maidstone | stolen from another life { p h i l l i p }

He scrunched his nose up at her protest, a playful smile still on his lips, and shook his head a little. Wishing she'd answered the questions he wanted to circle back around to them. Ask them again, try to get her to tell him something. Some little tidbit of information, words he could hold on to and repeat to himself later. He thought about asking again, but her return question distracted him and he nodded once.

"Yes," he breathed, chuckling just a little bit but in the good sort of way. He wasn't laughing at her, he was having so much fun with the little banter. Phillip was normally too grumpy, too damn stubborn, to be flirty but he was so different around her. He was a whole different person, like a shimmer of the comfortable confident wizard he could have been if his life hadn't been put through the wringer.

"I really want you to do that..." He whispered as he stared at her lips for a moment.

It made her all fluttery to watch the shift from smirk, to scrunchy-nose playful smile, to the wanting she could read clearly in his eyes as he watched her lips now. She felt that dangerous feeling again, and her body felt all tingly. Maybe it was something in the way he was so unrestrained. Or playful. Or readable. A mix of a million things, she thought, her brain still focused heavily on his hands at her waist.

She pushed up slowly on her toes again, moving close to kiss him. She let their lips touch, but only just. Then she smiled, and tilted her chin up to kiss him lightly on the tip of his nose instead. She bounced a little as she returned to the ground, her boots flat on the wooden floor. “Good?” she teased, repeating the question she’d asked when she’d kissed his neck earlier.

He felt her moving against him, standing on her tippy toes, and he felt that spark again when he thought she was going to kiss him. He loved kissing her, loved his hands on her skin, but there was something intoxicating about the idea of her initiating things. About her kissing him, making the moves, taking control, and he wanted to explore that more too. His eyes fell shut as their lips barely brushed, in time to miss her standing up just a little bit further and kissing his nose before dropping again.

Phillip was pouting before his eyes opened, but it was a smiling sort of pout as he laughed at her teasing him. It was another thing they'd never really done before. They joked around some times, mostly when he was being extra grumpy or stubborn and she was being adorable, but this was a new kind of interaction. He liked it. It made him feel light, floaty even. "Well, I'd give it a five." He told her, a hand reaching up to hold up the five finger score for emphasis as he laughed.

"You should try for a better score." He played, his eyes dancing with amusement as he smiled at her.

Her waist felt cold on the side he pulled his hand away from and she shivered a little, despite feeling warm and a little sweaty at the same time.

She wanted to tease back with confidence. Something like Oh, is that what I should do? – delivered with a smirk, and “bedroom eyes”. That was the kind of line someone would deliver in one of her romance novels. But Billie wasn’t really there yet, and she had no idea, really, what “bedroom eyes” were – or how to employ them – so she just laughed, her head falling forward onto his chest for a moment before she straightened with a bright smile. She met his eye for a minute, just basking in the connectedness.

“I’m really happy,” she told him, employing honesty instead. Billie moved a hand up to brush his cheek with her thumb, her hand settling there, cupping his face. She couldn’t help it, she was really feeling a lot of things, and some of them needed to spill out verbally. She moved her hand down a little, her fingertips drawing little lines down his face. Her thumb brushed his lower lip again. “And you get lots of tens,” she added, giving him a look, her smile smaller and tinged with self-aware embarrassment.

Phillip watched her closely, the smug look still playing on his features. She was cute when she was like this, honestly, he thought she was cute and so many other adjectives all the time, but she was especially cute now. He could tell she was in the moment, having fun, but when she laughed and rested her head against his chest it made him smile. She was better at this than she probably thought she was. He thought she was amazing at it. He kept his gaze locked on to her's when she finally looked up at him, eager to hear whatever she was about to say.

He smiled again, this time against the hand she was running along his jaw. He felt little tingles in the wake of her thumb, a little chuckle escaping his lips when she told him what he had scored. "Lots of tens." He repeated a little extra confidence in his voice as he did. He stood still for another moment, just staring at her silently, feeling like there was nothing else in the world except for the two of them. He knew they were never going to work on the project, not when they had the option of doing this, and in a way, he was absolutely fine with that.

"I'm really happy too," he finally replied, his eyes moving down to her lips as he thought about kissing her again. "Kind of wishing we had done this sooner." He confessed, and it was true, he would have loved to of been doing these things with her all this time but a small part of him didn't want to skip right to the end either. "Especially this part," he whispered, moving against her hand to kiss her again.

“So many tens,” she confirmed, "All tens." She was amused by how happy with himself he seemed. It wasn’t an expression that she usually saw, so she tucked it away for later.

He kissed her thumb and she smiled. She drew a line from one side of his lips to the other, then looped back underneath the lower one. Honestly, she would be happy to spend an hour sitting in silence, drawing lines all over his face with her fingertips, the activity interspersed with little kisses here and there. It was strange, she thought. She really couldn't imagine someone more handsome. Being so intensely into this boy was warping her brain, she thought distantly.

She watched him for another moment, not feeling like she was waiting to see what he was going to do, but, perhaps… the other way around? It was an interesting position to be in, to have someone waiting on her to do something. “And this part?” She asked after a moment, her voice soft. She pulled her hands back so she could place them on top of his, on her waist. She pushed his hands a little, pressing them into her sides. Billie blinked, her heart fluttering even though the pressure came from her, not him.

She exhaled slowly, eyes on him, feeling rather intense and a little vulnerable again. It was a moment. She hadn't really acknowledged this part – the skin on skin part. Not verbally or anything, anyway. "Feels good," she said quietly, moving her hands up his arms.

The way she looked right now, that little expression on her face as she put her hands on top of his, made his heart race. They weren't even kissing but he felt like his heart might beat straight out of his chest. His breath caught in his throat and his eyes moved to where she was moving his hands, pressing them firmly against her bare skin on either side. It was more than just her praising him, giving him all sorts of tens, it was getting to watch her as she guided him. Hearing what she liked was driving him crazy and he felt a warmth on the back of his neck just thinking about it. He gripped her sides a little tighter, the blood in his body rushing around and making him feel out of sorts.

He kissed her again, his hands never leaving her waist as he moved swiftly to press his lips against hers. Phillip moved quickly, his hands aching to move across her bare skin, to feel her hands on his. He kissed her passionately now, and for a moment or two he was completely overcome by it. The need growing stronger and stronger until he realized how badly he didn't want to stop kissing her and he knew that meant he absolutely should.

Breaking the kiss as suddenly as it had started the teenager breathed heavily, his cheeks pink, lips a bit swollen. One of his hands dropped from her waist before he awkwardly ran it through his hair. "We should uh, are you hungry? Do you want to eat? I could go get snacks..." He spoke quickly, avoiding her eyes for a moment as he looked out the window and stepped back. He sucked in a harsh breath, willing his heart to stop racing, pushing the thoughts of what they were just doing and then other things he wished they were doing out of his mind.

His fingers dug into her sides a little as he moved in to kiss her. She moved her hands up his arms, feeling his skin, the muscles underneath, the hairs on top. This kiss was another intense one; immediately, she felt caught up, out of breath. He pressed her body hard against the bedframe behind her and it made her heart race. She kissed him back with ardour, trying to match him, feeling very caught up in the moment.

Her eyes snapped open as he pulled back quickly. For a moment, she anticipated his lips at her neck, but he was just staring at her. She stared back, breathing hard.

He spoke and she blinked. “Snacks?” she repeated dumbly, a little breathless. Billie stared at him for a second as he stepped back, totally stunned and not understanding why there was suddenly space between them. Her chest rose and fell a too fast. After a moment, she straightened up, reached up to tuck hair behind her ears, and dab a little sweat from her forehead with her fingertips. Automatically, she straightened her clothes, trying to regain a little composure. She didn’t know why he wasn’t looking at her.

“Did I…” She trailed off, a little concerned. She didn't move from where she was standing, though. “There are some... snacks in my backpack.” she told him. She still felt confused, and more than a little dazed, like she'd been woken up too quickly or something and her brain was still lagging. She swallowed, then half raised her hand to touch her fingertips to her kiss-swollen lips, but she stopped herself and her hand returned to her side.

He could hear what he thought was disappointment, or confusion, or both in her voice and he didn't like it. Hated that he had caused it but he wasn't sure how to explain why he had pulled away. It was like the curtain had fallen like the mirage broke, and now that he was outside of the moment they had just been sharing he felt like it would be way too crass to tell her specifically how he was feeling. That if he hadn't stopped he might have taken things too far, that his body would have been running the show, that he was so aware of the empty bed behind her. He took another deep breath, finally looking at her even though he was nervous.

Taking another step back the wizard ran his hands over his the top of his jeans, his palms were sweaty and his pants fit too tightly but he prayed she didn't notice it. "No you didn't, I uh... I will be right back." He said between breaths and weird pauses. He was a far cry from the confident flirty Phillip he had been a moment ago and the pink rising in his cheeks just made it that much worse. He turned away from her and headed for the little hatch that led to the ladder.

"I will be right back." He said again, not even realizing he was repeating himself as he climbed down the later and nearly ran down the stairs. He was beating himself up mentally by the time he reached the final landing and he managed to step on every creaky step on the way down. He kicked the banister before reaching for their backpacks. He so desperately wanted to be back up there with her, his hands on her waist, making out and losing himself in it, but he forced himself to pause instead. He took a minute before turning to head back up stairs, long enough to make it even more awkward.

“I… Okay,” she breathed, nodding, but with that same stunned expression. He disappeared down the ladder and she stood there awkwardly for a moment, like she was waiting for him to come back any second, even though he was going down and coming back up three flights of stairs and a ladder. After about ten seconds, Billie moved to the bed and sat on the edge.

Should she tuck her shirt in again? It was still a bit tucked in at the back and she settled on untucking it properly so that it was even at least. It was far too hot for her jumper, so she took that off and used it to dab the back of her neck, then placed it beside her. She smoothed the creased edges of her cotton shirt with her hands nervously while she waited for him.

After a while, her breathing became even and her pulse slowed back to normal. She placed her hands demurely in her lap, one over the other. When she heard him coming back up the ladder (finally!) she deliberated about whether she should stand or stay sitting. She didn't move. “Phillip?” she asked, uncertain, as he reappeared.

He took a few deep breaths when he reached the ground floor, before he picked up the back packs. As much as he wanted to run back up the stairs and to her he knew he needed a minute to calm down. After years of being friends, of growing so close to here and day dreaming about kissing her so many times, it was finally happening and it was overwhelming. It was a lot to process, he'd be going through everything that happened for a while later, but right now he needed to pace himself.

He forced another steadying breath, looking around at what he could see on the bottom level but not really seeing any of it. Even though he was trying hlPhillip couldn't think about anything but her, about her lips, about her hands on his, about her little smiles. He shook his head again and grabbed both of their bags. Swinging them over his shoulder he started back up the stairs.

When he returned to the later he paused at the bottom and rubbed his hands across his face. He knew he was being weird, but he couldn't stop. Climbing the ladder he returned to her room and caught her words.

"Uh, sorry," he said, wanting to be truthful but not having the words. He dropped the bags on the desk too across from the bed and stayed on that side of the room for now. One hand reached up to his neck he felt so awkward. "Sorry.."

“Oh, it’s okay,” she said, sensing the awkwardness rolling off him in nonverbal waves, and wanting to reassure him. Wanting to comfort him. She held her hands together for a moment, then rested one against the bedframe as she leaned forward to look at him from behind the wooden beam of the four poster. She smoothed her skirt with her other hand nervously.

Billie hadn’t ever seen him like this before, and made her a little anxious. She was urged to replay everything that had happened in the moments just before he’d left. In a second, she scoured them, searching for a catalyst. He didn’t say anything else, so she spoke. “It’s okay,” she repeated hesitantly, “But… I didn’t do something... wrong did I?” Her voice was soft, but internally she cringed at her own wording. She hadn’t wanted to sound like she was asking for reassurance when she was trying to reassure him – it felt selfish.

She wanted to stand up because he was standing, but it felt weird to get to her feet just to speak when they’d been in a far more casual space a moment ago. Well, not casual, she supposed, but comfortable at least. After a beat, she did get to her feet, but she stayed where she was instead of going to him, just in case.

Phillip hated how weird everything felt at this moment but tried to remind himself it had been the right thing to do. Despite what his body was telling him, Phillip knew they weren't about to go that far today, so calming down was the best option. Of course, he wanted to be across the room with her more than anything else. Standing on this side of the room felt so off, it was just wrong. Even before they had become what they were now, he always stayed close to her when they were together. He had been caught up in her orbit since they had first started to become friends, maybe it was because she usually spoke quietly, so he needed to be close, but it had probably always been more than that.

Sighing, he crossed the room slowly after she asked if she had done something wrong. He shook his head quickly, "No, really, not even a little." He tried to reassure her. She had stood up, and he stood in front of her for a moment. Leaving a bit of space between them that he hated. He shrugged a little, an uncomfortable expression playing on his face, but he tried to push it away. Nothing terrible had happened, only good things, but how could he explain that to her openly. A moment ago, he felt like he could have and would have shared anything with her, no matter how embarrassing or weird, but now there was a new barrier falling between them. He hated that too.

He chewed on his lip and moved past her to sit at the end of the bed. His arms on his knees and his hangs hanging between them, he stared up at her. He wasn't going to lie to her, but he wasn't comfortable telling her exactly why he had to walk away. At least not in great detail. "I just needed to take a breath, you know?" He said as he completely forgot about the snacks he had seemed so desperate to get his hands on minutes ago. "But you didn't do anything wrong; you are perfect." He was saying too much and not enough again, and he sighed, sort of wishing they could go back to talking about their dead parents for a while.

Billie brushed some dust from her skirt as she got to her feet. Again, the bed wasn’t too dirty or dusty – definitely not enough for a room that’d been empty for going on two years now. She hovered by the end of the bed as he came over, feeling a little fluttery when he paused in front of her, then a touch disappointed as he sat. She realised that she still felt a little flustered from before, even though many minutes had passed.

The blonde tucked some hair behind her ears, even though there wasn’t really anything to tuck, then moved over to her desk, where he’d dropped her bag. She unzipped it and took out a couple of tupperware containers, then turned back to him. He looked a bit dejected, and she felt bad for thinking he also looked very handsome sitting there like that – elbows on knees, forearms hanging casually. “Okay,” she said, nodding with both hesitance and reassurance in her tone and gaze. She didn’t understand, but it didn’t matter. She had to trust that he meant it when he said she hadn't done anything wrong.

Billie moved back over to him, hesitating for a second by the end of the bed before she sat down beside him, containers in hand. She placed them on the bed beside her, then pulled her legs up onto the bed so she could tuck them underneath her to the side. It felt wrong to have her shoes on still. She was facing him now, as he spoke. Her eyes widened just a touch. “I… Thank you, Phillip,” she said, a pleased, bashful smile appearing on her lips as she felt her cheeks redden. She dropped her gaze, her heart fluttering again – that was the second time he’d said that to her. Perfect. She tucked it away to obsess over later.

She wanted to fix her hair or something; compliments always made her feel self conscious, but she kept her hands in her lap. She felt a little selfish again as she reveled in the compliment, when she should be reassuring him and helping him instead, but it couldn’t be helped. She wondered if he knew the way her stomach flipped when he said those kinds of things to her.

Billie had brought the food over, but Phillip didn't seem too interested in it now. That was fine. After a moment, Billie leaned forward and placed a very light, very cute, kiss on his shoulder. She watched him with a small smile as she straightened up, wanting to cheer him up. "Hungry?" she asked, flicking her eyes to the containers and back.

He felt silly, hating the strangeness that had fallen between them, and frustrated with himself for causing it. It was unavoidable, and deep down, intellectually, he knew that, but it didn't make it any less embarrassing at the time. It didn't mean it any less awkward now in the aftermath of it. But all he could do was hope the moment would pass and everything thing would return. Maybe one day, he would tell her about what was going on, but for now, this was a secret he planned to keep. It was a strange thing, to keep anything from her, but he had to for now.

Watching as she moved across the room to their bags and then returned, Phillip smiled shyly at her. The corners of his lips pulling up nearly as much as they pulled down, a strain on his face as he tried to regain all of the lightheartedness and confidence he'd had moments ago. The seventeen-year-old chewed silently on the inside of his cheek, but Phillip started feeling better when she sat down. The space between them was closing, physically and metaphorically, and he was glad for that. The little kiss she gave his shoulder made him smile, small waves of warmth radiating from the spot, and he nudged her back before looking up.

"Sure," he answered, the warmth on his cheeks receding, and he felt a little more reasonable. "Thanks for packing something." He told her lightly, a smile still on his lips as he looked from the upper ware to her face, realizing how close it was again. His eyes fell to her lips instinctively but returned to hers after another moment. She was so thoughtful to have brought them lunch, he wouldn't have thought to, and even though it was a small thing, it meant so much to him right now. Like she was looking out for them, it made him feel comfortable, safe, even despite the humiliation he had felt a few minutes ago. Everything was still right with them; everything was still perfect.

"What is it?".