[craven] little wonders [jocasta]

our lives are made
in these small hours

june 2003

Since Billie had stayed with them the previous summer, the Silvermans had taken one of the many bedrooms in this house they'd assumed they'd fill with their growing family and bought a twin-sized bed a little earlier than expected. Billie would be an adult by the time their own kids were old enough for their own beds, anyway, at this rate, so it worked out all right. They'd tried to make it fit her a little, as well. He'd originally written her back then to inquire about what covers and such she wanted. Of course, she hadn't obliged - Billie never wanted to take up too much space - so Kendrick had tried to find ones that looked a little like her childhood bedroom. Not too much - it would be rather uncomfortable to evoke a Death Eater's estate too strongly in their home - but they found a tasteful one with some wildflower sprays on it, and a recent letter had mentioned wearing a dress she loved with stars on it to the ball, so he'd suggested some stars to hang over the window. Billie also loved oceans, so even though her new summer home was awfully far away from the sea, a lot of the accents were in seafoamy colors. Not that he could take credit for all of that. There was a reason that Kendrick was not the primary interior designer of the house. He was just the occasional ideas guy.

Of course, when she left again for school, there wasn't much point in leaving all of it there to attract dust or doxies, so now that her arrival was once again imminent there was some setting up to do. Kendrick, who hated using magic around the house because he was usually sick of it by the time he got home from work, lugged a basket with all her sheets into the room and grabbed one end of the fitted sheet to begin the task of wrestling it around the mattress. "Love me some extra laundry!" he joked to his wife. "Should be nice to have some company again for a bit though, huh? It's been a while since Bri or Ryann's been by. What do you think, Bo?" The retriever had appeared in the doorway, looking particularly soulful and needy. "Want some company closer to your own age? You remember Billie?" Bo thumped his tail against the ground gently, and Kendrick grinned, creeping over to scratch him behind the ears. "Yeah, that's what I thought! Hey, Jo, isn't he due for a checkup soon? Should I owl for an appointment?"

There wasn’t exactly an easy way to broach the topic of pregnancy, even if it had been planned, was there? Jocasta was absolutely positive it was true: that she was pregnant. First she’d taken one of those at-home tests they sold at apothecaries and then she’d gone to St. Mungo’s, on her lunch, no less, to make sure before she brought the news home to her husband.

They’d sort of been trying passively for the last few months, but Jocasta hadn’t planned on her promotion from Lead Auror to Head of the Auror Office to be so abrupt, and if she were honest, she hadn’t been on top of every single cycle lately because she hadn’t been missing any periods. She supposed the sudden green light for her higher office came with the corruption that was still rampant in the ministry, and her career trajectory was looking like it was going to barrel--somewhere--uphill, probably, rather than downhill, at an extremely rapid pace. She was young, she knew, so there were a lot of questions she had that came with this territory, but the chief one in her mind was how was she going to handle a pregnancy with a brand-new, important, high-ranking promotion?

If she thought about the whole thing further, her worries kind of seemed silly. Jo was more than familiar with handling multiple difficult situations at once, but when the situations revolved around her domestic life, all of it seemed so much more personal. One other difference right now was that they were going to have a guest in their home. Billie Fay was going to be staying with them this summer, the same as she had the last. Jocasta liked her, for the most part, and understood that any manipulative behaviors she’d developed were almost certainly a result of being raised around a pack of insane Death Eaters. Not just power-hungry or evil, but from what she’d observed, actually completely off the rails. The degree of sensitivity she had to employ around children was a novel concept to her; even though she was the woman between the two of them, Kendrick was more naturally nurturing. This eased her mind a great deal when she considered how much she might have to still be at work after the baby was born.

Jo had been happy to help with some of the redecorating of Billie’s bedroom, though, and when she strode into the room in question, Kendrick was working diligently to set it all up according to her tastes. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and she leaned on the doorframe with her slender arms crossed. “You look wonderfully domestic right now,” her fledgling smile took off and she grinned, laughing as their dog’s tail thudded against the hardwood floor. Jo reached down to scratch his head between his ears and was met with some very ecstatic, exaggerated panting. “Careful, buddy, you’re gonna choke on your tongue.”

Nice thing he brought up appointments. That would be an easy enough segway, right? “Yeah, so. Regarding appointments. I went to St. Mungo’s this afternoon, because I missed my period,” Straight to the chase, as usual.

Kendrick shot his wife the kind of smirk that begged attention be paid to the imminent silliness. "Is 'domestic' the new 'sexy'? Should I put on an apron and tie a bandana around my head the next time I do some work around the house?" Shooting a glance at Bo, even though he knew that he had never actually choked on his own tongue, he assured himself that he was just his normal kind of happy and stood up to resume his work when Jo's next words stopped him in his tracks. "St. Mungo's? Is everything okay?" he asked automatically, before his brain had a chance to catch up to his tongue. He blinked several times before his head turned sharply to search her expression for clues to her emotional state. Unlike him - she was an Occlumens after all - Jo was a master of not wearing her feelings on her sleeve. "Wait--you mean--"

Kendrick looked down for a second at the comforter in the basket underneath him, the delicate blooms he'd picked out for the girl he sometimes thought of as somewhere between a little sister, a niece, a daughter. A million things flashed through his mind. He'd first raised the question of children with his wife a few years ago, but since then different things had gotten in the way - they'd adopted Bo, as part of the preparation, or whatever, and Billie's aunt had died, and Jo had gotten her promotion - and even when they'd revisited the topic and decided to really start trying, nothing had really happened for a while. Kendrick was a big believer in the idea that you couldn't spend too much time hoping for something if you'd already done everything that was actionable toward it, so he decided not to tempt the universe by leaving it at the forefront of his mind. It would happen when it would happen, and all that. And now--

A swell of excitement and terror snarled in his chest and he was breathing slightly heavier than usual. He absolutely needed confirmation before he got too far ahead of himself, because whatever he was feeling felt like nothing and way too much at the same time. "What--what did they say? Are you?" He left the words hanging in the air, like naming it would make something bad happen. If the news was bad...

“Please don’t. I don’t even put on an apron and much less a bandana,” Jocasta was almost always smiling around her husband. She wasn’t a particularly cheesy person, regularly speaking, but since she’d been a young teenager, he’d made her smile like this. Years before they dated and even longer before getting married, she’d known he was a person she wanted around her all the time. Such feelings hadn’t faded even after a countrywide war and years of marriage.

She was excited to have children with her soulmate, of course, and even though things would be difficult during her pregnancy and after the baby was born, Jo had complete faith in Kendrick to be her partner in this. “Yeah, everything is fine, babe. I just went because I missed my period. I took some home tests first, and then I went to do the official one at Mungo’s, and. I’m pregnant.”

Out with it, she supposed. Jo didn’t think there was a fluffier way to say it. Jocasta was a particularly direct, to-the-point person and while she was over the moon about the baby, she didn’t think there was a better thing to beat around the bush with when it was all the same message.

In the moments she was waiting for him to respond, Jo barely noticed she was grinning even more widely than before, and she opened her arms to bring him close into a tight hug. “Are you excited?” She asked, muffled into the fabric of his shirt, even though she was already pretty confident she knew the answer.

“I scheduled a longer appointment this weekend so they can actually take a look at things, but I didn’t have much time except for the preliminary test that they do for pregnancies,” Jo nodded and shrugged her shoulders. “I figure um. You and Billie could come with? Take her out for some lunch or something while I’m there, unless you want to be in the room, which is also fine.”

Kendrick made a show of considering this. "Yeah, but when have I ever called you wonderfully domestic?" he poked. "You're the breadwinner, I'm the erstwhile househusband," he laughed. Sometimes he thought there were rumblings at work about giving him some kind of promotion, but Kendrick, while he didn't know if he could turn it down, was rather hoping he didn't get asked. He preferred just taking a senior role less formally in the field.

Jo was direct as always, and Kendrick, who had for some reason been expecting more words, let out a breath like it had been compressed out of him, eyes wide. He stood there like that for a few moments, before breaking into a smile and wrapping his arms around her. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the beginning of sudden tears brewing in his chest, and rubbed her shoulders with his fingers. "Yes!" He slid his hands down her body to her waist, leaning back to look at her. "I'm a lot of things right now," he admitted. Sudden irrational anxiety wrenched in his stomach, even though he felt like he'd been ready for years. Were they sure they had enough money? Should he start acting like he was interested in that promotion? Was that feeling of readiness just unwarranted pride, and he'd really be a terrible father? Okay, okay he told himself, and pulled her in again, burying his right hand in her hair. "I love you," he said into said hair.

Kendrick nodded, raising his arms and interlacing his fingers behind his head, trying to contain his sudden nervous energy. "Um, maybe I should go to the first one at least? To meet the Healer and everything? I don't know if it's normal for me to come to all of them or what but I'll do whatever you want me to. Can I tell Billie or do you want me to wait in case--you know, something goes...wrong?"

Jo was almost ready to ask her husband why he looked like a deer in the headlights and if he was going to need resuscitation before he finally leapt forward and took her into his arms. He was always there, always solid, consistent, and dependable. If he weren’t those things, she didn’t know if they would have made it through the war together, that plague they’d both survived a few years ago (miraculously), and she certainly didn’t think she’d be gunning to enter parenthood with him, either.

But he was all of those things, and more: Kendrick was the perfect partner to raise a family with. Jocasta wasn’t oblivious to his value; he encouraged her career and its strides, he supported her in everything she did, and he saw her for who she really was. She had never been a particularly bodacious, charming Gryffindor student like so many of her classmates, even as Head Girl. She’d been popular enough for her achievements, not her personality--but Kendrick didn’t equate Jo with her accomplishments. He knew her, better than anyone else, and he wanted her to be his counterpart in literally creating human lives.

He’d told her this years ago, and she thought she was further behind him in terms of being ready for children, but his reaction in the moment, after she’d told him she was pregnant, proved she’d been secure in their future together all along. Residual fears that there would be a Death Eater resurgence lingered, of course, and Jocasta was more cynical than Kendrick. She had doubted, when they’d gotten married, whether or not their world--the one they lived in, post-Voldemort extinction--was one she wanted to bring another human life into.

The world apart from that--the one they shared, away from all the mess and chaos--was enough for her. She hoped it would be enough for their children, too, when they got here. The idea of that being just a few short months away was paralyzing, but it made her want to do better, and be better, and step into the role of motherhood she’d never felt suited her personality the same way fatherhood did Ken. Jo knew that Kendrick’s desire to be a father wasn’t the only reason she should agree to parenthood--a child shouldn’t be a favor to a partner--but she had her own reasons, she’d come to discover over the last years.

They’d been more peaceful, after all, and they’d prepared sufficiently, monetarily, with a new home outside the city, and with Bo.

Her bejeweled hands, always hosting watches, rings, and the like, clutched at her husband’s broader figure tightly, and she grinned as they stood there together for a minute. She kissed him when they broke apart, and Jo nodded. Valid concerns.

“You can come to all of them if you’d like, I have no issue with that at all. I just want you to know I won’t be offended if something comes up, with work, or Billie, or whatever, and you have to miss.” And that was true. Jocasta would never doubt Kendrick’s intentions in a thousand years. He was one of the most genuinely pure-hearted people she’d ever met in her life.

“And I think you can tell Billie,” She shrugged noncommittally and made a face to communicate she thought that was a reasonable idea. “Wouldn’t make sense to tiptoe around the house and not be able to talk about it while she’s here. It might be a good thing to ask her not to tell other people, but I don’t really know who she would tell that it would matter to anyway, so…”