[the hounded hare] you echo through my veins - Ryan

Ryan couldn't help but smiling back. Of course Justin was doing something that was good for other people, working in law, being a successful ministry official. That sounded like him, didn't it just? He sounded like he didn't get out very much, which was a good thing and a bad thing. He hadn't mentioned seeing anyone, and Ryan was too curious to be tactful. He went ahead and asked. “No girlfriend, then?” He asked, then amended. “Err.. boyfriend, either?” He tried to quell the feeling in his chest as he imagined Justin with another man. It shouldn't have made him so jealous, but hell if it didn't. He had no right to be jealous.

He was also eager to hear that Justin knew people who would take the puppies. He wanted to help ave them, but there was no way they could keep nine dogs in their tiny flat long-term. He was certain that Jane wouldn't kick them out into the cold, but she was going to be really pissed off at Ryan for putting her into this position. What could he say? They were adorable, and the boy they came with was more than adorable....

There was something about the way the other said he was glad that he said yes to his friends because he saw Ryan again that made the other want to reach out for him. He tried to hold it in, because no matter how charming the other man was, he was still a man. It was still forbidden, and for all Ryan knew, he could belong to someone else already.

Justin gave Ryan another little smile as he shook his head. "No," he replied without any rancor. "No one recently." Justin was looking for love, for something substantial but he could never seem to get there. He'd find someone nice, they'd connect and it would be great. But then they'd want sex and Justin would become so nervous and anxious that he'd pull back. He was afraid that once someone got him in bed, they'd leave. So he just never had. But it didn't seem to make a difference because everyone left anyway. He couldn't win no matter what he did.

And now that particular can of worms was open and Justin couldn't help himself. "And you?" he inquired, carefully not looking at the younger man. "Any special girl or bloke in your life?" Justin had no reason to want the answer to be no, to want Ryan to be available. There was nothing here for him in that way but he still wanted it. He was a hopeless idiot and he couldn't seem to let go of the feeling of Ryan's hands carefully sliding across his sides or the way the other boy had looked at him. It was ridiculous and he knew it was unhealthy but there it was, still sitting in his chest after two empty years. Besides, he should want Ryan to have someone, to be happy. He was immediately ashamed of himself for hoping he was single.

"I, uh, think you said something about a drink?" Justin asked, distracting himself from his thoughts. "I'll take the house specialty. I don't drink much and I honestly have no idea what's good."

Sweet relief poured over Ryan when he heard that Justin was single, though there was really no reason for him to feel that way. Justin deserved to have someone nice, deserved to be in a healthy, loving relationship if anyone did... so why was Ryan so happy that he was stuck single, just like him? He briefly indulged himself in a thought of the two of them rekindling the... whatever it was between them, but shot it down. That was not a good idea for a few reasons.

One, they were at his place. Jane could come home at any minute and catch them going at it. He liked the thrill of public and semi-public sex as much as the next guy, but he had successfully hidden his sexuality from his flatmate for this long, even while going out and sleeping with men on the side. He didn't need that ruined for a ill-planned romp on the living room couch.

Two, he knew Justin. From what the other was saying, they were about to see a lot of one-another. Justin was going to come back over for food for the dogs, and help take care of them puppies in the evenings, which meant that Ryan would see hi not once, twice, but several times over the next few weeks. He already had to deal with the memory of what happened with them, but if it got fresher, newer, what would stop them from continuing? They’d get involved, almost like a couple. Ryan might even catch feelings. No, that was definitely a bad idea.

Three, he had been so awful to Justin that he doubted the other would even be interested in something like that with him, never mind how poorly planned it might be. Justin had moved on from him, or at least he should have. Ryan had made it clear that what happened meant nothing. Lie or truth, that's what Justin believed. He had more self-respect than that. He couldn't give Ryan another chance... at least that was what the boy told himself. After-all, there were two other reasons why he shouldn't try.

He was pushed out of his thoughts by the other's question. "Nope. I'm still single. Probably always will be." He admitted. Ryan had no intention of dating anyone any time soon, no man, no women, nothing. It wasn't that he liked his lifestyle the way it was, either. It was draining and depressing to go out every night and find a warm body to use, but he didn't trust himself with anyone. He was too afraid to let anyone in.

When the other reminded him that he was making a drink, he turned back to the kitchen, relieved. That's right. He completely forgot. He went back to the kitchen to look at what they had. They had a bunch of firewhisky but not much to go with it, unless Justin wanted to do shots, and he sincerely doubted that. The idea of Justin taking shots was almost comical. No, he'd want something fruity and girly, probably. Something sweet and easy to drink. He glanced around and noticed the tequila. Ooh, that was a smart idea. He reached for the orange juice and grabbed the grenadine off of the counter, mixing a great tequila sunrise. He'd barely be able to taste the alcohol underneath the fruity sweet drink.

“Here you go, try this.” He offered, handing it to him. “I went easy on you since you said you're not a drinker. I bet you'll barely taste the alcohol.”

Justin firmly clamped down on the part of him that sat up excitedly when Ryan admitted to still being single. The former Hufflepuff gave a little frown at his last words, though. "Why would you think you'll always be single?" he asked, confused. "I mean, if you're not looking then that's okay but... Well, I think you'd make someone very happy someday." Justin's face was just as open and honest as it ever was. He believed in his heart that Ryan could find a person to commit to, to love. And you deserve happiness too, you know, Justin added silently. He had a forgiving heart and just because Ryan had broken his heart didn't mean he held it against him. It wasn't a crime, to not want someone.

The older boy trailed Ryan into the kitchen like a puppy, smiling as he watched him mix up some clear liquid into orange juice and another deep red syrup. "Thanks," he said, taking a cautious sip. He didn't want to choke on it and look like a total ass in front of someone as experienced as Ryan Hadditch, but the drink was surprisingly smooth, with just a little bit of a warmth at the end of it. "Hey, this is delicious!" he exclaimed, taking a normal-sized drink. "You're really good at this. Normally mixed drinks taste like rubbing alcohol but I like this one." A few more drinks and Justin had downed the contents of the glass, drinking it like it was sweet orange juice rather than an alcoholic beverage. "Another one?" he asked, tilting his glass towards Ryan with a smile.

Being inexperienced, Justin could have no idea that downing a tequila sunrise on an empty stomach could have consequences. It had been hours since Justin had eaten anything more substantial than the small half of a meat pie. Ignorance is bliss and the cheery Puff had no idea what he was in for.

"So, how long have you been living here? Since graduation?" he asked Ryan. "And Darren does, um, he live here too?" Justin was a little nervous about running into the eldest Hadditch boy. He had been on the receiving end of a number of Darren beatings when he was in school. He didn't harbor any ill will against the older boy, not really. Justin was a forgiving soul and he had forgiven Darren a long time ago but he'd rather not relive the feeling of being eleven again and getting pummeled. Plus, he was pretty sure if Darren asked, Ryan would resume his old role of holding Justin still to receive his beating and that would be more than he could take.

Ryan watched eagerly as Justin downed the drink. This poor kid had no idea what was about to hit him. Ryan made him another anyway, as he considered what to say about his lack of relationships. Truthfully, he'd flushed pretty deep when Justin had told him he would make someone happy someday. How would he know? Ryan certainly hadn't made him happy. Instead, he'd pushed him away like he always did to people. If he tried, would he actually be any better? He'd probably cheat or find some other way to hurt him them. He highly doubted that he'd be good at it at all--especially since he was still so far in the closet.

Instead of speaking this, he shrugged. "I'm not really looking." He replied. "I don't want to be tied down, and I'm really not that domestic." He laughed. It was ironic, a little, because Ryan was surprisingly domestic. He and Jane acted very much like a married couple, all things considered.

"...but it's surprising that you're still single." He added after a moment. "You come off like a hopeless romantic. You'd probably be a very devoted boyfriend." He passed the other his drink. "What, you got a thing for bad boys or something?" He teased, not realizing how right he was.

He smirked lightly as the other mentioned Darren. "You afraid of Darren still?" He joked. To be fair, Justin had plenty of reason to be scared of Darren. Darren was scary. Sometimes, even Ryan was afraid of him. He shook his head. "Nah, he's off doing Merlin knows what. I'm babysitting his girlfriend, basically." He laughed. "Well, technically they broke up but you know Darren. He wants me to watch her every move because he still loves her. He was really stupid to break our of in the first place. Jane's a catch." He explained. "Besides, they've been together basically forever. I can't imagine keeping a girl around that long. I bet you could, though." With his 'you could make someone happy' garbage, he must have wanted someone for the long haul.

"I've only been here a few months. I moved in when Darren left, but it's actually great. Jane and I are basically best friends now--or, well, we were until I brought home seven dogs. She'll love them, but she'll kill me." He confessed. He went over to the puppies and let them sniff him before finally picking one of them up. They were really cute.

"What about you? I'm surprised I haven't run into you before now. Never on my side of town?" He wondered. He couldn't stop stealing glances at the other. He wished he'd seen him, but what would he have said? The dogs were the only reason Justin was still around...

This night was turning out to be absolutely fantastic. It had promised to be a decent time, getting a few beers with some work buddies but this was loads better. He was sitting with a yummy drink, waiting for pizza to arrive, having a nice conversation with Ryan Hadditch. Merlin, he never would have thought in a million years that something like this would ever happen. He surreptitiously pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Nope. Still awake and still feeling amazing. He watched Ryan flush at his words and felt an almost overwhelming urge to pull the other boy into his arms and hold him. He shook his head to clear it a little. There was no way Ryan would allow that. Justin would just have to keep his distance and not mess this up.

The thought of Ryan Hadditch playing house was rather amusing. Justin imagined him in a frilly apron baking cookies and he stifled a giggle. It wasn't a great leap from that image to Ryan wearing only and apron and that made Justin blush a deep pink. He took looked away, trying to get himself under control. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on being cool and not just give in to his irrational desires to pull Ryan into his arms and kiss him like he had before. But Ryan didn't want him, he'd made that clear. So Justin wrangled with his wayward emotions while listening to Ryan speak.

"Me?" he asked, looking back at the younger boy, still flushed from the alcohol and the rush of desire. He took his drink, shaking his head and smiling a little ruefully. "I suppose I am a bit," he replied. "I mean, I've dated. Things go great for a while and then they just never go anywhere." He shrugged, feeling the disappointment and loneliness tugging at his heart. Justin went still at Ryan's next comment, his flush deepening. "Maybe," he replied softly. In a more normal voice he continued, hazel eyes catching Ryan's as he looked at him through his lashes. "I mean, who doesn't like a bad boy?"

Justin made a strangled squeaking noise, pulling a face. "Not afraid," he bluffed. "Just wary. He never liked me. I hate fighting and I'd rather not leave with any more bruises than I came with." He listened to the story of Jane and Darren, wondering what kind of girl a Hadditch boy would consider a 'catch.' Probably gorgeous and capable of kicking Justin's ass. He was half-way through his second tequila sunrise, sipping it absently like you would a beer or soda. "Well, I haven't had any luck convincing anyone to stay so far," he muttered into his drink. "As much as I'd like to and as hard as I try."

Justin gave Ryan a reassuring smile. "Blame the dogs on me," he said with a good-natured shrug. "And she doesn't have to worry too much. Looking at them, they should be weaned in a couple weeks. I'll bring by food for mama until then so it won't be a burden for you two. And I'll come by to help. I can be here every day if you don't mind me watching them while I do some homework." He watched Ryan handle a puppy, the sight like something out of Justin's own fantasies. He was so gentle with them. The Hufflepuff melted a little seeing it. He joined Ryan, kneeling down to pet the mama dog. She looked at him with big brown eyes, her tail wagging. "The puppies will be easy to place, but she'll be harder." The dog gave his chin a lick and he giggled.

He looked up at Ryan, smiling. "Not usually. I only moved to London about a year ago. Got the Ministry job right out of Hogwarts. Lived with my mum and stepdad and little brother and sister until I had enough to move out." He puffed out his chest proudly. "I have my own place. It's tiny, but it's home." He stood up again, smiling into Ryan's eyes, a little closer than he would have let himself get if he was sober, which he definitely wasn't. "Now that I know you're out here, I'll have to come visit more." It was probably Justin's imagination but he could almost feel a warmth spreading between them.

The knock at the door made Justin jump. He realized he's been looking at Ryan's lips and he flushed, taking a hasty step back. "Pizza, yeah? Great, I'm starving!" He grabbed his wallet from his robe pocket, using it as a distraction. "How much do I owe you?" In his nerves, he downed what was left of his second tequila sunrise, setting the empty glass on the table. He felt a little lightheaded, but he attributed it to having an empty stomach.

Justin was so cute trying to act tough and like he wasn't slowly slipping into intoxication. Ryan couldn't help but grin as the other admitted that he was into bad boys. It made sense from what Ryan knew of him, but there was something about the way the other said it that made Ryan wonder if Justin meant him, in particular. The sexual tension was growing steadily between them, and Ryan wasn't sure if it was just him or if it went both ways. Either way, he felt a little proud of himself for some reason, likely due to the other's crimson flush. It felt good to be able to get to him, even a little bit. Ryan hadn't forgotten them, that much was obvious. It was good that he hadn't, because Justin still meant a great deal more to Ryan than Ryan had wanted to admit.

“You know, I don't really get the fascination with bad boys.” He admitted. “They're kinda overrated.” It was probably because he was one. He really didn't want to end up with someone like Darren, or someone even scarier than that. That wasn't his type at all. His type was.. sunny and happy and kind to everyone. Someone like Alec, who had seen potential in Ryan when Ryan hadn't seen it in himself... or someone like Justin, who saw potential in everyone. Justin was always kind. Ryan had only seen him angry once, and even as they fought the other still managed to apologize for it. He begged Ryan to stop and let him stop, too. “I have a thing for good boys. You know the type.” He slipped. He had forgotten to change the gender of his desired partner the way he usually did, likely because he was still remembering the other's honeysuckle taste. Ryan didn't even notice that he'd said he was interested in boys.

It deflated him some to hear about Justin's lack of luck in love. If anyone deserved to find someone, it was Justin. Why wouldn't they stay? Why didn't it turn into anything? He had a feeling girls would consider Justin too nice for them, which was fair... but they were the ones missing out. Loyalty meant a lot to Ryan, loyalty and trust and respect. Justin was careful to always give all three, and be worthy of them, too. Ryan felt guilty.

Soon the topic of conversation was changing back to the dogs, and Justin was offering to come over every day to help out. That seemed to shock Ryan back into reality. There was no way he could have Justin over every day without catching feelings again, was that smart? He shook his head. “You don't need to come over every day. We can probably handle them.” He offered, but then amended, because he was a masochist. “But, you can come over whenever you want.” He caught the other's eyes, then looked away, feeling foolish. Maybe he had already caught feelings.

Then, suddenly, Justin seemed to be flirting with him, and Ryan didn't know how to handle it. The other's plush lips were beckoning like a siren's song, luring him in to the awful end he knew would follow and ill-timed attempt at a kiss. He caught his eyes again, and lingered this time. Then, the doorbell rang and Ryan was struck from his stupor. “Right, Pizza.” He laughed, grabbing his wallet and going over to the door. “It's on me tonight.” He offered, though he could have probably used the money. He paid the delivery man and tipped him pretty well before bringing the pizza back inside. “This smells amazing. You have good taste.” He complimented, no-longer thinking about their almost-kiss in light of the food. He grabbed plates from the kitchen and served himself the two choice slices before letting Justin pick from the rest. He wasn't that nice.

“You want another drink?” He offered. “Or, maybe you ought to have some water.” He teased.

"I have a thing for good boys."

The words echoed in Justin's head, which was feeling rather echo-y at the moment. And light. And maybe a touch woozy? The Hufflepuff wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the rush of blood to his head at Ryan's words. He liked good boys. He liked boys. Was it just Justin's imagination, or did the room feel hotter and closer now that those words hung in the air. It seemed like there was a tightness in his chest, a tug towards the younger boy that Justin remembered all too well when he was sober and now that he was getting on past drunk it was like he could reach out and touch the rope tying them together. Justin had this fluttery feeling that maybe, just maybe, he could be Ryan's good boy. He could be very good if it was Ryan.

Justin felt a bit wounded when Ryan said he didn't need to come by, but he brightened as the other boy told him to come by whenever he wanted. He wanted to move in and make himself a part of Ryan's life. Man, he was drunk. But because he was looking, he caught Ryan looking and the older boy felt his heart thump erratically in his chest. It was probably only the alcohol talking but a voice in Justin's head was telling him that he definitely had a chance with Ryan, if the other boy was looking at him like that, like Justin had been looking at him whenever he thought he wouldn't be caught staring.

He continued to think about it, even as the moment passed and the pizza came and Ryan was handing him a plate and complimenting him on his choice in toppings. "It's my favorite combination," he told him as he picked out two random slices, taking a big bite. He swallowed, fixing Ryan with a look he thought was lofty and indignant but was just ridiculous. "You think I can't hold my liquor?" he asked with a huff, setting his plate of pizza down on the table. "I'm fine, you know. I'm not a baby! I'm - UHP!" That last sentence was interrupted by Justin attempting to sit in a chair at the table and missing completely, landing with a thud on the floor. From somewhere beneath the table came a plaintive voice:

"I'm drunk and would like some water please." This declaration was followed by a hand reaching up, blindly looking for his plate of pizza, finally encountering it, and carrying it back under the table. A hiccup, then another slightly slurred proclamation. "I live down here now, 'kay? Dis where I live..."

Ryan watched Justin fall with a large grin, his joy tempered slightly by worry for the other. He hadn't expected two drinks to knock him on his ass quite that badly, but maybe he'd overestimated how drunk he was getting his friend. It didn't matter. Justin seemed okay, thought his pride seemed a bit bruised. Ryan was still laughing as he poured the other's water and brought it over to him. Instead of helping the other up, Ryan plopped down beside him on the floor with his own plate. He handed the other his water.

“Dis where you live?” Ryan teased, mimicking him a little. “That's fine. I'll keep you company.” He took a large bite of his pizza and moaned at the taste of it. It was amazing, and it wasn't until that first bite that he realized how hungry he really was. He greedily took a second, then a third bite. He swallowed before he spoke again.

“You weren't joking about being a lightweight, were you?” He laughed. “It's okay. You think you can get home tonight?” He wondered. He looked over at the couch and heard one of the puppies squeak. He considered for a moment before finally offering. “The couch is yours if you need to sleep it off, just try not to puke on it.” He requested.

Jusitn was laying on the floor, one arm slung over his face to hide his blush, by the time Ryan made it down with the water. He raised his arm to look at Ryan, sitting up with a groan. He reached for the water, pressing the cold glass to his flushed face before taking a sip. He sighed, drinking more of the sweet-tasting liquid. It was like mana from heaven and it felt amazing going down his throat. He drained pretty much the whole glass before stopping. Justin smiled at Ryan, his face still flushed red, eyes taking in as much as he could of the younger boy. He liked this, sitting here like they were friends, eating and talking. Small things, but they made Justin's heart thud harder inside his chest.

"Thanks," he told Ryan, his smile warm and big and more than a little smitten. "For the pizza. And the water. And, well, everything." He didn't just mean tonight, either, though he doubted Ryan could hear that in his voice. He wanted to thank him for the afternoon two years ago. For the kisses and the touches and the... well, even if it hadn't meant anything to Ryan it had meant everything to Justin. For a while, he had felt special. And even the knowledge that he never was, never would be special to Ryan in the way he'd hoped when they'd held each other, couldn't completely take away how wonderful it had been. He could pretend, even for a few moments, that he was something worth holding on to.

He huffed again slightly. "I generally don't lie," Justin told Ryan. "I don't usually drink liquor. When the boys from the office drag me out, I usually stick to beers and ale. Safer. You get full of liquid before you actually get drunk." He watched Ryan eat, taking in his own pizza and feeling better for it, when Ryan offered the couch to him for the night. Justin blinked, feeling suddenly shy, but he pushed the feeling away. "I think I might have to. I certainly can't apparate and walking to my place seems dangerous if I can barely sit down." He was gaining a little clarity, but he was still drunk.

Drunk enough that he didn't think twice of scooting towards Ryan and resting his blonde head on the other boy's shoulder. "I won't puke," he told him seriously, almost nuzzling into his neck unconsciously, warm breath puffing against the other's skin. "Promise."

It was too much temptation for Ryan Hadditch to bear when Justin presented himself so openly, his head on Ryan's shoulder and the other's warm breath on his neck. It would be so close, so easy for Ryan to turn his head and make their lips touch and he could suddenly think of nothing else. He could smell the other's breath from the position he was in. He could taste him again, and it ached.

He really shouldn't. Justin was drunk. He would be taking advantage of the other, but that was just an excuse. Ryan had taken advantage of more than a few drunk girls without feeling even remotely sorry about it. What made Justin different? It wasn't just that he was a guy. Ryan had taken advantage of a few drunk guys, too. Even so, there was something about Justin that made him unsure about rushing it. He worried that he'd overstep and the other would leave forever.

Why was he worried about that? He had only just met up with Justin today. He hadn't seen him in two years. It wasn't as though the other was s fixure in his life, na dRyan wasn't sure that he wanted him to be.It wasn't as though the other was s fixture in his life, and Ryan wasn't sure that he wanted him to be. In fact, Ryan was pretty sure that some part of him wanted Justin to leave. It would have been much, much easier that way. The blond haired older boy was confusing to Ryan, bringing up old feelings that had been buried for so long. He could vividly remember their night, now, something he had forgotten for two years. It was now back to the surface, as fresh as if it had just happened.

It would be so easy to fall into that again, and some crazy part of him felt like Justin would let it happen. He'd let him touch and taste him again... and that was Ryan's deciding factor. That was what gave him the most resolve. He couldn't do it. Justin was too good and Ryan had treated him too badly. If he hadn't gotten him drunk, he wouldn't even be touching him. Ryan had broken his heart. It had been clear from the look on the other's face, the tears welling up in his eyes on that day he'd told them they meant nothing. While Ryan didn't regret it, not really, he regretted the suffering he had caused. He had no right to ask for this, no right to try for anything more.

So he just sat there, taking the affection and shaking with his pent-up desire. He would not give in. He could not give in. Justin deserved so much better.

Justin could feel Ryan shaking. The Hufflepuff had no notion of the torment the other boy was going through, the tightly-held desires that the other boy fought. All he knew was that he was sitting on the floor with someone Justin already considered a friend, and he was shaking. "Cold?" he asked, lifting his head to look at Ryan with concern. The younger boy didn't look cold but he was still shaking. Justin flashed him a bright smile. "I can fix it!"

With that, Justin rapidly crawled on all fours to the couch and pulled off a blanket, dragging it along behind him as he crawled back to their little hide-out. He settled down with Ryan,sitting so his legs were draped over the other boy's lap, his side resting against Ryan's chest. Justin was practically sitting in the younger man's lap, smiling up at him innocently as he carefully wrapped them both in the blanket. "It'll be warm soon," he promised, tucking the top of his blonde head under Ryan's chin.

The Hufflepuff slid his arms around Ryan's torso, hands rubbing vigorously against the other's back. He was muttering softly, "Warm, warm, warm, warm..." like the words were a spell and if he repeated them long enough and with enough feeling it would happen. Justin looked back up into Ryan's face, concern in his eyes and not a trace of anything other than the most pure of intentions. "Better?" he asked, his face flushed from the exertion, the alcohol, and the nearness of Ryan.

Merlin, Justin could smell him from this distance. He remembered the smell; smokey and dark and heady. There were other smells associated with this memory too, like the smell of sweat and sex and polished wood. It occurred belatedly to Justin that he was far too close to Ryan, to the boy who had never wanted to speak with him or see him again. He looked down, hoping Ryan wouldn't have seen the sudden flash of painful memory. It wasn't Ryan's fault he didn't want Justin. It wasn't Ryan's fault that Justin couldn't seem to let go. "Sorry," he murmured, slowly and reluctantly pulling away from the younger boy. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he berated himself silently. He was nothing to Ryan. The Hufflepuff bit the inside of his lip to keep the tears from welling up inside his eyes. He didn't want to be a weepy drunk. He didn't want to cry in front of Ryan. Merlin, please, not in front of Ryan...

The boy was testing his resolve. Each subsequent thing the boy did seemed to make the tension worse and worse. He curled up next to him, almost completely in his lap and began rubbing his hands over Ryan's shaking form. He wasn't cold, but Justin was certainly warming him up—in more ways than one. He almost had to pull himself away just to lessen the intensity, but Justin beat him to the punch, pulling away with a sudden change in emotion. Ryan watched him with a furrowed brow, unsure what he was feeling but knowing that it wasn't good. Drunk people were often more emotional than normal.

Ryan wondered what was going on in his head. While their most recent fight was fresh in his mind, he doubted that it would be on Justin's mind. Why would he still be upset about that? Sure, Ryan broke his heart but it was two years ago. Justin had dated since then. Maybe he was reliving another breakup. Maybe his grandmother had died or something, who knew? Either way, Ryan reached out and patted his back gingerly. “It's okay, man.” He offered, scooting a little farther away before reaching out to him again.

Ryan felt awkward, now, but at least that had quelled his desire somewhat. He certainly wasn't thinking of kissing the boy when he seemed sad or depressed. Quite the opposite, he felt a great desire to pull away more, as if that might help remedy the situation. He liked being alone when he was sad, because he hated being that way in front of other people. Maybe Justin felt the same way? Still, he wasn't trying to leave. Ryan took another bite of pizza while he was waiting for the other to speak again, and tried to clear his mind. Maybe the tequila sunrises were a bad idea, after-all. He was babysitting, now.

And suddenly they seemed to be drifting away from each other like galaxies and Justin felt so awfully, terribly alone. He supposed it had something to do with the alcohol and something to do with the boy he was with. Strangely, the patting helped, and Justin gave a wet chuckle. He wiped his eyes, looking at the other boy again with a little smile. He hiccuped and giggled.

"Told you I was a lightweight," he joked, trying to get them back to a few minutes before, when Justin had felt like he was sitting on the floor with a friend. He carefully scooted forward a bit, reaching up to grab the pizza box and bring it under the table with them. He smiled at Ryan again, a more normal one than before. The almost-crying had sobered him up a little, and he took another small drink from what little water was left in his glass to calm himself a little more. More bites of pizza taken in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable, at least not too much.

From the vantage point on the floor, he could see the puppies nursing at their mum's side. His smile grew wider as he watched them and he looked at Ryan again, still smiling brightly. "Thanks for taking them in for a bit," he said again, wanting Ryan to know he was truly grateful for what he was doing. "These little ones will get a good life because of you. Homes, families that love them, warm beds and full bellies..." He sighed, eyes closing slightly before yawning. He shook his head, almost to clear it. He was slipping again, and without much warning he was laying down, using one of Ryan's legs as a pillow. He was wrapped up in the blanket with Ryan still, and to Justin it seemed like he had never felt safer.

The older boy rolled slightly, so he was looking up at Ryan from his lap, smiling happily. "You're comfy. Did you know that? You wouldn't think so because of all the muscles you have but this is nice. You make a nice pillow..." Justin stretched, moaning slightly, eyes fluttering shut. "You could be a professional pillow." The drunk was coming through again, but at least he wasn't about to start sobbing like a baby in front of the one boy he swore he wouldn't show any more weakness too. Well, it was far too late for that, but Justin was too comfortable to care or remember that much.

Ryan was feeling surprisingly patient with Justin at the moment. He let them sit in silence, kinda wishing he wasn't on the floor but not minding it enough to get up. He couldn't help stealing glances at the other and wondering why his mind worked the way it did. He supposed he'd never know. It was good that Justin seemed reassured, feeling a little better now that he'd gotten out the almost-cry. Ryan wasn't sure how to handle it when people got too emotional.

Then they were talking about the puppies again, a safe topic that had nothing to do with them or their history. Ryan did feel good about bringing the puppies home. It felt like he was doing a good deed, and Justin only made him feel a little more proud of himself. He was right. Those puppies would have a good life thanks to them. “Thanks to you, too.” Ryan offered. “I mean, you're the one who found them. I didn't even know there were puppies.” He shrugged. He felt good about himself anyway.

Then, Justin laid down on his legs. It was cute, even though it was fairly uncomfortable for him, Justin seemed satisfied. He smiled a little as the other rambled on about how comfortable he really was. “Thanks, I think?” He teased. He'd never been told that he could be a professional pillow before, though Jane did often say he was a pro at cuddling. This counted as cuddling, didn't it? How awkward for them both...