[Hogwarts Express] My youth is yours | • w i n i f r e d

Marin was woken in the middle of the night by the terrified chatter and hurried flurry of movement in his dorm. He woke with fear; he was sure that something terrible had happened. Everyone had died? Something had gotten into the tower? Panic and dread made him nauseous. No one seemed to be completely sure what was happening, but everyone was grabbing handfuls of their stuff and shoving it into duffel bags that had appeared by the side of their beds. Explanations were given in quickly spoken words and Marin didn’t have time to ask anyone to slow down or elaborate or make him feel safe.

He stumbled to keep up with everyone in a daze, trying to remember to keep his breathing steady. He felt like he was going to throw up – it was too busy, too intense. Where was Alida? Where was Sophie? Marin was so dependent. He didn’t have a place in this world – the dark, dangerous world that Hogwarts had become over the past months. He was soft, weak. He knew that now. It was always there, but he’d grown to accept it as a part of himself last year, with Winifred. Now it was so startlingly obvious that it hurt. He was useless. It took him too many seconds to understand the chatter that was happening around him. We’re getting out, they said. We’re leaving.

He felt like he couldn’t process anything and it was so frustrating. Marin felt like panic alarms were blaring in his head, beating in time with his racing heart and drowning out any chance of him understanding his own thoughts. The boy tripped over his shoelaces as the crowd was ushered onto the train. He hugged his bag close to his chest as people rushed around him. A thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead and the back of his neck and he knew his cheeks were flushed red. Kids were hugging and moving into compartments and talking so loudly and some were crying, but Marin moved past them all, his blue eyes scanning compartments on each side.

The Hufflepuff felt like he was moving through a strange dreamlike state. Maybe it was a nightmare. He was so overwhelmed with things that he didn’t understand – couldn’t process – and his body was responding clumsily to his wants. He felt clunky. He could feel his hands shaking, but as much as he wanted to stop and sit, he had to know; he had to make sure. His searching became more determined. Marin was prone to this sort of single-mindedness. Obsessive focus was calming, almost like a routine. If he just focused on one thing then he wasn’t overwhelmed by the million other things that were happening around him.

Marin spotted her from a distance – he had the height advantage that helped, along with the obsessive memorisation of exactly what she looked like and exactly the way her hair moved and the way that her lips pressed together when she was in a stressful environment. The crowd was dissipating as people moved into compartments, but Marin didn’t stop moving forward until she saw him. Then he stopped, speaking as soon as she was close enough to hear him. “Winifred,” he said, her name feeling strange on his lips after months of its absence. Marin felt such an overwhelming sense of relief – relief that rang so strongly in his tone – that he wasn’t sure if it was the word that felt foreign or the sudden onset of startling emotion.

If she wasn't already prone to nightmares during stressful times, this year at Hogwarts would have given her an endless amount of ghoulish inspiration. She woke in the middle of the night in the dark to voices urging her to get up and get her stuff together. Not that there was much to gather in the first place. But she followed instructions quickly, her movements stiff, wearing her fear like a cloak around her. There hadn't been one year that waking in the middle of the night to dangers unknown and horrors untold hadn't happened. She worried her lip even as she tucked Phillip her pink pygmy puff onto her shoulder underneath her tangled blonde locks.

She followed the crowd of students, but it all went too quickly to find any of her friends and make sure they were ok. The Hufflepuff was jostled onto the train as they seemingly were on their way away from Hogwarts, but Wini couldn't seem to grasp the minutia of what was happening or how the dome had miraculously disappeared. And there were rumors of even more creatures in the castle that had been unleashed? Wini shuddered and was just glad that she hadn't encountered any.

The fourth year jostled her way through the crowd, looking for her friends to make sure they were safe, but there was just so many students in the train corridor that it was hard to see around anyone. She tried stretching up onto her tippy toes to see over people's heads and shoulders, but it wasn't enough. Phillip chattered quietly on her shoulder out of nervousness, probably detecting the feeling in her, and she reached up a hand to soothe him just as she heard an all-too-familiar voice. She raised her brown eyes slowly, almost afraid that her ears had betrayed her. But then she saw him standing there in front of him and for the first time tonight, she felt real tears come to her eyes.

"Marin!" Without thinking, she rushed toward him and threw her arms around him, hugging him so tight as silent tears escaped down her cheeks. "I'm so happy you're okay," she whispered to him as she squeezed him tighter. It had been a long time coming and for a moment, it felt just like old times. But then a thought occurred to her that he might not want her to hug him and she forced herself to drop her arms, a blush heating her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she said softly, seeming to apologize for more than just the hug. She glanced down the hallway, wondering if he would just continue on now to find Alida or whoever he was hanging out with these days, but the thought made her insides hurt.

She looked over to see an empty compartment and reaching out an arm to hold open the door, she nodded with her head. "Let's sit in here? I mean, if you want to," she suggested, her uncertainty clear on her face.

Marin stiffened as Winifred wrapped her arms around him, squeezing his body tightly. He didn’t push her away, though. Marin hadn’t been spending time with friends who were quite as physical as she’d been – not since… well, not for a long time. It was a shock to his system, but somehow he felt like he couldn’t move away. It was her. It was Winifred. So instead of saying anything or moving, the tall boy just sort of stood there awkwardly until she pulled back.

He shook his head as she apologised, but he didn’t quite seem to be able to form words yet. Anything he thought to say died on his tongue. He didn’t know how to make sense of everything that was happening around them, or the fact that she’d just hugged him. He was still buzzing with the relief that had flooded his body moments ago when he’d seen her there, relatively unhurt. Safe. He was recovering from a traumatic onset of indescribably emotion.

Numbly, he stepped into the compartment she’d opened for him but he let her come in and sit down before making another move. He’d finally mustered the courage to speak. “Winifred,” he started, his movements hesitant and slow, like he was still piecing together his wants and words. “I… don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” There had been a couple of moments in the past however long since he’d seen her, where they’d accidentally locked eyes across the common room or at breakfast.

Naturally, they’d both looked away immediately – consistently – but every time it happened he felt incredibly guilty, like he was encroaching on her space. He berated himself internally whenever it happened. The boy’s blue eyes drifted away from her face and over to the window. It was still dark outside but Marin had just realised for the first time that they were outside. Outside of the school; outside of the dome. Away from danger. "I just... you're... okay?" Feeling a little ashamed, Marin dropped his gaze to the floor, eyes transfixed on the little patterns in the carpet as he willed his racing heart to slow. 

In her mind, hugging Marin would have been requited and warm and comfortable. It would have been enough to make the last few months disappear from her mind completely. But that rose-tinted view wasn't the reality she was experiencing. Wini tried to hold down the wave of sadness that loomed in front of her as she realized he had stiffened instead of hugging her back. Maybe he really wouldn't forgive her. The thought made her want to cry. She tried not to think about what it would be like to keep thinking of him as her 'former best friend.'

He hadn't spoken a word yet, not a single one, so the invitation she gave to him felt like it was going to be a surefire denial. She told herself she wouldn't start bawling in front of him. He'd probably give her those big wide eyes and hold that against her too. But then he was moving toward the compartment and she breathed the tiniest of sighs of relief. She went in and took a seat by the window, smoothing out her skirt and nervously folding her hands in her lap as she watched him mirror her movements, taking a seat across from her. She had waited for this moment for what felt like forever that she wasn't sure now what to say first. She squeezed her hands together, glancing down at them, trying to find which words to start with when she heard his voice, soft and quiet like always. She had missed it so much.

She stopped, her hand stilling as she looked up at him, her brown eyes wide. Wini was patient as he spoke even though she really just wanted to hug him again. A little line appeared between her brows and she shook her head as she told him, "No, no you don't, Marin. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He glanced away from her and she wasn't sure how to bridge this gap, only that she really wanted to. She nodded at his question even though he wasn't looking at her and then realized a second later that she probably needed to say something because his eyes were on the floor. "I'm okay. Are you?"
Her question hung in the air awkwardly for a few moments before Wini started speaking again, uncomfortable with the dead air.

"I mean, I'm okay mostly," she told him, glancing between him and the window where all was black outside.  "Like not injured too bad or anything and still kind of trying to sort through everything that just happened, but I-- I miss you, Marin," she finally got out. Her eyes fell to her hands again and she watched as she twisted her hands together as if they were moving of their own accord. A second later, she jumped up from her seat, unable to sit still for a moment longer and she began to pace in the little space in front of her seat, glancing at him every few seconds.

"I'm really sorry, Marin. I know it was all my fault and that I shouldn't have yelled at you and that you shouldn't have to come to sewing club with me if you don't want to. And I don't know why I was so mad and it was stupid and then I was stupid again for not talking to you sooner and apologizing." Her words kept coming faster and faster, her blonde hair flying about her shoulders as she paced back and forth, her hands waving in the air as she spoke. "But every time I wanted to talk to you, I kept thinking of how mad you must be at me and I didn't know if you'd forgive me and I was even more scared of that. And then you were hanging out with Alida--" a little frown marred her face as she continued. "--and I thought maybe you didn't need me as your friend anymore because you had her and I was jealous because I still needed you and I still need you now and-and--" she began to peter out as she sat on the bench next to her, looking at him earnestly. "--I was just wondering if you could maybe forgive me?"

He nodded when she asked if he was okay, but it was just an automatic reaction. Marin wondered sometimes why people asked that question at all, since no one ever seemed to really answer it properly. As her gaze fell to her lap, his own gaze slid back to her, blue eyes moving of their own accord like magnets drawn to metal. It was almost like he was worried that if they were both looking away, then that was it. Everything was over. Marin felt a sudden, heady rush of something that he couldn’t quite put a word to. That was the problem with emotions, he thought, swallowing; it was hard to categorise them. Maybe it was nostalgia.

The silence stretched painfully between them and Marin shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another, wondering how things could possibly have gotten this awkward and coming to the conclusion that it must be entirely his fault. If he weren’t such an awkward person, they would have talked already. If he hadn’t been so rude to her – hadn’t hurt her – then they wouldn’t have stopped being friends in the first place. If he could just be better, he thought, then everything would work out for him and he wouldn’t be here now, sweating and shifting and waiting for her to speak so that he didn’t have to.

In Marin’s head, a clock was slowly ticking away time. The constant, rhythmic click of the hands in this imaginary clock was beating away the few moments he had left to actually make a move. Time was quite viscerally disappearing and there was nothing he could do about it. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again, realising that he just wasn’t very good at words. He wasn’t good with words and he wasn’t good with feelings. Winifred deserved a friend who was good with both, he decided, a sad crease marring the space between his eyebrows.

Then suddenly she launched into a barrage of a speech, bombarding him with word after word. He found himself falling back into his seat, unable to take all of this standing up. He watched her for a moment, stunned, before grasping that this was exactly what he should have expected. He hadn’t even realised he’d been searching for her a moment ago, as he’d pushed past all of the bodies making their way into various compartments. Of course he’d been looking for her, he thought. He’d been looking for this. Marin tried to respond to her, but she was unstoppable. Their voices overlapped in the most chaotic way as she paced in front of him and he sat, gobsmacked, sweaty palms pressed into the tops of his thighs.

“…and then I was stupid again for not talking to you sooner and apologising.”

“I was stupid too –”

“…And then you were hanging out with Alida--"

“Alida said to wait, so I –”

"--and I thought maybe you didn't need me as your friend--"

“Wini, of course I –”

"--I was just wondering if you could maybe forgive me?"

Winifred slumped down into the seat across from him, but Marin wished that they were still standing so he could hug her again. It had always made her so happy, and she looked so sad right now. So deflated. He had no idea how to physically manoeuvre them from the positions they were in now to any sort of comfortable hugging position, so instead of doing anything at all, he just spoke. “Of course,” he said simply, still frowning in a very serious Marin way. “I… didn’t want to make you more sad,” he said weakly, as if this explained the weeks and weeks of no contact. Losing her had been horribly painful and Marin hadn’t known what to do with himself. Without Alida he probably would have spiralled off into nothingness.

“I’m sorry.” The words were hard to say, but not because it was difficult to apologise to her, but because he felt guilty that it hadn’t happened sooner. She was absolutely wrong about this. He knew it wasn’t her fault at all, but his. Marin swallowed, trying to swallow down the guilt too and failing. "I'm sorry," he said again, tears of stress and relief welling in the corners of his eyes. Marin squeezed his eyes shut and put his face in his hands, taking deep breaths as unfathomable emotions washed over him, making it his heart beat more quickly and making it harder to breathe. He wanted to look at her, to try to do his best to compare her reaction to other times he'd seen her emotional to try to guess what she was thinking, but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything but apologise. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, he thought.

All through her barrage of words, she heard his replies and they only made her want to say everything faster. She was nodding in agreement or shaking her head to say it was her fault, not his, but in the end it was simple. Of course. Of course, he forgave her. Her face felt suddenly hot and she felt a prick of tears. She knew she had missed her best friend, but his easy forgiveness made her feel even more silly for not having corrected this weeks ago. Her bottom lip wavered as he apologized and her blonde hair scattered on her shoulders as she shook her head. "No, I'm sorry," she told him as she gazed at him. Wini thought she saw a hint of tears in his eyes before he covered his face and she moved without a thought.

She slid onto the bench next to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, sliding close to him and leaning her head against his shoulder. Wini realized absently that he seemed broader now, it was harder for her to hug him. Had he really grown that much in the few weeks she hadn't been speaking to him or did she just not remember what it felt like to hug her best friend? She frowned at the thought but tried to focus back on him. "Hey, don't be upset," she told him, her voice quiet against the chug of the train. She hugged him tight and told him not to cry even as she was on the brink of tears herself.

"We're okay now, right?" she asked, the question on her voice, both hopeful and unsure at the same time. "Can we be okay now?" she asked, uncertain of what she needed to do to make him feel better. She wasn't sure what to do to make sure she didn't hurt him again, but she never wanted this kind of space between them again. Clearly it hadn't been very good for either of them. She had missed her best friend so much and she just held on tighter so he couldn't slip through her fingers again.

He didn’t know why he was teary or why he didn’t want to look up. Relief? Worry? He was still pretty shell-shocked about the fact that they’d been in their dorms only half an hour ago. It would take some time to process that, let alone the fact that he was here with her. Marin looked up at her again, not quite crying but still red in the face. His stomach was in knots. Maybe he was just scared that he’d lose her. Maybe he was scared he’d come so close to doing so already.

“I don’t know,” he managed, trying not to flinch as she hugged him. Alida definitely wasn’t this cuddly, he thought. A part of him was thankful for the proximity, though. He knew that it comforted her, at least, and that made it feel nice. “I want to,” he added quietly. He was silent for another minute before wrapping one of his own arms around her waist, pulling her closer in an awkward side-hug.

“What’ve you been doing?” Marin forced himself to ask, as if he hadn’t been secretly keeping tabs on her all term. It was hard not to notice who she was with or what she was up to, especially when he was trying so hard not to all the time. You had to really pay attention to someone to avoid them all the time, he thought vaguely. Besides, Wini wasn't even trying to be invisible, like he was. He doubted that she'd be able too. She was too shiny; too bright. “I can’t believe we’re going home.”

Seeing Marin upset made her stomach twist. Mostly because she knew it was her fault and out of all people, she really didn't want to make Marin upset or sad. He didn't deserve that. She blinked a few times to try to stop the tears from falling and she was doing a reasonably good job at it, but then he wrapped his arm around her and she felt a crushing sense of relief. Maybe he didn't hate her still. Not if he was hugging her back. She kept her head on his shoulder as a tear snuck out and down her cheek before she swiped it away quickly. Her eyes were focused on his shoelaces as she nodded softly and agreed, "I want to too."

The fourth year still had so many questions for him, uncertainties that had chased through her mind during their stupid fight that she felt like she couldn't keep them bottled up any longer. But his question caught her off guard a little. She shrugged as she continued to stare at his laces, tracing the way they were laced with her eyes. "Just hanging out with Belinda a lot. She's in sewing club too," she added. "But she doesn't like 3Spelled or Rupert or Care of Magical Creatures or drawing like you do so it wasn't as nice, yknow?" She hazarded a glance at him as she pulled her head away from his shoulder.

"I can't believe we're finally out of the dome," she added. She glanced down at her hands and tried to rub away some of the soot and dirt that she had on her palms. "I'm glad we got out ok," she added with a hesitant smile in his direction. Wini took a second to look at her best friend.. former best friend.. best friend if he wanted to be.. she couldn't figure out what to call him. And as she gazed at him, worry and doubt started to creep back in. She wanted so desperately to believe that everything was okay, but she never wanted this to happen again either and that possibility was scary. "Marin?" she asked lowly, her voice wavering. Do you think I boss you around too much? Do you like Alida better? Questions circled her mind but she couldn't voice the ones she really wanted to ask, for fear of what he might say. She wasn't a Gryffindor after all. She wasn't brave enough to face the truth. So instead she glanced back down at her hands and brought up the day they had had their fight. "Do you not like going to sewing club?" she asked, in hopes that she would figure out what she had done wrong. So she could never, ever do that again.

Marin nodded vaguely, his face still red and his eyes still shiny. He kept making himself relax, but his muscles just seemed to want to tense up again without his permission as soon as he wasn’t paying attention to them. Rather than his own body, which seemed to be in constant distress mode, Marin tried to focus on the warm body cuddled up to one side of him. He looked at her again with bright blue eyes, taking her appearance in again to make sure she was still in one piece. A part of him couldn’t believe that he’d gone over a month without listening to a single 3spelled or Rupert Hartwood song. “Alida doesn’t like Rupert either,” he said vaguely.

Marin jumped as someone pressed their face up to the compartment door. He instinctively leant away from Wini, like they’d been doing something wrong, but the person was gone in a moment. A stray student, he thought? Someone looking for someone, or just looking for somewhere to sit down? The boy looked at Wini’s hands, following her gaze to the dirt inside the creases of her skin. He was about to say something about the ministry and about the news and about finally getting out, but she spoke first. He glanced up as she spoke his name.

He waited patiently, but when she finally asked her question it took him off guard. Sewing club? He was quiet for a long while, his mind distracted by things like the fact that his hands were so sweaty and how close their bodies were. “Sometimes I do,” he answered carefully. A part of him wanted to say yes, of course he’d go to sewing club. He’d do whatever she wanted. Anything to make her happy. “I’m sorry,” he said again, not wanting to disappoint her. “I guess that day I didn’t.” It made him uncomfortable just to think about it. He’d basically blocked that whole day out of his mind.

She nodded, but couldn't help the frown that made her brows crease as he mentioned Alida again. She knew she shouldn't dislike Alida just because he had been hanging out with her during their tiff, but she couldn't exactly help it. Wini wondered if this is what being jealous felt like. Marin jostling away from her as his eyes were on the compartment window made her realize how close she had been to him. She knew he didn't like her hugs all the time and she glanced between him and the compartment door. Did he want her to move away? She felt another prick of tears again. She hated being this uncertain about their friendship. This was maybe worse than him yelling at her.

He took so long to answer that she nearly went out of her mind, but she was trying to be as patient as possible. She wondered why he took so long. A thought nagged at her and she bit her lip with her worry, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "Do you--" she broke off all of a sudden. She had spoken without thinking and she wasn't sure if she could finish the question. Put it out there into reality and have it actually be answered. She squeezed her hands together as it the pressure of her fingers would help with her nerves. "Do you not like doing other stuff with me? Like going to visit the unicorns in Hogsmeade? Or--or listening to 3Spelled and Rupert or going to parties?"

A traitor tear trailed down her cheek and she looked up at him, her brown eyes welling with tears. "Because that's what Belinda told me one day. That you probably don't like doing that stuff with me and that I shouldn't be that upset over us not talking and I told her she was wrong because you're my best friend and we've always done that stuff together. But then I was thinking and maybe I was worried that you don't like doing that stuff with me and you just don't want to tell me? But I want you to tell me because I'm okay with doing the things you like too."

As she kept going, more tears escaped and she tried to stop herself and wipe them away, but all of the tension from the past few weeks was finding a release at the worst time. She couldn't keep it in anymore. "I feel like I'm second guessing everything now. I'm doubting everything and I don't like it," she said. She took a shaky breath as she tried to stop her tears, wiping them on her sleeve. "Everything with the dome and the creatures attacking us and the war and the Victory Ball plague and all of it is just so crazy and I knew I could always rely on you to be there and then you weren't and I know it's my fault, but I don't want to do something wrong again and I don't know what that is." She balled up her fists and pressed them against her eyes as if that could stop everything. But the floodgates were open now and she didn't have a hope to stop it.

“No, I…” she kept talking and Marin wondered if it had been this intense all the time that they’d been together. It felt like such a long time now that he wasn’t sure. Maybe he’d misremembered things. Marin felt uncharacteristically annoyed at this Belinda person, who did not know him at all, who’d apparently been giving Wini all kinds of advice. Marin didn’t even know what kinds of things he liked doing outside of Wini. Even the past months spent apart had been spent doing things with Alida that she liked. Marin was beige. He was a nothing. He conformed to whatever the people around him wanted.

He watched her face crumple with a sort of detached rising panic, like he knew that the panic was about to hit him at any moment but it wasn’t quite there yet. When it did, he didn’t know what to do. He watched with quiet horror as the tears came slowly at first, but then very quickly. “I like 3spelled,” he answered hurriedly, his voice quiet but urgency in his tone. Then he hummed the tune to She’s a Snidget, but Wini was crying so hard that he wasn’t sure if she was listening, so he stopped.

“The whole dome thing is shit,” he said, the swear word sounding very foreign on his lips. Marin didn’t swear. Ever. “…And the plague. It’s all so horrible and they’re supposed to protect us in there, but since our first year I feel like they haven’t done a very good job.” He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to calm himself down. “But Wini I’m okay because we were friends.” The words rung true, even though he hadn’t planned them. Hadn’t been doing for that when he’d started his little speech. “You – you helped me so much.”

Tears were rolling down her cheeks without permission and she knew somewhere in her mind that this wasn't helping, but after everything tonight, she just couldn't help it. Especially because she was so close to Marin, but she still felt this distance between them and she hated it. She just wanted to feel safe again. Secure. Comfortable with knowing where she stood.

The hysteria that was building inside her made her crying a little louder and at some point she started hiccuping too, something she did every time she cried too much. She was hiccuping in between her crying that she almost didn't hear him say that he liked 3Spelled. "You really do?" Wini asked, peeking at him from beneath her hands. And it wasn't even that 3Spelled was so important. It was just that Wini wasn't sure which way was up anymore. Not with Marin not being there and Belinda telling her certain things and her heart being so torn that she didn't know what was real. She just wanted things to go back to being simple.

She sniffled a few times, wishing she had a tissue to wipe her runny nose, but the whole thought was forgotten when Marin cursed. Wini gasped a little as her wide brown eyes found his blue ones. Marin didn't ever swear and she was so surprised by his vehemence that she listened carefully without moving. She did find herself nodding though, memories of her first year resurfacing. How she was tortured as part of their 'classwork' and that brought on a whole new round of crying. Her cheeks were wet with tears and the image of Marin swam in her vision as her tears blurred his face. "I did?" she asked in a small voice, doubt coloring her tone in varying shades as she looked to him for affirmation.

Marin didn’t know what to do here. “Of course you did,” he told her, a little more firm this time. Tonight, Marin’s behaviour had a strong edge to it, like he wasn’t so scared of upsetting or speaking his mind. Of course she’d helped him. Marin wasn’t sure if she was looking for more reassurance here or if she actually didn’t know whether or not her influence had aided his anxiety in stressful situations. Either way, all he could do was repeat himself, so he did it again, hoping it would get through to her. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.” He said, making sure to make the right amount eye contact for her to understand that he meant what he was saying.

“Come here,” he ordered, pulling his friend in for another hug. He wasn’t the best hugger, really. He was tall and soft and his arms reached all the way around her but there was something mechanical about his movements. It was normal for him - he just wasn’t used to giving hugs. “Look Wini, we’re gonna be home soon,” he said gently. “I’ll write you. Promise.”

Of course you did. Marin's words rolled over her and she took a stuttered inhale, a feeling of pleasure easing back the hurt. She had helped him? Wini had to believe that he was telling her the truth. She was just so exhausted after everything that had happened tonight, mentally, physically, emotionally. It all seemed to be pouring out of her. His blue eyes were so large as he looked right at her and she swallowed thickly. I don't know what I would have done without you. Wini wasn't sure his eyes had ever seemed as blue as they did right now. His words made more tears trickle down her cheeks. "I don't know what I would have done without you either. You're my best friend," she whispered repeating his sentiment, her voice thick with emotion.

The Hufflepuff went willingly into her arms and if she hadn't been so upset, she might have realized that this might have been the first time he had initiated a hug. Wini knew he wasn't much of a hugger, but she appreciated it all the more because of that. His long arms around her brought her a little warm back and as she wrapped her arms around him, she squeezed him tightly once. Just to let him know how much he meant to her.

Wini didn't care about much else other than being with her best friend in that moment. She laid her head on his shoulder once more and closed her eyes, the absence of the visual world a relief to her mind, which was still whirling from everything that had happened tonight. The blonde took a deeper breath now as she wiped away the wetness on her cheeks and settled against Marin. She finally, finally felt like something was going well again. "Can I write your mum too? I like her," she said quietly, the train a hum in the background.

There was all this energy inside of her but she moved to hold hands with Marin and she felt it trickle away from her slowly. Enough that she could relax back into the train seat. Maybe tonight hadn't been the worst night for her after all.

(( out "<33" ))

“Yeah of course,” he said distantly. Marin had given up on any sort of rejection when it came to Wini sending letters to his mother. She’d been doing it since second year. Sometimes at home he read the ones she’d sent his mum. Wini often asked - in cute, curly handwriting - about random things, like what kinds of music Holly Clare liked to listen to and what she did in her spare time. Wini asked her if she read Witch Weekly or Teen Witch. Other times (of course), Wini asked about him. What he liked eating, or what he was up to this summer etc. Marin felt a bit weird about it all but there was no point trying to stop it.

He gave her a little squeeze. “You could even come visit,” he said. No one had ever come over to his house during break except Alida, and a big reason that that had happened was that their parents worked together and had gone to school together. It made sense that he’d seen her in the holidays. “My mum makes amazing soft tacos,” he said, “from scratch.” The tall boy felt his friend melt into his side and he awkwardly let it happen. Marin wasn’t used to being this physical, but tonight had been a pretty strange night and he was sure both of them felt like their emotions were running wild. Things were getting better though, he thought distantly. After the business with the dome and his fight with Wini, he was sure that thy could only get better from here.