[shoreditch] paint me a brighter future - Ryan

Late morning sunlight streamed into the recently cleared room in the small Shoreditch apartment that Justin now called home. A home he shared with his boyfriend, Ryan Hadditch. A home he would be sharing for the summer with Ryan's younger sister, Kelly. Jane had moved out and moved in with her new boyfriend, so the room she previously occupied was now free. Because Kelly would be the one most frequently staying in this room, Justin and Ryan had decided to surprise her with a makeover. This was her home when she was away from Hogwarts and Justin and Ryan wanted it to feel like it. They had playfully argued about the color scheme but had settled on a dove-grey color for the walls, white for the ceiling, and the furniture the'd picked from a variety of second hand stores and thrift stores (and one chair Justin was pretty sure Ryan might have stolen) would be repainted in a pretty shade of robin's egg blue. The linens were all a pale creamy color. Justin was sure Kelly would love it.

Ryan had run out to grab them some breakfast from a local place since neither of them wanted to wait to get started. Justin had planned on getting up earlier, and they had woken up when he'd set his alarm. But then Ryan looked so cute with his mussy bed head hair and sleepy face that Justin couldn't help but kiss him. Then Ryan was kissing back and then Justin's hands were tangling in Ryan's hair and then Ryan's hands were sliding down Justin's thighs and well...

Point was, they had gotten a later start than Justin had anticipated and he didn't want to waste any more daylight cooking and cleaning up. He was rolling out the large sheets of plastic to keep the floor from getting splattered in paint. He was dressed in ripped jeans and one of Ryan's old shirts which had been splattered with paint at some earlier date. Justin heard the door open and he walked into the living room to greet his boyfriend and help with any takeout boxes he might be hauling in.

His smile was brighter than the sunshine as he looked his lover over. "Any trouble picking up the order?"

They were running late, and it had been entirely worth it.  Ryan was feeling relaxed and content as he picked up the bagel sandwiches and lattes from the coffee shop down the street. He knew Justin was getting ready to paint, and he, himself, was pretty excited for a home project. He wanted the room to look really nice when Kelly came home, wanted it to look like ‘her’ room, because it had been a long time since he had a place that was really her own. He even planned on painting the furniture for her. He wanted to give it a modern look that she’d be prod to invite her friends to. After Justin, the house looked so much better. It even smelled nice, now. Ryan was fairly clean, himself, but Justin could decorate, and that was what really made a house feel like a home.

He was trying to brush off a recent defeat. After years of going back and forth, Ryan had applied to Mediwizard school. As long as he could remember, he’d been interested in being a mediwizard, but had never thought he was smart enough. His NEWTs weren’t good enough. He wouldn’t be able to handle the course load, and he’d flunk out. As it turned out, he was mostly right. Instead of flunking out, though, he wouldn’t be attending at all. They had sent him a nice thanks but no thanks letter that really brought him down. He had gone out on a ledge to apply, and instead he threw his rejection letter in the trash. He was right. He wasn’t smart enough for it, and he’d never get to live out that dream.

He was trying to let it go, though, by throwing himself into this project. His job wasn’t so bad, plus Justin was his sugar daddy. Sort of. Not really, but he made way better money. They could handle their small apartment, their dog, the cat that Ryan was definitely going to convince Justin to let him adopt. They had a little life now, something steady and real and for once, he was pretty happy. He shouldn’t try for any more than this. He didn’t deserve something this good, really, but he was happy.

He took the stairs up two at a time until he reached the apartment. He kissed Justin deeply when he got home, the smell of bacon and eggs wafting up to his nose. They smelled amazingly good. “Nah, everything went just right.” He promised. He put the bag and the coffees on the table. “Let’s dig in, these smell amazing. I’m eager to get to work, we’re running late.” He teased. He didn’t regret that one tiny bit.

The smell of breakfast wafting up from the bag was almost as mouth-watering as the sight of his boyfriend in the morning light. He kissed him back just as deeply but broke away with a giggle. "No more of that, Mister Hadditch," he teased, kissing along Ryan's jaw, "or we'll never get any work done today." Justin spoke from experience, knowing that if given half the chance, Ryan would drag him back to bed, or to the couch, or bend him over the kitchen counter and there would go the whole day. Justin was weak for Ryan's kisses and touches and his ridiculous body.

"I'll grab the orange juice!" Justin chirruped happily as he headed into the kitchen. He liked to have coffee and juice with breakfast. He grabbed one of the small individual cartons he kept chilling in the refrigerator and he was heading back to the table when something in the trash caught his eye. He didn't recognize the seal on the letter and he couldn't see who it was addressed to. Justin had been on a rather ruthless cleaning spree and he suddenly worried he'd accidentally thrown away something important and official. He gingerly reached in to extract the parchment, reading it as he carried it back to the table where Ryan was sitting. The former Hufflepuff was scanning the document for important information. It had Ryan's name on it, and he was glad he spotted it before he threw away something potentially important. Justin's eyes caught the phrase "admission application" and he stopped in the doorway to read it more carefully.

He looked up at Ryan, eyes wide. "Baby, you applied for mediwizard school? Why didn't you tell me?" He carried the letter to the table, sitting down and taking Ryan's hands in his. It was a big deal for the other boy to put himself out there for this and Justin was a little hurt that Ryan hadn't thought to tell him that he was trying for a degree.

Ryan was already helping himself to a breakfast sandwich by the time Justin returned with the juice. He had a large mouthful, and was chewing fast, but not fast enough. He nearly choked when he saw Justin with his letter, and even more when Justin appeared slightly hurt by the fact that Ryan hadn’t mentioned it. He chewed faster to get the food out of his mouth, and swallowed a big gulp. He needed a second to breathe once the food went down. He tried to look nonchalant. “Well, I clearly didn’t get in, so what does it matter?” He didn’t want to linger on such sad things. He gave Justin’s hand a rub with his fingers. There was a reason he’d thrown the letter in the trash. “Hurry up and eat, Justin, we’re already running late.” He said, trying to change the topic. “Kelly will be here in just a few weeks and we need to have everything ready for her when she gets here….”

His attempts at changing the subject were pitiful, really, because he was pretty sad about not getting into the school. It had been a longshot, really. His grades had never been good enough for anything, and he had never been a great student. He was smart, though, albeit a bit misguided. He really wanted this, but it was too little, too late. He would be stuck being a bartender forever, probably. A bartender and a criminal. He really wanted to get away from that world. Something about Justin made him feel like he needed to do something better in his life, that he ought to try for more than he ever thought possible. He wanted to be better for Justin. He wanted to be a good boyfriend, someone Justin could be proud of.

…but he wasn’t. He hadn’t gotten in and he saw no hope for anything better. He couldn’t exactly change his test scores and grades from when he was in school. He hadn’t ever done anything even remotely close to mediwizard anything, but he wanted it, and had hoped that wanting it badly enough would make this one thing work out for him. He neglected his sandwich to sigh. He wasn’t hungry anymore. Now he was just disappointed all over again.

"It matters!" Justin protested. He ate his sandwich with one hand as he looked over the letter with the other. "It's so awesome that you applied! I would have helped, I don't know, fill out paperwork and get all of your documents in order." He pouted slightly, but he did not stop either eating or reading. The letter was clearly a rejection letter, but at least they detailed what had been insufficient in the application. It looked like Ryan's scores were not high enough.

He could hear the disappointment in his lover's voice. "Well, after we've taken care of Kelly's room and she's all settled in for the summer, we'll get started on next year's application." Justin's voice projected confidence. He looked off into the future. "We'll need arrange new NEWTs with the Ministry, but I have a couple friends in the testing and licensing departments." The former Hufflepuff nodded definitively. "I can tutor you, you can retake the tests, and then apply again."

Justin took Ryan's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I can't tell you how proud I am of you for even applying. I remember how terrifying it was." He bumped their foreheads together. He loved his boyfriend so much. He surprised him every day and Justin found it terribly exciting.

“Next year’s application?” Ryan asked, a little puzzled. This wasn’t over? It wasn’t a one-and-done you-suck-so-you’ll-never-get-in kind of thing? He cleared his throat, putting his sandwich down, just to process this. He hadn’t thought there was hope for anything better than this, he hadn’t thought there was another chance to get in. “I mean, I can re-test?” He asked, just as puzzled by this. “I… yeah.” He said. “I want to.” He said, not quite looking at Justin.
 
Ryan had always been interested in being a mediwizard, but he had never really considered it a viable option. He was good at potions and had considered being a potioneer at one point, but he wanted to help people and do something good for the world, after everything he’d taken and all that he’d hurt. He felt like he needed to do this to make up for everything, but he simply didn’t think he would ever be good enough to really do it.
 
Justin made him feel better, though. He made him feel like he was able to do anything. After all, if Ryan was able to snag someone like Justin, after everything that had gone wrong between them, then he was able to do anything. He wanted to be a better person for him. He wanted to be on the straight and narrow, a legitimate man. He wanted to be more than a bartender and small-time criminal. He wanted to be worth something, and Justin made him think he was worth it. That was the only reason that he had even applied at all.
 
“You’ll really tutor me?” He asked. “Like you used to?” He teased lightly. “I honestly… I don’t know. I thought it was over. I didn’t realize I had a chance to do it again. You really think I could retest and bulk up my resume a bit and then get in?” He asked, a little hopeful. He held onto Justin’s hand tightly.

Justin gave Ryan a soft smile. His surprise was kind of adorable. "And it'll be even easier because you already have all of your documents in order. We can check the deadlines, make sure we get an appointment to retake your tests in time to get them in to the schools." The Hufflepuff was quite excited for this. The fact that Ryan was reaching, looking forward to a brighter future, made Justin incredibly happy. He knew that Ryan didn't see himself the way Justin did. His lover was strong, capable, and determined when he set his mind to something. All he needed to do was have faith in himself.

"Maybe not exactly like I used to," he teased. "I was still terrified of you back then." Justin chuckled. Their relationship was always a rocky one, at least while at school. Obviously now it was a completely different story, but the past was something neither of them could erase. "I could see that you were smart. It's why I pushed so hard. I knew you could learn anything if you had the right tools and the time."

He returned the squeeze, hoping to anchor Ryan in this new future they could build. "I believed in you back at Hogwarts, and I believe in you now." Justin leaned in to kiss his lover. "You are amazing, Ryan." He nuzzled him briefly, wanting to crawl into his lover's lap and stay there all day, but they still had work to do. Kelly would be home any day now. She had even confided in Justin that she might bring a friend home, as well. Since Kelly indicated the friend might be a boy, Justin had kept this particular detail from Ryan. He'd only fret about it if he knew. He was incredibly protective of his little sister. Justin was as well, but from the way Kelly talked about this boy, he was very much just a friend.

Still, he couldn't bear to pull away just yet. He scooted his chair closer, settling against Ryan's side as he continued to eat his sandwich. "Think we can get the whole room painted today?" There was quite a bit left, but with the two of them working all day, it could probably be done.

Ryan loved Justin so much. He couldn’t help but tease him a little. “You’re not terrified of me now?” He teased. “I’m much more likely to bite now than I was then, and more likely to completely devour you.” He leaned in and nipped at Justin’s neck to make a point. He flushed a bit as Justin continued talking about how he always knew Ryan was smart. Ryan never knew that about himself. “I always liked when you would teach me. You didn’t treat me like an idiot, and I actually got better when you were teaching me.” He admitted. “ This will be just the same. You’ll teach and I’ll learn—maybe this time next year I’ll be holding an acceptance letter.” He dared to dream of it, and it felt so good.
 
He leaned into Justin and finished his sandwich, and then looked down the hall towards the empty bedroom. “I think we can get it done, especially if we use a little magic.” He grinned.  They had goofed off a bit longer than Ryan had planned, but he didn’t regret a minute of it. He didn’t know how Justin felt about him using a little bit of magic to help move it along, but he thought it might give them a chance to get more of the room set up. She would be there within the week, and he really wanted it to look nice for her.
 
“I’m so glad you’ve got the artistic vision, baby, I’d be lost in this design thing without you to help. I think Kelly will like it, though. I think she’ll like it a lot."