berlin | feel real

She grinned right back at him, shaking her head at the whole 'I'm not laughing at you' line. Yeah, yeah, she had heard that one before. And she knew it wasn't something the ordinary person saw or thought of, but she couldn't help feeling this need to want him to see it, to believe her, to make it all feel real in this moment where everything seemed like it could float away at any moment into the ether. Lina and her potent tea.

His sounds and monosyllabic replies that implied hearing but not believing were met with an amused but waning patience. Senna bit her lip as her fingers traced the length of each of his fingers, only glancing at him as he dubbed it 'very interesting' this time. She had opened her mouth to rebel against his sarcasm, but quieted when his reassurance seemed genuine. "Yeah?" she asked, a tentatively happy smile curving up her lips. And it wasn't perfect synergy, but it was something and she could appreciate the effort.

"I've seen couples.. reflect?" she said the word, glancing up at the sky as if it would offer her a better one to describe what she saw others' auras. "If they've been together a long time too. Lina never believed me when I said hers was turning silver," she smiled at the memory. Lina had actually said that she was shimmery all on her own, no reflecting from Senna needed, and Sen had let it go mostly because Lina was very good at winning arguments.

Her gaze drifted back to Harlan as her thoughts drifted out away from her, words spinning back to her as she asked a more introspective question than she had anticipated. But it was in the forefront of her mind and she was curious, what more reason did she need. "Do you think.." she paused as she tried to keep her thoughts from wisping away as they were want to do just now. "..that people change you? I mean, do you think people can change? Fundamentally?" Her gaze dropped back down to their hands and she gave a little smile and a shrug, unsure of why she asked, unsure of what answer she even expected.

The way her fingers felt as they traced the length of his, slowly and thoughtfully, sent a pleasant chill up his arm and directly to his head. There was something dangerously comforting about almost everything that Senna was doing. In the back of his mind Harlan was aware that it was more than likely a side effect of the tea, but that didn't stop him from feeling it. "Yeah," He repeated with a deliberate nod as if to assure her he was being serious. Given a good portion of their interactions had some degree of underlying sarcasm, he could see why she might have questioned it.

She continued her thought and he watched as she spoke her thoughts aloud. There was a constant stream of consciousness with her that he found himself verging on envious of. Everything he said, he thought through, in painstaking detail most of the time.

"Hmm," Harlan swallowed, his brow furrowed in thought. There were a few people in his life that come to mind when it came to those that fundamentally had changed him. And they had, without question, changed him. "I do," He nodded, his gaze flicking back up to the sky.  "I think people have the best chance of changing you," Her stream of consciousness seemed to have rubbed off on him, just. "Time, and events, of course—" There was no denying that those things did as well.

But the most significant growth, for him at least, was tied to another person.

Harlan looked back at Senna with a faint smile, the remnants of where his mind had gone in his own memory. "I certainly hope I'm not the same person I was a decade ago..." He huffed before leaning back on his elbow, aware belatedly how much that statement aged him. "—don't say it," He warned. Knowing her, she was one breath away from a comment.

She felt a warmth spread through her at his confirmed reassurance, a golden wave coming out to meet her that she eagerly accepted. It made her feel even lighter, a notion she previously thought was impossible since she already felt like she was one second away from floating up to the stars. It was nice, easy even, comfortable to bask in his warmth, like a lizard baking on a red-stained rock until the last possible moment when the sun disappeared beneath the horizon. She almost felt wistful knowing this moment would end, but she had always been a live-in-the-moment kind of girl so she reveled in each feeling, each brush of his hand against hers and the way he felt so solid and soft at the same time beneath her.

Senna glanced back at him as he hummed in thought, her eyes tracing over his features, the curl of his hair against his nape and the curve of his lips, the lines that appeared on his forehead as he mulled her question. She shouldn't have been surprised by his answer since he was always doing the unexpected, but she was. Maybe because she didn't really have an answer herself, or at least, not one that was consistent. It was always flowing back and forth, only bringing forth more questions, not answers.

"Changing you for the better?" she asked, echoing his words, a note of doubt or maybe worry in her voice. She thought of Florence, her first love who had gone to fight in a battle that Senna had refused to enter and how even Florence's bravery hadn't influenced her to change in that crucial moment. She frowned as she glanced down at their hands as she ran her fingers over the lines in his palm that she had pretended to read before, unable to escape those old memories for the moment, even as she knew she had changed since then. But only because of Florence's death. Did that mean she had only changed because Florence had died? And if so, what a cosmic fuck you because Senna would much rather be a potentially worse person with Florence still here than have Florence gone from this world, becoming Senna's catalyst.

She felt his gaze on her and glanced up to see a faint dimple in his cheek, wondering if he too was swept away by memories that flooded up without permission. A curiosity there about who had changed him and how, who he had been ten year-- ten years? Senna grinned, her teeth flashing in the dim light as she laughed at the warning in his voice. She pressed her lips together to hold back her laughter. "What? I didn't say anything," she said innocently.

"Or for worse," He lamented matter-of-factly before flicking his eyes back over her curiously. Perhaps it was his inherent cynicism rearing it's head but he hard time believing that someone hadn't been a bad influence on her, at least once. For Harlan, most of twenties were a series of learning bad habits from the people around him; or perhaps allow himself to lean into them more. "Learn how not to behave as well," He added, his mind elsewhere briefly.

At the topic of age, it was impossible not to do the mental math. A decade prior he was in the midst of the meteoric rise of his career before the inevitable fall some time later. He was in his early twenties, and absolutely prone to cherry-picking the worst qualities in others to try on for himself. Senna had to have been all of...

Fucking hell.

"Sure," It was clear that he less-than-sure. Harlan sat up so that his palms were flat behind him, holding him (and her, by proxy) up. The realization was strong enough knock some sense in him. That or, the tea was finally wearing off. He glanced to the sky to try and ascertain the time. The sound of people falling out of the establishment and into the streets had to mean that a substantial amount of time had passed.

"Think if that lot are leaving, it might our cue..." He lamented, not exactly eager to get up from where they were laying.

fin

Senna nodded, breathing a little easier. She didn't know what he would infer about her on that but she felt better somehow when he acknowledged the truth she had been looking for. She wanted to be better, she hoped she was better in some regards than who she had been with Florence, but it was hard to look at yourself that critically and certainly wasn't something she wanted to sort out now. So instead she gave him a small smile that slowly grew bigger, tilting her head a bit to the left as she purposely took his works another way. "Sometimes it's fun to misbehave though.." she said, thinking of the way his hands hand been on her as they posed topless in front of a camera.

As he sat up, she moved with him, leaning against his chest, the dimples in her cheeks showing as she glanced around. Distant laughter and chatter floating up to them, echoing off the walls in between the buildings that reminded her that things existed outside of the bubble they had fallen into. She was reluctant to leave it though, reluctant to leave him. Senna turned back to face him. "Yeah, probably," she agreed, meeting his gaze but not moving either. She wondered how it could feel like they had both just met up minutes ago after her performance, like no time had passed at all and yet it had felt like they had been talking up here for years. All feeling, no thinking, she pressed herself closer and brushed her lips against his, a tease, a little taste. "Where are you staying?" she whispered as she pulled back, unafraid of being brave in this regard.

Maybe she had changed in some ways because she hadn't always been this bold and while she wasn't sure it was in areas that really matter, she wasn't sure she cared in the current moment. Especially when she threaded her fingers through his and they made their way back down the stairs, leaving the glow of fairy lights, the dainty tea cups Lina had filled for them, and the gallery of nude portraits behind them.

/end