Better days, so unafraid, in my youth [Casey]

“Ashley Morigan, you ass, come back here!”

Ashley needed to leave here, now. He didn’t know who that voice belonged to, and he didn’t think he wanted to know. It sounded angry and knew his name. It was a female voice, absolutely, and very familiar with an Irish lilt. Who did he know that was Irish? Was Ros Irish? She loved St. Patrick's day, so she had to be, right? Or was she Scottish? He could never tell the difference, all these UK accents sounded different but he didn’t know where they came from. Accents in the United States were so straight forward…. It definitely wasn’t Ros though, so who else would be yelling at him like this?

He didn’t turn around. If he didn’t see her, she couldn’t see him… right? Was that how this worked? He crept slowly towards the backdoor. What had he done? Stolen something? Spurned lover? He was almost at the door when he heard it again.

“Ashley Jonathan Morigan…”

Middle name? Fuck, he really was in trouble. He turned around carefully, taking a deep breath, and there he saw her, like a ghost from his past. He didn’t even know he middle name, yet she knew his. She had just announced it to the entire bar.

He deserved this, he knew. This was worse than he had expected. He had never expected to see her again, and he felt his chest tighten a bit seeing just how mad she really was. He bit his lip. It had been an easy decision to leave, but not a good one. He had been so scared, though, so unsure of himself and having never settled down since Nadia, he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know if he could let himself get close to someone like that.

They had started off casual, just fooling around and going on dates and stuff. She learned he lived motel to motel and offered her couch and it had all gone downhill from there. He never spent a single night on the sofa. He had been invited to her bed that night, and had become a sort of fixture there. A month later, he was still waking up next to her every day and going to bed beside her every night. It was nice. Comfortable. They had early morning makeouts and fun that lasted long into the night, every night.  It was really romantic, honestly. Ashley liked it, and felt so strongly for her. Strong enough that he didn’t want anyone else. Strong enough that he got nervous.

He had left for a job one morning, then never came back that night. He told himself it would be a few days away to clear his head. Then the job turned into another job, turned into another and he had been gone a month. Almost as long as he had been with her, he had been away. It was too long, then, to go back.

So, he didn’t. He still thought of her sometimes, about what might have happened if he stayed with her. But he hadn’t, so what was the point? He hadn’t stopped to think about how she might have felt abandoned. He swallowed, his stomach churning.

“Hey Case…”'


@Casey Regan

She’d almost been surprised to see him and had called out to him before she realized what she’d done, only getting annoyed when he tried to pretend that he hadn’t heard her. Her mam hadn’t raised a fool so she took a play from her mother’s playbook, and used his middle name. It was much harder to sneak out when half the bar would be craning their necks to see who was in trouble. Once she had his attention she made her way over to him through the crowd, brown eyes narrowed dangerously. It’d been forever and the best thing he could come up with was ‘hey, Case?’

Damn American.

Casey had many other things she’d like to tell him and names she’d have liked to call him, but she wasn’t the type of girl to make a huge scene in a bar, not when she wanted a private life. So instead, she stood a few feet away from him, arms crossed, and her chin jutted out defiantly “After you tried sneaking away – again – I might add, that’s the best you can come up with?” She asked him and waited for a response “The fuck is wrong with you?” She asked expectantly, sipping from the drink in her hand as she waited adding “And if you’re wondering, no – I’m sorry won’t be enough.” She hated conflict like this, but knew she would never get any kind of answer if she didn’t confront him now.

The witch wondered as an after thought where he’d been, and if he was okay, but pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind.

Ashley sighed, unsure what to say or do about this. Casey was pissed off. That much he could tell completely, and his greeting had not made her feel any better. “It’s… a long story.” He said, finally. A lot of bar patrons were watching them, looking forward to the drama. “Wanna take this outside?” He asked. “I got Indy’s car this week, so… we can just sit out there and hash this out in private?” He offered, reaching up to touch the back of his neck, nervous.

“I.. I can’t even start with ‘I’m sorry,’ you know. I am, but that’s not… enough.” He managed. “Just, come outside. I’ll explain it all, okay?” He asked, looking at her. His heart was thudding in his chest, nervously. Why was she still able to do this to him after so long?

She was just as firey, just as beautiful as ever and he suddenly missed her. He had all but moved on, but now when he saw her, those feelings were flooding back.

She wasn’t sure whether to be glad or annoyed that he had his brother’s car for privacy. She did know that she couldn’t say no to somewhere quieter not if she didn’t want her business to end up in the Daily Prophet, and she definitely didn’t want that. Casey could tell that he was nervous, and a small part of her went out to him, but at the same time, she felt like he deserved to feel a little uncomfortable.

Casey let the words he said hang between them for a moment before she nodded, setting her now empty glass on the bar before she followed him out to his brother’s car, noting that it was still as ugly yet somehow timeless as it had always been as she slid into the passenger side shutting the door behind her.

It was funny how she wasn’t as nervous as she would have been before, but even now when she knew she had moved on from him, from what they had been, seeing him brought back very specific memories and feelings and it was an element to the confrontation that she wasn’t anticipating, and she did her best to shove the old feelings aside, as they would do nothing but make the impending conversation that much more uncomfortable. Once Ashley was in the car with her, the witch turned and looked at him expectantly “so let’s hear it, then?” She asked bluntly, but still softly than when they had initially spoken a few moments before.

Ashley didn’t know where to start or what to say, but this was hard. He hesitated. “I don’t have a good excuse for you, Casey.” He began. “I just… well, I had a job and it got busy and I thought ‘hell, just one night won’t be a big deal’ and then it just happened again and then another job, and it had suddenly been a month…” He hesitated. “Should’ve owled you I wasn’t coming home.” Home, was it? Was that what being with her was? His home? He felt his chest ache as he realized that was more like home than a lor of other places he’d been.

“I was… you know, we got realty close there for a bit. I mean, waking up next to you every day and going to sleep with you every night. It was almost like…” He hesitated before finishing it. “I was going to say ‘almost like a real couple’ but fuck it, we were a couple. You deserve to have me admit to it. We were a couple. And I got scared.” He admitted, with a sigh.

He looked down at Indy’s car, feeling like it was familiar to him, yet just foreign enough. Should they go for a drive, or just stay here? “I never said it, cause I was afraid of it, but I loved you, you know? And that’s terrifying.”

She shifted so that her back was against the door, tucking her feet under herself so she could look at him properly. As mad as she was, he deserved that much. He didn’t have a good excuse? Well that was an absolute shocker. Divination has been her worst subject, but even she was sure she could have seen that coming.
On delicate eyebrow rose as she heard him call her small flat home “Yeah, you should have.” She said evenly. If it had been anyone other than Ashley, Casey might have been surprised to hear someone call a place ‘home’ after a month, but with him, someone who was constantly couch surfing and moving from place to place all the time, she supposed she could see it. Casey sighed heavily “I would’ve been less angry if I’d just known you were done.” She told him honestly “Instead, for a while I wondered if you’d died or something, but when no headline ran, I figured you’d skipped out.”

They’d only been together about a month, but Ashley was right, things had moved quickly, and they had gotten close in that small amount of time. Casey had no plans of letting that happen again, at least not any time soon. He surprised her by admitting that they’d been more than friends with benefits, she’d expected him to say that they’d only been that to one another and nothing more rather than admit it and admit that he’d been scared.

But apparently it was something akin to opposite day, since Ashley Morigan was maybe being honest with her since he’d left and never come back. Casey wasn’t sure she believed him in entirety, but the witch couldn’t resist giving him the benefit of the doubt.

It was her turn to be caught off guard as she blinked at him, unsure of what she’d just heard him say. After she’d had a chance to process the sentence again she swore under her breath, pinching the bridge if her nose in exasperation as she spoke “Ash, I appreciate your honesty. It’s not easy” She told him, and meant it, pausing to bump the toe of her shoe against the dash as she thought about her next words “But you’re telling me now that you loved me?” She asked him, clearly frustrated, but there was no anger in her voice.

“It is terrifying” the ex-Puff agreed, always empathetic as she looked up from her study of the oddly shaped stain on the carpet beneath her feet to look at him “That month was the quickest I’ve ever moved with someone” She explained “And what I felt was real.” She said, pausing to interject in her own thoughts “I didn’t see us getting married or anything” she promised “But I thought we might be onto something, and I was wrong.” She finished, grateful that she wasn’t feeling the urge to cry “I just wish I’d have known all this before you left.” Casey admitted “Just so we could both walk away knowing we tried. But instead, we’re left with some big what ifs and on completely different paths now.” Leave it to Ashley to have all of this to say after having been gone this long. Damn Yankee.

The withc let her head fall back against the plastic molding with a soft thunk, less angry, but now absolutely confused with all the new information at her fingertips. She ground out another sigh “I forgive you.” She told him quietly, not sure if he deserved it completely “But I swear you’ll do my head in. I can’t hardly think straight.” She finished with a small laugh, unsure of what to do with herself.

Ashley chewed on his lip uncharacteristically, nervous. He was usually such a free-spirited easygoing kind of guy that let things just roll off of him, but for some reason this was different. This mattered. He looked over at Casey with a heavy heart and a sigh. Her words didn’t surprise him, and they were completely valid. How could she have not known he loved her, though? Hadn’t it been obvious from the way he talked to her, touched her, made love to her? She should have known he cared, though he supposed that was why he was afraid. He didn’t really want her to know, but thought he had all but been screaming it from the rooftops. He was scared: scared of love, scared of commitment, and most of all, scared that he would want to settle down with someone. He had work to do. His watch had not ended.  
 
He looked down as she admonished him, afraid to meet her eyes. Then, finally, she said she forgave him and his eyes flicked up to hers in confusion and hope. He didn’t know what the lingering feeling of hope was about—it wasn’t as though he could save their relationship or friendship, even. Still, a part of him wanted to kiss her and lay her down in the backseat of Indy’s classic Camaro and remind her he loved her. Perhaps even win her back. No, no, that wouldn’t happen. Couldn’t happen. It was a pipe dream and one he wasn’t sure he even really wanted, even as he imagined it. 
 
“I don’t deserve to be forgiven, Casey, but I… I’m glad you’re a better woman than I am a man.” He sighed. “I was a coward, and that’s usually not like me. I just… fell hard, fast, didn’t know what I wanted, and I panicked.” He sighed. “I wish I could make it up to you somehow. Give you back that time and those emotions you wasted on me, but…” He sighed again. “I don’t… want to, either. I want you to have thought of me, and I want you to have loved me, too. As much as it scares me. I really wanted us to mean something.” He chewed his lip a bit more. 
 
“And I know, all of this at once is making me dizzy, too.” He laughed dryly. “But…” He began. “Just know that it wasn’t… easy. Leaving you like that. It hurt a lot. I was probably 98% whiskey the first few nights after I left.” He joked, but it wasn’t really a joke.