instead of myself; { p h i l l i p }

JULY 2003

Billie bounced her weight from foot to foot, a little impatient as she placed a packet of flour back on its shelf in the kitchen cupboard, then checked the page again.

She had her journal in hand, but he hadn’t written back. That didn’t mean he wasn’t coming, though; he always replied so fast to her messages that she had to believe (as wild as the idea was) that he checked his book as often as she did. She wished he’d write now, though, so she’d know whether or not to expect a knock at the door any minute. Apparating made things a lot more hectic. She loved it, though.

It had occurred to her that the house would be empty once Kendrick left (hello, butterflies), but he’d been promising to take her up to the rooftop he was always writing to her from, so a part of her was hoping she’d finally get to see it.

Billie put her journal down on the kitchen bench, open to the page they’d been writing on (just in case), and put away the yeast Kendrick had gotten especially for their baking afternoon. They’d only just started, so thankfully there wasn’t any half-made dough to clean up. They hadn’t even gotten flour anywhere yet. Somewhere else in the house, Kendrick was getting ready for work.

Billie glanced at the book again as she undid the uncharacteristic high-ponytail she’d had her hair in in preparation for the cooking session. The page was still empty, aside from the two lines she’d written.

Kendrick just got called into work, so we’re not making bagels this afternoon, I guess.

She’d asked Ken, of course, and he was fine with it.

So if you’re free and would like to spend a few hours together, I’m free too.

Sitting on the bed in the guest room Wini had made up for him in London Phillip read, and then reread Billie's message. He read it once more before he slammed his book shut and opened up his trunk. He placed the book carefully inside and took out a sweater in exchange. He wasn't sure what the weather would be like in Craven but in London it was warm and muggy like it was threatening to rain any time and Phillip wished it would. He hated the heat, he missed the foggy overcast and breeze of the coast.

Locking the trunk behind him with a few whispered words and a wave of his wand Phillip turned to the little desk. He took one of the little sticky notes from the stack and scribbled a quick note before pinning it to the outside of the door. Even though he was here as a guest, and William barely knew how to supervise his own daughter, Phillip still felt odd leaving without notice. It was more for Winifred than it was for William, but disappearing without a trace seemed ungrateful to him, which he wasn't. "Be back in a while -- Lip" He had written before sneaking out the door (because he was willing to communicate, but he didn't want to be stopped) and apparating quickly.

Mid-trip, as the world swirled around him colorfully, he wondered if he should have written back before traveling. It was too late now, as he spun through dimensions and landed on the sidewalk leading up to where Billie lived. He tucked his sweater under his arm more securely and headed to the door and knocked.

He was excited to see her, and the fact that Kendrick wouldn't be home was undoubtedly playing out in his mind.

Billie jumped at the sound of his knock, even though she’d eighty-percent been expecting it. She quickly shut the cupboard door and closed her journal out of habit, leaving it there on the kitchen bench. She skipped to the front door, then pulled it open wide with a bright smile. “You didn’t say you were coming,” she said, half complaining and half chastising but still mostly just excited to see him here.

“Did you want to stay here, or go somewhere?” she asked from inside the door, her words more rushed and excited than usual. Or well, perhaps equally as rushed as they had been recently, every time she’d seen him again for the first time (which was almost every day at this point). “Kendrick’s leaving soon but I’ll say goodbye if we’re going somewhere.”

After he answered her, she grabbed the front of his t-shirt and tugged him in, standing on her tip-toes to press her lips to his in a quick kiss. Her heart fluttered and she was smiling as she opened her eyes – they were sparkling. She let him go, her feet flat on the floor again. “I’ll go get my shoes on,” she said, her cheeks a little flushed, before disappearing to do just that.

Phillip waited at the door but he didn't have to wait long, he never did when he visited her. The teenager appreciated that it was nearly always her answering the door when he came to visit her. Not that he had anything against Kendrick, the wizard had been nothing but nice to him, but he wasn't exactly here to see him. He was already smiling by the time the door was opening, he'd recognized the small footfalls that only could have belonged to her as they approached the door. "That would take too long," he teased back with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Phillip's cheeks hurt from smiling as much as he had been lately, she brought out a playfulness in him. He was a different person around her, better, happier, and those things were reserved for her only.

"Yeah, let's go somewhere." He said, repeating most of the words she'd just used in her question back to her because he was too distracted to form his own original sentences. As soon as she'd opened the door he had been staring at her intently, a smile playing on his lips, heart-thumping quickly, he couldn't help it. For years they had been friends and now they were something more and while they hadn't put a term to it it didn't matter. It was enough, it was everything to the wizard, and he couldn't stop himself from reveling in this feeling.

Grinning as she tugged on his shirt he leaned forward, returning the kiss with a smile beneath it, and not even thinking to worry about whether or not Kendrick could see them. He knew Kendrick wasn't her father but he was her guardian, he held the keys to whether or not she could hang out with him privately, so he tried not to test the limits when it was possible. As much as he could, because there was no way he was ever going to stop her when she was feeling bold like this. He'd thought he knew Billie Fay before, they had been so close, but he was sure now that he'd never really known her until now. She was like a brilliant diamond, she had so many sides he was just started to see, and each one shined brighter than the last. She was confident, playful, and unimaginably beautiful.

"Alright," he breathed as she backed up again and whisked off to go do whatever it was she said she was about to. Phillip leaned against the doorway, letting the warmth from her attentions wash over him as he waited. When she returned he held his hand out to her but not just because he was planning to apparate them soon. "I've got a place in mind." He told her as they headed off of the porch and he led them down the sidewalk to where it was safe to disappear. He took a deep breath, preparing to apparate but he'd done this trip so many times now it was easy.

He squeezed her hand, looking over at her and stole a kiss on her cheek before separating them away. He opened his eyes as his feet fell on the grounds of Keithcairn. Blades of uncut grass tickled his ankles and he looked over at her. "I promised to show you a roof," Phillip told her with a smirk before he pointed toward the barn he'd sit on when writing to her. It was small compared to the estate that was falling apart next to it but unlike the large house it actually looked solid.

Once she was back inside, Billie smiled the embarrassing sort of smile she reserved only for herself. The one that she smiled when Phillip wrote sweet things in their journals, and she was sitting alone in her bed in the middle of the night, reading under her magical floating reading lamp. The one that hurt her face, and made her feel like an idiot. A pink-cheeked sort of smile. An in-love sort of smile, not that she’d ever say that out loud. Well, maybe not not ever... Her thoughts trailed off as she passed Ken in the hall. “I’m heading off,” she said, toning her smile down about forty percent, yet still seeing that soft look in his eye – something like amusement, something like warmth – when he said goodbye.

Billie skipped to her room and pulled her socks on. Her lips were still tingling and she touched them lightly with her fingertips, then found herself doing her idiot-smile again as she quickly went back to slipping on a pair of boots. Billie grabbed her bag – not the bigger one, the smaller handbaggy type one that was just big enough for her journal – and almost ran back out to the kitchen. She checked her reflection in the toaster quickly, then tucked her book into her bag, checked that she had a little money just in case, and in no time at all she was walking back down the short hall to the front door. She shook her head at him, looking far too handsome casually leaning against the doorframe.

“Okay,” she said, sliding her hand into his and feeling that stupidly right feeling, like their hands were bound by rubber bands and they’d been pulling back together this whole time, and now there was some relief. Like there was something more cosmic in the way it fit, just so. She shook her head at herself, then glanced at him and smiled again, feeling all caught up immediately.

There was a bit of a skip in her step as they walked; he was walking fast and she was almost a foot shorter than him, so she kind of had to skip to keep up anyway. She was excited to see him, though. It felt like it had been forever, even though he’d come over the night before last and they’d had dinner at her house. Then made out on the front steps for, like, an hour or something ridiculous. She didn’t care – it felt like a lifetime, and she was sort of high from the spontaneity of it all. She wasn’t supposed to be free this afternoon, but she was, and now she got to see him. Hold his hand. Kiss him. Billie smiled.

She held her breath as they apparated, almost exhaling in surprise as he kissed her a moment before they disappeared.

Then they were somewhere new.

She glanced around at the place; it was very green. There were old buildings. She blinked, holding his hand tightly as she caught her balance. "Oh!" she said, her eyebrows raising a little as she realised where exactly here was.

She looked up at the building she’d imagined probably a thousand times. It didn’t look anything like any of her daydreams. She turned further, getting a proper feel for their surroundings before turning back to him. She didn’t say anything, but she slipped her hand out of his and reached up to place both of her hands on his cheeks. Then she kissed him again, with a little more feeling this time. A little more intent. She was on her toes again, pressing her body up against him, wanting the closeness. Her hands moved from his face – one to the back of his neck and one through his hair, coming to rest at the back of his head. She pulled him closer as her lips moved against his. She tried not to smile too much.

It felt strange to be bringing Billie here, but Phillip tried to pretend it didn't make him as uncomfortable as it did. The teenager never particularly liked being here; it was forced on him, but at the same time, it had been his home away from Hogwarts for years now, and that had to count for something. Whatever his uncle's motivations were, he had still provided shelter to Phillip when he'd had nowhere else to go. And internally, he knew he should be thankful for that, but it felt wrong too. Intellectually he knew it wasn't rational to think he couldn't be appreciative and still search for his family. In his mind, one thing would cancel out the other like he was giving up and accepting where he was now. Phillip was stuck living in the past, but he was trying to move forward, trying to be more than just one thing, trying to be a better friend, and it was all because of her.

After visiting Ireland, and then Maidstone, and everything that had happened in between their relationship had shifted. It was a good shift, it was so real, and Phillip was increasingly aware of it, and it made him so curious. The Ravenclaw wanted to know more about her, to fill in all of the little cracks in what he knew about her so far, but he didn't know how to ask. Late a night, when she'd fallen asleep and stopped writing, and he was left alone with his thoughts, he'd worry about how little he knew about her past. He had plenty of assumptions and some facts here and there, but it was far from the whole story. And for someone like Phillip, not having all of the puzzle pieces was more frustrating than having never opened the box.

As much as he wanted to know more about her, Phillip was also getting used to the idea that he wanted to share everything about himself. He would have never thought to invite her here two months ago; honestly, he probably wouldn't have even considered it a few weeks ago, but everything had changed since then. For a split second, as the ripples they'd made in the grass with their landing began to fade, he worried bringing her here was a mistake. He could have come to collect the last of his things at any time, but there was symbolism in bringing her here during what he hoped would be the last time he visited. He'd spend the rest of the summer with Winifred in London and come this time next year he would be an adult, graduated, and on his own. Closing this part of his story with her felt instinctively right, and when she looked at him like that, all of his fears subsided, and he knew it was.

He leaned into the kiss, his arms wrapping snuggly around her waist and pulling her close. Blades of overgrown grass tickled his ankles as the wind picked up a little, but it barely registered as their lips touched. He held her tightly, returning the kiss with a matching passion. Without knowing it, he'd started building a mental list of places they had done this add, and now he was adding Keithcairn to the list, and that made him smile beneath the kiss. Phillip was starting to feel like he lived in two different worlds. The normal one where everything was bleak and dreary and then this special one he shared with her. In this shared-world, Phillip felt open and excitable; there was no pressure to be one way or another, it was freeing and transformative, and he never wanted to leave. So he didn't. The teenager kissed her for a while, arms locked around her, fingertips tingling as flat palms pushed up against her back, enjoying the lack of space between them. He was slouching a little, meeting her tiptoes halfway, with their bodies pressed up against each other.

When Phillip smiled into their kiss, Billie clicked teeth with him and she had to pause because it made her laugh. Soon enough, though, they were kissing again. They made out there for a while, standing in the long grass, all wrapped up in each other. Eventually, she pulled back far enough to look at him for a moment, then rested her head on his chest. Her neck was a bit sore, honestly.

After a minute or two of this, Billie pulled away to have a proper look around again. She took a few steps away from him, her oceany eyes taking in little details like the aged material of the buildings, or the little summery flowers lingering amongst the grass as a breeze ruffled her loose, wispy curls. She clasped her hands behind her back. It was quite beautiful here, actually. She knew why he didn’t want to be here any longer, but purely in terms of spaces, the blonde would much rather be living in a place like this than a place like London.

“So how do we…” She nodded at the old barn, wondering how they got to the roof. She was very aware, suddenly, that she was wearing a dress. She always wore dresses or skirts; not very good gear for doing much climbing, if that was the path up.

“Oh, and I didn’t say on Thursday –” she spun back to face him. They’d eaten dinner with Kendrick, then had to make up for one whole day of not seeing each other (internal eyeroll, aimed at herself), so naturally they’d spent a while that night “saying goodbye” by making out on the porch "– But when I saw Caleb on Wednesday... I told him,” she finished. Billie glanced at him, trying to gage his reaction. They hadn’t talked about it so explicitly yet, and sometimes she felt like that was okay – usually when they were together – but other times she felt like she wanted the security of explicitness.

“...About us,” She added. Billie tucked hair behind both ears as she watched his expression. She knew Phillip well; they’d been friends for long enough, and saw each other often enough that that was the case, but this was all still very new ground for her. She still felt dreadfully inexperienced and nervous at the thought that she might be asking too much; what if there was a reason that he hadn’t explicitly asked her to be his girlfriend? What if he didn’t want that?

“I mean, I didn’t… I just said that we’d gone out a few times, I mean.” She felt a little flustered and reached for him automatically, taking one of his hands in her smaller one. It was comforting, and she gave him a small smile. She felt quite self-conscious but relaxed into it all the same. Whatever happened, she trusted him to take care of her.

Phillip knew they had clicked teeth because he was smiling like rationally; he got that, but it made him smile more. And her reaction to it had been priceless, he grinned at her when she paused. Loving the sound of her laugh. Eventually, they'd have to stop, but he just enjoyed kissing her while it lasted. It made him feel giddy, it was silly, and he knew it, but he wasn't trying to stop it. He'd never felt this way before, not with anyone, and it was an exciting way to feel. When the time came to pull apart, the teenager felt breathless, his heart beating out of his chest, and he blinked a few times in an effort to come back down to Earth. "Oh," quietly he turned to look at the barn she was motioning to and the roof he'd brought her here to see. They could climb the old ladder he had used summers previously, but he supposed there was a new way to travel now.

Phillip wasn't sure, but he was starting to get the impression that she really liked apparating with him. Maybe because of the freedom it afforded them, or perhaps just because they were so close when they did it, but he felt the same way. It was an easy excuse to reach for her hand, and the wizard never passed up the opportunity. "We could always--" he started, but stopped abruptly when she twirled to see him and started another conversation. Phillip knew she had gone to Diagon with some wizard in their house, but he had figured out exactly how he felt about it yet. It wasn't that he wanted to hang out with her every day (which he did), but the fact that this friend was a boy her age made him feel weird. Phillip knew they hadn't defined what they were, and that was partly his fault, but still, it irked him. He didn't even really know who this person was, but he already didn't like him. Of course, Phillip rarely liked anyone.

His eyebrow perked when she said she'd told him, his lips parting, about to ask 'told him what' but stopping short of actually saying anything. Luckily she continued quickly, and Phillip swallowed, desperately trying to hide the fact that he was uncomfortable with this. He wanted to talk to her about what they were, that he was eager for, but he sort of hated that she'd talked to one of her friends about it first. Even if she didn't really go into detail, or put a label on it, something felt not quite right about that. Maybe Phillip was reading too far into things, he did that a lot, and he over thought everything else, which he was absolutely doing now.

Shuffling his weight from one side to the other, he picked up on the way she might have been feeling. Tucking her hair behind her ears, reaching toward him, that small smile, he recognized the signs. After spending so much time together, it would be hard not to. And it was sending up alerts inside his teenage wizard brain. "That's cool," he started, slightly distant but not realizing it because his mind was already seven sentences ahead. He held her hand, and it made him feel a little less tense about it. It wasn't like she had just confessed to also making out with Caleb, so he had nothing to be so worried about, but still, he couldn't shake these possessive feelings.

He thought about apparating again because it would force him to clear his mind for a moment, but he knew it probably wasn't the best idea. "You're the only witch I'm going out with," he confessed, it was a rather abrupt statement, but he felt an urgent need to be crystal clear with her. Maybe it was the idea that she had been hanging out with another boy, or that he had a need to define things, or possibly a bit of both. He blinked a few times, visibly nervous; there was no hiding it, especially not from her. He looked away, eying the barn, the grass, everything else, and finally, the ground before he spoke once more. "Do you... do you want to go out with other wizards?" It was a backward way of asking, his need for clarity beaten down by his apprehension and hormone ridden nervousness. Slowly his eyes moved up, looking to catch hers.

That’s cool.

Was it, though? Billie tilted her head to the side a little, watching his expression closely. She didn’t need to watch too closely, though, she could read his discomfort quite clearly. Billie gave his hand a small squeeze, feeling a nervous flutter as she considered possible reasons that he might look like this after she’d just said that. Should she have asked him first, she wondered? Did he perhaps want it to be more of a secretive thing? That thought hurt her a little, but she kept it off of her expression as he spoke again.

“Oh,” she answered, a little confused but trying to keep up. She hadn't even considered that he was dating anyone else – honestly, where would he have even had the time for it? The thought made her nervous, though, because there were clearly dating-related things that she hadn’t considered, and she felt anxious about the other unknown ones that she probably didn’t know about yet. He didn’t look like he was finished, so she stayed quiet, her nerves now showing in the little crease between her brows, the way she watched his expression even as he looked away from her. Him being nervous just made her more nervous, she could feel it in the pit of her stomach.

When he did – finally – speak again, she just stared at him. She stared as his greenish eyes flicked from the grassy ground up to meet hers. After a beat, she couldn’t help it, the corners of her lips tugged into a disbelieving smile. Her frown was gone, but she still looked a bit confused – because she was! What did he mean, did she want to go out with other wizards? Had she not been clear enough when she’d made her confession on the stony Irish shore three weeks ago? Or each time she’d kissed him since then? Was she so unreadable that he really felt like he needed to ask that? She gave his hand a squeeze again. “That’s a joke, right?” she asked, halfway between disbelieving and teasing.

Almost as soon as he'd said it Phillip wondered if it was the right thing to say, or if it was dumb or if he was being possessive by asking. He never considered his words or his actions as much as he did with Billie lately. It was like they were dancing but he only knew some of the moves. Half the time he felt extremely comfortable around her, like puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly, but the other half he was stumbling in the dark. Stepping on every creaky step.

Gritting his teeth after he'd said it Phillip felt like time stopped for a moment. In that instant he went through every possible answer he thought she might give, all the outcomes, but he never pictured her laughing. The look of surprise on his face was one so rare she had probably never seen it when she began to laugh. He tilted his head to the side a little, her words confusing him until he realized what she meant. At first, he was defensive, and nearly took them the wrong way, but then he remembered everything he knew about her and he felt the tightening in his chest loosen ever so slightly.

And he laughed too. It felt like a release, the laughter like he'd built these small sentences into such a big deal when he already knew where she stood on that. She had as much as told him so, but he needed the reassurance, he needed to hear it, and her words eased him. "Seriously though," he said after the chuckling started to trickle off and his eyebrow furrowed again. His free hand went to the back of his neck, hating the feeling of wanting to say something but not wanting to say the wrong thing. He'd never censored his words or thoughts with her before, he always told her what he was thinking, but now he was putting them together carefully, being mindful. The seventeen-year-old felt ridiculous asking her to go steady, to be his girlfriend, all of it seemed so... cliche, so Pleasantville sugar-coated, and certainly not them. "Okay then, we're only dating each other.. so, that means.."

As the idea really sunk in, thinking about what they were to each other, what he hoped they were, Phillip started to smile again. It was one of those authentic smiles he only shared with her, the one that made his face light up and his eyes brighter because they were full of hope. He felt silly again, ridiculous even, but he was okay with that because if this was what they were together then that was okay. "That were boyfriend and girlfriend." Saying it out loud made him feel like a goob, but it also made him feel warm. He squeezed her hand lightly, waiting for her to respond.

Her smile really reached her eyes as he laughed. She loved seeing him like this. It almost felt like a waste of time to not have told him how she felt earlier; how many smiles like this one could she have seen in the time that she’d known him? At least six months more of them, she thought distantly – he’d thought about kissing her at Christmas, he’d said. It didn’t bother her too much though, she felt like she had forever to see him like this now. The thought was an errant one but the forever in it made her blush, then feel stupid, then just smile again.

His seriously though made her smile fade a little, but she nodded, wanting to show him that she was here for whatever he wanted to say. Really present, not too teasing. “Seriously,” she repeated tentatively, gaze flicking from eye to eye. “I just –” she hesitated, feeling like finishing that sentence was too cheesy, even for her. I just want you. “It’s you,” she finished, the intent clear as she raised her shoulders in the smallest of shrugs. She’d confess to more, if he wanted. She was far better at talking about her feelings than he was, and so willing to open up if that was what he wanted.

Dating each other. She wanted to smile again. It sounded so cliche and teeny, even to her ears – especially coming from his lips – but it still made her all fluttery, and not in the nervous way. Just in the light-headed sort of way. The caught-up way. The way that always elicited that look from Kendrick when she told him about spending the day with Phillip. It must have shown on her face.

“I guess it does,” Billie replied with a shy smile. She slipped her hand from his and placed both of her palms on his chest lightly. “I like it?” she offered, her smile firmly in place as she moved her hands slowly up his chest, to rest right in the place they belonged, in the curve between his neck and shoulder on either side. She pushed up on her toes to press her lips against his lightly, glad that she could lean against him; she felt a little weak at the knees.

Phillip felt silly, but also like this was so severe, it was a strange mix, and it was a bit exhausting. He wanted to explain to Billie how much she meant to him, to tell her how often she thought of her (and it was so often), and to make sure Billie understood she was the only witch he paid attention to, but declaring all of those things seemed so dramatic. The Ravenclaw also felt like his actions spoke louder than any speech Phillip might hobble together. Besides the fact that between writing her and spending time with her, he had very little other free time, Billie knew him better than anyone. She knew Phillip didn't care for most people, could barely even be bothered with learning the names of students in his own year, let alone anyone else. The wizard didn't have a lot of friends, and he certainly didn't frequent teenage social events, so of course, Billie was the only witch in his life. Phillip wanted clarity and for her to know his intentions, but also, he hoped she already knew.

Silently he reminded himself that she had been the one to bring these things up. She hadn't come out and asked him or demanded an answer, it wasn't like Billie to do something like that. Maybe because Phillip knew she'd never put pressure on him about these sorts of things, he put the pressure on himself. The teenager just wanted to make sure that they were on the same page.

While he might not have said a lot of words, he felt like he had said a lot with the ones he had. Phillip had never been overly chatty, he preferred to say very little or nothing at all, except for with her. In a way, Phillip saved all of his words for her, just as he saved all of his smiles. Watching her smile made him smile again, the corners of his lips tugging as she spoke. Billie's words were electric, making him tingle as her hands moved back up to his neck, and Phillip felt her warmth against him. "Yeah, I like it too." Every awkward thought, every weird nervous feeling, every doubt he'd just had seemed to drift away as the summer breeze tickled his ankles again.

Instead of thinking about anything else, he just wrapped his hands around her again. Phillip's forearms moved against her back, lifting her a little as he kissed her more passionately than before. Without saying anything Phillip told her all of the things he wanted her to know. He felt swept away by her, like the wispy curls around her face. Phillip enjoyed having conversations with Billie, but he liked it when they didn't talk. And they had been doing a lot of not talking lately.

She was breathless by the time they separated, a state which Billie had found herself in quite a lot as of late. She smiled brightly up at him – the kind of smile that only really appeared in moments like this. He had a smile that was just hers, too, she was sure of it. The thought made her want to smile more. She took a half step back and nearly tripped in the grass.

So. Boyfriend. She wanted to tell Kendrick, the same way she’d told him all about their trip to Ireland. She’d been out of breath, then, too. “So I can tell everyone you’re my boyfriend now?” she asked, sliding her hands back down his chest to reach for his hands again. She was half-teasing; a part of her inferred that he didn’t really care for the idea of her telling her friends all about him – about them. She liked the fact that they had their own little world, too, but wondered how he could manage to keep all of his feelings to himself, if he was feeling a fraction of what she did.

“Shall we go up?” she asked, not looking away from his face. In the back of her mind, Billie wondered what things would be like when they went back to school. Phillip wasn’t a center-of-attention type of person, and he’d barely touched her when they’d hung out with his friends – though, granted, they weren’t together together then. She wondered how touchy he’d be with her in front of other people. If he’d kiss her goodnight in the common room. The idea made her feel a little shy all of a sudden, and she squeezed his hand.

Phillip loved the idea that she was his girlfriend, and that he was her boyfriend. Hearing her say it out loud made him smile, it gave him those warm type of shivers that he only got around her. It made him feel special, wanted, and he wondered if this was why he'd heard so many students fighting with each other about labels over the years. He understood now, the need to put a title on it, a claim even if that didn't sound so barbaric. He wanted the world to know that she was with him, and he was with her, and that there was no wiggle room in those terms. It was exciting to think about. Not that he was going to go around shouting it off the rooftops, he wasn't the sort, and it wasn't like he had a whole lot of friends to tell anyway.

She did though, and surprising even himself, he kind of liked the idea of her telling her friends. He couldn't tell them apart, and he'd rather not be around when she did, but the idea of her informing others that he was her boyfriend was interesting to him. "Sure, if you want," he said with a little smile and only the smallest of hesitations. The last thing he wanted was to become part of some circle of gossip, yet another reason he mostly avoided other teenagers, but he'd never pegged her for the type. He trusted her, and Billie had never given him even the slightest impression that she was some doe-eyed ditzy teenage witch who lived in daytime radio shows and gossip magazines.

Phillip barely pulled away from her when she asked if they should go up, coming to the realization that they could apparate together so long as he was holding on to her, even if he wasn't exactly holding her hand. "Yeah," he said softly, squeezing her a little so she'd understand and then he shut his eyes to concentrate. In a moment they were on the top of the roof, the magic working much faster because they were only going a short distance instead of countries away. When his feet touched the flat part of the roof he kicked some rock shaped tar from the last time they'd had to patch a bit of the asphalt by accident. He opened his eyes quickly at the feeling, knowing they had arrived even if it was so quick.

Eyes open he found her face and smiled again in appreciation. In the split second before she'd open her eyes Phillip leaned in and stole another kiss.

He kissed her again.

It was a good thing that he was holding her tightly, because she almost definitely would have fallen over, even though she’d been expecting the apparating. He had a way of making her brain go empty and yet feel overworked at the same time. She couldn’t help but overthink everything – and not always in an anxious way, either; sometimes she just went over things as they happened so she could think about them later. Sometimes she went over her own actions and tried to imagine them through his eyes.

Still, she wanted to melt into him in a very blank-brain sort of way; she wasn’t really done kissing when she pulled back. But she was curious, too, and she wanted to know what things looked like from up here. She didn’t move away, but she did pull back enough to have a look around. The blonde did the same thing she’d done while they’d been down on the ground; she looked to her right, then kept turning a bit, and a bit more… Billie moved his hands to her waist, sliding her fingers through his as she turned around, her back to his chest now as she took in the view from the roof.

“So this is where you were all of those times,” She said out loud, her gaze skimming the landscape. She glanced down, imagining where he might sit, in the twilight, with his journal in hand, before looking out again. Her bedroom was far less impressive than this, she thought. She’d shown him her room when she’d given him a quick house tour, but they didn’t spend time in there or anything. The idea made her cheeks a little pink, and she was glad she wasn’t looking his way.