[Rybinsk] не теряй надежду (Nastya)

Why was it always her that ended up in these situations with Aglaya? Why couldn’t she just have a normal encounter for once? Why couldn’t they do the normal things that sisters did, the things that all her friends told her about during their pyjama parties and gossiping nights? Nastya was, at the same time, glad it was her, as she felt that she could not trust anyone else to deal with her sister anymore. Who knows what other people would have done had they been in her place?! Anastasiya had wished her mother was there to help, but she also didn’t want her there. She had so little time with her sister throughout the years that Nastya was enjoying the contact even if it wasn’t exactly normal. Their relationship was confusing.

She was happy that Aglaya did not fight her about the jacket, but also concerned because it was so unlike her. Everything Nastya normally did felt like a battle with the other witch, they were competitors and fierce rivals, and there was no time for sibling affection, it always felt like Aglayka did everything she could to get a rise out of her. At the same time, seeing Aglaya with a national team jacket made her feel more normal. She could forget that it was her own jacket and pretend that they were training as normal and that this was just a brief encounter that they could forget about. As long as Nastya ignored Aglaya’s tears then everything would be fine, everything would be as it was before.

Nastya’s face fell as Aglaya so vulnerably told her not to yell at her. Her pacing slowed, her expression softened, now feeling terribly guilty about taking out her frustrations that had been building up over the entire situation on her sister. Aglaya was obviously trying to accomplish something, feel useful. Nastya could perhaps understand the motive even if she didn’t approve of the method or the outcome. “I’m sorry,” Nastya shrugged her shoulders slightly, sighing loudly. “I don’t mean it. I just…” she stopped, not sure if she really wanted to finish that sentence. She was just what? Worried, terrified, angry? All of those things and more. She was all these emotions because she really cared, despite her family trying to drum it out, her loyalty and love for her sister was too strong. Perhaps that was her downfall, perhaps not.

Aglaya tried to move her arm, in an attempt to fight back and say that she could. But Nastya immediately raised her index finger with a stern look, “Don’t move it if you don’t need to.” Nastya was pleased that Aglaya spoke up and tried to go against her plan, but it was also irritating for her to choose that moment to do so.

While she had her back to Aglaya as she paced, a quiet “why?” immediately stopped her in her tracks. She was glad that her back was turned so that her sister wouldn’t be able to see the utter heartbreak on her face as she chewed her lip. It hurt, like a knife in her heart, that either Aglaya didn’t want her there that much, or that Aglaya thought so little of herself that she didn’t think it was worth the effort being with her. Nastya wasn’t sure if one was better to believe than the other.

“Why?” She echoed, her back still turned. “Because I… I…” She wanted to say she loved her sister, but it was hard to get the words out. She cleared her throat and finally finished her sentence. “Because I care.” She turned around, her face blank and imperceptible as Nastya tried to school her expression. It wouldn’t help anyone to cry. “I don’t care if we’re supposed to be rivals or if you’ve beaten me a hundred times, and I don’t care if I get into trouble and get yelled at again,” Nastya ranted, setting off on her pace again, hoping that Aglaya wouldn’t notice her voice gradually getting tighter and tighter. “I’m staying because I care about you and no one is going to stop me.” Nastya huffed resolutely, turning back around to face her sister with a ghost of a smile. She didn’t actually expect anyone to be stopping her, but it felt good to say anyway.

Aglaya seemed to say her name in desperation against her going but Nastya’s mind was made up and she wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way. “No, I’m coming. End of.” She said sternly, feeling like perhaps it was unnecessary to add this, but doing so just in case.

She shut the door behind them, and walked slightly behind Aglaya, letting her elder sister set the pace again. She carried her bag and the broom through the corridor, her hand already reaching into her pocket to retrieve her wand again, when she almost bumped directly into Aglayka as she abruptly stopped to tell her it was time to use the disillusionment charm. “Right, of course.” Nastya muttered, adjusting her bag. “Okay,” Anastasiya turned to face Aglaya, muttering the incantation and slowly completing the wand movement wanting it to be done perfectly. She smiled as the current champion slowly blended into the surroundings. “Great, and now…” Nastya trailed off, repeating the same for herself. Her bag and the broom remained visible so she repeated the process for her bag. Slowly, Nastya opened the door and peeked around the corner, checking if the coast was clear. “All clear, I’ll do the broom once we settle on it.” Nastya sighed in relief.

Stepping out into the fresh air, Nastya perched on the platform at the front of the broom, adjusting her bag so that it was on her lap. She looked behind her but couldn’t really see what Aglaya was doing because of the charm. “Are you on okay?” She gently asked before repeating the spell again for the broom.

“Let’s go!” Nastya whispered, as she steered the broom up high enough to be well above people’s heads but not so high as to be the same height as the buildings. There was no need for unnecessary risks, after all. Nastya couldn’t ever remember actually using her artistic flying broom as transportation. The fresh breeze on her face and running through her hair was exhilarating, it was surprisingly really fun. Nastya decided she’d have to do it more on occasion. The night sky and the quiet streets made it all so much better than just being in an arena. A smile was plastered on her face, the artistic flyer thought that it was the most fun she’d had in months. “You okay back there?” She checked in with Aglaya, as they rounded the corner. Nastya enjoyed how the broom gave them a significant speed boost in comparison to walking.

Almost sad for it to be over as they turned onto the street where Aglaya lived, Nastya slowed the broom down as they approached the building. Nastya usually would dismount by flipping off or jumping a few metres onto the ground but she had her bag weighing her down, and she had Aglayka to think of as well. Cautiously, she lowered it down enough to be able to wiggle off the platform and land solidly on her two feet, keeping a hand on the broom as she waited for her basically invisible sister to do the same. Once she felt the dynamic shift in the broom that indicated her sister had successfully vacated it, she shouldered the broom after she switched shoulders for her bag, the other shoulder getting tired after the journey.

Stepping into the building, Nastya patiently waited for Aglaya to follow. “You in?” She asked in order to double check where her sister was to remove the charm. “Okay, let’s get this off.” Anastasiya smiled to herself. “Finite incantatem!” The younger of the two sisters found she only needed to say it once, removing the charm first on herself, then the bag, the broom and finally where she thought Aglaya was. She was pleased to see she was right.

After she had stormed out of Aglaya's bedroom, Alyona had left the house and apparated home. Her heart had been racing and she hadn't been able to stop herself from crying. As had to be expected Anton was not there and that was actually quite a relief to Alyona. She didn't want her husband to see her like that. He would just make things worse for sure. She had no idea how Anton would handle the situation as they'd never gone through anything that was comparable but she figured that, no matter what he'd do, it would feel wrong to her and either make her lash out at him or cry more. Neither was a prospect that seemed very alluring.

Alyona sat down on the sofa in the living room, summoned a bottle of vodka and a glass and poured herself a drink. Usually when she was stressed a shot helped. Now, however, she felt pretty much the same. She refilled the glass immediately after emptying it and downed a second shot. Then the woman dried her tears and took a deep breath. She needed to get a grip as soon as possible. She knew she had left Aglaya without any company and that was hardly advisable in her daughter's current state. Yet, she was not only a healer, trying to do the best for her patient, she was also a mother worried out of her mind about her child. She was usually good at bottling up her feelings, distancing herself from her patients no matter if they were strangers or family but this went too far for sure. How could she remain emotionless when her daughter was basically just a weak shell of a human being? In the past few days Alyona had occasionally wondered if she'd be able to deal better with Aglaya if she had been crying all the time instead of being entirely unresponsive but she ultimately couldn't tell.

She still kept the threatening letter, still had to figure out what measures to take. There were many decisions to make, most of them not easy at all and Alyona felt like it was up to her to work this out. Then again, how could she decide for her adult daughter when it wasn't clear what she wanted? She wanted to be able to talk to Aglaya about what she thought, and involve her in the plannings but it did not seem like her eldest daughter was or would soon be in any state to do so. She hadn't allowed anyone to read the letter so far - only Nastya had snatched it out of her hand which was less than ideal. This clearly was nothing her youngest child should have to read. In fact, nobody should ever have to read such a disgusting and scary letter. Alyona got to her feet and pulled the letter out of its hiding place in a book on healing properties of plants and stared at it again. Her hands were trembling so much that she could not really clearly read the text but she knew it by heart anyway. She had reread it so many times, trying to find a hint of who this person was and what they planned. Again tears were watering Alyona's eyes. She felt helpless, worried, sick, disgusted, scared, angry,... the list of emotions was sheer endless.

She put the letter away again, reminding herself that she needed to be strong, that she needed to be professional because she was the only one who could actually do that. She was the one who just had to try and keep a clear head. She'd have to take precautions so her daughter was, both her daughters were safe. She knew she'd never forgive herself if anything else would happen to either of them. Then again so much had already happened and Alyona wondered if she could have done anything to prevent it. Clearly she should have been aware of the fact that with fame came attention and attention wasn't always good. Maybe she should have insisted on setting up more security, giving at least her eldest daughter a bodyguard as she was in the focus of the media.

Alyona sank back down on the sofa, filling her glass once again. She felt that she needed to go back to Aglaya but she wasn't ready yet. Maybe if she could benumb herself enough with alcohol she'd be able to face her daughter again tonight. She took another sip of her drink and stared at the wall, wondering how much longer they'd all feel this way. As long as this person was out there, it seemed like there was no way out and even if he was caught at some point - a lot of harm had already been done. She felt that it was impossible to continue the way they had lived before the open day. Their lives would change, had actually already changed, there'd be consequences even when Aglaya would have physically recovered. Sip by sip she finished her drink, taking her time to empty her glass so she could delay her return to Aglaya's place some more. Slowly the alcohol showed its effect, making her feel slightly tipsy. She decided that she should not drink any more. After all, she still had to apparate. Hesitantly Alyona got out of the house to return to Aglaya's place.

As she stepped into her daughter's house, she already had a strange feeling. Her heartbeat quickened as she climbed the stairs to her daughter's bedroom where she had left her earlier. Her mouth felt dry, her eyes widened in terror as she realised that Aglaya was nowhere to be found, neither in the bedroom, nor in the bathroom, nor anywhere else. Seeing how she suddenly felt sick and weak, the woman sank down in the armchair next to Aglaya's bed, hiding her face behind her hands. For a moment she felt entirely empty, then lots of horrible thoughts came to her mind – what if her daughter had been kidnapped? What if she had gone out and broken down somewhere? What if she... No, she didn't even want to allow this thought to develop further. The healer took a deep breath, her hands sank down into her lap and she tried to focus, to figure out what she could do. However, instead of any solutions just one thought came to her mind – it was all her fault. She had lost her patience with her suffering daughter. What if the consequences of her loss of control were worse than anything they had experienced so far?

Alyona felt utterly terrified now. The more time she had to think about it, the darker her thoughts became. She now wished that she hadn't drunken so much because it was making her unfocused and that was never a good thing in a crisis. Just as she was wondering where she could go and look for Aglaya she heard a noise from downstairs. Immediately the witch was on her feet and out of her daughter's bedroom.

She recognised the voice as Nastya's at once. The drunken woman almost stumbled down the steps as she hurried downstairs. A mix of emotions made it impossible for her to think clearly now. Her cheeks were reddened from agitation just as were her eyes from crying. While she was relieved to see her daughters, the most pronounced feelings that boiled up were anger and frustration.

“What have you been thinking?” she screeched loudly and shrilly, unable to control her voice that was also a little slurred and thus clearly revealed that she had been drinking. “Where have you been? Why can't you for once be sensible? Honestly, Aglaya, you are the most irresponsible and frustrating person I know! You don't talk, don't even look at me, for ten days and then I briefly leave you on your own and you disappear? Do you have the faintest idea just how...” her voice broke off and she walked down the last few steps and approached her daughters to look properly at them.

“You look horrible,” she stated angrily, glaring at her eldest child. “And of course you could rely on your sister's help again.” Alyona shook her head and flung her hands exasperatedly in the air. “What would you have done if Nastenka hadn't been there to pick you up from wherever you've gone? The flying school, I assume?! How did you even get there? Oh never mind. Do you ever think of the consequences of your actions? Don't you understand that your recovery takes time?” Had she not been out of breath now, Alyona would have gone on like that. As it was, however, the woman had to recover her breath.

Nastya apologised after Aglaya had begged her not to yell at her and it made the elder sister feel at least a little bit better. She tried to breathe calmly, normally, and to stop crying but it wasn't easy. She nodded at her sister, letting her know that she accepted the apology. It wasn't as though she had the energy to do anything else anyway.

She sighed as her younger sibling told her not to move her arm if she didn't have to. She was right, of course, but this was all so frustrating. Wasn't it enough that she hadn't even regained half of her strength since the poisoning? Once again she felt like her body was quite worthless now. It didn't function. She didn't function. It was hard to accept that and take the time to recover, especially when nobody could tell how long it would take and if she'd ever get to the point where she had been before the poisoning. The splinching had been a consequence of her trying too much when she hadn't been ready for it and it threw her back again now, too. It was all just terribly frustrating and discouraging.

The things Nastya said in response to her question why she bothered, made it even harder for Aglaya to stay calm. Her sister said that she cared and, quite inexplicably to Aglaya, she burst out in loud sobs, feeling strangely touched by her sister's kindness and even more unworthy of her attention. She wiped away her tears with the sleeve of Nastya's jacket and tried to smile, however, she did not quite succeed with that as another sob escaped her. She wanted to ask why Nastya cared but she could tell that this would just freak her sister out. It was a question she wanted to get answered at some point though. The elder sister just didn't understand it, after all. She had never been particularly nice or caring towards her sister. In fact, they had just had very little interaction in the past.

Aglaya didn't quite appreciate the tone of Nastya's voice nor her wording as she told her that she'd come with her. She felt like her sister was belittling her, treating her like their mother might do on occasion. She frowned but did not say anything. Fighting just cost too much energy and, besides, it was maybe good if her sister accompanied her home. After all, the elder sibling wasn't quite sure if she'd be able to handle the trip alone anyway. Nonetheless she felt less inclined to ever look at her sister again and just kept staring at the floor.

They had walked quietly through the corridors and then Nastya cast the disillusionment charm on her. While Aglaya still didn't like it that her sister pointed her wand at her, she didn't feel quite so uncomfortable about it now than she had the last time Nastya had done so. They stepped outside and Aglaya realised that, even with her sister's jacket, she felt rather cold. She mounted her broom behind Nastya, unwilling to even discuss who'd sit in front and who'd steer. It did not matter now. All that she wanted was to get home and curl up in her bed. It was strange to ride her artistic flying broom like that, use it as a means of transportation. Aglaya had never done so before. Since she felt rather dizzy, she used her left hand to hold on to the broomstick. As they flew around a corner she even put her injured arm down to grab the stick with both hands, afraid to lose her balance and slip off the broom.

Nastya checked if she was okay and Aglaya barely managed more than a "Mhmm" that was probably not even audible given the airstream. She was relieved when they reached her home and got off the broom. Her legs felt shaky as she dismounted the broom and stepped into the house. "Yes," she confirmed when her sister asked if she was in and then she closed the door behind herself. She leaned against it now, feeling too exhausted to move further into the house. Nastya lifted the charm off and after the cool and tickling sensation was gone, a relieved smile spread across Aglaya's face. Soon enough she'd be able to lay down and get some rest. She'd only have to gather enough energy to actually move upstairs now.

However, before the reigning champion could make an attempt to climb the stairs to her bedroom she heard that someone was coming downstairs. Her heart skipped a beat and she had to remind herself that only a member of her family could have got in. Then her mother's voice cut into the silence, sounding shrill and threatening albeit also somewhat slurred. Aglaya didn't dare to face Alyona and just hung her head, waiting for the tirade to end. Yet, the older witch clearly had a lot to say and none of it sounded nice or caring.

So she wasn't sensible but irresponsible and frustrating. She looked horrible, didn't think of the consequences of her actions, didn't understand that her recovery took time... Aglaya shook her head as silent tears ran down her face again. She understood that her recovery took time, she just couldn't accept it. That, however, did not seem to be anything her mother understood. The open day had been almost a month ago and she was nowhere near being able to train again. How could she possibly accept that? She took a shaky breath and chewed on her lips, trying to keep herself from crying out loud. All the nice things her sister had said earlier seemed to have evaporated from her memory and Aglaya solely felt like she was a burden to her family. She was unworthy of being a member of the Tikhomirov family, unworthy to be a multiple-time champion.

Her mother's words hurt, she felt how her chest cramped as she hunched her back some more. Why did her mother even bother to deal with her if she despised her so much? Clearly Nastya was her favourite. Vaguely Aglaya remembered the countless times that her family had attempted to replace her by her younger sibling and that made her feel even worse. She pulled on the sleeve of Nastya's jacket, so that not even a bit of the bandage was visible and then put her hand into the pocket of the jacket, feeling that her mother would totally lose it if she was confronted with her injury now. It seemed like Alyona was drunk and Aglaya wasn't sure how that affected her healing skills anyway. She was terrified of the elder witch now, afraid of how far she'd still go with this outburst. It was all her fault though. She had driven her mother to drink, she had made them suffer. She clearly deserved to be yelled at, to be punished.

"I see," Aglaya said in a toneless whisper, trying to look up but not daring to make direct eye contact - neither with her mother nor with her sister. "Why didn't you just let me die?" she asked in a trembling voice. "It would have been so much better for everyone." Her voice broke off and she moved away from the door, passing Alyona as quickly as she could to climb the steps upstairs towards her bedroom. Her vision was blurred by tears now and she tried her best to suppress any sobs at least until she reached her bedroom and closed the door. She flung herself onto the bed, burying her face into the pillow, now sobbing uncontrollably.

Aglaya nodded, seemingly accepting her apology. Nastya smiled at her sister gratefully, feeling a little less guilty now.

She wasn’t really expecting a reaction, or a reply when she accidentally went off on a tirade about how she loved her sister (though she did successfully refraining from actually saying the word), so the extreme reaction she got in response confused her. Why was Aglaya crying even harder now? Had she said something wrong? “No…” She shook her head as she muttered, “No… don’t do that. Please stop. I’m sorry…” Anastasiya flapped her arms in a placating manner, feeling so awkward that Aglaya’s emotion didn’t fit with the definition in her mind. Crying equalled sadness in her mind, so why would Aglaya be sad that she cared? It didn’t make any sense. Nastya supposed that none of what was happening made much sense though. It was all so jarring. She wanted to hug her sister tightly, but then she’d cry too, and Nastya thought then nothing would get done.

Nastya was relieved as she heard Aglaya’s voice as her sister shut the door, and smiled in return as they were now safely in Aglayka’s home. Her smile quickly faded from her face as she heard movement from upstairs, and as her wand was still in her hand, Nastya had an immediate reflex and aimed her wand right at… her mother. Anastasiya sighed in relief, but before she fully lowered her wand, her mother’s screeching registered in her head. Nastya’s eyes grew wide. She recognised that slurring. She felt the memories of her parents arguing and temporarily separating while Aglaya was in hospital back in 2000 swamp her mind. She knew it was irrational, but she couldn’t stop herself reacting, as her heart started booming in her head, feeling like it was about to explode from her chest. Her mother was drunk, and Nastya feared this more for some reason than almost anything in the world. Even she didn't fully understand why.

She couldn’t even listen to what was being shouted at Aglaya (most likely, she wasn’t sure). Nastya just stood there, breathing quickly, feeling herself start to shake as she was confronted with the situation. Her mother walked down the last few steps and approached them, and Nastya instinctually stepped back behind Aglaya as her wand fell from her hand and clattered on the floor. She didn’t mean to react in such a way, but she felt like she was being moved like a marionette. Aglaya hung her head, meaning Nastya had to shuffle even further behind the other witch to obscure herself from their mother.

She suddenly heard her name cut through the vicious pumping of her heart and her ragged breathing and she startled, with a loud gasp, only now following the conversation as she instinctively pawed at Aglaya’s good arm to ground herself a little bit. “Please… stop…” Nastya whimpered, pleading for Alyona to stop talking, to stop being drunk (which she knew was impossible), licking her lips as she felt her mouth grow dry. Aglaya hunched her back further, making it difficult for her to maintain cover behind her sister, Nastya felt paralysed though, like she couldn’t move even if she wanted to. She noticed Aglayka tug on the sleeve to hide the bandage, and though ordinarily Nastya would have disapproved, in this case she thought it was the smartest decision considering the state Alyona was in and ignored it entirely, focusing back on trying to breathe.

Her sister whispered something, and Nastya had to strain to hear it. Her heart skipped a beat as she heard her sister ask why they didn’t let her die. This was all too much. She couldn’t deal with this. Before Nastya could do anything though, Aglaya was already moving away past their mother and up the stairs. “Wait, Aglayka!” She shakily called out, realising that her sister was now leaving her alone with her drunk mother. “Come back…” she whispered, realising that Aglayka was gone and now no one could save her from whatever she was so afraid of now. Anastasiya could feel the ringing in her ears, the stars dancing in her field of vision as she backed up against the door, feeling even more vulnerable now that she had accidentally cornered herself.

“Please,” Nastya begged, “I… I’m… sorry. I’m sorry.” Nastya breathed, struggling to get the words out as she desperately sucked air while her lungs screamed in protest. Her eyes still so wide as she stared at her mother. “I can go… Or stay if you want me too,” She hastily added, thinking that leaving her mother with Aglayka was not a good idea. “I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’m sorry,” Nastya whimpered again, not sure what she kept apologising for. She hoped that any deity out there would make her mother somehow disappear as her vision greyed around the edges.

Alyona couldn't stop ranting even as she vaguely realised that both her daughters seemed intimidated by it. The self restraint that usually came quite natural to her was now gone. The woman had to let out her pent up feelings, shout her frustration out. She had been worried sick about her eldest child and now Aglaya just walked into her house with her sister as though nothing had happened. It was too much. She couldn't handle it anymore. Staying professional and cool was just impossible right now.

As she paused she already felt faint regret. Nastya seemed to try and hide from her, the younger girl had even dropped her wand, clearly terrified of her now and Alyona wasn't sure why her daughter was reacting so extremely. She had not criticised her youngest child at all. In fact, she was grateful that she had been there to bring her sister back home even though she clearly had failed to voice that thought yet.

Before she got to do that though, her eldest daughter reacted to her outburst and Alyona felt like she had been stabbed right into her heart. Her expression became pained as she heard her elder daughter's words. She blinked a few times to stop herself from bursting into tears herself. Did Aglaya seriously feel like that? It was heartbreaking to hear her say that it would be better if they had let her die. Alyona wanted to tell her daughter that she loved her, show her her affection but she felt more or less paralysed.

The alcohol had clearly slowed down her thought process and so Alyona wasn't able to act right away. Aglaya walked past her and even though the athlete was quite slow as she stumbled upstairs, Alyona was unable to follow her or even say anything that might comfort her. Nastya now began to apologise and said she'd do whatever Alyona would ask her to do. The elder witch sighed.

“What have I done?” she mumbled, looking to where Aglaya had disappeared. She moved back to the stairs now herself and sank down on the second step, covering her face with her hands. "No," she muttered, suddenly feeling a little less drunk but very tired and empty. "I have to apologise." Her voice was quiet but quite strained now and she let her hands fall into her lap as she looked at Nastya.

"Nastenka, I am so grateful that you are here, that you brought your sister home. I've been..." 'worried out of my mind.' She was unable to continue that sentence now. "Please, forgive me,” she added faintly.

She forced herself to get to her feet again now, feeling that they had to move on and that at least one of them would have to deal with Aglaya soon enough. "Where did you find her? How? Did she… talk to you?!" her voice was brittle until it finally broke and Alyona took a deep breath. She clearly hoped that Aglaya had spoken to Nastya and behaved more or less normal again. It would be a relief to know that her eldest daughter had moved out of this unresponsive state anyway.

"You said you'd do anything," she continued weakly and looked at her daughter imploringly. "Do you mean it? I know I'm asking for a lot, but could you stay with your sister until the morning of the day after tomorrow? Just make sure she doesn't... do anything stupid and take care that she drinks enough and at least eats a little. I can inform Andrey. A day off your training might be good for you too." She paused, looking at her daughter with a worried expression. Hopefully she'd accept and not force her to face Aglaya anymore tonight when she clearly didn't feel up to it.

"I just... I cannot deal with her now. I am so terribly sorry. I’m failing you. All I’m asking for is a break. Please, Nastenka, tell her that we - that I care, that I want the best for her and that I didn't mean it. I love you both so much..." her voice broke off again and Alyona quickly wiped away a single tear that made its way down her cheek.

“If I’m asking too much of you, I apologise. If you think you cannot handle it, then we’ll find another way…” her voice trailed off and she almost regretted that she had even asked Nastya at all. She had the distinct feeling that she’d need to check upon her eldest daughter but she feared that, after her outburst, her presence would cause Aglaya additional stress which was clearly not a good thing.

Nastya’s hand grasped at thin air as it tried to find the door handle behind her, while her eyes remained fixed on her mother, watching the older witch’s every move with suspicion. In Nastya's mind, who knew what a drunk Alyona would do. Perhaps that was what Aglaya meant when she said that Alyona was not feeling well, when she had first bumped into her sister, what felt like many hours ago. She’d never had much experience with drunk people beyond that one nasty argument between her parents that she had overheard, and it had set the basis for Nastya’s entire understanding of alcohol and what it did to people. It was clearly nothing good. If her mother made even one step towards her, Nastya was going to flee.

As it was, however, her mother moved back towards the stairs. Worried that Alyona would follow Aglayka and no doubt make things worse, Nastya reached out a trembling hand. “Wait.” Anastasiya weakly protested as her mother stepped onto the first step, and was relieved to no end when Alyona sunk down on the second step. Nastya stood there, still shaking, her heart beating so fast as her mother trained eyes on her. She wished her wand wasn’t on the floor, so that she could defend herself from whatever Alyona was about to do. Her mother began quietly speaking, and she had to focus on her mother’s words to hear them over the beating of her heart in her head. At least she wasn’t being yelled at. In fact, her mother was stating how grateful she was to her. Nastya didn’t move for a few seconds, keeping her eyes trained on her mother as she slowly bent down to retrieve her wand on the floor. “It’s… okay.” Nastya hesitantly offered, putting her wand away for the time being feeling that, maybe, it was not needed. Her mother even apologised to her, and Nastya began wondering what she was so frightened of. Her heart started slowing down a little, and she felt like she could breathe again. “Forgiven and forgotten.” Nastya offered shakily with a timid smile.

Her mother stood up, but Nastya remained where she was, back pushed up against the doorframe, feeling less intimidated but still cautious of her mother in such a state. She asked her questions that Nastya expected, but the last one threw her off. Why wouldn’t Aglayka have spoken to her? That didn’t make any sense. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she tried to figure out what to say. There was the other issue of the fact that Aglaya clearly didn’t want her mother to know about her injury from the splinching incident. Nastya didn’t exactly want to tell her either but she didn’t really want to lie to her mother, again. Perhaps she could just… stretch the truth and leave out all the interesting parts. That way she couldn’t really be caught out in a lie.

“Well… I… found her at the school, in the arena. I was just leaving.” Anastasiya started, her voice still quiet and shaky. “She was… listening to music.” Technically, that was true, Aglayka hadn’t been doing anything when she had found her, but lying there listening to the music, at least up until Nastya, herself, had turned it off. Nastya realised at this point that in their haste to deal with Aglayka’s injury and return home, she had forgotten to switch the lights off. It didn’t matter too much, Nastya supposed. In fact, Nastya was sure it would corroborate her story and give it some added believability. “I asked what she was doing there, she said you needed some time alone because you weren’t feeling well, umm... we hugged, then she said she wanted to go home so uh… then we flew back. And here we are.” Anastasiya sheepishly gestured to the broom on the floor beside her, hoping that Alyona wouldn’t question her any further on the severely condensed version of events she had offered. As her face was partially hidden from her mother, Nastya allowed herself a small smirk at her deception that she thought she had done exceedingly well.

Her mother brought up what she had said about doing anything Alyona asked of her, and Nastya's eyes fell to the floor as she hugged herself, worried just what Alyona was going to ask of her. Perhaps she shouldn’t have said it. As her mother continued though, the senior artistic flyer’s eyes flicked up to meet Alyona’s gaze with a sparkle and life in them that she hadn’t had for several days, as she took a hesitant but brave shuffle towards her mother who was definitely not so scary anymore. Her mother was going to let her spend the entire day with her sister. It was going to be amazing! They could have a pyjama party like her friends at school showed her when she was just a young student at Durmstrang. They could spend the whole day in pyjamas and be lazy and do everything that normal sisters did. One entire day of freedom... It would be perfect.

“I would like that very much, mother. Thank you.” She smiled kindly, “I’ll do my best to make sure she is well taken care of.” Nastya added with a curt nod. A small frown formed as she worried a little how she was actually going to be able to accomplish such a task by herself. However, she had just saved her sister from potentially bleeding to death. She could totally handle it… probably.

Alyona continued, and Nastya frowned at how much it seemed her own strong mother was struggling. Nastya didn’t know what else she could do, but close the gap between herself and Alyona, her fear being almost completely pushed aside as soon as she saw her poor mother in such distress. “Oh, Mama…” Anastasiya immediately wrapped her arms around her mother and enveloped her tightly in a hug. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” She soothed, “I love you too… and I know Aglayka does as well, even if she doesn’t say it or show it.” Nastya tentatively reached up a hand to gently stroke her mother’s hair, trying her best to perfectly mimic what Zhenya had done to her a few days prior. It had calmed her down and Nastya was hoping it would have the same effect on her mother. “You haven’t failed us,” Nastya argued emphatically, as she squeezed her mother even tighter. “And… I promise I’ll tell her.” Nastya added. She honestly did intend to, but she had no clue if she’d actually remember those exact words. She’d try hard to remember though, since it seemed important to her mother.

Nastya reluctantly pulled away from the hug and took a step back, wringing her hands together. “It isn’t too much at all, I promise! I will do my best. But… I can still contact you through her mirror if I need help, right?” Nastya asked as she chewed on her lip. She didn’t want to (or even think she could) handle something happening like the… letter situation on her own. “I think we’ll be fine though, honestly.” Nastya tried to ease her mother with a somewhat forced bright smile. “I finally have an excuse to borrow Aglayka’s really nice pyjamas.” She giggled softly, feeling like she had to put on a bravado of strength for the sake of her mother who was clearly just as worried as she was. Aglayka really did have nice pyjamas though, Nastya had enviously spied them in many a hotel corridor throughout the years during competition events. She had her priorities clearly in order.

Alyona was beyond grateful that Nastya relaxed and stated that her outburst was forgiven and forgotten. She weakly smiled at her daughter, fighting the tiredness that was taking possession of her. “Thank you, Nastya, I appreciate it,” she mumbled, her voice only slightly slurred now.

“Listening to music?” Alyona asked incredulously, raising her eyebrows. She doubted that Aglaya would have gone to the school simply to listen to music but the witch wasn't sure if she really needed, really wanted to hear the truth. Aglaya hadn't looked well, she had been paler than when she had last seen her, exhausted and, thinking about it some more, she felt that her eldest daughter had looked a little feverish.

Nonetheless and despite her better judgement, Alyona decided that she would not bother to check if she was okay or if she had injured herself one way or another if none of her daughters actually asked for help. All that she wanted was to leave as soon as possible and, if feasible, she wanted to avoid having to look at Aglaya anymore tonight. She knew she'd have to apologise. Knew that it was her fault that Aglaya had left home in the first place and that she had had no right to yell at her like that. Her eldest child had gone through so much and she was not only her mother but also a healer. She simply had to be patient with her.

“She said what?” Alyona's voice turned slightly shrill again but overall she still sounded more or less calm. “I wasn't well? What else did she say on the matter? Oh, never mind. It's not…” she sighed and shook her head. After all that she had experienced with her eldest child over the past ten days (and actually longer), Aglaya had told Nastya that she, their mother, had been unwell? It was somehow frustrating to hear that but also rather comical.

“You hugged...” Alyona repeated this, disbelief audible in her voice. The Tikhomirov family wasn't often showing physical affection and the way Alyona knew her eldest daughter, it seemed almost impossible that Aglaya would have accepted a hug. Then again, maybe she should simply see it as a good sign that Aglaya was speaking again and even allowed her sister to hug her. At least it meant she was not completely detached and unresponsive anymore.

“Well,” Alyona began, thinking that she didn't need to find out the details that Nastya clearly left out of her story. If any of that was really important she'd learn about it in due time. Now, however, she really just wanted to move on. “Thank you that you are willing to take care of her. I owe you for this. I really do and I'll make up for it...” her voice broke off again. Alyona wanted to curse herself for having drunk when she had not properly finished her job for the day.

As Nastya pulled her into a hug, Alyona could vaguely imagine how it had happened that her daughters had hugged earlier. It clearly had been on Nastya's initiative and, realising this, she gave a shaky laugh. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, wishing she had not just been as emotional as she had because it felt as though her daughter was making a rather big deal of it when Alyona would have never even voiced any of this if she had been entirely sober.

She was almost relieved that Nastya pulled away from the hug. “Of course you can! Anytime, whenever anything does not feel right. Do not hesitate.” While Alyona clearly hoped that her daughter would not summon her, she knew that she could not ask her to spare her in case anything happened. She had to be there if she was needed and she had to know that she's be informed if anything occurred.

“Yeah,” Alyona said distractedly as Nastya spoke about nice pyjamas. She had no idea what her daughter was really talking about but it did not matter. The only thing that was important now was that she was willing to look after her sibling and give her a much needed break. “Please, don't think less of me because I am leaving you here with her,” she said quietly, thinking that her role in the family was clearly outlined as the one person who should never run from a difficult situation. “I hope you manage to be more patient with her than I've been,” she added with a sad smile. “I lost it with her. I'm a bad mother, a bad healer…” her voice trailed off and she exhaled loudly, shaking her head. “I wish you both a good night,” she quickly added, briefly patting Nastya's shoulder as she made her way out of the house. “Do not hesitate to summon me if you need me. I'll be there at once,” she said, turning around briefly before closing the door behind herself and disapparating.

[Alyona out]

“Yes… just listening to music.” Nastya repeated, sensing that her mother seemed to be suspicious of her story and trying to convince her that she was not lying, even though she totally was. Well, sort of. Nastya was aware that in a battle of wits that she was basically holding a stick in comparison to her mother’s sword, but she hoped that Alyona would have the sense to not pry where she was clearly not welcome to.

She shuffled back slightly as her mother seemed to confirm her suspicions that Aglaya had been hiding something from her earlier. She was about to answer when her mother seemed to change her mind and no longer wanted to know further. “I’m guessing that was a lie then…” Nastya muttered, shaking her head and disappointed in her elder sister that she would do such a thing. Now, she was curious about why Aglayka had felt the need to lie.

“Yes…” Nastya uttered again, feeling like her mother was being a parrot and repeating everything she said as if she didn’t believe her, which was funny because (for the most part, anyways) she was actually telling the truth. She did hug Aglayka. Anastasiya wondered if perhaps Alyona was only surprised because of how little physical affection she got from the rest of the family that seemed standard to them. Nastya felt a little bit like she didn’t belong with the Tikhomirovs sometimes, having learnt how nice a hug could be every now and then when she actually made some friends outside of the artistic flying world in Durmstrang.

Nastya wasn’t sure why her mother was thanking her for staying. It wasn’t really a chore or something she didn’t want to do. She had never got to spend enough time with her sister... if anything she should have been thanking Alyona. She slowly shook her head, hugging her arms slightly. ”No, you don’t owe me anything, really.” Nastya said with a small smile. “You don’t need to make up for anything, I promise. I’m happy to do this.” Nastya soothed, hoping her mother wouldn’t be so hard on herself. Alyona gave a shaky laugh while they hugged and the younger of the daughters squeezed tighter, grateful that she was able to get away with this rare physical affection with her mother. She’d needed it so desperately, and felt that perhaps even her mother needed the physical reminder that she was not alone.

She sighed with relief as her mother affirmed that she could ask for help if she needed it. She genuinely didn’t really think she would, but it was a great comfort to have that security blanket available. “Okay, thanks.” Nastya smiled genuinely at Alyona. She was starting to be much more comfortable with the situation and now almost eager for her mother to leave so that she could be with Aglaya and maybe try and comfort her sister somehow.

Nastya could feel her heart break with sympathy as her mother seemed to think that the senior artistic flyer would ever think less of Alyona for wanting a break from what was clearly a stressful situation. She was sure that she didn’t know even half of what had been happening while she was training, and she was secretly grateful (and slightly annoyed at the same time) that she had been spared this, if her encounter with Aglayka that evening had been any indication of Aglaya’s weird and stupid behaviour. “I could never…” Nastya replied incredulously, reaching out a hand to gently rub her mother’s arm, more for her own sake than Alyona’s. Nastya wanted to laugh as her mother said that she hoped that her youngest daughter would be patient with Aglaya. Anastasiya was quite positive that she was well known for not being the patient person in the universe, and she certainly couldn’t keep her temper in check as well as her mother. It was almost comical that Alyona, of all people, would ask her to do such a thing. “I promise I’ll try,” Nastya hastily muttered, hoping that Aglaya wouldn’t give her any reason to get angry. Alyona added that she was a bad mother and a bad healer and Nastya was so shocked by her mother’s words that she barely had time to react.  “What?” She whispered, eyes wide as she shook her head. Surely, her mother didn’t really believe that. “That’s not true.”

Her mother patted her on the shoulder, and Nastya moved with her to retrieve Aglayka’s broom that would be blocking her mother’s path to leave. “Good night, Mama.” Nastya softly replied. “We’ll be fine, I promise.” She added quickly, hoping it would soothe the healer of any worries. Anastasiya was tempted to not call her mother, even if anything bad did happen, seeming as she clearly needed the break. Perhaps her father could help… or someone else in the family… Andrey maybe? Or perhaps even Valera? Nastya took a deep breath in and out. She would be fine. She was an adult. She could totally do this by herself.

Alyona shut the door and Nastya just stood there by herself for a few seconds, with her sister’s broom in hand, taking the time to breathe. This is fine. Everything is fine. “Okay…” Nastya muttered to herself as she moved over to the stairs and started climbing slowly, her movement made more awkward by the fact she was carrying the broom. As she reached her elder sister’s bedroom door, the younger Tikhomirova sister paused as she hesitantly placed her hand on the door handle but did not open the door straight away. She could hear Aglayka sobbing through the door and she felt she needed a moment to brace herself as she took another deep breath in and out.

Gently, Nastya opened the door wide enough for her to awkwardly side-step in with the broom. “Aglayka…” She softly called out, “It’s just me. Mother has gone now.” She didn’t know if that would be necessarily a good thing for her sister, but Nastya had a hunch that Aglayka didn’t want Alyona to be interfering more than she already had any time soon. Cautiously, Nastya laid the broom down on the floor, out of the way where neither party could trip over it. “Are you okay?” Anastasiya quietly asked as she stood up straight. “Silly question, I know, but…” Nastya didn’t really know what else to say. Obviously Aglaya wasn’t okay, Nastya herself certainly wasn’t okay. Alyona clearly wasn’t either. Slowly, she half tip-toed closer to her sister who was on the bed, oddly nervous that she was the only person that evening being ‘level-headed’ and responsible and not her mother or sister.

“I’ll be staying with you tonight… and all of tomorrow as well.” Nastya quietly informed Aglayka. “I… hope that is okay?” She added hastily as she reached out and lay a soft hand on her sister’s leg. Aglayka didn’t really have a choice, she was staying whether she wanted her to or not. But, Nastya at least hoped that she was semi-wanted and welcome. “Do you need anything?” Anastasiya anxiously asked as she tried to think of all the ways that she could get her sister to stop crying. “Tea? A hug? Me to camp out in the bathroom and leave you alone?” Nastya laughed self-deprecatingly as she mentioned her final suggestion, sincerely hoping for one of the former.

As the door opened and her sister stepped in, Aglaya immediately tried to stop crying but didn't succeed. She sniffed and took a shaky breath as she sat up, still feeling unable to look her sister into the eyes. Feeling ashamed of herself, Aglaya took the box of tissues from her bedside table, using several tissues to dry her face and blow her nose. She twitched as her younger sibling touched her and muttered a weak “sorry.” The situation was awkward and Aglaya hoped her sister would just walk out of the room and leave her alone. However, she realised that this was rather unlikely.

The multiple-time champion didn't understand why her sister was so determined to stay with her though, she was no one anyone could possibly want to spend time with. She was useless and a nobody now that she was nowhere near being able to perform on her broom. Another sob escaped her and she bit her lips, trying to force herself to stop crying but it felt almost impossible now. Aglaya was tempted to ask her sister why she was staying and even opened her mouth to do so but then closed it again, offering a shrug instead.

“I,” she sniffed, “don't need anything,” She muttered in response to Nastya's question. More tears were streaming down her face again and Aglaya shook her head, getting frustrated with herself as she couldn't stop crying. Her eyes were red, her eyelids heavy now and she could hardly breathe. Quickly she pulled another tissue out of the box and blew her nose again. “I…” she sighed, “I want to stop crying,” she whispered shakily and finished with another sob. “and I want to sleep,” she added weakly, realising just how exhausted she felt. The splinching, the attempt to ride her broom, the whole journey to the school and back home, the confrontation with their mother – it all had cost her too much energy.

Aglaya was tempted to ask Nastya if their mother had left some dreamless sleep potion, but she didn't dare asking for two reasons – one being that she thought that Nastya would disapprove as she didn't know that her sister was taking the potion herself, too; the other was that she had a distinct feeling that Alyona had not brought any potion this time. She hoped that she was so tired that she'd sleep comparably well anyway but she wasn't quite convinced. However, she was not going to address that with her sister. Nastya didn't have to know this. She had already witnessed enough that was none of her business.

“If you really want to stay, you can...” she muttered although she didn't deem it a particularly good idea and gestured to the other side of her large bed. She did not like sharing a bed with her sister in general but all that the senior artistic flyer wanted right now was to avoid another conflict and just get to sleep. She slipped her trainers off and got out of Nastya's jacket, carefully pulling it off her injured arm. “I'll just...” she yawned, “lay down now,” she mumbled as she slid below the duvet and curled up.

It didn't take her long to fall asleep although an occasional sob still escaped her. She slept quietly for maybe half an hour before the nightmares started. There were the usual ones that she already knew from the time before her mother had started giving her the dreamless sleep potion but there were also others that seemed even more terrifying now – the letter appeared again, she saw a faceless man leaning down to her and touching her, telling her that she would die when he'd see it fit. Then she saw the faceless man holding and caressing her splinched and now severed arm and telling her that he'd keep it as a souvenir until he'd have her whole body.

She woke with a start, bathed in sweat and panting heavily. Her whole body was shaking and she felt sick. The dream had felt so real. In the darkness of the room her left hand reached for her right arm. Unsurprisingly it was still just like it had been before she had had the nightmare but she had still felt the need to check. Hearing her sister's breathing, she was reminded of the fact that she was not alone. She did not want to wake Nastya, though. However, she needed some light as the darkness felt oppressing and terrifying now.

Aglaya sat up and got out of the bed, slowly and shakily making her way to the door. She quietly opened the door, stepped out of the bedroom and made her way downstairs into her living room that was quite unlike other living rooms – after her family had tried to make her quit the competitive sport and she had worked without a coach she had removed almost all furniture from the room except for a small shelf, a side table and a sofa (all moved into one corner of the room) to install a mirror wall with a barre and put up a low beam so she could do some ballet and work on choreography away from the artistic flying school.

She felt tense as she moved downstairs and with a trembling hand she held her wand. She knew that casting spells wouldn't be easy with her injured arm but she assumed that she'd at least be able to light a gas lamp. It didn't go as quickly and smoothly as she was used to, but at least, in the end, there was light. Aglaya sighed in relief and sat down on the sofa, pulling her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs with both arms. She was shivering as she was only wearing a sleeveless top and leggings that were damp from her sweat. The wound was itching and Aglaya absently scratched her arm, feeling strangely comforted that it hurt. She scratched it more even when the itching was long gone and was already replaced by pain. She appreciated that she was in control, that she could cause herself pain, glad to be feeling anything that was not plain fear, and thinking that she deserved nothing less anyway. In the dim flickering light of the gas lamp she could soon see blood soaking the white bandage.

Nastya hated seeing Aglayka cry in front of her, how her usually strong and arrogant rival was now just a sobbing mess surrounded by tissues. It was so wrong, everything about the situation was so wrong and Nastya wanted everything to go back to how it all was before. She wasn’t surprised that her sister flinched as she laid a hand on her leg, and she shook her head slightly as her sister weakly apologised. “It’s alright.” Anastasiya soothed, fighting every urge to just climb up onto the bed and hug her sister tightly.

Aglaya shrugged, telling her that she didn’t need anything and Nastya remained where she was, smiling down at her elder sister slightly. “Okay.” The younger sister nodded, her hand slowly retracted from Aglaya’s leg and she watched sadly as Aglaya pulled out another tissue and blew her nose, still crying. She smiled, a half-laugh escaping her as her elder sister said that she wanted to stop crying and sleep, as Nastya definitely wanted both those things to happen as well. The athlete didn’t know what she could possibly say in response though, at least nothing that didn’t sound completely callous. “Me too…” Nastya muttered, realising that after such a long training day that she was tired too.

Anastasiya smiled genuinely as Aglayka gave the permission she wanted to stay. Nastya would have been staying whether or not her elder sister gave such permission, but Nastya would have respected her sister’s privacy and slept in the living room had Aglaya been against it. Nastya much preferred the idea of a comfy bed. “Thanks,” Nastya said, as she made herself useful while her sister took off her jacket. She swept up the pile of tissues and using her wand made them disappear as she muttered “Evanesco,” under her breath. “Can I borrow your pyjamas?” Nastya quickly asked as Aglaya curled up under the covers. “I, uh, didn’t exactly prepare for a sleepover…” Nastya smiled, shaking her head to herself, as she picked up her national team jacket and put in her training bag.

She soon changed out of her training clothes, and folded them up on top of her training bag, slipping out of her trainers and letting her hair down out of the bun she had kept it in. Nastya looked around to see if there was anything else that needed doing before she slipped into the covers on the other side of the bed, but was satisfied that everything had been dealt with. Nastya moved to gently shut the bedroom door, taking a deep breath in and out and allowed herself to calm down after the crazy detour that her day had ended up taking. She, at the very least, was pleased to see her elder sister again, even if it wasn’t under better circumstances.

Climbing onto the bed, Nastya waved her wand to turn off the lights and then placed her wand onto the bedside table as she shimmied underneath the covers, and placed her head on the pillow. She rolled onto her side so that she could hear Aglaya’s breathing, and Nastya found herself soon closing her eyes and as her breathing slowed, Nastya fell asleep without the aid of dreamless sleep potion for the first time in weeks.

Had the last few weeks been perfectly ordinary, then Nastya would have woken up immediately as her sister woke up and got up out of the bed. However, while the dreamless sleep potion had helped her immensely, it did not combat the fact that Nastya was slowly starving, nor did it fix the fact that Nastya was training far too hard. And, of course, Nastya still only really went to sleep late at night and woke up often at three in the morning. Her body was exhausted, whether or not she realised it, and so Nastya did not even stir, her breathing remaining deep and even right up until Aglaya opened the door.

Still half-asleep as she heard the noise, Nastya reached out her hand to the other side of the bed, frowning and opening her eyes as she was greeted with the absence of Aglaya. Before she had a chance to panic however, Anastasiya could hear footsteps downstairs and saw a dim light travelling up through the ajar door. With a partially frustrated sigh, Nastya removed the covers and got up out of the bed, grabbing her wand off the bedside table as she did so. She wished that she could have just one night’s peaceful rest, with no interruptions for once.

“Lumos,” Nastya muttered, smiling as her wand began to emit a dull glow. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to stop her from losing her footing on the stairs and breaking her leg. Anastasiya felt her heart rate creeping up as she slowly descended the staircase and she tried to keep taking deep breaths to calm herself down. She was nervous about what she would find in the living room for some reason, her gut feeling was that something was not right, though she was not sure why she thought this would be the case.

“Aglayka?” She softly called out, hoping that by announcing her presence first she would not startle her sister. Nastya took a deep breath out as she stepped into the living room, waving her wand to fully illuminate the dim room, allowing the light being emitted from her own wand to diminish as the room became much brighter. “That’s better,” Nastya muttered to herself as she only just dared to look at her elder sister with a frown. Her eyes immediately drew to the blood that was now visible through the bandage, and Nastya tutted as she crossed the room and sat down next to Aglaya with a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” Nastya offered, though she wasn’t sure what she was apologising for. She was mainly sorry that she hadn’t been able to fix her sister’s arm, but she was also sorry for an awful lot of things that had happened to her sister that had been entirely her fault. Nastya didn’t know what she could do to make up for it, if she ever would be able to. “Please don’t touch it,” Nastya pleaded, as she gestured to Aglaya’s bandaged arm. “I can’t do anything more for it. And then I’d have to get our mother… and I know you don’t want that, which is totally understandable.” Anastasiya smiled sadly, praying to any deity that would listen that their lives would be easier and less complicated some day soon.

“I guess you couldn’t sleep?” Nastya half-asked, half-stated, knowing the answer before she even asked it. Nastya wouldn’t have been surprised if her mother was supplying dreamless sleep potion to Aglaya as well, and Alyona had left before giving any. She wondered, judging by her sister’s appearance, if she had had a nightmare. Her heart ached with empathy and concern for her elder sister, and Nastya tentatively wrapped her arms around Aglayka, and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” Nastya whispered, knowing there was nothing she could really do to make anything better. She hated how powerless and stupid she felt.

Aglaya didn't process that her sister called her name and was approaching until Nastya fully illuminated the room. She had been too absent-minded to realise anything around her. The bright light, however, hurt in her eyes and thus forced her to notice that her sister had come downstairs. She felt guilty and slightly annoyed that she had woken her sibling, thinking that it wouldn't do either of them any good if they were forced to talk now.

Nastya tutted at her, sat down next to her and sighed. Aglaya didn't really dare to look at her sister, feeling that she'd see some kind of expression in her face that would make her feel even worse about herself than she already did anyway. Why hadn't Nastya stayed in bed? Even if she had noticed her absence she didn't have to follow her. It was pointless and Aglaya doubted that her younger sibling actually wanted to be in this situation with her.

Then Nastya said that she was sorry and Aglaya didn't understand what she apologised for. It made no sense to her. The elder sister glanced briefly at her sibling, trying to figure out what she meant. However, before she could actually think about it properly, her sister warned her not to touch her injured arm and went on about their mother and how she knew that Aglaya wouldn't want Alyona to come.

A sad little smile spread across Aglaya's face and she nodded. Yet, her left hand still rested on her right arm but, for the time being, she just held it tightly, covering the blood stain and feeling somewhat caught in the act. She sighed, her heart feeling heavy in her chest now. Somehow she was welling up again and Aglaya certainly didn't want to end up crying in front of her sister yet again. She hated being so weak and that in front of someone who used to be a fierce rival. Now, however, it felt like they would never compete against each other again. She at least could not imagine at this point that she'd ever be able to be competitive again. She stared down now, chewing on her lips and trying to compose herself.

Nastya stated the obvious – that she assumed that Aglaya couldn't sleep – and pulled her into a hug.  Then Nastya apologised once more, making Aglaya feel quite awkward. “Don't apologise,” she muttered hoarsely. She felt that she needed to say more but she didn't really know how to put her thoughts into words and wasn't sure if she should actually share them anyway. “I...” she began and shook her head. She took a deep breath.

“I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry,” she said, her voice trailing off. Although she felt guilty for having woken her sister, she now leaned further into the hug and a desperate sob escaped her. She tried her best not to cry again like she had earlier. She wanted to stay calm and not worry Nastya even more than she probably already had but it was getting harder with every second now. Naturally it didn't help that she felt tired, exhausted and that she was still in pain. Everything just seemed to add up to make the situation as horrible as possible.

“I had a terrible nightmare,” she whispered, shaking with fear again as she remembered the details and clinging more to her sister. “I wish I wasn't haunted by them,” she said in a trembling voice. “Without mother's potions I cannot sleep at all. It's...” she swallowed, freed herself again and looked at her sister through watery eyes.

“Will this ever end?” she asked in a brittle voice, knowing that her sister wouldn't have an answer to this question and yet hoping that she could offer some kind of prospect that made the whole ordeal seem temporary.

Nastya wondered what was going through Aglaya’s head, as her sister smiled and nodded in agreement with her. It was frustrating but totally understandable to not want Alyona there to deal with her injury, after all, Nastya herself was hiding things from her mother (and Aglaya) too, and she felt that she couldn’t really be hypocritical and betray her sister’s confidence like that by asking Alyona to come back, especially as Aglaya probably didn’t even want to confide in her. Nastya didn’t do anything about her elder sister still holding her arm tightly though, as it was probably good to keep pressure on it to stop the bleeding, and she honestly didn’t really want to see any more blood that day anyway.

She was happy that Aglayka didn’t fight her hug, as Nastya needed it desperately; to be able to cling to her sister tightly to know that she was still there. It was, perhaps, a remnant side-effect of the several ghost-Aglaya hallucinations she’d had when she’d been so sleep-deprived that she couldn’t formulate sentences properly and had a ghost follow her that she could put her hand straight through (mainly because, obviously, it wasn’t actually there). Aglayka told her not to apologise and Nastya smiled slightly, pleased to hear those words from her sister’s lips.

“No,” Nastya squeezed her sister slightly. “It’s alright. That’s what I’m here for.” She tried to soothe Aglaya, frowning as she heard a sob and felt Aglayka lean further into the hug. “Shh,” Nastya whispered as she slowly rubbed her hand up and down her elder sister’s back. “It’s okay... it’s okay.” Nastya muttered gently, not really knowing what else to say. It wasn’t okay, this whole situation was absolutely not okay. But, Nastya hoped that with time it would be and that this entire mess would one day just be a horrible memory.

“Oh,” Nastya sighed as her sister said she had a terrible nightmare. She hung her head sadly, able to relate to everything her sister was saying, and wishing desperately that she didn’t. “Do you… want to tell me about it?” Nastya hesitantly asked, really hoping that Aglayka’s answer would be no. She didn’t want to hear about any nightmares, for fear that when she tried to sleep again she would experience one herself. At the same time, Anastasiya knew she needed to ask and be there for her sister, and be patient like her mother told her to be, no matter what. She could feel Aglaya shaking and Nastya wanted to cry, hating to see her once strong, arrogant rival reduced to such a mess. “That’s understandable…” Anastasiya smiled sadly. Without dreamless sleep potions, or having Aglayka physically beside her, Nastya had the same problem. “I wish I could make a dreamless sleep potion myself… then I could at least help.” Nastya wondered if perhaps she could find it in an old potions textbook in her room, and try and figure it out herself. Maybe she could somehow try and not take it when her mother came to administer the potion, and use it as a comparison for her attempts. At least that would be something, Nastya hated feeling so unhelpful. Plus, then she could let her mother stop taking the time out of her own packed schedule to administer it, she could pretend that she was now completely fine and administer her own prepared potions to herself.

Nastya gave a small gasp, feeling herself tear up as she heard her sister ask if it would ever end. She blinked rapidly, trying to not cry when her sister needed her to remain strong and optimistic. It was difficult when Aglayka sounded so broken though, almost like she was giving up. Nastya couldn’t accept that. She was determined to never, ever give up and just accept what was going on as their new reality. She was steadfast in remaining optimistic that somehow, sometime in the future, things would get better again. “Yes!” Nastya breathed, in as encouraging a way as she could muster, “Of course, it will.” She looked her sister in the eyes trying to give a genuine smile, feeling like she needed to give Aglayka some hope. “It’ll take time, of course, which I know is frustrating… but you’ll slowly recover, and return to training and competition and he will be-” Nastya’s voice caught in her throat and cracked, “-caught, and we can all move on with our lives.”

Reluctantly, Nastya pulled away from the hug and stood up from the sofa, crossing her arms around herself to maintain some heat. “I think we both need a hot drink to calm us down…” She stated in a low voice, shivering slightly now that she no longer had the covers of the bed on her, or the heat of Aglaya to keep the willowy athlete warm. “I’ll go make us some tea, don’t go anywhere.” Nastya added, feeling like her mother as she said the latter half of her sentence.

She slipped out the living room and rushed to the kitchen, using her wand to boil some water, before spooning some tea leaves into the teapot and pouring the water in. It felt weird to be doing such a normal and mundane thing, but it was also extremely pleasant to have a sense of normality at the same time, especially since Nastya didn’t really make time for such things anymore (even more so if they involved her being in a kitchen). She checked the strength of the tea before reaching into the cupboard and pulling out two cups and putting them on the side before she pulled out a tray to put them on. Nastya quickly poured it out into the cups before muttering under her breath the levitation spell as she aimed her wand at the tray and making her way back to the living room.

“Here you go,” Nastya smiled at her sister as the tray hovered in front of them both as Nastya sat back down. She blew on the drink quietly, before taking a sip and sighing contentedly, feeling more relaxed already. “Do you think you’ll be ready to get some rest after we finish this?” Nastya asked hesitantly, trying to stifle a yawn behind her cup.

It was not really calming at all to hear her sister say that she was here to comfort her. Aglaya hated how weak that made her appear but she was weak now; weak, vulnerable and scared… She was everything she had always tried not to be. Her fans admired her for her bravery, she assumed. They'd all turn their backs on her if they saw how pathetic she was now. Funnily this thought did not really make her feel any worse though, as, somehow, she felt like that time when she would pull off a stunt to impress the audience lay far behind her. It was as though this all had never really been real, as though it was a dream, a fantasy, nothing that was of any consequence now.

“It's not okay,” she whispered in response to Nastya saying that it was okay. It was not okay and it wouldn't be okay. Her life as it had once been was over. This was her new frustrating reality. She wasn't the athlete and star of the artistic flying scene anymore. She was a mess with no future to look forward to.

Aglaya shook her head as Nastya asked her if she wanted to tell her about the nightmare. She most certainly did not want to talk about this to her sister or anyone for that matter. It was a weakness to even admit having such horrible dreams. Telling anyone the details would just make things worse or so Aglaya at least felt. She had to get over this alone but while in the past she had had the strength to deal with her problems on her own she now felt unable to actually do so.

Still shaking Aglaya tried to offer her sister a little smile as she stated that she wished she could brew dreamless sleep potion herself. Aglaya thought that she could actually do that herself. She had an N.E.W.T. in Alchemy anyway. She could do this if she had the right ingredients. Maybe she could ask her sister to organise the ingredients and then she could brew a cauldron full of the potion and possibly drink so much of it that she would not wake up for a long time.

Nastya's attempt to sound optimistic did not quite convince Aglaya and she watched her sister through tear filled eyes. Wishing that she was right and at the same time doubting it more with every word she heard. When her younger sibling mentioned her stalker, Aglaya felt how her heart skipped a beat and a few tears ran down her cheeks before she could force herself to stop crying.

“Do you seriously think so?” Aglaya asked, looking at her sister sadly. “Honestly, Nastya, do you believe that anything will ever be good again?” She was shivering again and looked down, unable to keep eye contact now. She truly didn't believe that things would get better.

As Nastya spoke of getting them a hot drink, Aglaya nodded, mostly because it was good her sister would leave her for a bit so she could try and regain control over herself. She watched as Nastya left her to go into the kitchen and wondered why she had felt the need to tell her not to go anywhere. It was not as though Aglaya felt up to leaving the room anyway. She felt incredibly tired and exhausted and wasn't even sure if she'd make it back upstairs anymore.

“Thanks,” Aglaya muttered as Nastya returned with the tray and she reached for a cup. Her arm was hurting and she actually took the cup with both hands, scared to drop it otherwise. She didn't drink for a while but enjoyed the heat that almost burned her hands as she held the cup.

When Nastya asked if she'd be able to get some rest after they'd finish with the tea, Aglaya felt like saying no, simply because she was afraid to fall asleep again. She was terrified to be trapped in the next nightmare. She'd rather force herself to stay awake than face her demons again this night. However, she felt it was not fair to deprive her sister of sleep and, therefore, she shrugged.

“Maybe?” she muttered with little conviction in her voice. “You can go back to bed anyway. I'll...” her voice trailed off as she wasn't even sure what she wanted to say. She lifted the cup to her lips now and took a sip of tea.

“No, I guess it’s not okay.” Nastya conceded quietly, as her sister contradicted her. “But it will be… eventually.” Nastya gave a small smile, hoping that she could encourage Aglayka. It was difficult to stay optimistic, since they were living the plot of a literal thriller novel, but someone clearly had to and since she was the only other person there, then Nastya felt that it was her duty to carry out.

Anastasiya clamped her jaw shut trying to suppress her sigh of relief as her elder sister shook her head, clearly not wanting to talk about the nightmare she’d had. She knew that she was being selfish for being happy about such a thing, but she really didn’t want to have to listen to more horrible things, at the risk that she’d then have a whole bunch of nightmares too. She wouldn’t be of any use to Aglayka if she was unnerved and sleep-deprived. “Okay,” Nastya muttered, gently rubbing Aglaya’s good arm. “If you change your mind, the offer is always there.” She had a feeling that her sister wouldn’t change her mind any time soon, so she felt perfectly safe saying so.

Aglayka gave her the tiniest of smiles in response to her wish that she could brew a dreamless sleep potion and Nastya smiled back, feeling a little lost for words. It was funny how Alchemy had been one of her best subjects at Durmstrang and yet she was still somehow so useless at it. The younger of the sisters felt that she really only had one talent: artistic flying, and she wasn’t even the best at that. It was rather frustrating when she dwelled on it, but now was not the occasion.

Nastya found she couldn’t look at her sister any longer, seeing Aglayka with tears running down her cheeks was just so wrong. She lowered her eyes, staring at her lap as Aglaya questioned her resolve to believe that things would turn out okay in the end. Anastasiya sighed, chewing on her lip as she thought about what she could possibly say. She didn’t think there were any words in the World that could make her elder sister feel better, but she had to at least try. She did truly believe that the situation would get better though, Nastya was clinging onto that belief with all her heart. What other option did she have? Thinking otherwise would be like giving up, and she was never going to accept that. They were both World Champions (or at least former), and they were most definitely better than some crazy person who had nothing better to do than be really creepy and evil. What she thought about her own involvement in the horrible things that had happened to Aglayka were another story, and Nastya wasn’t going to bring those into it. What happened to her didn’t really matter so much as what would happen to Aglaya.

“Yes,” Nastya murmured, still speaking down into her lap, sneaking a glance at her sister. “Yes,” she repeated again, more confidently. “I do.” She stopped again, taking a deep breath as she tried to buy herself some more time to formulate sensible thoughts and attempt to articulate them without bursting into tears. Aglayka didn’t need her to be blubbering at that moment, she needed strength, confidence, and the optimistic viewpoint that things would all turn out okay.

“I know it's probably easier for me to say, I’m not the one who… who…” She trailed off, biting her lip, feeling guilt creep up inside her again. ‘I’m not the one who was poisoned by her sister.’ “But that box was given to me so I was, for what malicious reason, intended to be involved. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I cannot control what he does, maybe I can’t control anything about what happens but I can, um…” She paused, running a hand through her hair, glancing at Aglaya for a second or two. “I can control how I react. I can control my own actions, and I refuse to let him have another victory by stamping out my faith that things will turn out alright.” She wanted to laugh at herself, thinking that her words sounded wise and worth actually listening to and yet she knew that she was doing the exact opposite of what she was saying. It was a cruel irony, really. “Now that mother and father know, I’m sure they won’t stop until they see him captured and punished for what he has done. And I know that we’ll all play our part to ensure your safety.” She paused, looking up at Aglayka with a genuine warm smile. “You can’t give up yet. I won’t let you.”

“You’re welcome,” Anastasiya replied, as she watched her elder sister reach for the cup on the tray. She slowly lowered the tray down onto the floor, placing her wand onto her lap. Nastya took several sips, eager for the tea to fill her stomach and warm her up as well. The athlete was already halfway through her cup when she noticed Aglaya shrug from the corner of her eye.

“No.” Nastya stated firmly, determined to get Aglayka to do as she said. “If you’re staying up, then I’m staying with you.” She took another sip of the tea, her hands curling around the cup for warmth. “Staying up all night won’t do you any good. Even if you just read a book or something and lie down, that’d be better than nothing. You wouldn’t be disturbing me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Nastya added gently, wondering if such a thoughtful thing would actually be going through Aglayka’s head. It was odd to get to know this side of her rival, and she wasn’t entirely used to it yet. It was difficult to know what her sister was thinking.

She finished the cup, placing down on the tray as she sighed before standing up. Immediately, she laid a hand on the arm of the sofa, feeling a little dizzy from standing up so quickly, a side effect from her little secret that she was getting used to. It passed quickly, and Nastya rested her eyes on Aglayka. “I’ll deal with the cups in the morning. Come on, at least come back upstairs.” She said imploringly, hesitantly holding out a hand for sister to take if she needed it.

Aglaya wasn’t entirely sure if her sister was indeed naive enough to believe that things would improve or if she just wanted to say positive things, hoping that it would cheer her up enough so she wouldn’t have to deal with a crying elder sister. It did not really matter in the end. Algaya at least did not feel remarkably better and it did not soothe her at all to listen to her sister’s words.

In fact, she looked at Nastya, raising her eyebrows ever so slightly as the younger athlete mentioned that she was intended to be involved. Did she really think her involvement in this mattered to anyone but herself? How silly she sounded as she said that she could control her own actions and that she would not have the stalker have another victory. If this person really wanted to kill her, Aglaya felt certain she’d be dead before long. It did not matter if a part of the family was fighting, was trying to find him before he could do more harm and was doing their best to assure her safety. She was not safe and might never feel safe again.

“Why?” Aglaya whispered in response to her sister saying that she could not give up yet and that Nastya would not let her. What did it matter? She did not have the energy to fight and she did not really see what she should fight for at all. The events of this night had shown quite clearly that she was nowhere near to being the person she used to be and might never be able to reach that stage again. There was nothing making her life worth living at the moment. Giving up was the only option that felt right as it was at least not as exhausting as it was to keep pushing herself to reach a goal that was unreachable.

“You’re tired,” Aglaya said, realising that she was more than tired herself. She was so exhausted after her little adventure at the artistic flying school that she already found it hard to sit. “You should go to bed…” her voice was barely audible now. She realised that her brain was not really functioning any longer either. She wanted to formulate a protest that she did not want to move again but somehow she could not bring herself to say anything.

Out of the corner of her eye Aglaya saw that Nastya got to her feet and her heartbeat quickened. She did not feel able to stand herself. She could not possibly walk upstairs. A single tear of utter exhaustion ran down her cheek and she weakly shook her head. Nastya held out a hand but Aglaya sincerely doubted that her sister would be strong enough for them both now. “I…” she started but didn’t really know how to continue. She closed her eyes briefly, feeling that she was almost falling asleep already.

She forced her eyes open again and looked at her sister. “I don’t think… I… I just can’t…” she felt how her eyes were watering again and she lowered her head. “You go upstairs. I’ll lay down here.” She paused, feeling like she was not articulating herself well enough for anyone to really understand what she was trying to say. However, she felt entirely unable to come up with a more coherent sentence. “Please…” she muttered as she already let her upper body sink down to the side and pulled a pillow closer so she could rest her head comfortably on it.

[out]