What good would it do if I decide to face the truth? [Tock]

On her last Hogsmeade trip as a Hogwarts student, Circe had decided to treat herself. She had started the visit with a trip to Honeydukes Sweet Shop to re-up on her sweets supply. Sid had told her that he was supposed to meet up with Tock at the Three Broomsticks prior to their departure, and, as she was honestly hoping to miss the older man's visit, she had been going it solo. She and Tock had parted on poor terms in Paris. She supposed that perhaps she had overreacted, but she had been left a little wounded by the encounter nevertheless.

Circe was finishing up the last few bites of her cupcake batter ice cream from Acelyn's Ice Creamery when she saw Sid leaving. She assumed that meant that Tock had already departed and thus proceeded into the historic pub to enjoy the last butterbeer of her Hogwarts career. Supper sounded nice too, actually. Shepherd's pie sounded divine. She'd already ordered by the time that she noticed the older man in question. Her heartbeat quickened. It was too late to run away now.

Instead, she forced up a nervous smile and tucked her hair behind her ear. She nervously fidgeted and smoothed out her skirt a little.

"Hey, Tock... How have you been?"

It felt weird to be back in Hogsmeade after being away from the United Kingdom for a year, especially as a Londoner again. He felt nervous, somehow, in a way he couldn’t explain. Art school had begun wonderfully but ended with resentment, anger, and disappointment. He hated it in Paris after a while. He had a few friends there, like Madeline Fletcher, and a few art school buddies, but he was so lonely there without his friends and loved ones. Without Sid, in particular. He hadn’t realized how much of a presence Sid made in his life, even when the younger boy was only around for breaks and summer. There was something about knowing he would be back that kept Tock from feeling so terribly alone. In Paris, what was meant to be a new start just made him feel empty.  
 
The artwork was the last straw. While the program director had been sympathetic when Tock confronted him about his teacher’s behavior, and had told him to basically shove whatever that professor said, Tock still felt like the whole institution was a sham. He lost his faith in it, and he missed home. Maybe it was just an excuse to leave, in the end, but Tock was now back in England. He was living with his Hogwarts best friend Isobel and her (semi-estranged) husband Damian, and despite the slight drama going on between the married couple—Tock felt more at home there than he had felt anywhere since Hogwarts.  
 
He was basically mooching off of Izzy, though, eating her food and living in her guest room without really giving her anything of substance in terms of rent, but this was meant to be temporary. He had started back at the tattoo shop in London, re-transferred from the Paris studio, and was eager at the idea of Sidney becoming his apprentice. Tock had been tattooing long enough now that he was capable of doing things on his own without supervision. Now, he could potentially take on his own apprentice. Sid had expressed wanting to go into tattoo work, like his quasi-dad, and Tock had never been prouder of him. He loved the idea of working with his adoptive son, teaching and spending real quality time with him. He had a lot of make up for. It was surprising Sid wanted anything to do with him, after everything Tock had put him through, but he did… and Tock was warmed by it. 
 
Their meeting had gone well. Tock had explained that he was back in England for good, they had talked about Sid’s post-Hogwarts plans, Janae and the baby and what her plans were after his birth (she would be letting her parents quasi-adopt the boy, and she and Sid would be free to dote upon it like an aunt and uncle until the baby was old enough to understand his true parentage), and, of course, Circe. 
 
This was still a bit of an elephant in the room between Tock and Sid. Circe was something like a sister to Sid, which meant that it seemed almost incestuous for Sid’s father to show her any type of romantic interest. Despite having hurt her, despite having rejected her in the end, Tock had really wanted more from her. He wasn’t sure if he liked her in that way or if he was just very lonely and hungry for any affection he could get (but of course he liked her and appreciated her personality regardless), but Tock had kissed her, more than once. He had let himself touch something forbidden and had hurt her badly in the process. Sid had warned him to keep his distance, and he expected to. He didn’t want to, he wanted to thoroughly ravage her, but he would for Sid’s sake—at least that was what he intended. 
 
Tock was still sitting in the Three Broomsticks when Sid left to go see his other friends. Janae had made the trip up with Tock to visit Sid for his final trip to Hogsmeade, as heavily-pregnant as she was, and they deserved some time together. Tock couldn’t usurp the other’s only free time. Even so, he wasn’t quite done with his butterbeer, and he was sketching away in his sketchbook, someone that looked very much like Circe-from-memory. While she was gorgeous in real life, the girl in the photo looked ethereal and otherworldly, like a magical moon goddess. This was really how Tock saw Circe, how he remembered her. He hadn’t intentionally meant to draw her, but in some ways, she was a muse. 
 
As if on cue, Tock looked up and saw Circe come in. He bit his lip, thinking of an exit strategy. He hadn’t spoken to her at all since their fight, though he knew she had made it home alright from his Parisian flat. He sighed, and began to pack up his things. He needed to confront this head-on. If she wouldn’t talk first, he would have to. 
 
He cleared his throat, but soon she was approaching him. This surprised him, but he shyly smiled at her. “Hey Circe.” He greeted. He put his stuff back on the table and motioned for her to take a seat. “Why don’t you sit?” He offered. “I… we have a lot we should probably talk about.” He admitted, getting right to it. “First of all, though, I’m really glad you’re okay. You look pretty well. I just… ran all around Paris for hours looking for you. I didn’t even know you were safe until Izzy owled me to chew me out about letting you runabout Paris all by yourself. I was petrified something would happen to you….” 
 
He looked away. “I’m… really sorry about that. About the fight. About everything.” He admitted. “I’m back in England now, you know. For good. Dropped out. School just isn’t for me.” 

Ever since they had met, Circe had always been infatuated with Tock. He was a cool older guy. He was politically active and didn't pretend like things were suddenly all fixed with the defeat of the dark lord. Muggleborns like Tock and Sid were still mistreated. Her own parents had grown complacent, though her mother less-so she supposed. Her father was far too concerned with his own self-inflicted dilemmas to worry about the woes of others. Neither of them had even checked to make sure that she had been where she had said that she was going to be. If she had really allowed herself to think about it, she might have come to the realization that perhaps she was merely acting out to catch their attention. She also might have realized that her relationship with her father had a lot to do with the scene that was playing out at this very moment. But, she wasn't trying to think about that.

Circe tucked her hair behind her ear nervously before smoothing her skirt underneath her as she took a seat across from him. She avoided his gaze as he went on, knowing that he was right. "I am... deeply, deeply sorry for everything-- especially for making you worry." Secretly, she was touched that he'd given it any thought or concern at all. "A friend was nice enough to help me get back to Izzy's." She wasn't sure how she was going to explain to him who that friend was. She knew that he wouldn't approve. He had been there to see the band play on New Year's Eve, after all. Sid had been less than pleased and only seemed to warm up to Corey once they'd talked on the way back to Paris.

"It's alright." She could feel the blood rising to her cheeks, coloring her face in a rosy shade of pink. "No harm, no foul. I was mostly just... embarrassed. Wounded pride." Circe flashed a small smile, looking up at him. Merlin, he's handsome. "Are you hungry? I was thinking about having supper. I probably won't be back here in a long time after this, you know? We should make the most of it."

It was really starting to settle in, now, that she'd never spend another schoolyear at Hogwarts. She would be leaving the country in the fall. It was disappointing to hear that Tock wouldn't be staying in Paris, but she'd have Manny for companionship at least. "I'm disappointed that we won't be going to art school together, but I'm happy if this makes you happy. Manny, you know Manny-- Dez's brother, and I are going to be roommates." Plus, Corey went there. "I'm really looking forward to it." She smiled at him again. "So, what are you planning to do now?"

Tock shrugged, watching Circe carefully. She seemed well. Happier than before and less awkward. Maybe she was over it? That would be a pleasant surprise. Tock doubted it somehow, though. He knew Circe held grudges, and he had been terrible. “I… yeah. I mean, I just… academia, you know? I want to focus more on tattooing and really getting good. I heard Sid wants to be an apprentice, and maybe he should apprentice under me, you know?” He offered, avoiding the topic.

“I know Manny, yeah.” He agreed. “You guys should get along great. I just… have been staying with Izzy for the time being. I’m trying to save up for my own place soon, but it’s hard when she’s so maternal, you know? Home cooked meals every night. Snuggles on the sofa. It’s hard to pass up.” He laughed lightly.

“You’ll do great in school, though. I just, it wasn’t for me.” He cleared his throat. “Look, C. I’m so sorry. Last time we were together I was totally out of line, and you really ought to hate me for it. I’m surprised you’re even talking to me right now. I just… there’s no excuse. I took advantage.” He looked away.

"Yeah, that would be really cool." Circe had been pleased, too, to hear that Sid wanted to take up tattooing. He wasn't as into paintings and all of that, but Sid had always had an appreciation for the arts that she admired. It was a shame, she thought, that he hadn't also wanted to go to art school. He had other ambitions and obligations, though, and she understood. "Speaking of, I'll need another tattoo this summer."

She and Manny did get along great. They'd grown up next door to each other in Godric's Hollow, and he was also Jam and Janae's cousin. Circe smiled at the mention of Izzy and nodded along. The older woman had really helped her out, last time she'd seen her, and she admired her a great deal. "Yeah, I bet." Her stomach had given a tiny rumble at the mention of home-cooked meals, and though that wasn't quite what she was going to get here, she motioned a server over regardless. She ordered for and intended to pay for both of them.

"Thanks. I hope so. I did manage to get a scholarship, but I'll have to work at least two jobs to pay for the rest. It'll be worth it. I mean, this is what I've always wanted to do after Hogwarts." Her parents weren't willing to pay for any schooling that wasn't for law or healing, and she almost preferred it that way. At least she would be able to say that she did it all on her own.

Circe's stomach turned in uncomfortable knots at Tock's apology. "No, it's alright. I could never hate you, and you didn't take advantage. I'm an adult now. Technically." Sure, the optics weren't great. She didn't care. "You didn't do anything that I didn't want you to."