Zhenya wanted to pull herself together. The fact that she could not have this conversation without bursting into tears every now or then made her feel incredibly weak, vulnerable, and irritable.
She could tell that Zina had a lot of questions she wanted to ask but was grateful that she didn’t do it. Her sister’s gesture of support felt comforting but if Zina had hoped that it would stop the elder Shishkina from crying she was mistaken. She didn’t even attempt to dry her tears anymore as she just couldn’t get a grip anymore.
“Thanks,†Zhenya mumbled between two sobs as Zina said that she wouldn’t make her tell her about the things Nastya said. On the one hand she was grateful and relieved, on the other hand she almost wished that Zina would try to force her to confide in her so she could get this all off her chest.
She nodded as her little sister asked about the pictures. “I have them in the dormitory,†Zhenya said, finally feeling able to speak a sentence again that was not interrupted by sobs. The dog was a safe topic anyway. She swallowed and dried her face with her sleeve.
Zhenya looked at her sister, her eyes red and puffy from all the crying and wondered if Zina was right. She said she’d write to Andrey Viktorovich if she was in her position. It felt like a betrayal, but at the same time Zhenya knew that she was not able to do much herself. Firstly, she was just a student and hardly knew how she could help and, secondly, she was far away.
Grateful that Zina did not seem to blame her anymore for holding back information - something the younger Shishkina was also guilty of herself - Zhenya didn’t fight it when her younger sibling wrapped her arms around her but actually took some comfort from the gesture.
“It’s such a difficult decision,†she sighed. “I’m not sure there actually is a right one. I feel I need to do something... but whatever I could do feels like it’s either wrong or not enough…†Her voice sounded brittle now and she chewed on her lips, trying to compose herself so she wouldn’t burst into tears yet again.
