try another city, another town [nerys]

november 2001

Fflur and her sister were having tea fairly regularly now, though it was almost always them two alone, no parents, no nephew, nothing else to distract Fflur from trying to be better. It had been slow going, but she was almost to the point of looking forward to their next meal. Almost. She had been spending some time with their parents as well, both with and without Nerys, and it wasn’t until her mother mentioned something about spending time with Niall that it really sunk in just how little she had done that very thing, despite how hard she was actually trying at the whole family thing.

So she had brought it up as casually as she could at their next tea, maybe just seeing Niall at all, and that had somehow led to Fflur standing awkwardly outside the entrance to the London Zoo, hurriedly finishing her cigarette as her sister and nephew approached. She certainly hadn’t anticipated the day going so well, especially as she realized just how lacking the zoo was in smoking areas. But the afternoon passed easily enough, Fflur successfully holding Niall’s hand so Nerys could use the toilet, not losing him or feeding him to a lion in the minute and a half she was gone.

Dinnertime and bedtime passed and Fflur found herself on Nerys’s couch while she busied herself in the kitchen, insistent that she didn’t need help with the dishes. Fflur wasn’t going to push her offer to help any farther, sure that even if she did help wash and dry Nerys would need to redo them anyway. The living room was clean, neurotically so, and it was a wonder that a six-year-old lived there.

Still, Fflur couldn’t get over the novelty of being in Nerys’s home. She was pretty unfamiliar with London, but she knew enough to know that the neighborhood certainly wasn’t shabby. There were photos on the walls and the side table, mostly of Niall, but a couple, she noticed, of the family in the eighties, if the size of their hair was any indication of time. Fflur definitely did not have any family photos up in her room, not even sure if she owned any to begin with.

But her feeling guilty (or feeling bad for not feeling guilty) was interrupted as Nerys reentered the room, two glasses of wine in her hand. Fflur shifted uncomfortably, moving over on the sofa in an effort to make it look like she was just moving to make room. She was hoping she would never have to have this conversation with her, willing Nerys to just pick up on the fact that Fflur hadn’t had a drink in front of her in the few months they had been on speaking terms again.

She took the offered glass tentatively, the words forming on her tongue before she really knew that she wanted to say them. It was easier to not talk about it, like the unspoken agreement she had with Robin, so she had yet to really admit this change to anyone. She certainly didn’t think Nerys would be the first.

“Oh, er,” she started, her hand still outstretched. “Thanks but no thanks.” She finished with a nod, moving the glass back towards her sister. If things went her way, they could just assume she preferred white wine to red and they could move on without drawing any more attention to anything.

@Nerys Blevins

Nerys backed carefully into the sitting room, letting the kitchen door swing shut behind her as she crossed over to the sofa, carrying two generous pours of her favorite Cabernet. “You’ve earned it,” she told her with a small smile and handing over the drink, wondering how Fflur felt about her original offer after spending nearly an entire day with her five-year-old nephew. “Aside from the one minor meltdown, I’d say he did pretty well.”

Her train of thought was cut short as she registered Fflur’s odd response to her reentry into the room, as though her older sister was teetering on the edge of saying something. Nerys hesitated, too, bracing herself to hear whatever it was that Fflur was having such a hard time getting out.

Nerys stared at her sister for a moment, confused, before reaching out and taking back the glass without a word. She stood awkwardly in front of Fflur for a moment, trying to recall if there was any precedent for her sister refusing a drink. She supposed it was a good thing for Fflur to be cutting back, given her past behavior, but it hadn’t really occurred to the younger Blevins that drinking, or the lack thereof, might have been the reason that Fflur had managed to successfully arrive in Scotland, land a job, and, most surprising of all, reconnect with her family.

Trying her best to act nonchalant, although the delay in her action undoubtedly gave away her confused thoughts, Nerys sat down in an armchair and placed the extra glass on the table beside her, unsure what to do with her own. The truth was that Nerys had assumed Fflur was being as reckless ever, but just managing to be more covert about it all.

After a moment, Nerys stood up again, feeling more foolish by the minute and glad of an excuse to leave the room. “I suppose I should just get us something else, then,” she said awkwardly, grabbing both glasses of wine and escaping back to the kitchen.

Of course, she could have simply vanished the drinks in the sitting room, but reunited or not, it was still asking a lot for Nerys to sit with her sister in the evening hours with no food to occupy the awkward pauses in conversation without a glass of wine to get her through. She hastily knocked back her own glass of the heavy liquid, trying her best not to cough as the wine burned her throat. Chugging red wine wasn’t exactly her idea of a model maternal move, but she felt pretty sure it was her best option at the moment. She gave her head a little shake, cleared her throat as quietly as possible, and headed back to the sofa where Fflur was waiting, breathing deeply through her nose and hoping she wouldn’t regret the abrupt intake.

“Is this a recent development?” she asked tentatively after a moment, echoing her sister’s words from months before. It seemed there was so little the pair knew about each other anymore.

Fflur handed the glass back with a nod, hoping that would be the low point of the evening. But Nerys was staring at her, not speaking. She was sure what was going through her mind, how this was a novel situation to behold, heaven forbid Fflur Blevins refuse a drink. Of course, they had never really been drinking buddies at any point in their relationship, but she could imagine what Nerys had come to assume about her. She probably wasn’t too far off, honestly.

She breathed a sigh of relief as Nerys sat down. Another minute passed without another sound from either of them. Fflur was on the verge of telling her to go ahead and enjoy herself. She might hate herself by not drinking but that didn’t mean she hated everyone else enough to deny them theirs. Not initially, anyway.

But Nerys was a step ahead of her, standing up and saying something about replacing the wine for something else. “Right,” Fflur muttered, not sure if she should offer to help again or not. She settled on not helping as Nerys hurried back out of the room and Fflur nodded to herself as she let go of the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. It would be the perfect opportunity to slink out the door, back to Scotland to resume their previous relationship of not acknowledging each other’s presence.

She was on the edge of her seat deciding to bolt when Nerys reappeared. She was either too fast or Fflur was too slow. Either way she was back, and back empty handed. She settled in on the sofa next to her and Fflur twisted a tad in her seat to face her more directly. The only sound was that of their breathing and as awkward as it was, Fflur was determined not to speak first. Thankfully Nerys didn’t have quite the resolve that Fflur did and she spoke, asking what Fflur was sure was coming.

“Just over six months.” The silence returned but Fflur was still looking over at her sister, waiting for some reaction other than concentration. She wasn’t going to use the word ‘sober’ like a sad person. She was just indefinitely avoiding alcohol. Even though there was no request to be more specific, Fflur offered a quiet “Just before you paid me a visit.” She was hoping that would be enough explanation, that they could move on to resume their tentative sisterhood.

But it just felt off. Fflur had been trying, honestly, to make up for the past decade. It probably wasn’t obvious, let alone noticeable, but she had started to feel that tiny bit of protectiveness she had harbored for Nerys when they were so much younger. “I meant to tell you sooner, I think.”