"Git." She snarled playfully, baring bright white teeth before smiling. At least Kit allowed her to have this little bit of shield from reality. He could be harsh and slam facts down her throat, making her feel more insignificant and weaker than she already did. The rapport they had, while unconventional, worked for them. She could keep a shred of dignity, and he was free to speak his mind. He'd suggested that she'd bring somebody to the appointments sometimes, but the furthest she'd been able to go was to make someone else her emergency contact. There was knowing and then there was knowing. For someone to sit in the room and hold her hand was against her independent nature, though she sometimes wished for it. After this, she'd be weary and wrung out, and nothing would feel better than to be carried out and cared for. That wasn't an option, so thinking about it was a waste of time. She had the here and now, and would go at alone, as she'd always done.
Blo looked at him, and her head dropped down. The worst part of these appointments was when he turned serious on her, frowned at her in that sympathetic, sad type of way. She knew things were bad, and only getting worse. To see it on his face, to almost feel like she was helpless was like driving a wedge into her soul. She wanted a drink, wanted to get lost away from that penetrating gaze. Damn white people and their coloured eyes. She'd used to be jealous when she was a little girl, but she had her grandmother's eyes, and that was more than enough for her. Swinging her legs, her hand absently raised up to rub the center of her chest as was her nervous habit. She was down enough now, that even commenting on her lack of a sex life wasn't even enticing to her. Funny how fear destroyed her desire for quips.
When he moved, she refused to meet his gaze. She stared at everything else, mostly his hands. There was something intangible about the beauty of a healer's hands. Her father had such hands, hands that could be used to do good. Would Kit's hands be the things that stopped the constriction in her chest, brush away the fear? "Smoking is the only thing that seems to calm them...if I can't do that, what can I do?" Big fearful eyes finally stared at Kit, and she worried at her bottom lip. He'd been kind about it, but there was nothing that could take away the fact that unlike the rest of the people her age, she couldn't have fun the way they did. These were her wild years, and the wildest she was able to get was staying up past 1 am.
No.No.No. Her face dropped further when he mentioned changing the potions again. That was always a bad time. When she started a new regimen, she was mostly useless. Tired all the time, sleeping days away. Kit knew how much she hated it, and as much as he tried to sympathize, there was nothing he could do about it. Blo watched the instrument of torture come closer to her, trying to brace herself for the cold sensation. A faint little whimper was her only reaction, and she took a deep breath as requested. A tiny hand stole up to wrap around Kit's wrist where it was holding her shoulder, and she used him as something to hold onto. Blo didn't do it often, reaching for support, but this time...she needed it.
A soft smile stole across her lips for a moment at his joke, and she laughed low. "No, not at all. It's me very first time...No blood involved, so it's considerably better than other first times." She rolled her eyes, letting go of his wrist before scooting back against the wall. She pulled her knees up to her chest, looking at him. Right. Her shaking. "It's a bit of both, really. Sometimes I can go hours without noticing it, or it happening. Or, they will last for hours, and its very minute. Never in the mornings, and they taper off at night...Sometimes they aren't that bad...other times I can't wrap my fingers around a quill without ink destroying parchment..." As a writer, it was devastating to her. As an artist, it was even worse.
"I haven't had any episodes lately, except for that little one earlier this month. And you can't yell at me, cause I came right to you afterwards...Are you sure I have to give up the smoking? ...Just the tobacco, right? Not the wacky." Her voice was a whine, a hopeful one at that, and she didn't care. Restricted diet, restricted fun...Blah.