we're bigger than we ever dreamed [marin]

"No, that's just silly, Marin," a young blonde girl could be heard saying as she walked with another student, arm in arm, and made their way through Hogsmeade, bundled up in heavy jackets and Hufflepuff scarves. "Madam Puddifoot's isn't just for couples. I heard they have the cutest little teacups there that dance before they serve you tea!"

Winifred Gwartney smiled up at her friend Marin Clare as she nearly dragged him along through the village of Hogsmeade. It was only one of the first weekends they had visited the town near Hogwarts and Wini had spent nearly the entire walk there trying to convince him that a visit to Madam Puddifoot's would be nice and not weird at all. Sure, she had heard that Madam's was the place to go on a date, but that's not what she had in mind for her and Marin. They were just friends. But secretly, Wini maybe wanted to scope out the place just in case Alex wanted to go on a date with her! She could just picture it all now... or at least she could when she finally got in there.

They were almost at the door when Marin stopped. She maybe thought he looked.. scared? It wouldn't be an uncommon thing for Marin. He always looked a little scared. Wini was a nice enough friend to help him get over that. "Oh get on with it, Marin. If you don't like it, we can leave. I promise," she said looking him right in the eye and lying just a little bit. She didn't really plan on leaving. She just planned on making him like it.

"Ok?" she asked him, hoping he'd agree. She wanted him to make the choice to join her instead of forcing him. But honestly.. Wini wasn't the sort of girl to take no for an answer.

One thing that Marin had discovered early on was that Wini was impossible to argue with. The young wizard was sure he hadn’t said a thing over the past twenty minutes or so, but his blonde friend was still talking to him as if he needed convincing. Marin didn’t really mind. Somehow, the boy had developed a strange tolerance towards Winifred that he just didn’t feel around other people. It was like she’d forced her way into his comfort zone against his will. Most of the time she prattled on about whatever was on her mind, and Marin pretended to listen, adding an appropriate nod or murmur of agreement here or there. Wini didn’t seem to notice, so the arrangement was working well so far. Perhaps he was simply used to her.

The idea of going to a place that was almost exclusively filled with teenage couples was a little intimidating, though. In fact, the whole idea of going to Hogsmeade was intimidating. Marin loved the idea of being able to get out of the castle on weekends, but he’d have preferred it if there was no one there that he knew. No one who might ask him why he was alone, or why he was being so quiet…. No expectations to always be seen with friends, or getting butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks (which was apparently a thing). No, the thirteen year old would have much preferred to be in a village that other students weren’t allowed in. Well, except for Wini. Maybe.

The young wizard glanced over at his blonde friend as the approached the place. He felt apprehensive and hesitated at the door. She must have noticed because after a moment, she ushered him in, promising that they could leave if he didn’t like it. It was a comfort. He nodded once.

Inside, it was as aesthetically displeasing as Marin had been told. The design of the place made him feel uncomfortable and, as suspected, the only other people here were definitely couples. Hmm. “Are you sure?” he asked again blankly, resigned to the fact that he would probably be in here for at least the next hour. Marin was expressionless as he followed Winifred to one of the tables. A blonde couple nearby were making out, over the table. Marin didn’t understand at all. The kissing was making loud, wet sounds and a part of him wanted to cover his ears. He couldn’t un-hear it.

Wini beamed when he nodded in agreement and turned as she pulled him into Madam Puddifoot's. It was like a dream for the third year Hufflepuff. Everything was pink and lacy and girly and Winifred just stood in the doorway for a moment, dazzled. Little flecks of silver glitter floated down from the ceiling disappearing before it reached anyone's head. It made Wini smile and she almost wished every ceiling rained glitter. She thought it would make even the darkest dungeons just a little bit prettier.

She pulled Marin along towards one of the tables and sat down, glancing over at her friend. "Isn't it perfect?" she asked him with a nod, trying to gauge his reaction. She knew that boys weren't supposed to like all the things that girls did but she and Marin were friends so didn't that mean they would like the same things? But then movement to the left catch her attention and she glanced over before turning pink and hastily averting her eyes. She looked at Marin for a moment as she giggled nervously behind her hand. Winifred loved love... but she didn't know people loved like that, making loud kissy noises over their tea. It kind of made her think of slobber. She pushed up a menu that had been on the table and propped it up so that it blocked their view of the couple.

"So what tea are you going to order, Marin?" she asked , trying to ignore the kissing couple on the other side of the menu. Wini didn't know people could kiss for that long...

“Perfect,” he agreed faintly, his light eyes scanning the room again. It was literally raining glitter. The overwhelming nature of the decorations here was making Marin feel a little dizzy and more than a little uneasy. There was too much happening. The boy wanted to look up at the ceiling, but he was nervous some of that glitter might fall in his eyes. He’d heard a story about someone getting a tiny cut in their eye from glitter once. Apparently it had gotten infected and they’d almost gone blind. Marin held his palms for a moment, glancing down at them to see if any glitter fell on him. Nope. There was none on the floor either. Still, better to be safe than sorry, he thought. He’d avoid looking up for now.

Marin took his seat opposite Wini and leant forward slightly as she put up her menu-divider. It was a little better when he couldn’t see them, but the sounds were still weirdly loud. Was kissing like that all the time? Marin wondered why people had to use tongues and lips in such a wet way to express affection. What was wrong with the odd peck? Why did wetter equal better? “Maybe a hot chocolate,” he answered mechanically, trying and failing not to focus on the sounds drifting over their makeshift barrier. A slight frown marred his otherwise blank expression. “How about you?”

"Errr...." Wini tilted her head sideways as she tried to read the menu doubling as a divider. The kissy noises were still loud and the Hufflepuff was both embarrassed and irritated. She kind of felt like she had walked in on a moment that was supposed to be private and it made her cheeks flush pink. But then she also was a little mad because it had taken her a long time to convince Marin to come and the loud-kissy-couple was ruining it! Wini wanted to glare at them from over the divider but she didn't think she could look at them again without blushing. Plus they probably wouldn't notice anyway. Probably wouldn't even notice if their tea cups started bouncing on their heads.

"Err.. I think I'll.. " she started again when she realized she still hadn't answered Marin. Maybe if she just ignored them, her and Marin could still have a good time. Yes, that was it. She would just not pay them any attention. She straightened her shoulders and tipped up her chin and ran her brown eyes over the menu, determined. "I want a peppermint tea," she said with a smile at Marin as she brought the menu down and folded her hands in front of her.

Her manner of complete confidence and ease only lasted a few more moments.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Wini thought she saw the boy's tongue go into the girl's mouth and she had to turn her head away as she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Come on, Marin. Let's get hot chocolates at Honeydukes instead," she said quickly as she stood and took his hand. She at least had the courage to glare at the couple before she left. Now Marin would near come back to Madam Puddifoot's with her. She wasn't even certain she wanted to return. Not if everyone made loud kissy noises like that.

When she was finally outside, she took a deep breath and smoothed her hair back from her face. It was better being outside, away from the wet noises, but she was still irritated. She whirled around and concentrated on her friend. "Marin, you can't ever kiss a girl like that. That's not how boys are supposed to kiss girls. So don't do it like that guy. Ok?" In some corner of her mind, she knew Marin wasn't really at the kissing-girls stage, but she felt the need to warn him that all kissing wasn't supposed to be like that. At least, in her opinion. She feared if she didn't warn him, he would cross kissing off his list altogether.

Marin didn’t want to be here. His frown deepened as Wini struggled to find words. She, too was distracted by the unearthly sounds coming from the other side of the barrier. The boy’s mind was made up. There was absolutely no way that she could talk him into coming back in here. Ever. Wini seemed to be sharing some of this sentiment, as a moment later, her mind had miraculously changed. She wanted to get out of here. Marin stood stiffly, immediately ready to go. This place made him feel self-conscious and uncomfortable and he felt a rush of relief as she suggested that they go to Honeydukes instead. He nodded eagerly and even allowed a natural smile to grace his features as they began walking to the door.

The thirteen year old was caught in his own thoughts as they exited the place. He felt surprisingly relaxed, and attributed the feeling to a sudden realisation of just how tense and uncomfortable he’d been in that place. Suddenly, Wini turned back around to face him. Her voice had taken on that familiar lecturey tone in moments. It was the voice she used when he’d been quiet for too long, like she’d forgotten that he was a person too.

He felt uncomfortable under her stern gaze. Why was she talking about kissing? Marin’s first response was to frown slightly. He didn’t look away because Wini had told him that he should always look at someone if they were speaking to him, but he sure wanted to. At the same time… a morbidly curious part of him wanted to know how he was supposed to kiss a girl. The brown haired boy wasn’t going to ask that though. The idea of Winifred misinterpreting his words was mortifying. “Have you kissed boys?” he asked instead. He actually was curious about this one too, though he didn’t really know who Wini would be off kissing. Actually, now that he thought about it, the boy wished that he could un-think it.

“C’mon.” Marin started walking, leading the way for once, towards Honeydukes.

Leaving Madam Puddifoot's was probably the best decision she could have made. She had never seen Marin look so genuinely pleased. Wini smiled in response to his smile. Maybe he wouldn't be so opposed to returning to Madam's with her... sometime. She was confident she could probably convince him. The Hufflepuff thought she might have to scope it out first for kissy couples, but maybe, she thought by the look on his face, it hadn't been that big of a deal for him. A rush of pride and pleasure swept through her. She remembered a time when Marin didn't even want to talk to her or to anyone. She shook her head smiling proudly as she wrapped her arm around his. Project Marin was turning out to be much more of a success than she thought.

His question threw her off guard and she started, her eyes wide and doe-like, a pink flush creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks. She pulled away from him slightly as she tried to think of what to tell him: the truth or something that wouldn't embarrass her even more in front of her friend. She busied herself with smoothing her skirt and pulled at her hair, stared down at her shoes and scuffed the ground with the toe of her right foot as she tried to decide one way or the other.

When she looked back up, ready to answer him, she was lost for a moment. A few moments later, she saw him walking away towards Honeydukes and the little blonde rushed to catch up with him. Frowning at him as she wrapped her arm around his once more, she wanted to tell him it was rude to walk away from someone when they were talking to you. Marin seemed to never understand those sorts of things. Hmmfph. But Wini had something else on her mind that she wanted to say. She matched her strides with his as she took a few more moments to form her words. "I kissed a boy on the cheek once," she admitted quietly. The slight embarrassment she felt befuddled her. She wasn't used to feeling like this, so unsure of herself, especially around Marin. "But not on the lips," she added. I'm hoping Alex will be my first kiss. She chose to leave that part out. Marin knew of her feelings for Alex, but Wini felt for some reason to keep that part to herself.

Honeydukes grew larger and larger as they approached the shop and Wini could see through the windows that there were plenty of students milling around in there. "Have you?" she asked in a rush. She thought she could guess at the answer. Probably shouldn't have even asked the question, now that she thought about it. It was Marin after all and she hoped this wasn't one of the times he would clam up on her. But it was kind of like tit for tat.

Marin started walking towards Honeydukes and barely even jumped when Winifred wrapped her arm around his. The contact still made him uneasy, and his instinctual reaction was to knock her arm away. He’d done that before though, and the puppy eyes and hurt words were enough to make him want to avoid a similar incident. He didn’t really like being touched by people. Hugs from his mum were okay… But anything other than that felt like it was too much. The hufflepuff had an uncomfortable tenseness in the back of his neck as they walked, but he tried not to let it show for Wini’s sake. When her needs and happiness had become important to him, the boy had no idea.

Wini’s tone drew his attention when she mentioned kissing a boy on the cheek. He turned his head slightly to have a look at her expression. Was that embarrassment? He was a little puzzled, but faced ahead instead of staring at her. He nodded at her answer, unsurprised and a little relieved that he wouldn’t have to listen to her recount the experience of kissing someone. He didn’t really want to imagine it. Her earlier words resounded in his head for some reason. What was the right way to kiss someone? How did Wini know if she hadn’t kissed anyone on the lips? Why were they talking about kissing at all? It was pretty evident that neither of them had done it. He was wary of the topic and would much rather pretend to listen to her rant about class or gossip or something else.

She was speaking again and he zoned in slowly, half expecting her to be talking about Rupert’s latest gossip. Apparently he’d been snapped kissing some random blonde girl outside a restaurant late at night. Why Marin knew this information, he had no idea. He shuffled along, a slight frown appearing on his face at the thought of all of this kissing-talk. “No,” he answered flatly, giving Wini a look that said that she really should have known that. He blushed, turning his head to face their destination again. Who would he have been kissing? Ugh. After a moment of silence, Marin added hesitantly, “I kissed a girl on the forehead once.” His mouth was dry as he spoke, but Wini didn’t need to know the rest of that story. He felt a little panicky, but the boy was consciously fighting against that kind of anxiety these days and it seemed to be helping. The two finally reached the door to Honeydukes and he reached forward to open it for his friend, hoping that the easily distracted girl might move on to a different topic.

She nodded with his answer of 'no'. Wini had expected that. It was Marin after all and she knew he felt uncomfortable with her holding his arm or hand or sitting too close to him on the couch. She was, obviously, trying to help him get over that because really why wouldn't you like hugs or being close to someone or hand holding or any of that. Project Marin was an ever present mission for her and no matter whether Peter disagreed with her mission or not, Wini wouldn't give up on helping her Hufflepuff friend. But then he tacked on something else to his reply and it struck Wini stupid.

She stopped moving abruptly, even though she was on the stoop of the shop and probably blocking the way of anyone coming in or out. Her mouth hung open, her brown eyes wide as she looked at Marin with shock and disbelief. Wini felt like he had just dropped a bomb on her and was somehow playing it off with nonchalance. Finally, eventually, she found her herself and was able to string a few words together to make a coherent sentence. "You what?" she asked on a whisper as she shuffled closer to him so she didn't get trampled by some upperclassmen who were coming out of the shop.

"Who was it?" she asked on her next breath. As the shock slowly began to wear off, a ferocious sort of curiosity replaced it. She wanted to know all the details, needed to know them. Maybe even felt a little disappointed that he hadn't already told her. Weren't they best friends? Didn't she share everything with him? She fought the sad little frown that crept onto her face as more questions spilled from her mouth. "When did you do it? What happened? What did she do? Are you in love with her? Why didn't you tell me?" The last question came out in a pitiful whine sort of way and Wini wasn't able to hold back the sad expression from her face.

As she moved into the shop, she stood by the door of the shop and waited for Marin to join her. But she suddenly didn't feel like getting hot chocolates or candy or anything.

Marin had never really had any juicy secrets to share, which was probably why he didn’t realise the full extent of Wini’s curiosity. He’d only half-listened while she ranted about things that went on around them, he’d never been the subject of her quest to learn it all. The boy felt an immediate spotlight shine upon him as she stopped in her tracks. Apparently he’d attracted her full attention. “Uhh…” The boy glanced nervously behind her, where two upperclassman boys were trying to make their way through. His eyes were wide and stunned, like he’d been caught doing something wrong.

Finally, the blonde pushed her way into the shop and he followed her in. The boy could feel the hair on the back of his neck prickle up and it reminded him horribly of being put on the spot in class to answer a question. Especially if the question was one that he hadn’t been listening to. “Umm. No one?” he answered faintly, accidentally phrasing the answer like a question. On one hand, Marin was absolutely one hundred percent certain that he wasn’t going to tell her anything… on the other hand, he was already aware that he shouldn’t have shown hesitation with his answer. Wini was like a wolf who could smell fear.

He shrugged, moving forward through the small crowd and trying his best to avoid her pleading gaze. The boy’s cheeks and ears were hot and he knew that he was blushing pretty hard. “N-no, I’m not… in love with her,” he sputtered out weakly under his breath. Marin felt mildly nauseous. “It happened ages ago.” Marin stuffed his hands into his pockets, his gaze dropping to the ground as he moved forward. “I’m going to buy one of these,” he said, stopping at the first shelf and stiffly grabbing a little box of something off of it. It was the first thing he’d seen.

"No one? How can you kiss no one when you just told me you did?"

Wini was stuck on the fact that Marin (Marin!) of all people had kissed someone. Sure, it was only on the forehead (unless he was keeping something else from her too), but her third year friend didn't even like when she hugged him or took his hand or anything. Did he really think she could just gloss over the fact that he had kissed someone?! She knew he was trying to avoid the subject and avoid answering her, but she wasn't going to give up on this so easily. Nope, na uhh, never.

She followed him down the crowded aisle between rows of delicious candies that she wasn't paying attention to in the slightest. All of her attention was focused on him. Whew. Wini was relieved when he told her he wasn't in love with her. Whoever her was. She wasn't quite sure why she felt that way. Maybe because she would have been even more upset if he had been in love with someone and hadn't even mentioned it to her. Didn't friends share that kind of stuff with each other? The hurt over the fact that she didn't feel like he trusted her needled her heart and she sighed forlornly as she shuffled after him.

The little blonde was quiet for a moment, but only to gather her thoughts. "It was Maisey, wasn't it?" she asked him pointedly, determined to find out who it was and naming one of their mutual friends. "Or was it Paige?" Even as she named those other third year girls, Wini couldn't imagine Marin kissing either of them, but that left her in a tough spot because she needed to know who it was. With a sudden gasp, she brought her hands up to her mouth and gazed at him with wide eyes as a thought occurred to her out of the blue. "It was Alida!" Wini thought of the Ravenclaw blonde who was also friends with Marin and nodded her head, silently willing him to nod his head too just so she could have an answer. It had to be Alida. Marin and her had known each other since they were children apparently. Who else would Marin feel comfortable enough with to kiss?

Winifred still had a hard time believing that fact. And the fact that he hadn't told her. Her sadness soon turned to consternation. She folded her arms in front of her and looked at him with brows low over her brown eyes as he avoided her gaze and focused instead on some candy boxes. "You know, Marin, it wasn't very nice for you to not share this with me before. We're friends. That means you're supposed to tell me when something big like this happens. And also means that you should tell me what happened..." She trailed off as she waited. She wasn't going to give up on this.

Wini started guessing and Marin started panicking. Why was this happening? This was the problem with making friends. When it was one on one, there wasn’t a way to escape it. Marin hadn’t really had very many friends before, but he was learning fast. The only good thing here was that there was no way the little blonde would guess he’d kissed a seventh year Slytherin who’d graduated last year. No way. He shook his head stiffly at her first two guesses, answering honestly but unwilling to add any more information.

The girl’s third guess exclamation made him jump and several people around them glanced over. “Alida?” he replied, genuinely stunned by this guess. If Marin wasn’t panicking so much, he’d probably understand that she was a very good guess indeed. After all, he’d spent a decent chunk of his first year quite infatuated with her and probably knew her best – or second best, after Wini – out of all of the people in their year. That being said, imagining himself kissing a sleeping Alida on the head made him slightly nauseous. What if she told her parents? “No.”

Marin was distracted by this thought momentarily, but pushed through the busy crowd with a displaced kind of determination. He wasn’t even really sure where he was going. “It happened before we were friends,” he answered over his shoulder. Marin was a little confused about where that acquaintance-friendship line was exactly (for the millionth time he wished there was some kind of measurable points system involved) but it was definitely before Wini had taken him to that party and started trying to initiate conversation when he was drawing or doing homework.

As for the telling-her-what-happened? No. Nope. Never. The boy grabbed a few more random things off of the shelves as they walked and then bee-lined towards to counter. There was a short line, but it went quickly and in no time he was paying for the things he’d grabbed. Marin was freaking out. There was nowhere he could go to get away from her. Wini didn’t feel like she was going to relent. He didn’t know what to do. The boy was suffering from a heightened heart rate and a little shortness of breath. It had been months since he’d had his last panic attack – almost a year. He had to get outside. The girl behind the counter gave the pair a strange look as she checked out their items. “Blood pops?” she asked curiously.

“She has weird tastes,” he replied stiffly, nodding at Winifred. The boy paid and headed for the door.

Wini looked at him intently, leaning in as if she could sniff out his dishonesty just be getting closer. With narrowed eyes, she surmised that it hadn't been Maisey or Paige or even Alida that he had kissed, if only because she seemed genuinely surprised by her guesses. If not them, then who! "Sophie?" she asked, naming another third year, trying to think back to who he might have spoken to in recent years. "Clem? Bronwyn? Or one of the twins? Could you tell them apart?"

She followed him like a seeker followed the snitch as he wound his way through the store, grabbing things here and there. Wini thought hard, reallllly hard, at who else she had seen Marin speak to recently. He had to at least be able to talk to her if he had kissed her right? He threw her for another loop when he said it was before they had even been friends. She found that hard to believe. "We've been friends practically since first year, Marin. Are you telling me you kissed her before you were 11?" Because obviously 11 was the age that kisses started to count.

The third year was kind of amazed that Marin hadn't cracked under her questions yet. Usually it was much easier to get him to do what she wanted. She wondered why he was being so stubborn about this. It wasn't as if she would hold back from him if she had kissed a boy! Hmmpff! "Marin," she said, switching tactics suddenly. "Please? Please just tell me? You know how much it will bother me if you don't tell me, right? I just want to help you if I can. Maybe set you up with her on a date! Or help you pick out a present for her for Christmas." She folded her hands together in front of her chest and looked at him with the best puppy dog eyes she could muster. "Please Marin?"

She didn't even pay attention to the girl behind the counter of the load of random sweets he purchased. Only followed him out the door, her puppy dog face fully in tact, wielding the weapon she hoped was going to work against him.

“None of them. Beginning of last year,” he answered shortly, shaking his head. Wini thought they’d been friends since first year, but Marin wasn’t convinced. She’d barely spoken to him then. In fact, most people had ignored him. It was quite lonely, though night now he wouldn’t mind having that protective invisibility bubble he’d seemed to have earlier on.

“No presents,” he said firmly. Well, firmly for him, anyway. Firm for Marin sounded more like being vaguely sure of what he was saying. “No dates.” Marin wanted her to drop it, but it didn’t feel like she was going to. He was half surprised at his own resolve for lasting this long, and half absolutely sure he’d have that resolve forever. They stepped outside into a cold breeze and Marin held his bag close to him. Wini’s puppy dog expression made him very, very nervous. He just didn’t know how to react to it. It was something that she’d barely ever had to use on him because he was usually so compliant.

The boy avoided her gaze, enjoying the sense of relief that came with stepping outside of the busy shop. He was focussing on his breathing as he started walking. Was it really a sign of being a bad friend? Did this mean that his choices were to tell her or lose her as a friend? The idea only made his heart beat faster. At some point over the last few months of the previous school year, Wini had grown on Marin. Sure, he probably only really listened to twenty-five percent of what she said and he disliked her taste in music, but it felt like she was on his side. And that felt good.

“Please, Wini,” he said finally, a hint of urgency in his usually meek tone, “Please don’t ask.”

Even for Marin, he was oddly tight-lipped and that made Wini all the more frustrated. She pulled at her blonde hair, her brows furrowed. She had gone through the list of all the third year girls hadn't she? Who else was there that Marin knew? Was he into younger girls? Maybe there was a second year he had set his sights on. Wini wondered why she hadn't noticed this before. And then got frustrated all over again that he hadn't told her when it happened. Ugh ugh ugh. Secrets were sooooo not appealing when they were kept from her. Especially Marin's.

"Girls love presents," she told him matter-of-factly. "And dates too." If she couldn't get him to tell her outright, maybe she could persuade him with all the added benefits he would have if he would just spill the beans. Why was she surprised with every minute that ticked by that he remained quiet about it all. Wini crossed her arms in front of her and pouted, giving up the puppy dog eyes. Marin was being mean and she didn't like it. He was supposed to be nice to her and listen to her and understand her all the time. Not do this boyish thing of not telling her stuff.

She wasn't sure where he was headed, but she had no choice but to follow him. She quickened her pace and caught up to him swiftly, falling into step beside him. Wini didn't like that he wouldn't look at her. Because that meant that he probably wasn't paying attention and not even her pointed looks at him would work. She babbling on again about how since they were friends, best friends, the bestest of friends, that he should tell her what was going on, but she quieted down when she heard his strained voice. She stopped, putting a hand on his arm gently, urging him to stop with her and turned to face him fully.

"Why then?" she asked softly, looking up at him with an earnest gaze. "Just tell me why you won't tell me, Marin. Is it because you don't think of me as your friend?" She whispered the last part, afraid of what he might say. Sure, she had plenty of friends and she liked it that way, but every single one of them counted to her in the most meaningful way. And if Marin didn't think her a friend then she was doing something seriously, seriously wrong. She fretted over the thought of it as she shifted her weight back and forth anxiously.