dream is collapsing | • n i s k a

He’d insisted on checking up on her after their… strange interaction at his house. After that, Dash had invited him over for lunch a couple of times and she’d ran into him more than once in Diagon alley. She wasn’t entirely sure what was happening; she didn’t know if these were pseudo dates, or if they were hanging out strictly platonically. She didn’t know how she felt about it either. What she did know was that Niska was a lot older than her and that Ruari didn’t approve. She also knew that he and his strange magic – strange in the same way that she was strange – made her feel safe.

She enjoyed sitting in a café with him in diagon alley asking in a hushed voice about the magic of those around them. She felt like she understood what it was like to have synesthetic sensory responses to people, though her only experience of this was in her dreams. He asked about her visions, too, and for the first time in her life, she felt like she could really talk about them with someone who sort of understood. He made her feel sort of… normal.

That was nice.

So today he was coming over for lunch. Ruari was out, which was probably a good thing as she wasn’t entirely subtle with her sidelong glances and so on. Dash, in simple shorts and a t-shirt, with her hair in a high ponytail, was preparing a salad. As she was chipping up some cucumber, the woman was reminded temporarily of her first couple of weeks here, where Ruari tried cooking once or twice and nearly burned the place down. Dash had started cooking a lot after that, since she was actually capable of cooking more than toast. She’d often made fried rice or salads for Ruari to have for lunch.

A knock at the door distracted her from these thoughts.

She placed the knife down on the counter and made her way towards the sound. Dash opened the door to the large man. She smiled, ushering him inside. It was nice to just be able to relax around someone like this again. Around a man. She’d dated Clooney for a little bit, but it hadn’t been serious. She’d gone on a few other dates with a few other guys, but hadn’t had a boyfriend since Sindri. This definitely felt more comfortable than those sorts of dates. “How are you?” she asked brightly.

Niska was an awkward person. Sure he may be strong and intimidating in the ring or on the streets, but in real life he was almost too awkward to let live. He’d never really been in this sort of situation before and therefore was about as graceful as bambi on ice. Dash was a nice girl, she really was, and Niska liked that a lot about her. She also wasn’t as delicate as she looked, which he had to admit made him feel mighty relieved. He was used to throwing down with Azkaban inmates or lady assassins who would sooner break his face than break his heart. Dash was something else, she was soft and lady-like and unlikely to kill him in his sleep. All a good start.

That was why Niska found himself always kind of … around her. He hadn’t meant to stalk her, but it sort of just turned out that way. The girl was powerful, possibly in ways she wasn’t even aware of, and hadn’t told her but he knew people who would pay good money to have a seer like her on their side whether she wanted to help or not. Realistically she wasn’t in danger of being kidnapped off the streets since she’d told him not many other people knew and she also wasn’t the type to get involved with shady folk, but sometimes shady folk found you nonetheless. Niska was just keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn’t get found or have a vision while she was climbing a ladder or something.

Except she kept coming to find him. She would show up at his shop or send him a couple owls asking him to brunch. Brunch. Niska didn’t even know the meaning of the word and had to have the young woman explain it to him, pointing out (tiny) fancy tea-cups and (tiny) fancy sandwiches. Niska felt like a damn giant in that place, in those tiny seats with those tiny foodstuffs that he could eat in one bite. Of course, Dash had looked perfect sitting across from him like a doll in a dollhouse. He didn’t miss the strange looks people would give them anytime they were together. Dash looked like a pretty little lady and Niska was always sort of looming beside her with his rainbow of nasty bruises and various injuries from who knew where. People didn’t get them, but then again Niska didn’t get them either. She was one of the few people he’s ever outright told about his magus, and she was fascinated by it. Perhaps that was why being with her was so easy, cause all she wanted to know was the truth about people and that was all Niska ever saw.

“Stop wigglin’ around, will you?”

Niska ignored the strange looks people were giving him as he walked down the street seemingly talking to the inner lining of his jacket. Cradled between the dark green coat and his black shirt was a very small black cat. Niska had named her Geom-eun for the time being, or at least as long as she stayed with him, and Geom-eun was coming along to lunch with him at Dash’s house, though she wasn't technically invited. Niska continued to walk up the street, on the lookout for any suspicious characters (aside from himself, of course) and also the house Dash had described. It was the first time she had invited him to her house, which had surprised Niska. He wasn’t exactly bringing-home material, and he was pretty sure there wasn’t anyone else in the universe who’d let him alone in the house with them. But that could have been because with Niska, usually if he had to go in the house, he was the only one coming out.

He awkwardly shifted his arm around Geom-eun and knocked heavily on the delicate wooden door. He could hear movement within the house and the tiny steps of small feet. But more than that, he could smell the delicate fruity, floral scent and see the peach colored fog permeating the door telling him Dash was home, most likely alone. A split second later, she opened the door and let him in. She wasn’t wearing one of her flowy dresses today, which he had really only ever seen her in, minus their hiking trip. It looked different and he could see more of her legs, which he took a half second to appreciate and then never look at again.

“I’m good. And yourself?” he answered, stepping into the house. Instinctively his eyes darted around the halls to size up his environment, his mind making notes of the best places to hide a weapon or even conceal an assassin. He wondered exactly how much of his life she knew about and how she might take the whole story. No matter, when it happened, it would happen. He turned around and begun unzipping his jacket.

“Hope you don’t mind, but I brought a party crasher.” He pulled the cat out and rested her comfortably in his arms. “I think I told you that from time to time, strays like this find their way into my apartment and decide they wanna stay regardless of whether I let them or not. She’s the most recent one and I don’t think she looks too good. I don’t have a hand with animals myself, but I figured you’d know a fair bit more than I do.” He came closer to Dash and handed her the wiggling cat. “I don’t know what her real name is, but I been calling her Geom-eun cause she’s like a little shadow. Think you can take a look at her, doc?” he asked, a crooked smile forming on his face as he looked from the cat to Dash.

Dash hastily prepared the teapot and teacups, placing them on Ruari’s coffee table and pouring two cups. She’d gotten used to Ruari’s tye-dyed, hippie floor cushions and eclectic decorations by now. It was nothing like the place she’d live before this, but that had been a good thing at the time of her moving in. Her place with Sindri was all wooden and simply decorated. There were always fresh flowers and fruit on the table they’d made together. It was very them. Dash wondered where that table had gotten to now. She knew that some of the stuff they’d made had ended up at her Dad’s house.

“I’m good thank you!” The brunette ducked back into the kitchen to fetch the salad and some other nibblies; there were biscuits and a couple of types of cheese and olives. As she returned, setting them on the small table, the young woman noticed that he’d brought a friend. “Oh!” she exclaimed, unable to hide her animal-loving joy. She instinctively reached out and in moments the creature was in her arms, squirming a little. Stroking its back gently, Dash moved to sit on the ground, folding her slim legs underneath her.

“Of course I can.” After a little more cuddling, Dash let the creature down on the ground. It seemed more content to rub against her leg than be held. “She seems fine, but I’ll have a better look later.” She wondered absentmindedly if there was something decent for cats to eat in her house. A stray thought popped into her head. “Does your magus work with magical creatures?” She glanced up at him before returning her gaze to the cat who had now flopped on the ground beside her.

“Have you been around moonwhales?” Some magical creatures actually exuded magical auras, and even muggles could sense them sometimes; though they wouldn’t understand what was happening. She couldn’t imagine what that would be like for Niska. “Or deep cavern wights?”

Niska smiled even harder when he saw the way Dash’s face lit up at the sight of the cat. She took the little beast into her arms and then sat down on the floor. He knew she liked animals, it being her job, which was why he’d brought the little one over. He hadn’t technically lied, he’d just sorta stretched the truth. Geon-eun was looking a little poor, but not much more than most strays. In truth, Niska had just wanted to see Dash light up like that and he hadn’t been disappointed. Niska eased himself onto the floor beside her, albeit much slower and only one knee because he wasn’t as spry as he used to be and Cassia had kicked his kneecaps in two weeks ago and he didn’t want the whole thing popping out again.

“All living things have got an aura,” he said, reaching a hand out to scratch Geom-eun behind the ears. “Even this wee one. But for muggles and a lot of animals, the aura is a lot weaker cause the magic they got is just the kind that keeps ‘em alive. Now magical folk and magical creatures are something different. It’s a hundred, sometimes even a thousand times louder and stronger than a muggles and it moves. Muggle aura just hangs around like a cloud, but magic moves like it’s a living breathing thing. Geom-eun here is just a normal cat so her aura is quiet and almost non-existent, like a weird blur in my vision. But you—“ Glowing amber eyes settled on Dash, “— your magic is something else. It’s not a just a living breathing creatures, it’s almost like its got a mind of its own. It’s like a big octopus that shoots out and touches everyone’s existences, which I think is connected to your visions.”

His knees were aching a bit so he stood back up. He walked over to the table where she had put down the tea and picked up the cup she had poured for him, marveling at how tiny it was. The little handle barely fit his thumb and pointer finger. Wasn’t natural. Feeling just a bit silly (as he always did with fancy teacups) he took a sip. It was good. But the rest of the house hadn’t been what he had expected. It was girly, that was for sure, but it wasn’t… subtle. Not like Dash was. In his mind he had expected a lot of white and pastel colors, with little lacey things hanging from the ceiling and tiny wooden statues of woodland creatures all over the place. The house was nice, but it didn’t seem to fit her. His eyes slid over to the girl still playing with the cat as it rubbed against her legs.

Niska had been trained from birth to notice every little detail and he got a mite twitchy when things didn’t add up. Wait, what had she said when she invited him over? She had a roommate, right? A cousin? Or was it a friend? If she was a roommate there should at least be some Dash-like furnishings somewhere, but everything around him screamed dirty hippie, though not in a bad way. She had moved in separately, after everything had been furnished and decided. It must have been unexpected too, since there it seemed like the only things most likely to belong to her were small and easy to move. Niska had seen it before. Wherever she had lived, it seemed that she had left in a hurry. Dash had once, very briefly, mentioned that she had been dating someone seriously a long time ago. Niska didn’t need to be a genius to tell she didn’t want to talk about it so he didn’t pry. From what he had gathered from the bits and pieces she had revealed to him, her old boyfriend was a nice, sweet guy. Probably very normal. And whatever they had meant a lot to the sad girl.

Another sip from the tiny cup. “Well, she’s looking a lot better just from you playing with her. You think she was faking it to come to your party?” he asked, giving her a small, lopsided smile. “Maybe if she runs around a bit more she’ll be all better, fancy that.” He eyed the salad set out on the table. “You need any help setting the table? I feel bad, making you cook and all I brought was a cat. Should we sit?”

Dash listened as he started talking about his magic again. She liked it a lot. It felt good to be in the presence of someone who was sort of like her. She was very curious about how he saw everyone and she liked comparing it to the way that she experienced things when she was dreaming. She hadn’t really had someone who she felt understood when she tried to explain her abstract experiences. He started talking about her magic and she glanced over at him with a soft smile. She’d heard him say things like that before.

“Can you see it now?” she asked curiously. She wanted to know about the distinction his magus made between her usual magic and her aura when she was actually having a vision. Dash wondered if he noticed when she experienced weird sort of vibes when she was awake. They were like gut feelings, but Dash knew that they were a little more than that. The cat he’d brought was mewing now, so she turned her attention back to it. There were so many questions she had about her own magic that she hadn’t seemed to find an answer for in any books she’d read.

Why were her visions mostly about people she knew? Though she hadn’t seen Sindri for months, or any of his family members for longer than that, the Trickett family still appeared in her dreams from time to time. She’d had a dream about his cousin Freya taking a bubble bath a few nights ago. That was awkward. People often thought her visions would or should be about epic, world-changing things; and sometimes they were, but a lot of the time, her true dreams were just about people she knew. Usually they were pretty blurry and faint, lasting only a few seconds.

She wondered why they were more frequent now.

“Don’t worry about helping out, I’ve made everything. We’ll just have salad and finger food for now, and then there’s half a sweet potato in the oven to have with polenta and sautéed mushrooms. Does that sound alright?” The girl moved over to the table and took her seat. She’d already set plates here for the two of them. She eyed her wand, set by the couch; should she perform a quick cleaning spell for her hands? The girl had never worried too much about that sort of thing. It usually didn’t occur to her. Instead, she started eating.

This felt…weird. That was the only way Niska could describe it. He was at her house, sitting across a small girly table from her and they were eating salad. Not just salad, but lunch. A whole meal together. The whole thing felt very intimate and domestic to him, which as somewhat terrifying to the ex-con. Normal wasn’t normal for Niska. He’d never lived in one place long enough to put down roots and he’d never spent this much time with the same girl. He’d always been on the move, always running to or away from some killing or another and leaving dead bodies behind. He had a lot of enemies. Wasn’t surprising he was so cautious. The life of a criminal was admittedly very lonely, but he’d already been in Knockturn Alley for over two years now. That had to be some kind of record.

“That sounds great,” he said sincerely. Niska was more of a meat kinda guy, but he wasn’t surprised when he learned Dash wasn’t a big meat eater. Niska, who occasionally grew his own food when he had the time, did appreciate a good vegetable. Sweet potato was different; he hadn’t had that in a while. He quietly stabbed a few leaves of salad with his fork and brought it to his mouth. He wasn’t much of a talker, but he found Dash wasn’t going to fault him for it. She got that he was a man of few words and appreciated if he even said a full sentence. But Niska had been trying to talk more. For her. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but apparently she enjoyed it.

“Magic is different for all people, that’s what makes my powers so useful. I can recognize someone by the smell or taste of their magic even if their face has been changed or they’re wearing a mask. You magic is almost like two people’s auras mixed into one. Normally, you got this sorta fuzzy peachy-colored glow that flickers like a candle in the wind. On the other hand, when you had that vision in my apartment, it was like a raging fire-y squid monster…harpoon,” he finished somewhat lamely. He frowned and rubbed his face tiredly. “Sorry. Finding the words to describe things only I’ve seen is tricky. My gramps used to whack me whenever I said things like that cause they never made any sense—”

He stopped. Niska’s eyes narrowed and he sniffed, a strange and foreboding dread settling somewhere near his pancreas. A subtle green magic floated through the air, his tongue suddenly tasting as if someone had rubbed a block of sandalwood on it. “You weren’t expecting anyone else, right?” he said slowly, standing up. A second later there was a knock on the door. Niska’s eyes flashed gold and darted around the room. Two salads, two place settings, two teacups. No, it was supposed to be just them. It wasn’t Dash’s roommate, who tasted like patchouli and fabric soap. So who was it?

Ignoring the fact that he was being extremely rude, Niska turned to Dash as he walked toward the door. “Stay here,” he said quietly, dipping to pull his wand out of his boot. Call him paranoid, but Niska didn’t like surprise visitors. No good had ever come out of a surprise visitor in his entire life. They all tended to be thieves and assassins pretending to be shampoo salesmen or overly-friendly “neighbors”. Niska approached the door, still sniffing experimentally and running his tongue over his lips. He couldn’t get a dark vibe off the magic and only tasted sandlewood, but he had been wrong before. Turning the knob carefully, he opened the door.

“State your business.”

(lemme know if that was okay ><  @Sindri Trickett and @Arden Dasher you guys can decide who goes next)

Raging fire-y squid monster…harpoon.

Right.

“I wish I could see it.” She really did. The way he described things reminded her of her own visions so much. She wondered if he knew that. She also wondered if he’d taste lavender if he met her mother; Dash sometimes woke up choking with the flavor, if her mother was a focus of the dream. There was delight in Dash’s eyes as he spoke. She liked the awkwardness of some of his sentences; it made him more human. More soft. From the time they’d spent together, Dash got the impression that he wasn’t someone who let his guard down a lot. He certainly didn’t seem comfortable enough talking about his magus for her to believe that it was something he did often. His past and his childhood didn’t come up often, but every now and again… She smiled as he mentioned his gramps.

Dash had never had much to do with her grandparents, and it had always been so awkward and formal when she had. Especially on her mothers’ side. When he mentioned these sorts of things from his past, it felt special somehow. She felt like he didn’t have a lot of friends – at least not ones who he spent time with like this. She wasn’t completely oblivious; there was obviously a lot that he didn’t want to talk about. She didn’t push. It wasn’t in her nature. The brunette cut a small piece of brie and popped it onto a cracker to eat. He stopped talking and she looked up at him with questioning eyes, cracker halfway into her mouth.

“Sorry?” The way he’d ordered her to stay made her feel like a child. She liked that he seemed so protective of her, but in this case it was totally unnecessary. It was probably just a neighbour or one of Ruari’s clients or something. Dash got to her feet, wiping her hands on her shorts and quickly munching through her biscuit as she slowly made her way to the door.

It wasn't supposed to be sunny.

As if the Universe was pulling some sort of sick joke on him, it happened to be one of the rare cloudless London afternoons that only came around every once and blue moon. The mild weather had brought out all sorts of people, even the most cynical of city-siders had emerged from their dark and dingy crevasses to get a look at the end of the world.

Sindri, though, could not enjoy the minute details of a nice day that he usually paid attention to. The shrills of children playing in the park, the palpable happiness that could be felt through a passing stranger. Instead, he clutched tight to the blue dog collar in his hand, his knuckles white, muscles tensed.

It had all happened so quickly. Bear was bit. Bear died. There was nothing the wizard could do after the venomous bite from a rare magical snake that not even Sindri had recognized. No potions or healing spells had a traction, and he was forced to let his best friend go.

Hazel eyes carried with purpose down to the collar in his grasp, still covered in long white hairs from the animals coat. His jaw clenched uncomfortably, pulling his thoughts together as his face sank back to stone cold, a far cry from his usual grin. Sindri knew what he had to do, as much he didn't want to admit it.

One quick, and relatively painless, apparation and the tall Trickett son was in front of Ruari Regan's home. As he approached the door he reminded himself that this too was Arden's home now. He didn't even have the chance to knock when he was greeted by the dark face of a stranger.

Sindri's eyes scanned the sliver of the front room he could see behind the man. There was no doubt it was their place, he hadn't miscalculated his magic. "My business?" He repeated, the look of confusion that washed over his sullen features was not hard to decipher. "Sorry, I'm just looking for - " Just then, the very person he needed to see came into view. "Arden," His face softened, dreading the moment he would have to break the news to her. Bear was as much of her family as he was Sindri's.

Silently, he half-held up the collar, hoping she would understand without words. In that moment, the man, who he could only assume was one of Ruari's mates, was the least of his concerns. In fact, he had even forgotten that the man had created a human barricade between he and Dash. She was the only thing he saw.

Dash came up behind Niska, getting a little closer than she usually would to peek out from behind him. A small frown creased her pretty face as she realised who it was.

Seeing him still made her faintly nervous, but it wasn’t butterflies. Every time they’d met up in the past year and a half had made things difficult for her, with the possible exception of the last time they’d seen each other at a mutual friend’s party. They hadn’t spent too much time together that night, but they’d had a few shots together and interacted with each other in a way that was almost normal.

Dash couldn’t help but compare this with the time that he’d punched her date a week before Christmas. Then there was the time that he’d ditched his date in a bar and taken her back to his place because they were both far too drunk to apparate. She’d tried to throw herself at him, but they’d ended up sleeping together fully clothed with their dog curled up at their feet instead. He’d rejected her. That was an embarrassing one.

As far as she knew, it took Sindri much less time to move on than it had taken her. That made her happy; she’d wanted him to move on with his life and forget about her. Running in the same circles socially and in terms of work for the both of them had made it much harder to get out of his life, however. Fate had a way of throwing them back together every now and again. Dash had moved countries to get away from it all and yet here he was again, right on her doorstep.

“Sindri?” she asked, after taking a moment to be surprised at seeing him. “What’re you doing here? Do you need somethi… Did something happen?” The brunette noticed his expression. She also noticed that Niska hadn’t yet moved from the doorway. Dash’s frown deepened as her thoughts went into overdrive. Was it Leifr? Had something happened to Sindri’s brother?

“Uh… come in.” The girl stepped back from the door, ushering Sindri inside. “Sindri, this is Niska.” She paused for a moment, wondering if she should add more of an explanation than that. Nothing came quickly enough, though. “Niska – Sindri.”

Sullen hazel eyes that fought valiantly all morning to evade a single tear were currently searching the familiar one’s belonging to Arden Dasher with confusion. Need something? Sindri silently tossed up the idea of it to himself, his legs still planted firmly in the doorway, his jaw and fists as tense as they had been all morning. Maybe he did need something, after all. His excuse to break the news to the mother of his fur-child was as beneficial to him as it was to her despite the fact that he would never admit it.

“I don’t - no,” The youngest Trickett brother shook his head, suddenly very aware of the fact that he had imposed on whatever was going on with Dash and the man in front of him who looked like he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. The painfully familiar pangs of protectiveness surged in the wizard’s chest, the back of his hand subtly brushing against the wand in his pocket as if to make sure he hadn’t lost it along the way.

Arden, ever polite, ushered Sindri in past said stranger, her facial expression betraying any feelings she may have been trying to mask. She looked worried, naturally - but also she was struck by a different kind of panic. This expression was foreign to him. This kind of panic had nothing to do with what news her ex-boyfriend could have brought with him turning up on her doorstep, and everything to do with the dark haired man to his left.

Niska. Sindri cast him a glance, running a free hand through his unkept tufts of hair as he nodded in greeting. To be fair, he wasn’t much for small talk on a normal day, but today in particular he knew he couldn’t even bear it. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” Dirtied hands from his hike gestured to the full table he had only just noticed, his chest heaving with guilt. “It’s Bear - ” He began before pausing to inhale sharply.

“Can we… talk outside?” He asked Arden, eyes silently pleading for her to agree although his voice maintained tone. The inside air was as suffocating as the presence of her lunch date.

Was this the point where she pulled up a third chair for her ex lover? Thinking those words made her chest feel a little tight, but she knew that it was just in her head. She’d been with him for what, seven years? Of course seeing him brought up overplayed romanticised memories of their time together. That had to be normal. Maybe.

At the same time, Niska was there right beside her, and a few minutes ago the former Hufflepuff had been wondering if the man thought about her as more than just a lunch friend. Maybe that was something that she wanted. Maybe.

Too many “maybes”.

Dash was a little nervous, and more than a little unsure of what the usual social protocol was here. She stepped inside, letting the other two follow behind her.

The slim brunette reached up and straightened her ponytail before tucking a loose strand of wavy brown hair behind one ear. Ten minutes ago she’d been grateful that Ruari wasn’t home, but now she desperately wished her friend was here to soften the tension in the room. Niska had barely said a word – not that he was a talkative type of man. She made eye contact with him and gave him an apologetic smile while she thought Sindri wasn’t looking. What was he thinking, she wondered? Dash could never tell, though she had the impression that she had the ability to coax his thoughts out of him more than most. The idea made her feel special.

“Bear?” she repeated blankly, failing to immediately draw up a reason as to why he was bringing up their… his… dog. She stared at him for a moment, her hand hovering uncertainly over the back of a chair she’d been about to pull out and her eyes full of questions. What was he trying to say? He’d asked her to talk with him outside, but that fact went straight over her head as she suddenly understood the weight of what he was telling her.

“What… happened to Bear?” she asked, a dangerous and unfamiliar tone in her voice. 

The man Niska opened the door to was not the murderer he was expecting. He always expected. It was a younger man, one Dash seemed to know. He didn’t look well, in fact his gloomy countenance seemed strange compared to the pleasant weather. The young man looked right through Niska and at Dash. Niska wasn’t used to being ignored (he was very menacing), but his pride would recover some other time. The young man held up the dog collar and said a name. Bear. Dash invited the young man in, and Niska couldn’t shake the strange feeling that had settled around them. The collar. Niska seemed to put it together before Dash did, as she quietly asked what was wrong.

Niska spared a glance at the couple in front of him, fully aware that he was an awkward intruder in a very private moment. Even though it was the last thing he wanted right now, his trained mind took in all the details before him and built a picture before he could stop it. These two…he could read their entire past in the looks they shared, the instinctive way they yearned for comfort in each other’s presence, and the way their magic met. Green pine and soft peach. Their magic, possibly even their souls, still hummed together in gentle harmony with each other after so long apart. His mind immediately began to project forwards into a future that seemed to be getting closer by the second. Compared to Sindri, Niska was a passing fancy. An interesting diversion. A curious footstep into an intriguing darkness. But at the end of the day, even the most intrepid adventurers would want to return to a home that was warm and safe and familiar, wherever or whoever it was. And that would never be Niska, not for Dash. Probably not for anyone.

Niska was firm believer in the idea that one’s past determines who they will be in future, but he had ignored that for her sake. It had been naïve and wishful of him. In his life, Niska had killed hundreds of people, maybe even more. Some bad, too many innocent. Though it was done under the orders of his masters and would have been carried out if not by him than someone else, that didn’t matter. He’d held men by the throat, feeling the fight leave their bodies and the light drain from their eyes with his bare hands. He had watched them die with ice in his veins and done it without a single thought. There was no going back from that.

Watching Sindri and Dash together confirmed it. This silent comfort was the life he had wanted, but he was watching it play out with someone else. This thing all normal people seemed destined to find was the one he had been banished from a long, long time ago. This pain was his punishment for thinking that he could ever deserve this kind of life. He would never be clean of what he’d done, and he never should have pretended he would be. What would Dash say if she ever found out just how far Niska had fallen? He’d killed just as many men in furious rages as he had stone sober, and he barely ever spared a thought for those lives. Niska still had enemies, the type who would rejoice at the opportunity to make him suffer. He could only imagine how Dash would react to the passing of her dear pet, so how would she cope with the death of another one of her loved ones because of him? She wouldn’t. Niska had known Dash long enough to know that she cared about every life, human or animal, and that was ingrained as deeply in her soul as Niska’s magus. The eyes she saw the world through would only see the blood on his hands, even if she didn’t want to. Why Niska had denied that until now he didn’t know.

And there it was. The thing that made being alive and having feelings for another person so dangerous. It was the god-awful truth that Niska had been trying his hardest to pretend wasn’t staring him right in the face every time he walked next to Dash or sat across from her at a fancy table. He thought he could just ignore it until it went away, but the moment Sindri had said Dash’s name, Niska couldn’t keep it out anymore. Dash was still young, still in her twenties. She had her whole life ahead of her. When she was standing beside Sindri, Niska could see her future. A big house in the mountains with animals running loose around the property and the kind of garden that Dash loved so much. Maybe even a few little ones. But when Dash was standing beside Niska, the older man saw nothing. Because they had no future, at least not one that would last very long. If Niska was lucky, he would make it to sixty before he keeled over or his past caught up to him. A widow at thirty…Dash didn’t deserve that. And Niska didn’t deserve her.

Taking a step forwards, Niska placed a big hand on Dash’s trembling shoulder, keeping his distance as much as possible, his jaw tight. “I’ll give you guys some privacy,” he said quietly, giving her a smile that he hoped was comforting. He didn’t need to alarm her. “Call me if you need anything, okay?” But she wouldn’t. She shouldn’t.  There was nothing that he could give her that Sindri couldn’t already provide. Niska turned away from them and quietly made his way out the door, trying not to suffocate under what he felt was crushing finality.

Hand on the door knob, Niska looked back again, a small smile stretching across his face. This realization was both painful ... and liberating. Niska was content to being a short chapter in the book of Dash’s life, hopefully one that she would look back to with fond memories before moving on to the rest of the story.