Will knew he needed to put himself first for once. He needed to be selfish, just every once in a while. The saying went look out for number one but Honey had been his number one. He really wasn't ready to face her and now, in her kitchen, he realised she must be annoyed. There was no timescale to process things but he'd stupidly pushed himself a long the grieving process, simply to match her pace.
His outburst was unexpected. Will was full of excitement and he could feel the adrenaline bumping along under his skin. It didn't seem to matter that France was a bloody big country and he had absolutely no idea where to find the pretty woman in the library. But for some reason, it didn't seem to care. The odds were better for winning the lottery but he realised that since he'd been abroad, Britain just didn't feel…right. It was like he'd outgrown the Home Counties and this little bit of land. He'd taken his gap year twenty years too late but he found out that travelling alone was also fun.
Her weak smile made him crash down to Earth with a bump. There was a little twinge of guilt and sadness somewhere in his chest, pulling downwards. They hadn't meant to hurt each other, that was for sure but it didn't make it any easier. Dating Honey hadn't been like dating Caroline. Honey had always been honest and she'd tipped his world upside down. But wasn't that what it was about? Dating someone in hopes they made you better? Thank goodness he hadn't taken Arkadiy's advice about the Santa hats and the poetry.
Hope you find her. There was that guilty twinge again and Will opened his mouth to apologise. Again. Though they were cool, he had the overwhelming desire to assure Honey that he was still single, as though that fact would mend all the cracks. He frowned swiftly in her small kitchen as he felt things shift, properly this time. It was like a book had been closed and the chapter ended; he knew now that things weren't going to be the same.
The writer gave a heavy sigh as his broad shoulders sank. Honey was a difficult one to figure out. One moment she was irked that he still liked her and then the next, she seemed disappointed that he'd accidentally mentioned someone else. He stayed silent for a heartbeat or two as he looked at her. He didn't want this. He didn't want for her to ever have to lie to him about her feelings.
Instead, he smiled. "Okay," he said gently with a nod of his head as he fished his glasses out of his jacket pocket and slid them on to his face. All he wanted to do was say his sorry, despite this being neither of their faults. It definitely felt like an ending, though. Generally speaking, he thought he was fine but he realised that maybe he wasn't. Not completely. But what he did know was that he'd never be the same and he couldn't outrun his personality. William Dasher, world traveller and ladies' man? It didn't fit. Whatever he told himself, he couldn't be that person.
Looking away, Will carefully gathered up his birthday gifts and held them close to his chest like precious cargo. Like there was a timer inside his head, he knew he'd outstayed his welcome and it was time to go. "I'll see you," he told Honey softly. They could be friends, he wanted to be friends, eventually. At least her own birthday presents would be arriving here tomorrow and he hoped she liked them. He had them picked out before they'd split up so he hoped it wouldn't be awkward.
He didn't want to part on a downer so he moved past her, keeping a polite distance between their bodies as he excited her kitchen and headed towards the door before he opened it himself. Stepping outside, he turned around and offered her one last smile. "Happy Birthday," he told her with genuine care. "Have a good one." With that, he shifted his gifts a little to offer her a cheery wave before he turned around and walked down the incline of the hill towards the centre of town. He didn't want to find the French woman now. He wanted to lock the door, run himself a bath and pour a big glass of gin and pretend today didn't even happen.
