[Hogwarts Express] put your heart back in your pocket - albany

Hogwarts.

The school held so many mixed memories now. Wonder, fear, loneliness, heartbreak; all of these things would need to be faced as she returned for the last half of her last year there. In the weeks leading up to the scheduled return date, there had been a growing tension in her gut. Not because she was frightened of being trapped again, but because she knew that she would have to face Albany. Compared to seeing the girl who had been her friend and lover, a hoard of monsters sounded like it might be less terrifying. Gemma had been trying very hard to not think about the other girl, to just let her feeling die. She felt empty and cold, but she put on a brave face for everyone.

Max and her grandparents were there to see her off on the train. They hugged her and told her they were very proud of her and that they would see her in a few months. She promised to write everyone at least once a week, holding back tears as they left. But then they were gone and it was time to put on her Head Girl face for the other students. She helped load cages and cat carriers onto the train, thinking of Coda, left behind at her grandparent's house (much to the cat's dismay) for her own safety. She very carefully avoided looking around, or Gemma told herself she wasn't secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of red hair and green eyes. But she didn't, and she told herself her heart didn't hurt because of it. Besides, Albany had probably followed Thorne to Beauxbatons. Not that Gemma cared. Albany wasn't hers anymore.

Once everyone was settled in and the train was moving along smoothly, the Head Girl was able to retreat to a cabin and relax. There were plenty of empty cabins for her to pick from, so she chose one near the back of the train. Spreading out her books and studying materials, she took the opportunity to get in some extra work. She needed to be prepared for her NEWTs. She had taken most of the break to study but she still felt woefully behind. She was flicking through her Transfiguration notes, smiling at something her cousin Max had written in her book, when she heard the door to her compartment slide open. It wasn't the first time. She waited for the exclamation, "Sorry!" or something like that as the person would then beat a hasty retreat. But nothing. No sound, just someone standing in the door. They must need me for something, she thought, looking up, still smiling from whatever silly thing Max had written her, her dark green eyes catching lighter green ones.

Gemma and Albany stared at each other, silent and still. Emotions hit Gemma like an avalanche. To her surprise, and disappointment, the first to hit her was love. So much it made her chest tight. A month of actively trying to forget and all it took was one look to bring it roaring back. Then came the hurt, and anger. That last one only lasted a moment before being replaced with a bone-deep sadness. The Ravenclaw took a breath. So much feeling in such a short amount of time. Her smile wavered slightly, but stayed on as she refused to look away, to admit to Albany that she still made her emotions run wild.

"Hello."

@Albany Gamble

“Ugh, Mom why did she even have to come?”

Albany’s hand rose to swat her sister’s away, as she brush her hair behind her ear. Green eyes narrowed as her mother scolded them both for being annoying, causing the red head to sigh heavily. “Would you please stop touching my hair.” Her words her clipped as she shifted to move closer to her mother. She was annoyed and tired but most of all she was afraid of seeing Gemma after a long month apart. Her eyes searched the platform even though she knew Gemma would be nowhere around. They had been late of course, because Bella had wanted to take her time getting dressed.

“Fine. Yes, I made sure to bring it.” Her eyes rested on her mother as she went over the safety procedure again. “Mom…I’m sure that if the school wasn’t safe we wouldn’t be going back…” Her eyes rolled a bit as her comment was dismissed before she hugged her mother abruptly. “I have to before I miss the train…” Her hands rose to pull the loose strands of her hair up, pulling the hair tie from her wrist to secure her ponytail as she moved to get onto the train. Green eyes drifted into the open doors of the compartments as she moved, noting that each had no space for her.

As she made her way to the back her heart threatened to beat its way from her chest. Green eyes drifted around her, hoping not to lock with the darker green of the girl she was sure hated her now. She reached out to pull the door open and her heart dropped into her stomach. Her legs felt like stone and words were no where to be found. Gemma. There she was as beautiful as ever with her face buried in her notes and Albany wanted to bolt the other way. Bright green eyes trailed over the side of the older girls face before the two locked eyes. Her lips parted as if to speak but she was lost for words. There was nothing she could say, nothing that could change what had happened between them.

The emotions that hit her, rocked her like waved crashing into a rock, caused her hand to rise up to play with the hanging strands of her hair. “I…uh…” She swallowed softly and realized how dry her mouth was. “…there…um…everywhere else was…” She couldn’t break the gaze, it was as if she were trapped and it was the only thing keeping her grounded. “Hi.” Her hand rubbed the back of her neck as her eyes searched Gemma’s face. She hadn’t realized how intensely she missed the older girl until they were face to face, so to speak.

Her throat cleared as a small frame shifted uncomfortably. “You…know  I can just…yeah probably just stay right here…” She shifted to turn, resting her back against the wall next to the door, silently scolding herself. Her eyes moved along the empty hall as red locks swayed with the shake of her head. “So so stupid.” She whispered lightly, lifting a hand to run down her face before her body lowered itself to the floor. She would sit there for as long as she could because being alone so close to Gemma would surely kill her.

As Albany played with her hair, Gemma watched, hands clenched around her notes. Damn it, she still wanted this. Wanted to go to the other girl, calm her nerves, push her fingers into Albany's curly locks. The older girl knew the way they'd feel, how the curls would tangle around her fingers, the sound Albany would make if she used her hair to tilt her head back for a kiss... The Head Girl took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She didn't want this need anymore. Hadn't she ached enough? Albany was in love with someone else and still the younger girl held her heart so securely it was hard to keep from rushing to her, begging her to make the pain stop.

Confusion made its way onto Gemma's face as Albany slid to the floor. The older girl made a sound, somewhere between a cough and a snort. Her laugh was rusty. It had been a few months since she'd laughed. "What... Albany, what are you doing?" Carefully setting her notes aside, Gemma got up, reaching a hand out to the other Ravenclaw. "Come on, don't sit on the floor. There's a whole other bench you can sit on. You..." She swallowed, plucking up her courage and going on, "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I'll understand if you just want to ignore me." Gemma helped Albany to her feet, holding onto her hand for just a second longer than she needed to, dropping it like it was hot to the touch.

"I- uh-," Gemma tried starting a sentence several times, "I didn't know if you'd come back. I thought maybe you'd decided to go to Beauxbatons for the rest of the year." Silently, she added, I thought you'd want to spend the rest of the year with him... She moved back to her own bench, settling herself again. She had promised Albany at the start of this relationship that she would never lose her no matter what. Gemma hadn't known then that she would fall in love and get her heart so mercilessly broken. But she was trying, really she was.

She hadn't been expecting Gemma to say anything to her, to acknowledge her existence. Her head rested back against the wall before she turned to look at the older girl as she spoke to her. I…I didn’t think you would want me to come inside.” Her voice was soft as she took the help from Gemma to stand, looking inside the compartment for a long moment before stepping inside. “Of course I want to talk to you…” Neat brows pulled together as the younger girl frowned. “All I’ve wanted to do for the last month is talk to you.”

There was no room for her to be shy and beat around the bush. This was her relationship, at least it had been, hanging in the balance. It was the redhead’s turn to look confused. “Why would I finish the year at Beauxbatons?” As soon as the question left lips it joined the list of things she would regret. Once more her hands found themselves playing with the red ponytail. Bright green eyes drifted towards the window and she caught once last glimpse of her mother and sister. Her hand lifted and she waved before it fell limply into her lap.

Sighing; she looked over at Gemma biting her bottom lip softly. “We should talk…” She shifted, pausing a bit to consider her choice as she reached to close the door giving them a bit of privacy. “I think we should talk.” Albany could feel them start to move and her hand reached out to hold onto to the window seal. She really hated the long ride to the castle, it was always a bit unsettling. “I-I, um, had this big, uh, speech prepared but I, well can’t seem to remember it.” Her gazed dropped so that she could stare at her hands wishing that she wasn’t so awkward around the older Ravenclaw. This was Gemma. Gemma. There was no reason for her to feel the way she was feeling.

But, there was a reason. There was so much tense in the room it was hard for the redhead to breathe, or at least it was how she felt. The younger girl swallowed, letting her gaze lift to stare into dark green eyes. She wanted to lean across the space to kiss Gemma. She wanted to be close to the older girl, to touch her. It was impossible to believe that they were in this position. “I missed you.” She knew she shouldn’t have said but it came out anyway. She had missed Gemma. She had talked about the other Ravenclaw enough that her mother said she felt like she knew Gemma.

Her gaze dropped as she worried at her bottom lip, her hand moving to run her finger through the deep red locks of her hair in hopes of calming herself. “I…destroyed us, didn’t I?” She knew she had broken them. The younger girl knew that they may never get back together. The possibility was there and it hurt.

Gemma felt herself stiffen up a bit at Albany's question. Why? Albany knew damn well why, but Gemma didn't know if she could bring herself to say it. "Thorne," she managed to choke out, the effort almost more than she could bear. Thinking about that, about him and Albany, hurt like hell. She never liked him, even before. She thought he was a selfish man-child. He was vain and arrogant and cruel. The Ravenclaw didn't know what Albany saw in him as a friend, let alone as someone to fall in love with. To Gemma, she and Thorne were as different as could be. How Albany could feel the same way about both of them was completely mystifying.

Despite her anger and hurt, when the train moved forward, she instinctively reached out to brace Albany, one hand resting on the younger girl's hip. Gemma pulled away quickly, moving to her side of the compartment, trying not to look at the girl who had so effectively stolen and broken her heart. The Head Girl looked up as Albany closed the door, her stomach dropping. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to give Albany the chance to see her hurting, to make her feel the pain all over again. "What did you want to talk about?" she replied quietly, eyes meeting Albany's.

At the other girl's words, Gemma stiffened all over again. She missed her? After telling her she was in love with someone else? Vanishing and sending only a handful of letters while they had been apart for over a month? She swallowed her initial feelings of betrayal, saying softly and honestly. "I missed you, too. I missed us." She shook her head, looking back at Albany. "But you can't just say that. You can't tell me you're in love with someone else then avoid me for a month, come back and expect saying you missed me to change anything."

The older girl sighed quietly, getting her feelings under control. "I don't know," she said, her eyes serious and lonely. "It won't be the same. It can't be. Not after what you told me. I can't..." Gemma stopped, her voice choked off by a swell of emotions. "I don't know if I can believe anything, anymore." She wanted to believe in Albany, that everything would be fine, that they could work through this, but she wasn't sure. She had never felt so devastated. It was like watching her father choose his other family over her all over again. "I would have to know that you wouldn't do this to me again. And I don't know if there's any way you could convince me of that."

She hadn't thought this all the way through. Talking. Was she mature enough to talk through their issues without her ego getting in the way? Would talking even begin to fix what had been broken? "I...Well..." Once more her brows came together as she found herself playing with her ponytail. She wanted to talk about them and where they would go from the breaking point on. "Us...I wanted to talk about...everything." Her gaze dropped as her bottom lip was drawn between her teeth. She chewed on the flesh softly as her hand fell from her hair to rest on her lap. She mumbled under her breath about her own stupidity. Her head shook at her own uncertainty. This shouldn't be this hard. It was Gemma. Yes, she had hurt the girl before her but through it all she was still Gemma. No longer Albany's but still Gemma one and the same.

Her gaze rose as she frowned, her expression was serious despite this. "I'm not saying it in hopes that it fixes what I broke. I'm saying it because it's true." She had missed Gemma, painstakingly so. "There wasn't a moment I didn't think about you. Not about the mistakes I had made or anything in between, you." She turned to look out the window, sighing softly. "It will take more then a few words to change things.." It was funny how just a few had ruined it all. She realized that though she loved Cyrus, she had fallen in love with Gemma. Everything had gotten so messed up that the sixth year had nearly considered homeschool. It had been suggested as her parents now feared the worse with all that had happened. It would have been nice, lonely but nice, to have the days to herself to reflex on her life choices.

Her gaze drifted to Gemma and she wanted to reach out to rest a comforting hand on the older girl's knee but she knew she shouldn't. That doing so would only farther hurt them both. "I hate that I destroyed your belief..." 'in me' she thought as her sentence trailed.  "I admit that I was a bit haste in my disclosure..." She reached up to release her hair, running her fingers through the vibrant red locks to clear her head. "I-I" She sighed, looking towards the door. "It would be selfish to ask for forgiveness or a second chance." The image of Gemma's face flashed before her eyes and long lashes closed as a deep breath was taken. "I've made so horrible mistakes in my life...but that one I will regret that one forever." She had destroyed two relationship so swiftly that her head was still spinning.

Bright green eyes moved to lock with a darker green gaze as the redhead worried at her bottom lip. "Gemma..." She had practiced this speech a million times in the mirror. She had said it to her mother countless times aloud. She was prepared. The sixth year just hadn't anticipated how she would feel. How badly she would long to reach out and touch the older girl, to kiss her. To simply shift her things aside to be close. Albany swallowed softly as she leaned back into the seat more, as if the distance would somehow tame her urges. As if she would remember to breathe, to exhale the held breath finally. Her gaze shifted and the sound of her letting the air from her lungs touched the air. "I don't know what I can do to show that I'm all in...even with all that's happened."

"I'm not sure of anything anymore." She looked back into Gemma's eyes and her head shook. "I had a whole month away from you and all I wanted was to be with you. I didn't want to write letters back and forth...I wanted to be with you." A delicate hand found its way back into the long locks of her hair. "I wish I had the answers but I-I don't. I spent the last month trying to find the answers only to end up with more questions.." She was rambling but she was honest. Her nerves had gotten the best of her and everything seemed to be spilling out. Quickly she stood to pace the small space, gathering her thoughts.

"It's like...one second I'm me and everything this clear then-" She paused, looking down at the floor for a moment. "I'm not and it isn't." The sixth year sighed heavily. "I racked my brain. I-I-I sought advice. And I'm standing here just as confused as I've ever been." The frustration caused the tears to well in her eyes and her voice to break. Her hand rose to run over her face before pushing the red hair from her face.

Sitting here, hearing Albany, seeing her; it was hard. Gemma watched Albany play with her hair, a nervous gesture, and she couldn't help but think of how beautiful the other girl was. How even after the pain and the feeling of being betrayed and abandoned, the red head still looked like everything Gemma wanted. Not yours anymore, a small voice taunted. She made that clear when she fell in love with someone else. The older girl wanted to cry. Her heart hurt so very much.

"Words can't fix this, Albany," she told her companion softly but firmly. "Whatever this is, whatever's left. There are no words that can change what happened." Gemma wasn't going to just roll over and let Albany tear her apart again. All the anger and pain was clear in her voice. "I don't want your apologies or your excuses or your promises. I want my heart back," she said, her voice thick with unshed tears. "I gave it to you and now it's shattered and I don't know how to fix it." Gemma took a deep breath. Again. She swallowed her tears, her anguish. Albany didn't need to see her cry again. It wasn't like Albany could help her or heal her. It was silly of Gemma to hope for that. "But I can't just take my heart back. You still have it."

Gemma looked at Albany, dark green eyes so lost. "I tried. My cousin took me to some tropical beach during the break. He wanted me to try being with other people, to find someone who could make me forget you." She shook her head. "It didn't work. You had me and you dropped me but I couldn't just forget. I don't know how to." The beach had been nice, but it had only made the smallest of dents in Gemma's mood. She was still lonely and aching. Her voice when she spoke was soft and broken. "I don't know how to stop loving you..."

Even through her own pain, it wasn't hard for the older girl to feel Albany's hurt. It radiated, making the air hard to breathe. Gemma looked up in time to see the tears in the other girl's eyes. She remembered her promise, the one that she had made to Albany that night they had first kissed.

She cradled Albany's face in her hands, her voice full of a fierce protectiveness. "I swear that no matter where this thing between us goes, I will always be here for you. You will never have to struggle alone."

It had been so easy to say, then, with their first kiss still buzzing through her veins. She had meant it, every word. But now? Would she keep her promise?

The Head Girl rose slowly. It only took her a few steps to reach Albany. She hesitated, unsure if she would really be able to do this. But she loved this girl, and she couldn't just sit and watch her hurt anymore. Reaching out, Gemma wrapped her arms around Albany, pulling her against her body in a hug. "It's alright," she murmured against Albany's soft hair. "To be confused, I mean. We were only together for a few months. Everything happened so very fast. Maybe... maybe it was too fast." She pulled back a little, just so she could look Albany in the eye. "Maybe we aren't ready for this. Love isn't always right."

This was devastating. It was something that would profoundly change the sixth year. Her first relationship had only lasted months but in those months she had fallen hard. She hadn't been afraid of where she would land because Gemma had been her saving grace. The older girl had shown Albany a lot in their time together. The younger girl had learned more about herself in those months then she had in the years of her life. It was hard to think that she had destroyed something that meant so much to her. "I never assumed that words could ever...would ever..." Her head shook a bit as she heaved another sigh, a delicate hand rising to push the curtain of hair from her face. Gemma's next words caused the sixth years heart to drop in her chest. If there had been any doubt about the ties that held them there was none now.

Light green eyes dropped to the floor as her brows pulled together. She was mad that this was happening the way it seemed to. There had never been anytime for her to clarify her thoughts that day. They had struggled to stay alive and somehow Albany had ended up on the other side of the dome. Any hope she had of saving her relationship had died as she stood out the outside so desperate to be trapped all over again. "I hate that you even have to feel the way that you do...that I caused this. I was stupid and selfish and-and I ruined us." She had. It was simple but it was true. The trust that was built between them no longer existed. "I'm selfish now...because even if I could give it back...I'd still want to keep your heart." She shifted her weight a bit, shrugging.

This was all so wrong. They should have enjoyed this ride back to the castle. There should have been giggles and hushed whispers. The entire atmosphere should have been something more than what it was now. "I..don't want you to stop loving me." Here she looked up at Gemma with desperate eyes. "Not loving isn't an option for me..." It would never be a choice. Even if the two parted ways forever, Albany would always love the older girl. Gemma would hold a place in her heart no one would ever be able to touch or dim. "But I get it if you're done...if you don't want to love me anymore." But she didn't, she couldn't. The thought of a world where Gemma didn't love her made the younger girl sick to her stomach.

She hated being emotionally vulnerable. There was something about being that open that scared her. It was a time that could destroy her as a person. She knew this and still she couldn't hold back the pain and the sorrow. Her gasp was soft as she was encased in warmth, arms hesitantly moving to slide around the lean form that now made her feel safe. The redhead took a deep breath as it might very well be the last time she would be so close to Gemma. Her head shook before she spoke. "It wasn't too fast...not for me." Her gaze locked with Gemma's as the older girl pulled back. 

Slowly she shifted to pull her arms back, keeping the darker green gaze of the girl before her as she moved. "I may have made a mistake..and I may never be able to repair the damage. But we...this.." Her hand rose to move between them to emphasize her point. "It was right. It was was more than right Gemma. It was perfect." And it had been. Her gaze dropped to rest on Gemma's lips as her body moved on it's own to close what distance was between them as the redhead leaned in to kiss the older girl. Her hand rose to cup the older girl's face before she pulled back enough to speak. "I...don't think I should have done that..."

Albany seemed so small and lost, looking at Gemma with woeful eyes. It was hard for the older girl to hang onto to hurt and the pain when she was confronted with the other girl's suffering. All through the separation, it was easy to assume that Albany wasn't feeling any distress at all. Even when she wrote to Gemma asking if she was alright, the Ravenclaw could pretend that her former girlfriend's words held no more than a kind of guilt-laden concern that had nothing to do with any kind of affection.

But in this small space, Gemma couldn't escape the knowledge that Albany was affected by their fight and troubles. Maybe she even felt the sting of it more. It was clear to the Head Girl that Albany felt responsible for how things had turned out; blamed herself for the space that had blossomed between them like a toxic weed. And it was just as clear that Albany wanted nothing more than to have Gemma back in her life. And if she was being honest, Gemma wanted that, too.

She was caught in light green eyes when the kiss happened; warm and soft and unexpected. The older girl didn't quite kiss back, but she didn't pull away, her arms around Albany's waist. She licked her lips, her eyes flicking between the younger Claw's lips and back up to hold her gaze. "I-I suppose it depends on what you planned to do next," she murmured. "Where do we go from here Albany?" She leaned their foreheads together, her eyes closing as she breathed in the feeling of being so close to the one thing she wanted and worried she would never truly have.

"I need you to help me. I can't find the way alone..."

Being so close to Gemma had always been hard for the younger girl. Now, now it was far too much for her to stand. The longing she felt for the older girl clouded her better judgement.  Albany held Gemma’s gaze as her lips parted. Was this the opening the younger Claw never thought would come? Was Gemma allowing the chance to try and fix things or was the redhead reading too much into the older girls words? “I…” She hand’t expected Gemma to ask the one question she hoped she would. The younger girl was at a lost for words as her eyes closed, taking in the feeling of being so close to Gemma.

The soft smell of citrus overwhelmed her senses and every nerve on her body felt wired as the redhead opened her eyes again to capture the older girl’s gaze. Her hand dropped to join the other at Gemma’s waist. It was hard to think of anything else but the closeness, the familiar feeling of safety. “I can’t say what happens next…” Her words were soft but strained — measured even. “..but I can tell you this…losing you…it’s not an option for me.” She pulled away reluctantly, needing the space to clear her head as well as her heart.

“Just the thought..it..” Her head shook causing the vibrant locks of her hair to sway in response. “I hate what I’ve done…the choices I’ve made have been careless.” Her hands dropped to her side as the redhead took a step back. “I…I am profoundly in love with you. I have never loved someone the way that I love you…and I hate that I didn’t realize it before I ruined the most important thing in my life.” Her gaze drifted anywhere but on Gemma. “I know I struggled and faltered a lot in the beginning…I had doubts and fears.”

She had been afraid of what loving Gemma would mean. Afraid of the moment when they were no more. “Those doubts and fears…weren’t about me loving you because I was sure of that. I knew from the first moment I saw you…I was smitten.” She had been and it had shocked the younger girl. “I want us…I want to try again. I know that may be too much for you, especially now but…” Here she reached out to let the tips of her fingers run over Gemma’s cheek. “…it’s always been you. Even through all the fears and the doubts, it’s always been you.”

Gemma wasn't sure if she could trust what Albany was saying, but her heart wanted to so badly. She searched the other girl's face as she talked, straining to hear her words, to find any hidden motives or lies. The Ravenclaw listened carefully but all she heard was honest longing. She leaned into the gentle touch on her cheek, eyes fluttering closed as the simple gesture warmed her whole body. Her heart wanted Albany, but she wasn't sure her heart knew what was good for it anymore.

The older girl bit her lip, feeling overwhelmed. So Albany hadn't been faking it when she said before they parted that she didn't want to give up on them. Gemma took a deep breath, looking her girlfriend in the eyes. "If you want to try again, try for us, then... I want to try, too. But it won't be quick or easy. I'm going to need time to, well, figure out what I need and what I can give." She shook her head, a little dazed.

"Albany, I want it to be you. I've never wanted anything so much before. Can I trust you? Can I believe in this again?"

Albany held Gemma’s gaze for a long quiet moment, all the thoughts in her head were jumbled. Her heart pounded in her chest and the sound flooded her ears. The time they spent apart had shown the younger girl what she had failed to see before. She was in love with Gemma, a concept she was still trying to understand. A truth that scared her more than most things she had experienced. Her hand rose to play with her hair as a full bottom lip was pulled between white teeth. “Of course I want to try again.” Her hand moved to pull the hair tie from her hair, allowing her fingers to run through the deep red locks slowly.

“I don’t want to rush you or make you feel like you have to try again. I know that a lot has changed and it’s my fault.” Her body dropped down onto one of the seat harshly as her head dropped back against the wall. “I’ll wait for as long as you need me to…and even if at the end of it all you don’t want this…you just can’t be with me..” Her gaze lifted up towards the ceiling. “I’ll walk away…I’ll leave you alone and I will never bother you again.” Even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. “I want you to be happy Gemma…” Here she looked back at the older girl. “Even if I’m not the one making you happy.”

She had different fears now. Fears of never being back where they once had been. Fears of being alone. Fears of not being enough. Her body shifted to push off the wall, delicate hands resting on the seat as if they were the only things holding her upright. “I will never hurt you…ever again.” Bright green eyes dropped down the floor. “I don’t ever want you to feel the way I’ve made you feel. I wish I could just go back and not say anything. I wish I had taken time before opening my mouth.” She had destroyed them and despite what others might say it was something that would stick with her. If ever Gemma pulled away her mind would slip back to that day, remembering that all the bad things that came were of her own doing.

The sixth year wasn’t sure she could trust herself. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore aside from the fact that she wanted Gemma. “Just…tell me what you need from me.”

Gemma listened to Albany talk, almost as if she was desperate to get the words out. There was desperation and determination in her voice and she looked at Gemma with such open longing that it made the older girl's heart hurt. "You make it hard to stay mad," Gemma replied softly, sitting next to her girlfriend. She gently placed her hand over Albany's, wanting to give her as much comfort as she could.

"I'll never ask you to never speak to me again," Gemma reassured her. "If it turns out we can't- we can't figure things out between us, I'll still be your friend. I care for you, Albany. I think I always will." It was still hard for Gemma to believe that the girl next to her had hurt her so deeply and the relationship she thought was so solid crumbled beneath her.

Honestly, Gemma wished for the same things. All she wanted was to forget what had been said. "Maybe it was a good thing you said something?" she ventured. "I think the wondering would have eaten at you, too." She shrugged, giving Albany a sidelong look. "Who could say that it wouldn't have been just as harmful, in the end?"

She thought for a few minutes about what she felt she needed. It was something she had thought about a lot. "I think I would like a little time to just be by myself. To think clearly about what I'm feeling." Gemma shrugged. "But I also don't want to give up on us. So I want to try again. Start fresh, I guess? Go on dates, study together again, just sit and talk. Then we can see where things go."

Her skin lit fire under Gemma's touch and the sixth year had to remind herself to keep both her hands and lips to herself. Albany stared down at their hands for a long moment, remembering what it felt like to bask in the intensity of Gemma's caress. Memories flooded her mind of the two of them losing themselves to the intoxication that was building a sound relationship. The dates and the study sessions where they laughed and spoke about the future both together and apart. The glances across the classroom, passed notes along the halls and quiet stolen moments tucked off in a dark corner away from prying eyes.

It was hard for the redhead to imagine the rest of the year with those things no longer being an option. It was even harder knowing that there was a possibility that she would never get them back. Green eyes closed slowly as she took a deep steadying breath. It felt as if the fine edges of her soul had somehow been tore apart. She felt as if something was missing and getting it back was near impossible. Like a drowning man, chained to the bottom of the ocean. Only she could take a slow steadying breath to calm her rising nerves.

“I can’t understand how you can be so…” Her eyes opened so that she could look at Gemma, take her in as if it would be the last time they would be face to face. “Why don’t you hate me?” Her eyes were searching and she was saddened more by the fact that Gemma was so nice to her. That she could even stand to be near her. She wanted to be hated, to be loathed for the pain she had caused because hating herself wasn’t enough. Her gaze shifted and her hair swayed as Albany shook her head. “It wasn’t a good thing. It was selfish. It was rushed.”

Her hands moved out to grip the edges of the seat, causing her knuckles to pale. “I spent this whole month going over it in my head.” She looked down at the floor, delicate brows drawn tightly together. “I was overwhelmed by everything and it felt like more then it was.” Yes, she loved Cyrus she would always love him. But, she was in love with Gemma. There was a difference that she now felt. “Knowing that I hurt you…that I was so haste in my decision to tell you that I didn’t even stop to actually consider how I was truly feeling…it’s the worse thing I’ve ever done.” Her words were soft, written in countless letters that she had never sent.

“I’ll give you all the time and space that you need.” Here she looked over at the older girl, lifting her left hand to let her fingers tangle themselves in the fiery locks of her hair. “I’m not going to rush or pressure you. You have to be sure, I understand that.” The pain she had caused had cut deep. The wounds were still fresh so she could see why Gemma was so hesitant. Her gaze shifted out of the window and she sighed once more. “I need you to know that I love you Gemma. Even if you can’t forgive and we can’t fix us. I’m in love with you…” Her eyes closed as she whispered the words into the quietness. “I will never stop loving you…I can’t. It’s impossible.”

Gemma sighed softly. "I thought I hated you," she replied quietly. "For the first few days after you went through the dome and I was alone, I thought I would never forgive you. You were everything to me, then you told me you were in love with someone else and you vanished. I honestly didn't think I'd ever see you again." She shook her head. "But I love you, Albany. I just had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I loved you, it wasn't enough to keep you from falling in love with someone else."

The older girl shook her head slightly at her friend's declaration. "You'd find someone else, if it hadn't been me. Maybe they would have been better for you." There was really no way to tell now. If they never managed to repair what was fractured between them, then maybe Albany would have the time and space to find someone else. The thought of Albany in someone else's arms was almost nauseating.

"C'mon, let's just talk? It's been a while since I saw you," Gemma tried changing the subject to something a little less heavy. "I bet your family was happy to see you safe and sound."