these wild oceans shake what's left of me loose { phillip }

Billie took a bite of cold mint choc chip ice cream, then wrapped her arms back around her knees, her spoon dangling loosely, her other hand holding her wrist. She winced a little at the brain-freezey feeling and swallowed, chewing absentmindedly on the chocolatey bits as she waited patiently on the stairs outside her front door.

She’d come ridiculously close to wearing something sleeveless tonight – it was a warm night, after all, even if the sun had only just gone down. Sometimes she slept in sleeveless things, too, so it wouldn’t have been out of place with a pair of longer pyjama bottoms or something. She’d chickened out, though, feeling a bit self-conscious and silly for kind of... wanting him... to see her shoulders? Even thinking it now made her feel like an idiot – they were just shoulders! But she always dressed so modestly that it felt like it meant something. Whatever.

So instead of shoulders, it was knees. After she’d showered she’d gotten into more summery pyjama bottoms – long shorts that came to just above her knees, instead. Overthinking everything, she’d worn the thin cotton long-sleeved top that matched. Merlin, she felt like an idiot these days.

Just then, Phillip appeared at the end of the path from the front stairs. Okaaaay, so the idiot feeling wasn’t necessarily unpleasant. Billie got to her feet, standing straight up on the second step. “Hi,” she said as he approached, clasping her hands behind her back and swaying a little as he arrived at the stairs. When he was close enough though, she leaned forward and kissed him properly – it had been two days, after all.

“Missed you,” she said softly, pulling back. Her hands lingered on his shoulders for a moment – she made sure not to touch the cold spoon to his neck â€“ before she retracted them. She was grinning like an idiot, trying to temper her unusually unrestrained expression by biting her lower lip. She glanced down, tucking some stray wispy hairs behind one ear before looking back up at him. She didn’t know how it could be surprising, but every time she saw him again after a break – even just a day or two (which felt more like a week these days) – she was a little stunned by how handsome he was.

“Would you like to sit?” she asked, pausing before sitting down herself and moving the bowl of ice cream she’d been eating from out of the way. “We don’t have any vanilla so you’ll just have to try it,” she told him with a small smile, a spark in her eye as she picked up the spare spoon and offered it to him.

Not seeing her for a whole day had felt like forever, he knew it was dramatic to think, but it was how he felt. He'd gotten used to this rhythm of seeing her all the time and of writing constantly when they weren't together. Maybe he was being obsessive, but he liked their routine. And when she went to hang out with her other friends he always felt a little out of sorts. Phillip wanted all of her time and he was a little bit grumpy about losing any of it. The teenager had always had an addictive sort of personality when he liked something, he really liked it, and he dove in headfirst. It was the same with his research, with his obsession for finding his family, even with the books he read, he got very carried away.

Regardless of his obvious personality flaws Phillip tried to be cool, not get weird about her hanging out with her other friends and going to a movie and not inviting him, and occupied his free time by hanging out with Wini. She'd noticed he was a little grumpier, and he'd sort of told her why, but in very few words and then dodged all of her follow up questions. It was a typical Phillip/Winifred conversation really. They had gone into Diagon Alley again, searching for another piece of a never-ending puzzle, and the shop keeper at the curio shop had told them to come back the next day. Phillip was remiss to spend more time away from Billie, knowing she was free today, but he wanted to go back to Diagon with Wini and get what they had been looking for.

After they had finished though, like literally ten minutes after they had returned to William's, Phillip was apparating off and heading to Billies. He was eager to see her, it was so obvious. When he got there he felt like his heart was skipping a beat. All of his worries and grumpiness faded away when he saw her sitting on the porch like she was waiting for him. And immediately his teenage eyes pinpointed on the shorts she had on. He'd never seen her in shorts before, skits sure but they were always long and modest, so this was certainly new. He might not have noticed such a difference in her wardrobe this time last year, but now he was so deeply intuned with it. He moved toward her quickly, his arms wrapping around her in a way that was becoming so familiar. "I can tell," he teased with a playful smile when she broke the kiss to tell him she had missed him. He kissed her once more, "Missed you too," before pulling away.

He followed her to the porch, the wonderful porch they had spent so much time on this summer, and took a seat on the stoop. "What kind is it?" He asked, eyeing the greenish tinted ice cream and reaching for the spoon. If she liked it, he'd probably like it, so he took a bite and shrugged. It wasn't vanilla, but it reminded him of the candies he liked so it was pretty good. "Did you have fun with your friends?" He asked, not remembering their names but trying to be stealthy about it.

“Mint-choc chip,” she replied, amused. What other ice-cream was green with bits in it? She supposed there were a lot of weird flavours out there. She was a little more open to different flavours and cuisines than he was, but she still tended to stick to her regular foods. She watched him take a bite, a small smile appearing when he shrugged. A shrug of approval was basically as good as she was going to get from him when it came to things like this. Food wasn’t something that seemed to excite Phillip the way it excited some people.

She got comfy on the wooden surface, turning a little so she could look at him better, her knee touching his leg. “Yes, it was so good,” she replied. She’d been wanting to share all of her thoughts on the experience since the credits had rolled up the screen. Reflecting on that part of it, Billie frowned a little.

“I mean, I cried a lot, and that was quite embarrassing,” she added, giving him a look. “But Killian was very nice about it – Josie couldn’t come last minute, so it was just the two of us,” she added absentmindedly. Billie had a lot of questions about movies that she wanted to ask him. Had he gone? Would he want to take her? She imagined sitting in the dark with him, side by side, and wondered how easily she’d be able to focus on the screen ahead.

Billie got another spoonful of icecream, but hesitated as she brought it to her lips. “It was…” she trailed off, wanting to pick the perfect words for what she was trying to say. “A lot more immersive than I thought it would be. A lot more.” She’d dreamed about it last night; nothing very clear, but absolutely Lord of the Rings related. She took her bite, her face thoughtful.

Mint Chocolate Chip, he nodded when she stated the name, it added up, but he wasn't super excited about it or anything. It was better than some of those strange flavors he had seen at the ice cream shop when they had all gone, seriously who wanted to eat Corn on the Cob flavored ice cream? And Billie seemed to enjoy it, so he liked it too. He enjoyed the little chocolate pieces the most, but he didn't mention it, Merlin forbid it somehow get back to Winifred that he liked a new flavor of ice cream, he would never hear the end of it.

Sticking the spoon into the carton, he grabbed another bite and smiled a little when she said she'd had a good time. Of course, he wanted her to have a good time, but he would have much rather preferred she'd had it with him. He could have gone to a muggle movie with her if that was what she wanted to do, but Phillip had never thought to ask. Ever since well, everything he had distanced himself as much as he could from the muggle world. Partly in defense, because being the half-blood son of a muggle-born witch was dangerous at the time, but also because splitting himself from that world helped ease the pain of what he had lost.

Hearing that she cried at the movie, that it was embarrassing, his expression pulled sympathetically as he looked at her, half the ice cream still on his spoon. He'd never seen the movie they went to see, but he could imagine her surprise at the theatre, he knew she wasn't from that world, she was as Pureblood a person as Phillip had ever met he figured it was pretty overwhelming. Another thing he would have liked to be there to experience with her.

And then she dropped a tiny bit of information he hadn't been expecting, and in the time it took him to finish his spoonful of ice cream, he did the math. The cynical, negative, paranoid voice in the back of his head telling him a word problem even as she spoke. If Josie, Killian, and Billie make plans to go to the movie, and Josie can't go, who is there to comfort Billie when she starts crying at Lord of the Rings? Killian.

He swallowed.

There was an almost immediate heat coming off of his cheeks as he thought about it, even though part of him knew better, Phillip was easily jealous. He blinked a few times, feeling himself getting grumpier but not wanting Billie to know about it. She was allowed to have friends, Phillip was stupid, the teenager knew it, but the wizard couldn't stop himself from feeling some kind of way. Phillip wanted to be happy that she had fun with her friends, but he was having a hard time putting away his own emotions. It had been this way for a while but was even more so that they were dating. Phillip wanted to spend all of his time with her. He wanted to be around her all of the time, and he didn't want to share her time with anyone else, especially not some boy who was in her year (he assumed).

Digging his spoon into the container slightly more aggressively than he meant to, Phillip nearly knocked it off the porch. He caught it with the other hand, huffing a little from the annoyance, and then set it back down. Condensation from the icy outside pooled in his hand, and he wiped it on his jeans, anything to avoid looking at Billie and giving his thoughts away right now. "Yeah, movies can be pretty dramatic." He said plainly, doing his absolute best to keep any trace of passive-aggressiveness out of his voice. Phillip trusted her, he knew he had nothing to worry about, but he was a seventeen-year-old boy who had been burned so often that it was hard not to put all of those doubts on this. There were plenty of real reasons why he had stopped trusting, stopped making friends, and stopped hoping for things. She had nothing to do with them, but he wasn't very good at compartmentalization.

"So," he started, chewing on the little bits of chocolate from his last bite, "It was just you and Killian then?" Phillip remembered his name now.

Billie was still thinking about Lord of the Rings, trying to remember the blurry elements from her dream, and trying to remember the different sections of the movie, too. “Yes, I…” She trailed off, pale eyes darting down to look at the ice cream container as it nearly fell off the top step. She glanced up at him, a little startled. He seemed nonchalant, though, so she just nodded. “Dramatic,” she repeated, agreeing. But it had been more than dramatic for her, she thought. It had really moved her. He’d been to movies, then, she thought. They probably weren’t as big a deal for him as yesterday’s one had been for her.

She looked at him as he asked for a clarification on who’d been there. “Yes,” she said again. “Josie was supposed to come too – I’m not sure why she didn’t, Ki just said that she’d sent him a note not long before he left.” She gave a small shrug, less interested in talking about her Gryffindor friends and more interested in sharing the other stuff with him; the way the experience had made her feel, the fact that she wanted to share that with him too. Billie looked down at her spoon, catching her warped reflection as she turned it in her hand.

“It affected me a lot, actually,” she said, her gaze still cast downward. “The movie,” she added – not the fact that Josie had pulled out at the last minute. “The music was really beautiful, and overwhelming in some bits. Killian said they’re not all that amazing.” She shook her head. “We went to a record store and he got me the CD for the movie, but I don't have anything to play it..." she trailed off, frowning a little before she spoke again.

"Would you take me to one, Phillip?” she asked, glancing up again with a small smile. She bumped his leg lightly with her knee, trying to make him smile too. “I don’t mind what we see,” she added. "I think there are a lot of movies on this summer." Once more, her mind spun the image of the pair of them sitting together in the dark. In her daydream there was a lot more tension than there had been yesterday. Her heart beat a little faster just thinking about it.

Phillip knew he should have been listening to her thoughts on the movie, and normally he would have had no problem listening to her, he liked hearing what she thought about things. Right now was different though. Right now he was still stuck on the whole 'only her and Killian' idea, it was like cement around his shoes, and he couldn't move past it. His expression grew blank as she explained how Josie was supposed to come but ended up not and immediately grew paranoid about the entire situation. It was probably innocent, nothing to worry about, but in general, Phillip didn't trust people so naturally, he assumed this Killian and Josie had ulterior motives.

Blinking at her a few more times, still lost in his own nonsense and trying to push the worry out of his mind. The little bit of soupy melted ice cream on the edge of his spoon dripped from where he was still holding it above his lap, stalled in mid-air. The teenager knew his thoughts were way off base, that he shouldn't worry, that Billie could be trusted, but there was very little chance of stopping them now. He was already feeling jealous about the fact that she had gone to hang out with her friends and not him, and now that it had been just her and another wizard it was even worse.

Even though he was lost in his thoughts he could still hear what she was saying, some things registered more than others, so of course, he latched on to the next time she said his name out loud. "He bought you a CD?" He asked, clarifying, and taking a silent breath. He thought Kendrick might have had a CD player, he seemed like a hip adult wizard, but Phillip was too busy thinking about the other half of her statement to mention it. He was being dumb, he knew it, he was beating himself up for it internally, but it was still going to happen. He wasn't used to this feeling, he'd never really felt like he was sharing Billie's attention before but also he had never craved it as much as he did now either.

"Take you.. to a movie?" Phillip realized halfway through saying it that it must have been what she was talking about, but it was too late to take the question back. If she hadn't realized he was distracted yet she might have now, and he didn't want her to think he wasn't paying attention to her. All he wanted was to pay her attention. Phillip nodded quickly after asking, physically wanting to knock the stupid thoughts out of his head and focus just on her. "Of course, any movie you want to see, just name it." Phillip gave her a half-smile, not the usual one he had around her, but it was still something.

“Yes, I didn’t have any muggle money,” she explained patiently, wondering why he kept asking for clarifications, repeating what she was saying. She felt a little frustrated at herself, like she wasn’t explaining it properly. If she’d been saying it right, then he wouldn’t be focusing on all of the parts of the story that weren’t the main part she was trying to share. The blonde took another bite of ice cream, leaving the spoon in her mouth for a moment so she could tuck her hair behind both of her ears.

She took the spoon out of her mouth when he repeated what she was saying, as a question, for the third time. A tentative smile appeared in response to his, but there was something a little unsure in her expression now. He seemed distracted, or distant. “I mean... I don’t really know how to check,” she said, uncertainty in her voice. She supposed she could ask Kendrick to help her; she was sure that he would. Her gaze dropped to the spoon in her hand again, but she set it aside, deciding that she was done with ice cream for now.

“We don’t have to,” she said, flicking her gaze up to meet his. Her expression was open, honest, but probing a little too; she could tell something felt a bit off, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. She wanted to know where his thoughts had been just now, but it wasn’t really in her nature to be so direct as to ask. “I just thought it might be something fun we could do,” she said, offering another small smile as she touched her knee to his leg again.

Phillip nodded when she told him she didn't know how to look up what movies were playing and felt relief as his nerves calmed a little. He couldn't help feeling envious that she'd gone without him, or weird about the fact that she'd gone with another wizard, but he could stop being a jerk and actually participate in the conversation. He'd have plenty of time later to go over the conversation repeatedly, picking every last thread apart, convincing himself things were fine, and that he should worry, in equal measure. There was no stopping his doubts or possessiveness, he was still feeling all of it, but he was trying so hard to push it down and pretend it wasn't there. She didn't deserve his grumpiness and she certainly hadn't earned his doubt.

There was a noticeable change in her tone when she spoke again and Phillip picked up on it. She didn't seem upset, but just different, and silently he wondered if he had been the cause of the change. He didn't want to ruin her story, and he was feeling like he might have. And then she bumped her knee against his and he smiled, really smiled this time, as he remembered that she had asked him to go to the movies, that she was sharing her ice cream with him. No matter how much he hated her hanging around others he knew he was going to have to figure out how to deal with it. And knowing she was still his girlfriend made it a bit easier.

"There is a number we can call, you know, on the telephone?" His words sounded lighter, less burdened, and he was less distracted. "Do you know what a telephone is?" Phillip teased her with a little smile and bumped his knee against hers. He wasn't done worrying, playing out all the ways things could go wrong, or being jealous, but maybe he could do that and also be part of the conversation. He could try at least. "Or I think they might list them in the muggle newspapers?"

Billie searched his expression a little, her gaze lingering on his face as he spoke. She wasn’t hiding it, either; this was just part of a plethora of non-verbal ways they’d learned to communicate. She didn’t ask if he was okay, but her concern was evident in her little looks, the ways she touched him. Non-verbal check-ins.

“I know what a telephone is,” she protested emphatically, raising her eyebrows and looking at him to check he believed her. She gave him a small smile though. Sure, she knew, theoretically, what a telephone was. Did she understand it? Absolutely not. She’d been told by others before that physics made a lot more sense than magic, but when she’d been trying to understand the relationship between electricity and audio waves, it had all gone over her head. She’d swapped back to astrophysics, which was still pretty convoluted, but at least involved fun concepts, like stars and space.

Anyway, she’d never used a telephone before.

“Perhaps...” she started, dropping her gaze to where her knee met his leg, “you could choose something… And then take me?” She folded her hands together in her lap demurely. When she looked up at him again she was smiling, but there was something a little teasing in there too; she was trying to look cute to get him to do what she wanted. It was obvious, and she had meant it to be so, but it still felt funny to her, so she laughed a little after a beat anyway.

Billie leaned over and kissed his shoulder once, then straightened up, a smile in her eyes as she watched his reaction.

"Do you?" Phillip asked with a little more enthusiasm in his eyes, and a little less worry. She was easily one of the smartest witches he had ever met, but she had also grown up in a far different world than Phillip had. It was wild to him, the differences between even half-bloods and Purebloods when it came to muggle things they were accustomed to. Especially because geographically they weren't far apart, sometimes only a thin brick wall divided them, and yet also worlds away.

Turning to look up at her face when she began speaking again Phillips features pulled into another smile, a smirk even, and he breathed a little laugh when she finished. "Oh, I see," he said, still smiling a little and feeling much better. "Well how about this Friday, I mean, unless you are too busy?" The last part of his words was an odd mix of joke, reassurance, and subconscious surfacing of his worry. Phillip knew it was selfish to think that she would want to spend all of her free time with him only, but he couldn't help it, he only wanted to be around her.

In the time that he had to know Billie he had seen a lot of different sides of her, sometimes she was quiet, sometimes excited, he'd seen her laugh and he'd seen her cry, but he didn't remember her being this playful before. Surely there were moments, but he'd never considered it to be teasing or flirting before, and now he certainly did. Phillip moved carefully to pick up the container of ice cream between them, he moved it as he slid to sit next to her. With the side of his leg up against hers and his torso turned toward her Phillip wanted to kiss her, but he was waiting until after she'd answered.

“Yes,” she complained, teasing as if it were a very obvious thing he was asking her, and she was offended to be asked it. Honestly, her knowledge of muggle things was very limited and he was right to question it. Still, she was trying. Her new house was a lot more “modern” in that way than her old house had been. Kendrick was a modern wizard; he had all kinds of gadgets.

Phillip seemed a lot more relaxed now, like he was properly engaging with what she was saying, so she shifted gently back to teasing him. Was she free this Friday? Well. “It’s possible I might be able to make space,” Billie told him, nodding sagely. “Pencil you in, you know,” She glanced to the side, as if trying to remember if there were any gaps in her schedule on Friday. She couldn’t keep the small smile off her face as she did so, though.

The blonde watched as he moved the ice cream out of the way and slid in closer, feeling a bit fluttery. She adjusted the hem of her shorts self-consciously. “But I’m free tomorrow, too,” she added, raising her eyebrows and giving him a little look. Their legs were touching now. “Today doesn’t really count because you’ll probably have to go home soon, so that’s, what – two days in a row that we haven’t seen each other…?” She trailed off, watching his expression.

Phillip found the way she teased him both amusing and insanely attractive. He had never really seen her this way around others when they were in class, or even with him before the last few weeks, and that made it even better. Feeling like this side of her was special, and reserved only for him, thrilled Phillip. It was just another reason he knew he had been stupid earlier, worried about her seeing a movie with Killian, he bet she didn't act like this around Killian. Well, he hoped, taking a quick breath, and shoving that thought back down where it came from. "It's possible is it?" He asked her, the teasing in his voice mirroring her's as he bumped his shoulder against hers now. It was a little touch, he wanted more, but he was waiting to hear the right answer from her.

The teenager shook his head at her slowly, pretending to be unamused by her statement of penciling him in, even though there was a smile still in his eyes. "I'm free too," he said, the mock frown he'd been trying to keep on his face sliding off as he slid closer to her. Phillip was pretty much free every day, any time, but he kept himself from admitting all of that to her because he thought it would sound pretty pathetic. It wasn't like he sat around watching the journal linked to hers and waited for her to write him or anything.... okay, at least not all the time.

Just most of the time.

As he sat closer he looked down from her face the skin of her bare legs, the shorts much shorter up closer, and his heart raced a little. He'd never touched that part of her skin before, there was so much of her that was brand new to him, and the teenager was powerless to stop his wandering thoughts. Green eyes turned back toward her face but landed on her lips instead. "I don't have a curfew," he said mostly because it was true, but also because it made him feel a little bit cooler. He didn't have a lot going for him, he was a lousy friend, certainly not the life of the party, but he was seventeen which meant he had a lot more freedom than most of their classmates. "Two days is a long time..." He trailed off, not wanting to spend another minute not kissing her let alone two days. Leaning toward her Phillip cupped her face with his hand and he tilted his head to kiss her.

“Well I’ll have to check and see,” she answered, bumping him back lightly.

No curfew for Phillip, hmm? Because he was an adult. Once more, she reflected on the fact that he’d been her current age when they’d met, and the fact that she’d felt like he was so mature. She didn’t feel that grown up now, though, glancing his way now, she did feel more grown up than she had a few weeks ago.

“But I do,” she reminded him gently, catching his ocean green eyes with her own. Well... It wasn’t like Kendrick had ever explicitly told her that she had a curfew… but for some reason she doubted she’d be allowed to have Phillip over indefinitely. Kendrick wasn’t the kind of person to lay down hard boundaries like that; he hadn’t even been angry with her when she’d come home late from spending time with Phillip that very first time. It was more likely that he’d be out here in an hour letting her know that he was going to bed or something; the kind of indicator that it was time for her to wrap things up, without any “orders” as such.

Not that she’d ever tell him – or anyone, these were the kinds of thoughts that were just for her – but Billie had absentmindedly plotted the best ways to sneak out for a night before. She’d never do it. Never ever ever ever. But she’d been thinking about other things and her mind had wandered to logistics and, well, the short version was that Kendrick was very trusting and Phillip could apparate. Did it need to be explained more than that? She didn’t think so. Naturally, she’d felt bad for even entertaining the fantasy; lying to Kendrick was absolutely off the table. But sometimes she remembered the concept when things like curfews were brought up.

Phillip leaned in to kiss her and she kissed him back, but because of the way they were sitting, her body felt a bit awkward. Where should she put her hands? He was already cupping her face in his, so she kept hers in her lap. Awkward. She was smiling when she pulled back, though, her cheeks pink. “Wouldn’t want to ruin our streak,” she added, responding to the days comment. The blonde shifted a little, turning to face him, resting her knee on his thigh, and she kissed him again, one of her hands resting lightly on his chest.

Phillip faked a frown when she reminded him that she did in fact have a curfew, but it was quickly replaced by a teasing little smile. He enjoyed this, it had nearly washed away all of the black cloud thoughts he'd been having a moment ago. There was a new sort of special in their conversations lately. He was sure he'd never get used to her teasing him, the jokes, the banter, .... the flirting. Phillip knew she'd come home late the night they went to Ireland and he also knew she had told Kendrick where they had gone. He wouldn't have, but they were so different in that respect.

Phillip never did what he was told and aside from Billie he rarely considered how his actions would affect others. He did what he wanted, and faced the consequences later, and he certainly never confessed to breaking the rules. But he knew she was different, she was better than he was really, and she showed how much she respected Kendrick by not pushing the boundaries. Phillip tried to remind himself of that when he was trying to tempt her to stay on the porch later than she was supposed to during their long "goodbye" sessions. It was easier said than done.

Kissing her sitting side by side was not as easy as he had pictured in his mind (in the two seconds before he'd done it) but Phillip didn't stray away from it even though it was a little strange. Slowly his hand moved down from her face, not sure where it was going, but before it got there his arm bumped into hers on his chest. Awkwardly Phillip's hand bounced off the outside of her arm and landed on the bare skin of her knee. His lips parted slightly, realizing he was touching her skin, but he didn't stop. His thumb brushed against the smooth new skin, sending little electrical sparks up his arm and to his brain. Leaning further in Phillip got carried away, kissing her more intently than was proper on the porch in front of her guardian's house, but he was lost in it.

The angle hurt her neck a bit, so she shifted a little again. Billie didn’t know why they didn’t just stand up or something – get more vertical – it’d probably be more comfortable than kissing like this. The thought crossed her mind that they could be less vertical too, but she shut that down before she got too flustered. Not that she could really help it, when he fumbled a little and ended up with his hand on her knee, or when he started kissing her like that.

Billie was mildly mortified by how good it felt, both because she felt like an idiot for overreacting (it was just a knee for Merlin’s sake, it wasn’t like he was touching her anywhere inappropriate), but also for the improper sort of thoughts it sparked in her brain. But also the nexus between those two concepts; that she was so inexperienced that something as simple as a knee touch would make her flutter so thoroughly. Merlin.

She pulled back first, but stayed close enough that she could feel his hot breath against her parted lips. Her own breathing was a little fast; it hadn’t been a soft, sweet sort of kiss, after all. Billie’s eyes were locked on his. He went to move his hand, to pull away, but she moved her own hand from where it was on his chest to rest on top of his on her knee. There was something in her gaze, some blazing sort of look as she squeezed his hand lightly, pressing his fingers into her skin.

She didn’t know what she was doing, she was reading his expression as she shifted his hand a centimeter, working out what felt good for him, and what didn’t. It felt like a moment to her, like a scene written from a book or something. She knew the tension wasn’t one sided. The wanting – as improper as that was – wasn’t one sided. How things had shifted from awkward to utterly charged in moments was beyond her.