoré was excited to meet Lijsbeth in the grounds. They were both preparing for the end of term exams - Lijsbeth even for her O.W.L.s - and, therefore, were quite busy studying. However, they had decided to go for a walk in the grounds today to catch up and relax a bit.

They met in front of the school. The grounds were sunlit and Honoré took a deep breath as they started their walk.

“It’s such a warm and sunny day,” Honoré stated, not making it clear if he liked this or not. A sunny day was connected to happiness and the boy didn’t really feel a lot of joy these days. He enjoyed sad songs, photography of decay.

“Are you looking forward to the summer holidays?” he asked. He wasn’t looking forward to the break. For the first time ever he wished there wouldn’t be any holidays. Going home, seeing Mylène, talking about the family business - all that didn’t seem appealing.

They had just brought in a safe distance between themselves and the castle when suddenly, the grounds weren’t sunlit anymore and a downpour started. They were close to the stables now and Honoré took Lijsbeth’s hand and pulled her under the roof so they wouldn’t get completely soaked.

@Lijsbeth Westbroek

OWLs. The only thing on Lijsbeth's mind these days, it seemed. She'd revised long into the night for weeks now, attended every extra credit session that had been provided, drawn up revision plans so complex she could barely remember what the multicoloured inks represented... Another couple of weeks and it would all be over, she promised herself. At the back of her mind was the knowledge that she would then begin worrying about her results, and then what NEWTS she should take, and then there would be new courses to worry about...

She had almost refused to meet with Honoré today. As much as she wanted to talk with her friend - they hadn't seen each other properly since that day at the beach - her mind was so full of the impending exams she didn't really feel comfortable unless she had a book in her hand. Worse, the anxiety would hit unexpectedly and she would feel like she needed to run away...Merlin, she hadn't been for a run in almost a week, she realised. Rather than getting up early and heading out into the grounds she had been grabbing a book as soon as she woke. But she needed a break, desperately. She was tired, so tired that there were dark shadows under her eyes as she headed out into the grounds.

"Hi" she said quietly, hoping Honoré wasn't going to ask why she had a bag slung over her shoulder. Actually she had her transfiguration textbook in there, not quite able to switch off from revision even on an afternoon off. She glanced up at the sky and nodded, trying to smile and not quite managing, and then hating herself for looking like she didn't want to be here.

"I guess..." she said, thinking of the weeks of waiting for exam results. "We haven't got any plans, but I'm trying to persuade Katelijn to come camping with me somewhere" she glanced up, seeing a flock of small birds flying towards the forest. Strange, they usually stayed out on the lawns at this time of day, unless it was...

Raining? It had been sunny a few moments earlier but dark clouds had gathered so quickly she hadn't even noticed. Lijsbeth hesitated, looking around and realising she'd been so preoccupied she hadn't even noticed where they were and was grateful when Honoré led her in the direction of the stables. They had to run the short distance and that made her feel better, even if her hair was now damp and probably out of place. "Wow...I guess we're done with walking for now" she said, shivering a little and wishing she'd thought to bring a sweater instead of a textbook.

Camping. Honoré nodded as Lijsbeth mentioned her intentions for the summer. He had never been camping himself. Maybe it was time for him to try it out for himself. When he hadn’t been at home for the summer he had stayed at hotels rather than in a tent. However, magical tents were rather comfortable or so he had at least heard.

“Sounds like a plan,” he offered, feeling strange that he couldn’t just invite her to stay with him this summer - or maybe he could after all? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure what his holidays would be like anyway and was almost glad that Lijsbeth didn’t ask.

They had run to the stables but had still gotten rather wet. The stables were warm, dark, and comfortable. The only sounds were those of the horses moving and chewing on hay. Honoré patted a horse in the first stall that had stuck its head out to greet the visitors. Then, finally, his gaze rested on his friend again. Her hair looked a little out of place and a damp strand of hair seemed to be glued to her cheek.

He reached out, gently brushing the strand to the side. “Now that’s better,” he said, a one sided smile appearing on his face. He was just about to offer his sweater to his friend when the horse chose to take charge of the situation and nudged him in his back, thus throwing him off balance and pushing him towards Lijsbeth.

His hands found her shoulders and his nose was an inch away from hers. He felt a sudden heat rush and the urge to give her a little peck on the cheek.

“Sorry,” he muttered, blushing heavily. “He pushed me,” he added, now grinning sheepishly.

Lijsbeth's heart sank though she couldn't have explained why. She realised she'd wanted Honoré to say something about the camping, to ask if he could come along too or suggest they met up during the summer, and she felt embarrassed for thinking that. Then she felt annoyed with herself because maybe she should just suggest they meet up somewhere, but what if he said no? She didn't think she could cope with that, not without walking away or feeling horribly awkward. So she just smiled and felt herself curl up a little inside.

The rain was almost a relief; and being in the stables felt instantly calming. The familiar smell of the straw and the quiet sounds of the horses as they ate and moved  slightly in their stalls comforted her and the imagined awkwardness faded. She walked a few steps and peered into a stall, but the horse in there - one she didn't recognise - was busy eating and paid her no attention. When she turned back Honoré was looking at her and she froze, feeling a rush of emotions that were also vaguely physical.

He seemed to reach out to her in slow motion and she couldn't think what to do. Lijsbeth was suddenly, horribly aware of her body and it seemed that her posture must be incorrect, her hands held awkwardly, her facial expression all wrong...he brushed a strand of damp hair from her face and she actually felt a jolt of electricity, her heart leaping. A swift indrawing of breath sounded like she'd made a small gasp and she blushed, but remained where she was because she didn't want to move, she wanted...

Suddenly they were close, closer than they'd ever been before and his hands were on her shoulders and she had a vague idea even before he spoke that this had't been planned, that the horse had caught him off balance and initiated the contact but at the same time... she didn't want this to go wrong. She didn't want to misread the situation. But they were staring at each other, so close that she couldn't focus on his face, but she could feel his breath, she tilted her face up and... misjudged the distance. No longer were they facing each other but their lips brushed together and the jolt of surprise swept through her again. He didn't immediately pull away so she reached up, tentatively putting her hands on his arms. He still didn't pull away. This time, when their lips met, it was more than just a brief and accidental touch.

Touching her had felt nice, magical in a way. Kissing her cheek had given him both goosebumps and a heatwave. He was just terribly nervous that she might not like it, not want it. Lijsbeth was his best friend. He trusted her like he trusted no one else. He didn’t want to spoil this by making a move she did not appreciate.

She didn’t say a word, her expression was unreadable to him at least. Honoré tried to interpret it but he wasn’t sure what he should think. He thought that he ought to take a step backwards to give her space again but he didn’t move. For some reason this brief time that they were so close that they couldn’t see the whole picture but just a detail of each other’s faces felt great, there was a tension that was actually comfortable.

And then she tilted her head and their lips touched.

Honoré felt that his cheeks burned, his lips which rested on hers curved into a smile. Her lips were so soft and warm and he adjusted his position a little, careful not to break the connection. Her hands were on his arms now and he put his left hand on her shoulder while he gently ran the fingers of his right hand through her damp hair.

It was strange. He had thought about kissing Lijsbeth several times in the past months and had always been too afraid to do so. Now that he was afraid to stop, to pull away again.

Her lack of hesitation was surprising. Lijsbeth didn't feel worried that she was doing the wrong thing, which was unusual in itself. Most of the time she second-guessed herself, causing more anxiety on top of her natural worries until practically everything she did was a source of nerves. And yet now all she felt was happiness and a strange sense of calm.

As Honoré put an arm around her and touched her hair she realised this was her first proper kiss. She'd had a couple of dates in the past, nothing serious and nothing that had made her feel like this. The Ombrelune had been her friend, they'd seen each other through difficult times and this had somehow crept up on her without realising. Now, it seemed crazy that she hadn't realised sooner.  She wanted to ask Honoré if he had felt the same way but then realised it didn't matter. Not now, anyway. Maybe later she would ask, but what if..?

She broke the kiss, or maybe he did, and she rested her head on his shoulder. Looking at each other seemed too much, too intense right now and she wanted a moment to think. Somewhere behind her, one of the horses snorted quietly and Lijsbeth opened her eyes, wondering when she'd closed them. Slowly she raised her head and now they were looking at each other. She wasn't sure what to say. After a moment she smiled, knowing she must look shy and uncertain even though she was the elder.

"Wow..." she said softly.

The connection broke and for a moment they just stood there silently. Lijsbeth rested her head on his shoulder and he absentmindedly ran his hand through her hair.

This had been his first kiss. He had never even been close to kissing a girl before. However, kissing Lijsbeth had felt somehow natural. Exciting and special, yes, but also just like something that ought to happen again.

A wide smile spread across his face. He hadn’t felt this happy, this relaxed in a long time. Ever since his parents had died Honoré hadn’t felt thoroughly happy, hadn’t felt like he could ever have a happy moment anymore. And here he was now, right at this moment he didn’t think about the dark times anymore. He was enjoying the present with every fiber of his being.

Lijsbeth lifted her head again and they looked at each other. His brown eyes found her blue ones and his smile was soft as he gently stroked her cheek.

She said ‘wow’ and he nodded. “Yeah…” he said, unable to put his thoughts or feelings into words himself.

At the back of Lijsbeth's mind was the thought that she should be wondering 'what next?', but there was none of that. It felt as if the whole of her life - or at least the past few months - had been slowly building up to this without either of them ever realising. She didn't know what to say, but somehow that wasn't a problem, not now at least. Nor was there the fear that they would somehow stop being friends, that an invisible border had been crossed and things would never be the same again.

She nibbled on her lip and her smile grew wider, becoming a grin that was probably not very ladylike at all. She still didn't care. "I..." she began, and then stopped, because she had no idea what she had been about to say. Words seemed somehow inadequate, though she could have said that she was happy, that she was delighted they had kissed, that she hoped they could do it again sometime... No, those would all be ridicuous things to say.

Would they be dating now? She had no idea and even that didn't seem to matter much right now. Later they would talk, of course and things might feel more awkward then, but for now none of that mattered. Even when she reached out and touched the curls of his hair, something she'd thought about doing more often than she cared to admit even to herself, Lijsbeth didn't worry that she was doing something wrong. This was all new and fascinating and she didn't want it to end.

When she finally did speak, the first words she managed, barely above a whisper, were "Look - the rain's stopping..."

So she liked him that way, too.

Honoré had felt the desire to kiss her in the past but had always hesitated, feeling that this might not be the start of a relationship but the end of a friendship. However, here they stood, facing each other after their first shared kiss and it didn’t feel like the end of anything at all.

She was grinning at him now and Honoré’s face mirrored her expression. He couldn’t believe how happy and free he felt and he didn’t want to think about it because that would take away some of the lightness of the situation. She began to speak but stopped again but it didn’t worry him at all. They had time to talk about things if there really was the need to talk.

He wasn’t sure if a kiss alone made them girlfriend and boyfriend now. He had never thought about these things before. However, even if they were a couple now that didn’t mean that a lot would change for them. They’d still hang out together just like they had done in the past. The only difference was that they could now kiss and touch each other in a more intimate way, just like Lijsbeth just did as she ran her hand through his curls.

Honoré was about to lean in for another gentle kiss when Lijsbeth whispered that the rain was stopping. He stopped in mid movement and looked out into the grounds. The sun was already coming out again. Surely there was a rainbow visible somewhere now. Instead of stealing another kiss, Honoré took her hand and squeezed it gently.

“Come on, let’s go out and see if there’s a rainbow somewhere,” he suggested with rather untypical and childlike enthusiasm and pulled her out into the grounds again. The rain drops on the grass were glittering in the sunlight and there was the scent of fresh summer rain. Everything seemed picture perfect now.

[out]

Lijsbeth belatedly wished she hadn't said anything, because she had a feeling Honoré might have wanted to kiss her again. Then she remembered that she didn't have to just imagine it any more (that was something she hadn't even admitted to herself but tried to hide from her own thoughts) but she could kiss him if she wanted to. Well - probably not when anyone else was around; she wasn't sure how either of them would feel about that. Maybe it would be nicer just to keep this to themselves for now until they decided how they felt about it. There were only a few weeks left until the end of term after all and...

Suddenly Lijsbeth didn't want the term to end. The idea that they might not see each other over the summer was suddenly unbearable and yet, she realised she could ask if he wanted to meet up. Her earlier worries that she might sound like a clingy friend seemed crazy now, though she wasn't quite certain how she would ask. Did she just want to get a portkey to somewhere so they could spend the afternoon together, or did she hope for something like last year, when they had spent a whole vacation together? The way her heart leapt at the thought she knew immediately it was the latter.

They could talk about that later, though. The rain had eased off to a light drizzle and she would be perfectly happy to re sume their walk now, if Honoré wanted to. Of course, if he wanted to stay here with the horses she could cope with that as well.

"A rainbow?" she sounded excited at the thought, and realised that she was. All the rainbows she'd ever seen wouldn't compare to the one that was out there now, if only they could find it. If chasing rainbows was a childish way to spend an afternoon then Lijsbeth didn't care. She let Honoré pull her out into the grounds where the sunlight was just starting to filter through the clouds, still smiling. As they started to walk she asked casually, hopefully "I didn't ask...have you got plans for the summer..?"

[out]