[the asylum]and darkness i became[nessa]

Everything was blurry and seemed like it was filled with otherwordly light. Big brown eyes stared at the flickering candle flame almost mesmerized. Where was she? Blo didn’t remember where she was or what time it was, only that she was against the wall and every breath that she took was hard, constricted. Tiny brown hands reached up to rub the center of her chest and she took another harsh breath, feeling liquid slide down her chin. Fingers reached up to touch her lip and she pulled it away from her face, and tried to focus on it. Red? What was red? She looked good in red, but she didn’t wear red today.

Slow staggered steps brought Blo to some room, but she couldn’t figure out where. Was she home? Where was Julian? She tripped over something and her hands slammed into the floor and she let out a little whimper as pain shot up her arms.  She hurt all over, but most of it was in her chest. Her chest? Oh. She reached blindly trying to search for a surface to balance on, and cried out softly as slammed it on the edge of something sharp. Pain radiated from her hand as she pressed it against the hard surface, pushing herself up.

It was her heart. That was the least that Blo knew. After switching medications, she hadn’t been feeling well. This morning, she’d been nauseous and not able to hold anything down. Maybe? Maybe she didn’t take her meds? She’d been so good…No smoking, taking her medication, doing fewer jobs. Her breaths came in sharp pants and she could see black clouding her vision. She reached for her bracelet and grasped at it, pushing a finger on one of the release buttons. Clumsily she grasped at the suddenly enlarged potions vial, trying to pull the cork out with her teeth and succeeded at that.

What she failed at was taking the potion because it slipped out of her fingers and slammed onto the ground. She could see it barely through the haze of vision, and reached out forward and pitched towards the ground. When Blo’s head hit the hardwood, she bounced and couldn’t move. She was frozen from the pain now radiating from her head, that seemed to pulse with the unending tightening from her heart. She reached towards the vial, watching it roll away. She felt liquid under her fingertips and coughed, red splattering from her lips. Red was pretty. She wanted to dance in the red. Would anyone be there to dance with her?

What was that clicking noise? Struggling to look up, all she saw was a dark blur. Death sure was swift and slim.

It was nearly Blo's birthday and that meant Nessa was taking her out for lunch. It was something they had done for years and Nessa loved traditions. She didn't like them because they gave her warm fuzzy feelings like they did most people, she liked them because they were a constant. Nessa was not the most flexible of witches so she held on to the things that she could with a death grip. She hated change, she didn't adapt well. So when the 21st came near she always took her former dorm mate out for lunch. The dark haired witch apparated to a wizarding area in London and then made the familiar trip to the Asylum. Snow fell all around her but her thick black cloak, long sleeve shirt, dark jeans, and knee high boots kept her quite warm. She pulled the hood up over her long hair as she walked down the familiar streets, taking a turn here and a turn there until she was in front of the home of Blo and the tattoo artist. She smiled as she approached the door, realizing she wouldn't mind if Julian answered without a shirt on, and then placed a firm knock on it. After waiting a minute she knocked again, a little louder. Nessa was paranoid by default so when no one answered and she heard the sounds of dogs barking on the inside of the flat she grew impatient. "Hello? Blo answer the damn door!" She called from behind, slamming her fist against it a few more times.

No noise came from the inside except the sounds of the dogs and Nessa might of been imagining it but they sounded pretty panicked. She looked around and then decided she was going inside, something was wrong and she felt it in her gut. It had only been an hour or so since she had spoken with her friend and she said they would meet there. Besides, Blo didn't even know where Nessa was taking her for lunch. It was supposed to be a surprise, that was the point, so she couldn't of left without her. With skilled movements and the proper incantation she heard the lock on the other side of the door slide out of place and she quickly pushed it open. The dogs seemed frantic, but perhaps she imagined that as well. Nessa looked around the living room and knew better than to put away her wand. Things had settled down quite a bit for her now that the war was over but she still remembered how it was back then. It was a hard thing to forget. There were no signs of the other witch and Blo was a hard person to miss. She left a tornado around her especially when she was getting ready and Nessa moved to the next room. She heard a crash coming from somewhere deeper inside the flat and the dark witch broke into a run. Checking the rooms as she passed them until she came upon a dark room, lit only by a single candle.

"What the..." She started and then her eyes adjusted to the light and everything came into focus. The witch laid out on the ground, the blood on her face and hands, the potion vial just out of reach. "Oh no." And with a quick swift motion Nessa was doing what she had been trained to do. Kneeling beside the other witch she held a finger to the girls throat, clearly practiced at what she was doing. There was a heart beat it was faint, stressed almost, but it was there. She didn't breath a sigh of relief but she was able to take a breath knowing her friend wasn't dead. "Blo, Blo can you hear me? Blodeuwedd!" Nessa screamed the full name of her friend knowing that if she was able, she would respond to that, and probably not in a happy fashion. There was no response. Nessa checked her air way not caring that the blood on Blo's face was getting on the sleeves of her shirt. She had to get her conscious and she was running out of time. Even though the fact that her heart was still pumping and her lungs were still working were good signs being unconscious for too long is never a good thing. She turned quickly and snatched the bottle that was on the floor just out of the other Slytherin's reach. The liquid sloshed around as she smelt the contents. The vial was not labelled and Nessa couldn't identify exactly what it was but she did recognize some of the more potent of ingredients. There was a root that calmed the nerves, a substance that when ground up was known to help keep a steady heart beat, it didn't seem like a poison.

It seemed like a medicine... but Nessa couldn't know for sure until the girl laying in front of her was awake and able to tell her. Not wasting anymore time the dark witch dove into her black leather hand bag and pushed things around. During the war Nessa had learned very quickly to keep antidotes for poisons readily available and since then she never left the house with out a few of them in her bag. She found the tiny vial and pulled out the cork before carefully lifting Blo's head so that she could coax the liquid down her throat. "Come on, wake up." She knew the antidote didn't taste good but it wasn't worth risking her friends life if she was in fact poisoned. She was used to the antidote taking immediate effect but each poison was different and she was in healer mode. Blo had been out of it for too long, time to move on to extreme measures. She grabbed a pillow off of the couch behind her and stuck it underneath Blo's head, so she wouldn't slam it on the hardwood. And then she backed away and made sure none of her was touching any of Blo.

"This is probably going to hurt."

She took a deep breath, pointing her wand directly at the other witches heart and then spoke the incantation. "Incursu" She watched as her wand seemed to charge with electric static that jumped from the tip and straight into her friends chest. Blo's body arched and then fell to the ground. Nessa checked her pulse and then backed away before performing the spell once more. The body in front of her arched again and then seemed to take a deep breath. Nessa checked her pulse and waited for her to finish coming to, she wasn't going to shock her again, too much was just as bad as none at all in this situation.

Death was loud. All she could hear was a voice without words and it was like it was both coming from a tunnel, and right in her ears, surrounding her. She tried to open her eyes and tell Death to stuff it and let her die in peace but everything was so heavy. She felt like she was dipped in lead, and every breath was a struggle to take. The dusky place between awake and sleeping was so nebulous, and she just wanted to sleep. She was so tired, and wanted to rest. Blo tried to settle, but she was being tossed like a boat in the middle of a hurricane. Her lips were pried open (she had lips? were they really hers or a figment of her vast imagination) and disgust danced along her tastebuds. She was forced to swallow, and it burned like dragon fire. Blo tried to cough it out, but it wouldn’t leave.

Whatever she’d taken sent burst of cool wind through her feverish body, and it was like a bit of the dusk was lifting. She tried to open her eyes again, and she caught a glimpse of dark hair. Dark hair? Nessa? Lunch? Why was Nessa here? “Nnnn?” She grunted, still unable to get words out. If…if that was Nessa, maybe she’d be okay. Nessa was a wizard right? Most of her friends were wizards, with the wand waving. Wand waving? Magic. Magic was sparkly. It was getting dark again, and her head turned towards the side pressing against the soft pillow.

She felt a lack of warmth for a moment and attempted to reach for it, but then lightning rode down her body and she was stiff as a board. Her muscles clenched tight, and she tried to scream but she was trapped. It hurt and it hurt bad enough that she wanted to lash out to make it stop but it wouldn’t stop. Her back slammed back against the floor, and her head lolled to the side again. Then the lightning crawled through her system like a molten fire, and it was like the breaking glass wall between the fugue that’d attached itself to her.

She breathed in sweet, blessed air, hands curling into fists because it still hurt, but not as strong as it had been before the shock to her system. Her eyes flickered open for a moment, and she focused on the face above her and smiled crookedly. Nessa. She wasn’t alone. Blo hated being alone. Her eyes slid shut again and she struggled to speak, blood bubbling from her lips. Coughing hurt, but it allowed her to reconnect to her body which was lanced with pain. Trying again, bloodshot eyes stared at Nessa and she smiled faintly, vision blurred outside of the clarity of Nessa's lovely face.

“Ness…n’ lunch…” Blo tried to apologize, but the words were stuck. “Seerreh…”

Being compassionate and emotion wasn't something that Nessa was programmed to do. It was part of what made her good at healing people she knew. She was able to completely separate herself from it and just deal with the situation in front of her. It also tended to make her hard to get along with and not the best friend to have. When she saw Blo's eyes open Nessa sucked in another breath and then let it out slowly. It had worked, she seemed like she was coming around. She was speaking but she wasn't really forming coherent sentences. Nessa was just glad she was finally back from no where, that was what mattered, everything else could come later. She offered her a small smile as she rubbed her hands on her pants. There wasn't a lot of blood but there was some and Nessa didn't want to get it in her hair. She quickly pulled her hair away from her face, pushing it off her shoulders so it fell down her back and out of the way. Now that Blo was awake Nessa could tend to the other things that seemed to be ailing her. "Try not to talk just yet." She said in a soft tone even though she knew Blo was never good at being quiet. It was one of the things that Nessa appreciated about the other witch, she said what was on her mind, even if it was wildly inappropriate.

Nessa picked up Blo's arm by the wrist, balancing her hand in her palm and then traced her wand through the air. Murmuring an incantation she watched as the blood that had pooled and dried in Blo's had began to move away. The spell worked its magic and soon the cut was cleaned out. Nessa got a roll of bandages from her bag and wrapped up the wound that was already starting to heal because of the spell. Magic could heal most wounds but it wasn't without its limits. Deep cuts still had to be kept clean or they ran the risk of infection but the healing time was rapidly reduced. After that was finished she placed the woman's hand back on the floor next to her and then sat up a bit to get a better look at her face. Her lip was bleeding but it wasn't too bad so Nessa used simpler magic to clean out the cut and remove the dried blood around it. That would heal quickly on its own as long as Blo didn't mess with it too much. "Blo do you know why you collapsed?" She asked, her voice as robotic as ever. "I found this vial near you. Is this a drug? Do you know where it came from?" Of course being Nessa she assumed that either Blo was tweaking or someone was trying to kill her, there was no other explanation in her mind.

Pulling open the vibrantly colored eyelid of her friend she inspected, checking dilation, for an abnormalities, and then moved to the other eye. She continued her inspection and mentally checked things off of her list as she went, ignoring any objections from the witch on the floor if there were any. Nessa's fingers pushed down on Blo's throat yet again and she waited a moment, getting a read on her pulse. It was stronger but not by much. It didn't feel right to Nessa. It felt like it was working a little too hard but not getting any results for the extra effort. She frowned and then her eyes grew a bit wide. She had only ever shocked one other person and that was in the middle of battle, it was a very different situation, but it had worked out just fine. Her mind immediately went into over drive as she began to think maybe it was her fault that Blo's heart beat was irregular. Dark eyes looked at Blo's face, then her chest where Nessa's wand had been pointing at earlier, and then back up to her face... this was bad. "Okay so... good news, your not dead. Bad news..." she spoke quickly, half hoping the other witch was a bit too flustered to fully understand what she was about to say, "There is something wrong with your heart beat..."

Try not to talk? Fat chance. Or that was what she tried to murmur but the only thing that came out was garbled nonsense. She swallowed, tasting salt and hissing slightly when the after taste of the medicine she must have taken slid down her throat again. It was disgusting. What the hell had Nessa made her take? Blo didn’t protest as Nessa healed her wounds, thankful that the pain began to go away piece by piece. She was breathing even better. Oxygen was getting back to her brain and she was able to think more clearly. That and the uncomfortable feeling of wounds closing. She’d never gotten over that bit of magic, and wasn’t very good at it herself. It felt wrong, and made a shiver go down her spine.

Vial? Drug? Did Blo know why she collapsed? She did. Clearing her throat, she shook her head slightly. “M-Med’cine.” Blo muttered, feeling like she was swallowing glass with every word. Her voice got raspier as she spoke, and no amount of throat clearing helped it. “…m’healer give it to me…K-Kit ‘mberton. My bag? Green case.” She pointed towards her bright orange bag which held her acid green potions case with directions for her potions. “N-Not druggie…” She was almost offended, but she could understand why Nessa was concerned. It was too embarrassing to have been found laid out on the ground, and this being the result.

Grumbling softly but used to healer treatment, Blo relaxed against the pillow. Nessa’s fingertips were cold and she huffed a little in soft laughter, refraining from wiggling away from the touch. She was in enough pain as it was, and jostling her own body seemed like self sabotage. Blo tilted her head back when Nessa’s fingers were on her pulse, thinking. She was supposed to owl Julian, but she was too tired. Maybe she could ask Nessa later when it didn’t hurt to breathe? “N-Need m’ med’cine…” She murmured softly, letting her eyes close for a moment. Maybe she could sleep? She snuggled against the pillow before something in Nessa’s voice dragged her focus upwards.

She attempted a sunny smile at the good news, but only managed a little one. Then she said the bad news and Blo felt guilty because Nessa didn’t know. Biting her bottom lip, she sighed a bit. Blo tried to explain, but her explanation was interrupted by light coughing and rattling breaths so she kept it short. “My heart…defect? Can’t fix.” And for some reason, being where she was, pain still glowing in her chest made her the saddest she’d ever been and tears filled the brown eyes. “Med’cine doesn’t work half time.” Blo blinked away the tears and met Nessa’s dark gaze. “M’sorry for scaring?”

Even though Blo was speaking Nessa was more concerned with checking her vitals. She said it was medicine but Nessa was still skeptical. Medicine wasn't supposed to knock you on your ass, it was supposed to help. For a moment Nessa ignored the fact that Blo said she needed the medicine. The dark witch thought that she knew her friend, but maybe she didn't. Of course Ness knew that Blo was indulgent so it wasn't completely absurd that she would do drugs but she had never seen any evidence of it before. At least not of the hard stuff. She shook her head and continued to listen to the other witch's strange heart beat. The idea of her messing up the writers heart was filling her mind and it was all she could think about for a moment. Although Nessa wasn't exactly the nicest person in the world she didn't like the idea of being the reason why someone she liked was hurt. She had no issues with hurting other people, but Blo was on her short list of people worth knowing and it would be a shame if Nessa broke her. After telling Blo what she might of done Nessa waited for her reaction. She expected her to be mad, or sad, or something but the little smile caught her off guard.

Defect? Was she saying there was already something wrong with her heart? As Nessa listened to the half sentences that Blo was able to communicate she felt a small sense of relief before a few other thoughts came to her mind. "You have a heart defect?" She asked even though that was becoming quite apparent. "Bloody hell why didn't you tell me that?!" She shook her head quickly, not caring that she may of been being mean. Nessa was all about procedure and the procedure for someone who already has a weak heart is usually not to shock the crap out of it. "Woman I could have killed you." She said with a clear frown on her features. She was glad that didn't happen but it didn't mean she wasn't a little upset about not knowing. Nessa didn't like to be left in the dark, not even about little things. She liked to know everything and she tried hard to achieve that. Although she didn't care about most people she did care about Blo. Her bedside manner had never been good and this was an example of that.

"If it doesn't work why are you taking it?" She asked plainly and then turned to reach for the orange bag that Blo had motioned toward a minute ago. Pulling out the green case inside she opened it and then found more vials of the potion that was lying on the floor. Accompanying that was a set of instructions for the medicine and Nessa read it carefully. It didn't give her an exact prognosis but she was smart enough to fill in the blanks from what was outlined on the bit of parchment. She took a deep breath and set down the instructions before popping the cork on a fresh vial of Blo's potion. "How long have you been taking this?" She asked, smelling this vial as well because perhaps the other one was spoiled. It smelt the same as the first and that didn't really tell Nessa very much. "Well I guess we will just have to fix you permanently then." She set down the vial and then sealed it shut once more. If Blo felt that she needed to take more right now Nessa would help her, but she didn't recommend it because she didn't have enough information to do that. "Do you have copies of your medical charts?" The time for worrying and caring was over because now Nessa was taking it upon herself to cure her friend. She knew very little about the condition that the other witch was in but she aimed to find out as much as she could, as fast as possible. A heart was not something you hoped got better with time, it was something that needed to be repaired right away.

"The effect of the antidote I gave you should clear up soon so it will be easier for you to talk, but you will be tasting it for days. Sorry about that, I thought you were poisoned."

“Oops?” Blo murmured, closing her eyes to get away from Nessa’s direct gaze. She should have told Nessa. She should have told a lot of people, however she was tired of the looks that she got from Julian when she was sick, or Geoff when she had problems breathing. “‘M stupid.” She admitted, shaking her head slightly. Thankfully, it was a lot easier to think and to talk. “It hasn’t been a problem, except recently…” She’d been at the doctor at least three times a week, and she’d probably have to go again more and more. Ugh.

She licked her lips, and groaned at the taste. “Is that made out of dirty goat balls and duck crap?” She complained, tilting her head to glare at Nessa. “I swear I think you tried to poison me.” Laughing, she shrugged slightly, feeling some of the tightness in her chest cramp up before releasing and she let out a soft sigh. “It’s a new treatment. He’s got me on some different medicines and dosages to try and figure out how to maintain my health.” The last round of potions she was on kept her knocked out, and while that was good and stressless, Blo had to work. She had to live and survive.

“A…week?” She answered, shrugging again. “Before that I was on the other ones for two weeks, and I couldn’t stop sleeping.” Blo let out a displeased snort, before Nessa’s next comment stopped her short. She stared at the other woman, nonplussed. Fix her…? Permanently? If only. If only that was a possibility and she could live like the rest of the people her age. Silently she nodded, pointing to the desk in her room. “Its the green files…”

As the effects of the antidote were clearing up, it was easier for Blo to send Nessa this look of disbelief and amusement. “No, you didn’t think I was poisoned, you thought I was a druggie.” Big brown eyes rolled, and she sighed. “I wish. I haven’t even had a sip of liquor since I was nineteen. Party hard, yeah?” Closing her eyes, she snuggled into the pillow again.

“…If you need to yell at me, do it when I’m weak and cant fight back. It’ll make you feel better, and I wont feel as bad.” She owed Nessa something for being laid out on the ground and missing lunch. Damn, now she wasn’t even hungry because of the potion. Ugh.

Nessa frowned at the vulgar choice of words Blo had used to describe the antidote she had administered. She was always so colorful. It was difficult to tell if Blo was kidding or if she actually though Nessa might have tried to poison her so the dark witch decided not to respond to the statement. Instead she listened to what her friend was telling her about the medicine and took in all the facts she could absorb. Although Nessa had spent a bit of time studying medicine she was in no way a licensed healer. She wasn't training in prescribing potions and drugs to patients. She was trained in a different kind of healing, better known as triage. She could think outside the box and fix things on the fly and that's what had made her valuable to so many dark wizards during the war. She didn't keep notes, she didn't ask routine questions, she didn't check blood pressure, she just fixed things any way she could think of. And the wheels in her mind were already starting to turn to try and find some way to fix Blo's heart. "I see." She said slowly, in response to the information about the potions Blo had been trying the last few weeks and the side effects she had encountered.

When the other witch pointed out where her medical files were Nessa stood up gracefully and pulled them from the drawer before returning to the floor. She sat back down, her knees bent and feet on the side of her. "Well when you say you'll meet me for lunch, and then I find you passed out on the floor in the middle of the afternoon what am I supposed to think?" Arching an eyebrow at her friend she gave her a small smile. "I mean, if you had told me about your condition then I wouldn't of had to think the worst would I?" Sarcastic words slipping from her lips Nessa pushed some hair behind her ear and flipped open the thick green folder in her lap. Nessa wasn't going to yell at Blo, instead she would just use guilt trips to make sure the other witch didn't keep any other important details from her in the future. "This is very interesting..." she said softly, dark eyes planted on the parchment in front of her. It wasn't like Blo's heart was too big, or two small, those problems would be quite difficult to fix. Instead it was like she was missing something. "Have you ever found a potion or treatment that worked for more than a few weeks?" She asked, already assuming she knew the answer.

"Because I think I have an idea that could fix your heart, no more potions, no more sleeping all the time, no more passing out and missing lunch dates." She smiled again, this time a full on bright smile. "But it will be dangerous, and... unconventional." Nessa knew that in the muggle world they would probably do something barbaric like crack open her chest and replace parts of her heart with some compatible material. Although she had no interest in taking advice from the Muggles she did do research on their medical advancements. They didn't have magic but some of the things they came up with were bloody brilliant, she couldn't deny that. And anyone who tried to say they weren't was just stupid.

"So what do you think?"