banana pancakes. [tag; loren]

She was exhausted.

Everyone told her it was to be expected; her parents, healers, a woman who randomly decided to approach her when she was grocery shopping but of course, she didn't listen. All she wanted to do was sleep but that luxury had been taken away but in return, she got a bouncing baby boy. She told herself that her son was far better than her soft, plush mattress but oh sleep was phenomenal. And she was sore. Everything still hurt, even weeks later. Her feet hurt, her back hurt, her shoulders hurt, her boobs hurt, her hands hurt, even her elbows hurt. The birth had been problem free but long and arduous. Nineteen hours and she'd broken Loren's hand by grabbing onto it too tightly.

Eleanor felt like she looked as though she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. Death warmed up but contrary to her beliefs, she actually looked pretty good. Her shoulder length hair had been twisted up and into an intricate bun, her cheeks rosy as she wandered through her home, the skirt of her lace dress swishing against her long and slender legs. She'd cleaned. She had to. The place looked like a bomb had hit it.

There was a pile of unwashed dished stacked in the sink, masses of clean baby clothes folded and plonked on any available surface, bottles, blankets and stuffed animals strewn on the floor. Her family had been so generous with gifts, everyone had. There wasn't anything she needed now. At least their home was sparkling now, she'd really put the effort in. She'd vacuumed, done some laundry, made some lunch, disinfected all the surfaces (she was a tad paranoid William would catch some sort of disease), she'd even had time for a nap and a shower.

It was a little after eleven in the morning and the warm Parisian sun shone brightly through the floor to ceiling windows, casting everything in a warm light. The doors were open that lead into the garden and the breeze that wafted in smelt faintly of rosemary. The baby was sleeping and she daren't wake him. He was actually a good sleeper. A suspiciously good sleeper and it caused her to panic. Like every new mum, Eleanor was overprotective. The healers had smiled patiently, having clearly dealt with women like her  before. Apparently, it was nothing to be alarmed about. He didn't quite managed to sleep through the night but he was only a few weeks old. He didn't cry a lot, though. Everyone told her how lucky she was to have such a quiet child.

That apparently was about to change.

A cry unsettled the silence of the home and, like a mama bear. Eleanor's ears pricked. Without hesitation, she dropped the armful of folded towels on the floor, turned on her heel and sprinted through the house. Oh no. What if he had gotten sick? Hurt himself? Escaped from his crib? Hang on. He was two months old, he could barely hold his own head up, never mind turning to Houdini overnight.

The tall blonde barrelled through the door of the nursery, cheeks pink, eyes wide and panic clearly on her face but the crying stopped as soon as she'd gotten to the crib. "Motherfu--" Eleanor grunted as she fell over a stuffed rabbit toy, careful not to complete her swear word but her trip had elicited the most darling little giggle out of her son's mouth. Oh, okay, he was a fan of misfortune. Stepping over, she offered the little baby a broad grin. "Hi honeybee!" She cooed as she leant over to gently pick him up, careful to support his head as she'd been instructed which only caused the little boy to giggle some more.

She snorted, holding him close as she gently rocked him, slowly pacing up and down the nursery. "Did you sleep well?" She asked him, even though he didn't understand. In return, she got a big toothless grin. "That good, hey?" She asked with a grin. The baby, thankfully, looked a lot more like Loren. He had big, beautiful dark eyes and his nose. His hair was going to be dark, he'd actually been born with hair and it scared the heck out of her. Weren't all babies meant to be bald?

Loren had gone back to work and she didn't blame him. Given the choice of running a busy restaurant or changing a wriggling baby, she'd choose the restaurant. "C'mon cutie," she said gently, shifting the little boy a little so she could cradle him close into her chest as she wandered back through the house, bouncing him gently. He didn't need much coercing, it seemed he just liked the company. Once in the living room, she picked up a large, fluffy white bear, a gift from her father and she held it out, jiggling it a little to catch his attention. It worked like a charm. With a squeal of laughter, his podgy little arms reached out to grab the toy's face, yanking at the ribbon around it's neck. Maybe he did like violence.

He sat at his desk staring at the newly added picture. His mind racing back home to his wife and child. It was strange to think that he was now a father, but he was. He only hoped the little guy didnt drive his mom up the wall. Rising from the chair he walked out into the bar to look around. Honestly he was missing home more and more. Loren sighed before walking over to the kitchen. It seemed Marco knew he was on his way out to say he was leaving for the day. As he entered the room his head chefs voice touched his ears.

I made her favorite dish and desert, its the pink bag. The blue bag is yours, your mother will be here in ten minutes. Loren was grateful for the other man in that moment it made him smile. "Thank you Marco, I would be lost without you." Grabbing the bags it only took him a few moments to be standing outside his front door. Once inside after recovering from apparating he sat the bags on the table, before walking towards the baby's room. Pausing he reached down to pick up some laundry he could only assume off the floor. He heard the sound of her shoes moving her through the house and followed the sound.

Just seeing them together, mother and child, warmed his head. He couldnt help the smile on his face as he leaned against the door. "Hi beautiful." Pushing off the wall he walked over to kiss her on the temple. "Here let me take him and you sit down and put your feet up. Its mommies relaxing time.."

He grinned as he shifted to take the baby from her. "Is there anything at all you need me to do love?" He wanted her to at least relax during some part of her day everyday. He knew kids could be overwhelming, because some demanded a lot of attention. He just wanted her to know that she never had to stress over not enough time.

"Oh baby no," the tall blonde cooed as the baby ignored the toy and went straight for her necklace, his little fingers curling around the heart pendant and yanking downwards hard. The necklace had been a gift from Loren in school, for her sixteenth birthday. She'd never had the heart to tell him that she wasn't really a jewellery person but she'd kept it and thanked him never the less. She'd taken to wearing it an awful lot lately.

Eleanor sighed softly. Everything had happened really rather quickly. In the past year, she'd moved house, gotten married and had a baby. It had taken her a little while to get her head around everything, it just seemed a bit…full on. The new house was beautiful, though. It was large and airy and game with a balcony, swimming pool and a plush green garden. It'd probably be a few years until they all got to use the facilities. She could barely take a bath lately, never mind have a relaxing swim, there wasn't any time.

Keeping little William close to her chest, her long legs paced the floor slowly, bouncing him lightly as her hand gently stroked his back. She and Loren had a minor disagreement about the name for the baby. They had various baby name books but nothing really fit. Not to her. As a joke, she offered the name Cloud. Apparently, there was a Muggle saint with that name. Thinking her husband would just laugh at the idea, she was shocked when he said he really liked it.

Horrible images flashed through her mind. A child called Cloud would get bullied at school. He'd never get a girlfriend (or boyfriend, that was cool with her) so after cajoling Loren for a while, they'd shifted Cloud to his middle name. William Devereaux sounded so regal!

She hadn't even heard him come in. With wide eyes, her head snapped upwards as she laughed softly, little William swivelling his head to see the newcomer. "I didn't even see you," she admitted with a smile. "How long have you been there?" Eleanor asked, absently wondering and hoping he hadn't been there to hear her tell their baby about her day. The Healer had said it helped the baby's development if he heard her voice and so, she'd chatted along about nothing in particular.

"Hi," she replied with a smile, closing her eyes at his kiss. If she was going to be truthful, she felt a bit podgy. She was still carrying a bit of baby weight but she had more important things to worry about other than her pre-birth figure. "But I --" she began before Loren took the baby away from her, her plump lips parted in protest. Honestly? She didn't like not holding him. Still standing up, she chewed on her lower lip, her hands down by her sides, her fingers flexing and curling, itching to take the baby back. It was clearly written on her face that she felt a bit aimless.

As she was told to sit, she did just that. Eleanor sank onto the plush sofa, wincing a little as she sat down and paused to take a sharp intake of breath in pain. It hadn't been a particularly traumatic birth but William had been a large baby. She was too panicked to really listen to the details but she vividly remembered someone saying something about "internal tearing" and then she passed out.

Was there anything she could do? She laughed softly. "Laundry," Eleanor replied. "Folding, mostly. I did most of the washing today. Maybe make dinner? But I'm not really that hungry," she said with a soft frown. "Zen needs to be taken for a walk," she added, referring to their German Sheppard puppy who had already taken to the new arrival. Whenever he cried, Zen barked and came skidding into the living room to get their attention. "There's a few dishes in the sink," Eleanor offered. "You could try feeding Will again?" The blonde asked, flicking her big green eyes up and over to her husband.

"He only took half of his last feed," she said as she chewed her lower lip anxiously. "I mean, he's not that cranky," she blurted out, starting to panic a bit more now that Loren was home. "But he's not been sleeping that much. He doesn't feel hot, I've checked him for a temperature," Eleanor began, wringing her hands together. The baby was fine. That much was clear by the way he was gently tugging on Loren's shirt collar and gurgling happily.

Loren moved to sit next to Eleanor, holding the baby close to his body as he did so. As she spoke he looked up at her, a smile crossing his face. She looked so flustered, it was cute. He inclined his head to the bags on the table. "That's dinner. I'll handle everything else love. I couldn't keep you guys off my mind.." As he spoke he turned to look at their son, lifting his up a little to kiss his cheek softly. "Hey big guy, I didn't speak did I?" Eleanor told him to talk to the baby, so he said a few strings of sentences here and there.  Brown eyes shifted back to his wife before he leaned back getting comfortable. "I think you need a vacation love.."

His face was serious as he stared at her. She looked exhausted, he could see it. She was worrying about everything too that couldn't help either. He wanted her to be stress-free and was thinking of hiring someone. He'd mentioned it once to Eleanor to see if she liked the idea, she just looked at him. He could only assume that was a no. He knew she was protective of William. Hell, he was too. But a little help never hurt. Maybe he could go to a play date with Tristan, that would be fun. His mom would be there, he would have his uncle to play with. "I was thinking...maybe William and Tristan should have a play date..." He looked down as he reached up to untangle Williams hand necklace gently before offering his index finger instead.

"It would be nice, he would get some socialization in..and you could go to that spa you talked about the other night? What do you think?" He looked at her knowing that this was going to be a tough decision. He knew he only got to hold William because he was his dad. Otherwise Eleanor would never let him go, she wanted him near her. Loren loved that about her, it was something that assured him that no matter what their family would be okay. He looked over at her and smiled. "I love you.." He wanted to say it everyday, so she always knew. He never wanted to give her a chance to doubt his love for her.

"I really want you to have a relaxing day and worry about nothing, you deserve it love...will you consider it for me?" He lifted William up to put his cheek next to his as they looked at her. "For us?"

As Loren sat, she instantly moved closer and extended a hand to gently smooth out a little crease in William's sleep suit. It was a habit and she couldn't stop it. She was going to be a fussy mother and she knew it. Was that really so bad, though? The moment the baby was pressed into her arms, she felt such a rush of affection, she didn't even really know what was happening. She didn't like handing him around from family member to family member, she didn't like strangers cooing over him in the street. He was her baby.

She turned to look at the bag and she heaved a heavy sigh. "Marco's going to hate me," Eleanor lamented with a frown, her eyes threatening to tear up. The tall blonde hadn't really cooked in months. Not like she used to anyway. William was the most important thing so she'd been preoccupied with heating milk and baby pasta and she'd just grabbed one sandwich once a day when he was sleeping. She still  had a few lingering hormones. She was liable to cry at any time.

She offered a soft smile. "I should think so too," she quipped playfully, poking one of Loren's thigh as she played with their baby. The fact that they even had a child was just so…odd. They'd gone through a lot since Beauxbatons. "We had fun today, didn't we sweetie?" She asked the little chubby boy who simply responded with a gummy grin and wiggled a little in his father's arms. So cute. "Apparently, he likes raw carrots," she said with a grin, shrugging helplessly. "He wouldn't stop crying and he picked one up and started gnawing on it for the best part of an hour."

A vacation? Eleanor laughed. Properly, loudly with her head thrown back. He was so funny! A vacation? With a six month old baby? She'd noticed how much her life had changed. No longer could she sleep in in the morning, she couldn't go clothes shopping, she couldn't up and leave for the weekend. "Yeah that'd be nice," she said with a shake of her head, sending newly dyed platinum blonde and purple locks swaying. It was a nice idea but even if she was lying on a beach, she'd still be worrying. She'd just be worrying in a bikini.

And there he went again.

Swiftly, Eleanor narrowed her big green eyes at her husband. "Is this "play date" a euphuism for "nanny"?" She asked, one slim eyebrow raised in question. "Because we talked about this before, Loren," she went on, visibly starting to get upset. Her hands went to the sofa, digging her nails into the foam cushion so tightly, her knuckles began to turn white. "I said no and I meant no. I do not want some stranger taking care of our baby!" She exploded, causing little William to slip a little and cling to Loren's finger tightly.

"Sorry honey bee," she cooed, extending a finger to softly stroke his cheek before she sighed heavily. She frowned as she listened. Loren was right. William was developing and he hadn't spent a lot of time with other little kids but…what if something happened? She wasn't sure if she was ready to relinquish control completely yet. She trusted Loren's mother. She'd been complaining she hadn't seen a lot of her first grandchild and she felt guilty. She stared at the little boy for a long time in silence, watching him wobble about on Loren's knee.

"I love you, too," she said, hating the way he could just flash her that smile and she completely melted. Loren had some sort of power over her. A smile, a pout, the way he rubbed her left earlobe, it was her Achilles heel. Damn it. She sighed again, raking her hands through her hair, scraping it back off her face and tying it into a loose ponytail at the base of her neck. "I'm not so sure about the spa," she said in a low voice, her hands instantly going to her stomach. She was still carrying a little bit of pregnancy weight. Once her morning sickness had passed, she went to town on the fridge. She wasn’t so sure she was up to wearing a bikini to go swimming or letting someone else touch her. Did Loren know that?

She turned, just in time to see him giving her "that look". The one he knew worked on her like a charm. And to see him next to Will, it just about broke her heart.  "Alright," she grunted, pouting and crossing her arms across her chest. "But I'm not happy about it," she said softly. She heaved a heavy sigh and stood up, grabbing the bag from the table and heading into the kitchen, unpacking everything ready to reheat. She wasn't even that hungry. If she went to that spa, she'd spent the whole time sleeping so it'd probably be cheaper if she just stayed here.

Grumbling to herself, she set about grabbing plates, setting them on the counter tops with force to let Loren know she was still a bit irked. She knew she was being childish and silly but no one really understood. Boys! Urgh.

His head moved slightly as he denied her comment of Marco. “No way, he was the one who suggested that you not be allowed to do anything but rest. I think he likes cooking for you, because you actually enjoy his cooking more than most.” He had to admit the man could out cook even him, and Loren had learned to cook through vast studying and trial and error. Shifting William in his arms he reached out to rub her shoulder softly. He had to remember that she was still sensitive.  He hated to see her cry or come even remotely close to doing so.

Loren shifted a little to look down at their son as she spoke of their day. Without being able to help himself he laughed softly before his gaze moved to rest on Eleanor. “Maybe his gums were itching, El?” Even still after so many years the nickname still brought a smile to his own lips. Always flooding his mind with all the memories of their life he had. Those both good and bad, the vast and sometimes complicated journey of love that was them. “I read somewhere that they do that when their gums itch…or like they gum on your finger?” Well he couldn’t very well say chew since without teeth it would be hard to chew. Though he had to admit he’d seen a few teeth less old people eat a burger better than him.

Seeing her laugh, like truly laugh always made him feel a sense of accomplishment. He always felt his best when he knew she was happy. Even when they were still in school he had this sense or undeniable need to make sure she was always happy. ‘I’m serious…” he remarked to the shaking of her head. He knew the idea would sound crazy to her but he also knew she needed the time to simply relax too. He knew mentioning the play date could have went one of two ways. Just the look alone spoke volumes to man. Deep brown eyes softened as he shook his head slightly. “No I wasn’t thinking about a nanny in this case. Just a fun day out for him, giving you a chance to no worry about a million things.”

Loren moved to kiss William’s temple softly as he watched her for a moment. Shifting William he chewed softly on his bottom lip. “I know the thought of being away from him is scary, but believe knowing he’s with someone you trust would ease that fear.” He knew what she may be feeling because he felt it when he would go to work, he felt it when he needed to take Zen out, he felt it when he went to the store. This intense worry that in his absence he would be a very profound moment in his son’s life. That somehow being away from him for any length of time would erase him from his little brain. It made it hard to focus, because it was a fear that consumed you it seemed. Loren took a deep breath before nodding softly at her with a soft smile.

He turned to watch her as she moved to go to the kitchen, looking down at Will with pursed lips. “I think mommie is mad about the spa. What do you think?” His question was met by what seemed to be a gurgle, but Loren simply took that as his son agreeing with him.  Chocolate brown eyes rose slowly to watch his wife for a second more before standing, pausing to place Will in his rocker securing him in, turning on the lights and music, handing him a toy key ring before walking to the kitchen. “You seem….tense, what’s the matter?” a slight smirk played on his lips as he stood there. “Why don’t you lie my spa idea? Is it the money or that you just don’t lie spas in general right now?”

He was curious to know why she seemed upset at the thought of going to one. He wondered if she felt like her body had changed in a bad way. Loren had done a lot of reading and he knew that there was a possibility she would have issues with this area if at all. He blamed himself really, with work and the baby they hadn’t had any ‘them’ time. As much as he wanted to have that time there really was never moment to do so properly, and Loren had never been the kind to rush through such things. If he was being honest he wanted some ‘them’ time after she’d returned from the spa if she agreed to the play date. Hell he would make her a spa there in their home if he had to.

“I just want you to be able to relax and enjoy some you time for a little while. If you don’t want to go to the spa then you don’t have to. You can sit around here and read all day, I really don’t care as long as you enjoy yourself and are relaxed.” That was his main goal when he presented the idea and it was not going to change.  No matter what she said he would continue to remind her that he wanted her to simply have a moment to catch her breath.

Eleanor smiled gently. She was sure Loren was humouring her. She hadn't really done a lot since their son had been born. She hadn't been to the restaurant and she'd been working from home and she so badly missed the hustle and bustle of the art gallery she worked at. Their big, beautiful house on the outskirts of Paris felt more and more like a goldfish bowl and it was silly.

"Do you think?" Eleanor asked with wide eyes, nervously twisting her sparkling wedding band around her finger as she peered at the baby. William seemed like a happy enough baby and with every passing day, he looked more and more like his father. She absently wondered how Xiomara was doing with her little boy. It had been ages since she'd seen her friend, she was too busy living in her little baby bubble. "Do you think he's in pain?" She asked, already fretting. "You're not sore, are you?" She asked the little boy as he happily chewed on her husband's finger, letting out soft, happy noises.

The blonde frowned at Loren, her slender eyebrows coming together in a rush to furrow. "So am I," she said firmly. She wanted to spend time with her son. She'd spent nine months carrying him, putting up with horrific morning sickness and she wanted to enjoy her reward. She wasn't going to ship him off to some…some…stranger. No. Hell no.

"It doesn't work like that," Eleanor said patiently as though she was speaking to a small child. "He could be right next to me and I'll still worry. He could be with you, with your mother, with my mother and I'd still worry. I could be in a spa with candles and music while getting a massage and I'll still be worried," she concluded, her voice rising and starting to become a bit shrill. What if Will did something monumental? And she was miles away in a seaweed wrap? She would never forgive herself.

Eleanor stomped around the kitchen, muttering to herself as she hastily shoved something into the microwave with much less thought and care than it had been prepared with. "It's not the money," she said, her eyes shifting to watch the little boy jiggle his keys, bounce and kick his chubby little legs around.

She let out a sigh, leaning against the edge of one of the counters and pinching the bridge of her nose gently. "I'm tired, Lo," she began in a soft voice. She felt awful. Loren was absolutely perfect. Smart, gorgeous, hard working, romantic and thoughtful. She didn't know why she was being such a bitch. As he spoke about the spa, she dropped her hands to wrap them protectively around her waist. The thought of wearing a bikini knocked her sick.

"And I'm fat," she whispered, eyes locked directly on the floor and avoiding him completely. Her fingers gripped at her dress a little tighter. It was perfectly normal. She'd had a baby, her body had changed but what if he didn't find her attractive any more? Her boobs were bigger, her hips were bigger, her figure wasn't the same. She wasn't the lithe young woman any more. She was a mother now. She had different priorities.

"I just.." She began before forcing herself to swallow. "I just don't want you to waste money on me." She and Loren hadn't been properly intimate since William's birth. Their interaction was usually a brief kiss and hug and that was it. Loren wasn't to know, his brain didn't work like that. She just wanted to be reminded that she was sexy. She wanted him to look at her like they he used to when they first dated. She wanted him to buy her sexy, stupidly expensive lingerie that he could rip off her body like it was nothing.

"I'm sorry," Eleanor began as she looked up at him with a soft smile. "I'd love to go to the spa," she settled on. Maybe she could get some wine and just sleep. Leaning onto her tip toes, she kissed him softly. Her hand slid slowly down the sides of his neck to his shoulders, her fingers gently running up and down his forearms as they stood in the middle of the kitchen and ignoring the ping! of the microwave.