[Rybinsk]Masquerade in D minor [Alyona]

Alyona tried to smile as Valera made a not quite serious suggestion. However, all that she managed was sort of a grimace. When Valera had still been an athlete there had been some media attention, too, but things had changed since then, had become a lot more overwhelming. Alyona still shuddered at the thought of the journalists that had been lingering in front of the artistic flying school for a few days after the rumour of Aglaya’s poisoning had been out there. It had been really hard to avoid them then and the questions they had shouted after her had not all been full of concern. In fact, most had seemed more eager to get a dramatic story than to find out if Aglaya was okay.

“I wish there was a way to protect her from them. However, once she’s back in public again it’ll be hard for her to avoid them. In fact, I think we’ll have to approach the press at some point and give them a statement. I am just unsure what to say… or else I’d have faced the press to offer more than empty phrases that led to more unanswered questions.” She sighed deeply. “I want her to have a say in this, too, but it’s not the right time to bother her with it.”

Valera spoke of how it was when others gave pitying glances and Alyona nodded in agreement with vir that other people’s reactions to her daughter would be like a mirror that showed her things she did not want to see. “I am worried that the pitying glances and the setbacks she will surely experience will make it hard for her to move on. She…” Alyona’s voice trailed off as she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go on. However, she had already said so much and Valera was family. Even if they had never been close the healer felt that she could trust vir.

“She has made one attempt to get to the flying school. Nastya found her there and brought her home. I’m not sure what exactly she did, if she… flew… but she’s been worse again after that. I just hope she doesn’t lose her courage. It’s so hard to see her in that state… both of them…” Alyona took a shaky breath and stared at the floor. It was both good and horrible to speak about it all. However, having once started it was hard to stop again. “At least she talks again,” a bitter laugh escaped her and she shook her head.

“Okay,” Alyona agreed, this time her smile was at least slightly more convincing than earlier. Valera moved into the kitchen already and Alyona pushed herself to her feet as well, swaying for an instant before following her sibling in law. She felt strangely indifferent when she saw that Valera went through her cupboards, looking for food. “I don’t care if it’s healthy or not,” the healer said with a shrug. While the family usually opted for healthy food and unhealthy things remained an exception she couldn’t care less right now. “If you find everything for a pizza, by all means, let’s have pizza. We could also order something from the restaurant around the corner,” the woman suggested, feeling rather tired and little motivated to prepare anything herself.

Valera didn't want to admit that ve didn't know how to handle the situation, that perhaps there were some things that couldn't be fixed no matter how hard one tried. It was bad enough that Aglaya had been subjected to such an ordeal, but trying to keep it quiet for any period of time was bound to make it more difficult. At least when ve had had vir accident it had become common knowledge quickly and nobody had needed to conceal it from anyone.

But then, it had been just that - an accident. No stalkers, no attempted poisoning. Nothing that could be gossiped about other than a young artiste trying harder than ve really should have done and suffering the consequences. "I guess we just need to deal with the press when the situation presents itself" ve said, wishing there was something more useful ve could say than just parrotting Alyona's own words. The news that Aglaya wasn't ready to go back to flying made vir heart sink as well, though at least if it came to that...it was something that Valera had experienced and thus could offer advice. Something told vir that vir niece wasn't yet ready to give up vir career, though. Aglaya was more driven that ve had ever been and it would surely take more than this...setback to change that.

Setback. That was what ve was going to consider this. Ve refused to think the alternative. They would find the stalker, hex them into the middle of next year (no need to concern the ministry, ve thought darkly) and then Aglaya would be able to heal.

“At least she talks again” Ve shuddered a little. If things were that bad... ve decided to concentrate on something concrete, something ve could actually do successfully. "Fine, pizza it is, then" ve said, having found flour in a cupboard. A few quick wand movements and the dough as mixing itself in a bowl on the countertop, tomatoes were finely chopped and mixed with some parsley ve'd found and ve was contemplating a jar of olives. "Do you have cheese?" ve asked as the dough stretched itself and formed into a large circle. The irony of the situation - that they had barely been able to consider each other as friends but now Valera had basically taken over the older woman's kitchen at a moment's notice - bubbled to the surface and ve began to laugh.

"I'm sorry, it's just..." ve stopped just as suddenly and wiped a shaky hand across vir face, conscious that there were unexpected tears in vir eyes. Ve forced a smile and looked down at the pizza dough, naked but waiting for a topping. "I don't know what to do, what to suggest. I guess all I can offer is that I'm here for you - for her - for anyone who needs me. Just...we've wasted too many years being family without really being family, if you see what I mean..?" Suddenly embarrassed and sure ve'd said too much, Valera began covering the pizza base with the tomato and herb mix.

“Yeah,” Alyona agreed weakly. They’d have to deal with the press when the situation presented itself. It had been there already, but at a point when Alyona hadn’t been in a position to deal with it. It was hard to do the right things anyway. Aglaya was an adult, not a child that she could speak for. She knew that her daughter was not going to take it well if she got involved more than was necessary and yet she also feared that Aglaya wouldn’t be able to handle everything alone even if she wanted to.

As Valera started to make pizza and quite freely used Alyona’s kitchen, the healer just sank down on a chair, hiding her face in her hands for a moment, trying to compose herself. She had already said a lot, too much, probably. They weren’t so close, after all, and the problem with Aglaya’s poisoning and the effects that had on the immediate family were hardly anything to concern Valera with.

“Cheese?” Alyona asked, only slightly surprised that the question came up this late. She hadn’t thought of that herself and while Valera had taken charge, it didn’t mean that ve had to think of everything. “I think so, yes,” she said after a moment of hesitation, pulling her wand out and accioing cheese to hold it out to ve.

Valera’s laugh sounded strange, came absolutely unexpected and startled Alyona. She looked at her sibling in law, confusion written all over her face. Then, however, she saw tears on Valera’s face and ve explained virself. While Alyona did not quite see any reason to laugh, she understood what ve was talking about.

“Thank you,” Alyona said, her voice sounding not quite like her own, “it is very kind of you to offer that.” The healer was someone who was always trying to do what was best for her family, but lately she came to realise that she had been living an illusion. After all, she hadn’t known about the stalker and the danger her daughter had been in. If she had been oblivious to that, what else had she missed?

Valera’s last sentence seemed to imply that they’d stick together now and that she wouldn’t be alone dealing with the present problems. The healer sighed deeply. “You might be right,” she said in a trembling voice. “Maybe we could have prevented all this from happening had we all worked together as a real family. Maybe, had I been a better mother, Aglaya would have confided in me…” her voice broke off and she shook her head. There was at least a chance that she could have protected her daughter had she known about the stalker. This disturbing thought had come to her mind countless times and Alyona couldn’t help but feel that she was at least partly to blame for the nightmare they all found themselves in now.

Valera chuckled and took the offered cheese, then remembered belatedly that if there was a spell to grate cheese, ve had never learned what it was. Ve held it foolishly for a few seconds while opening cupboards until ve discovered a grater, quickly preparing the cheese into a small bowl. Really, the pizza was the only thing that was normal about this whole situation. Ve finished spreading the tomato over the base and shook vir head.

Ve wasn't being kind, ve was being...normal. Was this family really so disfunctional that something so simple as offering a shoulder to cry on and a friendly listening ear was seen as a kindness rather than just the sort of thing that people did for each other? Valera had offered as much and more to friends, and even to acquaintances ve'd met only a few times. But when it came to the family, things had always been different. Emotions were something to be hidden, not shared. Even being together in the kitchen like this, talking and making dinner, felt like a novelty.

"You were an amazing mother. You have always wanted what was best for your daughters - both of them" ve said, sprinkling the cheese on the pizza "I don't suppose it helps, but..." ve hesitated "I think Anna wishes I'd pushed her harder when she was small, rather than being more relaxed about training. She was so excited when she finally placed in the junior championships. It made me wonder if I should have..." ve shook vir head, opening the jar of olives and adding several onto the pizza top, not wanting to finish the thought or even certain what ve would have said.  After a moment ve added "I guess all parents are just...doing the best they can"

Ve turned and smiled, though the emotion wasn't reflected in vir eyes. "We could ask these questions all day. What if I hadn't been such a stubborn little monster of a child and had accepted that my brother's wife was doing her best to befriend me. There's another question. Would things have been different then?" A couple of deft wand movements put the pizza into the oven to cook and then ve leaned against the kitchen counter with a sigh. "The trouble is, we can't go back and change the past so wondering if things could have been different...it's not going to help. All we can do is decide what we're going to do from now on. I think" ve finished, sounding uncertain as ve wiped vir eyes with a flour-dusted hand.

Alyona watched quietly as Valera prepared the pizza. It felt strange to be here, in her own kitchen, her sibling in law preparing dinner for them. They had never been in a situation like this before. Alyona wasn't sure if she liked it or not. Somehow it felt good to confide in Valera and somehow it was awkward, strange, and felt wrong. Alyona wanted to like it, appreciate it, but she felt that it would take some time to get used to sharing her thoughts and feelings with someone else, especially with Valera.

"I am not so sure now." Alyona shrugged. "Maybe it was wrong to push them so much. Maybe I should have tried to find out what they really want, what they feel. In that case I might have found out that my eldest daughter has a stalker who threatens to kill her."

Alyona thought about Valera's words regarding Anna for a moment. Maybe her sibling in law was right. Aglaya would never have appreciated it if she had held her back. The same could be said about Nastya. Both her daughters always wanted to be the best.

"I suppose you are right,” she agreed, nodding thoughtfully. “We all do the best we can or try that at least. Sometimes it is just hard to say what the best is." She smiled sadly. The more she thought about it the less she knew what she could have done better.

By now the pizza was already smelling nicely and Alyona realised that she was indeed hungry. Maybe the food would help her to feel better. Valera was correct, they could keep asking questions about what they could have done differently all evening. It wouldn't change a thing though. They couldn't undo what they have done in the past.

"Things might have been different," Alyona muttered. "You are right, though, of course. We have to focus on the present and future rather than think about the past that we cannot change any more."

Alyona glanced at the oven. The pizza looked ready. "I think we can eat now," she stated. THe healer was glad that they'd be busy eating as that would give her time to think about what they had spoken about. She wanted to trust Valera and appreciated vir offer of help. Maybe together they could work things out and help her daughters. That wasn't anything she felt able to discuss anymore tonight, though. For now Alyona felt tired, exhausted, unable to make any sensible decisions.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much you have helped me tonight and I'd like to take you up on your offer. However, for tonight, I'm done talking about serious things. Let's talk about the weather or something like that while we have our pizza." A tired smile spread across her face as she watched how her relative took the pizza out of the oven.

(out)

[OOC: I used a speech to text software for this post. This took me far longer than when I'm typing.]

"Maybe" ve admitted thoughtfully. Valera's own childhood had entirely revolved around flying, and it was true that ve had never been offered a choice, but... "I don't suppose things would have been so different, at least when we were children" ve said as ve crouched down on an eye level with the unfamiliar oven. It would be irritating if the pizza were to burn due to vir using the incorrect charm to hasten things along.

Ve straightened up, turned and leaned on the counter "What I mean is, my parents never asked me if I wanted to be anything other than a champion artistic flyer. Nobody did. So it just...was the plan for my life, and it was the thing I worked towards. I'm not complaining at all, but what I'm trying to say is, we all do the best we can with the opportunities we're given. There are plenty of people out there who never had the opportunities we have, and they're far more dysfunctional..." ve stopped short, cheeks colouring a little. Then ve let out a small chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I think that was supposed to be reassuring. I just know that I have no idea what I would have done differently in my life if I'd had different opportunities." Actually that wasn't true at all. Valera had considered it at length, though most of vir thoughts had centred around whether ve should have married, though if ve had remained single Anna wouldn't have existed, or would also have been a different person. Those kind of thoughts spiralled into sleepless nights and confusion, and that way lay madness. Valera didn't think any mention of that would be either reassuring or helpful, so remained silent. Thankfully the pizza was starting to smell delicious, the aroma of almost-baked crust combind with the cheese and herbs filling the kitchen. Ve checked the cupboards again, finding plates and cutlery - though Valera tended to abandon knives and forks in favour of eating pizza slices with vir fingers.

"Good, I'm starving" ve managed a genuine smile now, flicking vir wand to switch off the oven and carefully levitating the pizza out once the door was opened. Another wand movement cut it into two almost equal slices to be shared between the plates. "Sure, we can do that. In fact, I've got a question right now" Valera
added as she looked down at the plates as they prepared to leave the kitchen. "Do I like olives?"

[out]

[ooc: you are awesome <333]