[April MP] Oh look! A yeti! (Varya)

Leonard Cunningham had always been vain and proud even though he could also laugh about himself occasionally. However, that only worked as long as he was in control. He didn't mind making fun of himself if it was in his power to stop it as well. If it wasn't - well, then he did still try to make the best of it but it was not quite as much fun anyway. Lately Leonard had discovered that on the top of his head his hair was getting thinner. Well, he knew that at his age some unlucky fellows were already going bald in a more obvious way but that didn't make it any better for him. He was not even forty, for Merlin's sake! No time to go bald yet.

The Cauldron Cosmetics' Evergrow Potion had been advertised so much over the past weeks though that the wizard figured this was an easy option to solve his little problem. He had got the potion the day before a premiere at his theatre for which he wanted to look his best. After all, as the owner and director of the theatre the journalists would take photos of him and he'd appear in newspapers and magazines... Nobody was supposed to see that he was getting bald. He did not mind getting older though. In fact, Leonard felt quite comfortable with his age. He felt better now than he had when he had been ten or more years younger. People were taking him serious now - most of the time.

He stood in front of the mirror, ready to apply the potion. After rereading the instructions carefully, Leonard tried it out. Watching his reflection in the mirror and practising a little speech he intended to hold at the premiere at the theatre. He smiled and winked and grinned until his reflection sprouted hair from about everywhere. His eyes widened in shock and he lifted his hands to his face just to feel what he knew would be true - it was not just his reflection that was covered in hair, in fur actually.

After the first shock wore off, Leonard laughed heartily. He looked like a yeti or some other hairy creature! Maybe he should go out on the street and scare some people? Yes, that seemed a fair enough plan. He'd go out, have some fun and then he'd sue Cauldron Cosmetics and get the hairy mess sorted out at St Mungos.

He made his way out of the house, feeling all itchy in his clothes that were too tight now that he was so hairy. He took some time chasing after people but when a little boy did not scream in panic but rather tugged on his mother's robes and said "Mama, look! There's a yeti!" he figured it was time for him to make his way to St Mungos already. With a 'plop' the Irish wizard vanished from the street and reappeared in the entrance of St Mungos.

Leonard quickly made his way to the third floor and announced his arrival there. Since he had to wait a little he busied himself to play the yeti for as long as he'd have his nice blonde and long fur. "Muhahaha" he said to a little girl that was waiting as well and that looked red like a tomato. "I'm a yeti!" he exclaimed dramatically and waved frantically, hoping to make her laugh. However, the girl looked rather terrified and called for her mother. As the witch sped to her daughter, a furious expression on her face, Leonard shook his hand and turned around.

He'd wait in the other corner of the room. Hopefully he wouldn't have to sit here for too long. He picked up a magazine and rolled his eyes when he saw a Cauldron Cosmetics ad that issued a recall of the Evergrow Potion. Why hadn't he seen this earlier?

A worldwide potion recall. The first few days of dealing with this had been fun, but now? Now Varvara Stepanovna was seriously questioning her choice in career. The recall had been out for days now, and people were still using the once-miraculous hair tonic, still clogging up her floor of St Mungo's with their grossly overly hairy bodies, waiting for help. Varya was seriously questioning her ethical responsibilities right now, especially after helping yet another patient who had somehow missed the many, many warnings that had been printed in the past few days.

Sure, once the potion users actually showed up at the hospital to be treated, it took nearly no effort on the healer's part to turn things around, but that didn't mean that Varya was any more eager to do it. She wanted a real case, someone in excruciating pain, someone who had been actually poisoned. Not someone who had used a potion to keep from going bald. But Cauldron Cosmetics requested only the most skilled healers handle the recall cases, wanting to stay as far away from any additional legal recourse.

She stepped out of her small office, having just checked on the cauldron of the restorative potion for all these recall victims, making her way back to the check-in desk, looking for her next patient. The woman could see, just by looking over the patients in the waiting room, that there was a handful of interesting cases, but as had been the norm the past few days, she was given the hairy one. She sighed, rolling her eyes as she was handed the paperwork about the man.

After scanning the page, she looked up, her gaze settling on the hairiest person in the waiting room. "Cunningham," she called out, her Russian accent just slightly noticeable. She didn't bother waiting for him to acknowledge her, instead turning around and walking down the hallway, past her office, into a room a few doors down.

Now she waited for him to enter the room behind her, motioning to the hospital bed for him to take a seat. "Mr Cunningham, I'm Healer Zakharova," she offered to him, not bothering to also offer her hand to finish the introduction. If her past patients had been any indication, his hand would have been far too inconvenient to receive any sort of handshake.

"Now, what seems to be the problem?" She knew what it was, it was quite obvious, but if she had to handle all these special cases, she wasn't going to try very hard to save anyone any embarrassment.

Oh, did he think he was being clever? Varya tilted her head at him, pursing her lips as she did so. "Mr Cunningham," she started slowly, for his benefit so that the words may sink in, "If I wanted to go to bed with you, you would know it." She motioned again to the bed, not wanting to have to tell him to sit down, though seeing as how he had used the potion even after the recall, thinking he would understand simple directions was probably taking things to far. "I'm pleased to see you have at least retained your sense of humor even after seriously disfiguring yourself."

If the woman didn't have years of experience with a proper bedside manner, it would have been far more difficult to refrain from rolling her eyes when he stated that he didn't have a problem. If he would rather keep the hair forever, then by all means, he could very well go ahead. He would probably be quite disappointed to find out, however, that trying to charm it away would merely increase the thickness of all the new sprouts. Cutting it away would only make it grow back with a vengeance. Not to mention the other various things Varya had seen since the potion had started misfiring and people tried to fix their own problems.

"If potency is your problem, then you'll have to fill out a different form, unfortunately." She clicked her tongue in a disappointed manner, more than happy to take her time dealing with this patient. The longer he took to cooperate, the longer she could take to help, and the sooner she would get to go home. Still, she was fairly certain that wasn't what he was implying at all, but she wasn't about to make things easy for him if he wasn't going to do the same for her. "If you do not have a problem," she added, "You're free to go."

She glanced down at the paperwork in her hands, scanning over his height, pre-hair weight, age, before glancing up again, catching his eyes, the only uncovered part of him, with her own. "And if you did not have an unfortunate run in with a potion, you can head downstairs to be directed to the correct floor." And if he hadn't had an unfortunate run in with a poison, well that was seeming more and more unfortunate with every passing moment.

"But, if you would like medical assistance and still possess the ability to take a seat, please do."

"Ecstatic," Varya replied smoothly, not adding any sign of happiness to her word. Still, it was always nice to hear patients admit they were in the wrong. It was quite soothing, actually. "I do appreciate you helping me keep my job as it is quite enjoyable when taking care of patients with actual issues." Not that his hair wasn't a real issue, but there was a handful of more interesting cases currently sitting in the waiting room, and she was bound to help the yeti.

"My, isn't that a tempting offer," Varya mused, hoping he was at least a bit of a pleasure to look at without all the hair. That would at least make things a bit more tolerable in the grand scheme of things. "Unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter of helping you or not, as for legal reasons Cauldron Cosmetics has elected for the most experienced healers to have anything to do with the matter." She smiled a warm smile that didn't quite match the feeling of her next words. "So it looks like I am stuck with you, regardless."

Finally he sat and asked his first serious question. She would have loved to tell him that the process would be wildly painful, but she had to once again remind her that she was in the hospital, on duty, and ethics got in the way. "A potion, yes, and I've just run out of the currant flavored batch. It'll be another ten hours before that's ready," she answered with a slight smile. "The current options are waiting for that, or taking the unflavored one, which apparently tastes like feet. Up to you," she finished, with a little shrug.

"The potion stops the hair growth, and then I get to give you a trim." She said this next sentence slowly, as it was most assuredly her least favorite part of the treatment. "A salve is applied to the areas where you don't want to have hair, and then you have to be monitored for twenty minutes before you can clean up." Her last patient had been a very elderly, very round, very handsy man, so hopefully Mr Cunningham wouldn't give him a run for his money.

He did get some bonus points for originality, but Varya wasn't about to tell him that; it was one of the more clever ways a man had attempted to go home with her, and in any other situation she probably would have laughed. But unfortunately for him, he was still ruining her day and she didn't much appreciate it. "You can keep your hair, but you might be more successful without it." She didn't specify just what, exactly, he would be successful with, but she thought she knew how he would interpret that. And letting men down was so much more enjoyable after getting their hopes up.

"So we can begin when you're ready."