What better time to find a brand new day [Pierce]

It felt like it had been a long time when Dean let go. Pierce hadn’t realized it, but the hug was necessary. They’d been talking too much, so much, when really it was just about being felt. Being heard. Although it undoubtedly complicated things, two almost-lovers hugging like that, he couldn’t help but feel better. He felt renewed.

At least until Dean said he didn’t know, still unsure. Pierce was realizing that he’d involved himself in a way that was inappropriate. He didn’t have a claim to Dean, not one, and if the man wanted to go off and explore then Pierce shouldn’t be the one to stop him. Even if he wanted to. Even if it was killing him to think about it. He wanted, so desperately, for Dean to just relent -- tell him he would stay and he didn’t need to worry.

But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. And he shouldn’t.

“You’re welcome,” Pierce said quietly, nodding, putting some space between them. “And thank you for letting me, you know, kind of freak out a bit,” he added with a forced smile. It was a joke, an attempt at humor, but there just wasn’t space for it in this room. There were knots in his stomach and he felt a bit sick. “Maybe I should go?” he wondered, looking to him, suddenly feeling very out of place. If he felt like this, how was Dean? Had he been hurting him in this way all along?

He rose, ruffling his hands over his thighs nervously as he smoothed out the denim of his jeans. “Unless... you don’t want me to?” he offered, pausing. “I’m -- well, I’m lost for words, for once,” he admitted. “I would understand if you need some space to think... to decide,” he offered, the word catching in his mouth. He hated that word all at once. “But if you want me to stay, even just to keep you company, well I would understand that too.”

Really, at the end of the day, this all came down to Dean. What he wanted. What he decided. As controlling and as opinionated as Pierce Lachapelle was, he had no real power here.

“I’m sorry,” said Dean. He honestly hadn’t expected to cause all this. Maybe it showed how little he truly knew Pierce yet, that he hadn’t known at all how he would react. But wasn’t that cause to get to know him better? Was it worth it to live in unhappiness, always knowing what he could have done?

"Only if you want to go," he said quickly, as if Pierce would be gone in the half a second before he replied.  "I don’t know what we were planning to do, before—“ He shook his head. “Or if I ruined everything.” Pierce looked dreadful. Dean wished he’d never even had the thought to leave. He wished for some adventure to keep him here. “I hope I didn’t, though,” he said, softly. “I want to like being with you.”

He shrugged. “I’ve got all the time in the world to decide, I figure,” Dean said. But his time to goof around with Pierce might be limited. That went unspoken between them, and Dean sighed. He really had ruined everything. There was no way this wouldn’t hang over their heads for ages. Even if he never left, Pierce would always know he wanted to.

“Maybe we should cool down a bit,” he said. “Go see a film or something.” The idea of drowning his sorrows in popcorn and Coke sounded ideal. And so did being with Pierce without having to talk to him, having something external for them both to focus on.

“Don’t apologize,” he said plainly, a bit distantly. “You didn’t do anything to apologize for.” The Frenchman didn’t like to be like this, sorrowful and unsure and tense. But sometimes it was part of it, a treacherous road between two steady places. He smiled softly at him and shook his head. “I don’t want to go, not really. Not like this.” It was truthful, perhaps too much so. He didn’t have a lot of patience left for pretense and he didn’t really see the point.

“Well, I don’t think we really had plans,” he offered, “I was expecting to apologize, try to make things right. I had no idea how it was going to end,” he reminded. He shook his head. “Don’t worry so much,” he teased, “you’ll get wrinkles.” He held his gaze for a moment. “I already like being with you,” he said simply. “Maybe, with some time, I’ll grow on you,” he teased gently.

“This is true,” he replied, although his tone was a bit disappointed. “I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but with me -- when I know something, I just know,” he observed. “When you know, you’ll know.” He wanted to leave the topic because it pained him. Part of him half-expected Dean to leave in the night, when his resolve was strongest, send him an owl or leave a note behind. Maybe the two were more alike than they realized.

“A film? At the cinema?” he said, perking. He wasn’t back to his old self, not that easily, but he was closer. “I’ve never been, you know,” he reminded with a smile. “You’d have to be my tour guide,” he said, “but I’d like that very much. Who knows, maybe if we look hard enough there’ll be an old vintage house showing Indiana Jones,” he suggested with a grin. “We might have to do a bit of exploring,” he observed, his words trailing as he met his gaze.

“Wanna go on an adventure with me?”

“Oh, you know you’ve grown on me,” said Dean with a small smirk. “You know what I mean—it’s so easy but it’s so hard.” He smiled, a bit forlornly. “It’ll get easier. I know it will. That’s how it goes.” And it was. He never thought he’d get over Ginny, say, but they were friends now without complication. He would get to that point with Pierce, if he gave himself enough time.

If he left, maybe he never would. Pierce Lachapelle would always be that half-imaginary figure of wanting and pain. Again—was it worth it?

He wished there were pure positives in the world, things that weren’t complicated. He wished he could go off and start a new life without an old life to leave behind. But the ties that had seemed so loose last night were tightening, strapping him to London. He couldn’t. Could he? He didn’t know. He didn’t just know, Pierce, what were you talking about?

But Pierce had perked up, and he was going to take advantage of it. "Ah, see, that's what I'm good for." He smiled again, more honestly this time. “I’m an excellent muggle tour guide.”  Dean nudged Pierce with his elbow. “Of course I’d like to go on an adventure. I’ll see what’s playing.”