[library] we've been living on a fault line { wini/phillip }

FEB 2004

Thursdays were for studying.

Wini wasn’t one much for routine, and her version of “studying” tended to fluctuate depending on how close the exam or assignment deadline was, but he’d at least managed to get her to agree to this. Thursdays. After class. In the library. Studying. Of course now that they were seventh years, one day of study a week wasn’t really enough, but Marin got by with fitting his coursework into whatever activity they were doing at any given. Painting nails? Listening to the new 3Spelled album? He was probably also revising for a Herbology exam. Doing Teen Witch quizzes in his dorm after she kicked all of the other boys out? He was probably also making notes for his Charms essay. Over the years, Marin had learned how to multitask.

“Oh, look, you’re pretty much on time,” Marin said, checking his watch, just to be a dick about it. Wini had been held back at the end of class after she’d been late at the start of class, and rather than wait outside for her, he’d just gone straight to the library. Ten minutes later, here they were. “Good job you,” he added flatly. Marin always took the seat closest to the back wall, so he could have a wall to his back and a window on one side. Of course, it was dreary and rainy and practically dark already, but he liked being in the corner. It felt safe. The teenager slid his friend’s pack of multicoloured quills across the table. He’d borrowed them in History earlier to sketch in his notebook and since they’d been paired off so quickly last lesson, he hadn't had a chance to give them back yet.

“So,” he said. He wanted to ask why she was late, but in her absence, he’d been paired off with Adrian Beverley and he definitely hadn’t forgiven her yet. “Transfiguration?” he asked instead, tapping the end of the quill in his hand on the textbook in front of him.

"That section just there, see?" she pointed to a large shelf of books with a friendly smile and the first year Ravenclaw pushed his glasses up his nose and shuffled away without a word, his chubby legs quicker than she expected.

Wini had stayed back at the end of class, mostly to apologize to the professor for being late, but then he had ended up asking her to show the first year to a particular shelf she was familiar with in the library. Wini had been headed in that direction anyway so it was perfectly fine. She was just glad the professor wasn't too upset about it. She wasn't usually late to class. Well, at least not as late as she had been today. Speaking of... she found Marin at their usual spot in the library and dumped her bag onto the table, a myriad of items already spewing from her bag as if fighting to be free.

She rolled her eyes at her friend for effect and plopped into the chair across from him. "Yes, I know, late again. I was showing that first year to the Charms section. Some light reading apparently," she added with an indulgent grin. First years were so cute. She started to sort through, or really just push her items around on the table trying to find her multicolored quills--oh, there they were! She smiled at Marin as he slid them across the table and noticed his look. "What's eating you," she asked as she pulled her heavy Transfiguration book from her bag before nudging the rest of her belongings down the table. A mess to sort through later.

"Which chapter did we just start?" she asked as she idly flipped through the pages. Charms was her forte so she tended to lead the charge there, but Transfiguration was much more Marin's speed so she looked to him. "How was the project with Adrian today?" she asked innocently, a smile teasing tugging at her lips. Because she had been late, she had been paired with Duncan, a Slytherin who Wini was quite sure had confunded someone to get into the Charms NEWT class. It had not been a fun lesson, especially with her mind so occupied on the little encounter with Billie right before it.

Which reminded her.. she glanced up at Marin and wondered if she should tell him. She knew he had said it wasn't a good idea when she had muttered about it to him a bit ago, but she desperately felt the need to talk about it with someone and Marin had always been her confidant. All through class she couldn't quite stop thinking about the word 'bully'. Had she bullied Billie in that bathroom? It was a fear that made her a little quiet as she pulled up a roll of parchment with her Transfig notes from the last class.

“Mhmm,” was all Marin had to say about all of that. Adrian!! Beverley!! It wasn’t just one lesson, either — they were paired for a fortnight. He might as well drop the class. “I’m fine,” he said, eyes on his parchment. Duncan wasn’t much better, he thought, but at least he wasn’t an asshole as well as being useless. Adrian hadn’t really done anything for the past couple of years, but he’d been awful at fourteen, and Marin held a grudge. He huffed a tiny breath out of his nose, feeling irritated. Maybe it’d be better if she apologised, but she was in her usual high spirits and he wasn’t about to explain it to her if she didn’t already know.

“Fourteen,” he said, continuing his trend of two-syllable-only answers. He stretched his long legs out under the table. Then: “Great,” he replied flatly, breaking the trend. Okay, so she did know, it just didn’t matter to her. Why had she been late in the first place? Maybe he should have just asked when she’d arrived at the table, but he hadn’t and now he didn’t want to. He could feel her eyes on him, and he tried not to let it distract him from what he was writing. After a moment, though, Marin looked up, one eyebrow raised just a touch. “What?” he asked, finally, “It’s basic transmutation — gold, silver, oldschool alchemy. We covered this in like, fourth year.”

She frowned at his short answers, barely two syllables as if he were saving up all his words and didn't want to spend them on her. Wini narrowed her gaze, but after the confrontation with Billie earlier, she was reluctant to get into it with someone else. She thumbed through the pages quicker of her textbook as she eyed him with a side glance as he huffed. Not a good sign.

Wini curled her legs up on the chair as she flipped past thirteen and stopped at the next chapter. Judging by his sullenness, maybe today's study session would be quieter than usual. Especially since he had degraded into one word answers now. But she was still thinking about Billie and making her cry and she wanted Marin to tell her that she hadn't been a bully because it was what she was afraid of.

She bit her lip as he met her gaze and she shook her head. "I'm not-- it's not the Transfiguration..." she sighed and glanced down at the textbook, licking her lips before she looked back at him. "Can I tell you something, but you can't tell Lip?"

Marin was annoyed, and Winifred was being annoyingly unobservant. Or then, maybe he’d done something too and she was also annoyed with him? That sort of thing had happened before, and Marin wasn’t always the best judge of it. He misread things sometimes. Her next words made him want to roll his eyes, though. Not transfiguration? Yes it was, he thought, irritated. Just because it had it’s own subcategory name didn’t mean it wasn’t transfiguration. Turning things into literal gold wasn’t exactly covered in charms —

Marin quirked an eyebrow, but he returned to his notes slowly rather than continue looking at her. On his left, it was dark enough now that the window had turned into something like a little mirror. Their table lamp reflected in it, and so did they. He stole a glance at her reflection in the glass before dipping his quill in ink again. She’d sighed before she’d said it, and that meant it had to be something at least relatively interesting. If she started talking about Rupert again, though, he swore… “Go on, then,” he said, curious despite himself.

She nodded, steeling herself for confessing something she wasn't exactly proud of. But it was Marin. And he would keep her secrets, she trusted him. She had confessed to worse things before. Like her being a fan of PhoeniX  for two weeks before facing the fact that their lyrics from their top song 'Accio Hottie' were terrible, practically an affront to the music industry.

"So you know how Lip still hasn't told me anything about what happened with him and Billie? And he's so miserable all the time and he won't talk to me and I'm sure he needs someone to talk to right because if I were that upset or if something that bad happened to me, I'd need to talk to you about it?" Wini said, rambling already because her pending confession made her a little nervous. She swallowed thickly and fiddled with the quill in her hands before she blurted it out, looking up at him.

"I talked with Billie today," she told him quickly. Then her gaze faltered and she glanced at the window that he had been looking out. "I think.. I think I made her cry."

He didn’t look up again, but he could feel her hesitation and it was making him curious, despite himself. She was taking her time. Marin took his time, too, eyes skimming the textbook while he made little notes without looking at what he was writing. For a second, the only sound in their little corner came from the rain outside and the scratching of his quill. Peaceful, he thought distantly. But then…

“You did what?” Marin asked sharply, his eyebrows raising a little, though he made sure to finish his sentence. He crossed a couple of Ts and held his quill to one side, looking up. “You think you did?” he asked skeptically. Marin was of the opinion that making people cry was sort of a binary thing. He glanced at his paper, then shifted back a bit in his chair, feeling very disapproving but also, weirdly, a little impressed. Classic Winifred to stick her nose where it didn’t belong, he thought. “I mean… What did you say?” he asked finally, eyes back on his paper.

She bit her lip, leaning forward, her hand reaching out toward him just a bit as she swallowed anxiously. "I just wanted to talk?" she offered in explanation, even though she knew her intentions going into that bathroom had not just been a nice little chat between friends. But.. she was a little ashamed about it and that little eyebrow raise when it was directed at her made her squirm in her seat. "Well.. she cried but maybe she was just having a bad day or something.."

Marin looked back at his paper and she didn't like it. It felt dismissive? Or like he didn't approve. But of course, he wouldn't. Wini wasn't even really proud of what she had done, but maybe if she explained, he'd see her side just like he always did. Her books laid forgotten in front of her as she spread her hands wide on the table. "Well I said hi and asked how she was and then maybe told her about Lip and how sad he's been because of everything," she started, nothing too bad so far really, all things anyone could see. She ripped off the bandaid though and rushed through the rest. "And then, well, I asked her what happened because Lip won't tell me anything and it's so frustrating but she wouldn't say anything either and maybe I said that it was all her fault and that I hated her."

Or something like that. She gave him a grimace, anxious for his reaction.

He didn’t say anything when she said she just wanted to talk. Wini’s definition of “just talking” tended to be whatever she wanted it to be on the day. As a general rule, Marin tended to prefer literal definitions. Winifred was not the same. Marin wrote a couple more notes while she was talking, but it was getting trickier as the story got more interesting. If she was just chattering about Accio Hottie or something, he could probably have tuned her out completely, but as much as it exhausted him, and as much as he pretended to hate it, Marin didn’t entirely mind being in the know.

She told Lip’s ex how sad he’d been? “Oh, he’ll love that,” Marin said, tapping the end of his quill on his chin as he reread a few lines in his textbook. They still didn’t really have any idea why the pair had broken up. Lip had sort of slipped that she’d lied to him somehow, but that could really mean anything. Had he broken up with her, then? Things were still very unclear to Marin. As they should be, he thought distantly. It wasn’t any of his business. Regardless, Lip was in full avoidance mode; Marin had seen how he’d reacted to seeing her in the hall.

“Hmm.” Marin pressed his lips together disapprovingly at the next bit. It came out rushed, like if she said it fast enough then he wouldn’t catch all of the details. Well too bad, Winifred; details were sort of his forte. By now he’d given up on note-taking and was sketching hippogryffs in the margin of his notebook. Much easier to do while talking. “…And then she cried.” He said. It was sort of a question, sort of a statement.

“Do you think that that was maybe—“ he glanced up at her, “—a bit much?”

Wini frowned at him, her lips turning down in a pout as she muttered, "You said you weren't going to tell him." Well, she had asked him to swear not to say anything and she had proceeded before he agreed.. but who cared about the details. She really didn't want Lip to find out, about any of this. And hopefully, maybe him and Billie weren't talking too much so she wouldn't tell him. Then again, Wini had a habit of guilt-confessing, blurting out when she did something wrong because it was too much to keep it inside. Maybe it would be better if she tried harder not to say anything though.. She really couldn't imagine Lip's reaction being anything but anger. Yikes!

"Well, yes, but.. maybe she was feeling guilty about what she lied to Lip about and not really what I said?" she offered, hopefully, frowning at her friend. He wasn't being very helpful. Why wasn't he taking her side? She bit her lip as she sat back a little.

But his next question prompted her to start shaking her leg up and down, his gaze on her making her shrug. And then shrug again. "I was just telling her the truth?" she started and then shook her head. "Maybe it was a bit much?" Wini tried again, but it still wasn't the complete truth either. "Look, maybe it was, but I was just trying to look out for him." There. That explained it, right? Her heart was in the heart place, all that jazz.

But still, she hesitated, torn between conflicting emotions and she couldn't quite sort them all out. "Do you think.. I should apologize or something?" she asked quietly, half of her raging against even the idea (Billie had hurt her friend!! He was upset because of what she had lied about! No one was telling her anything!) and the other half was almost afraid that Marin might agree (She kept seeing Billie's tear-stained cheeks. She felt bad that she had.. bullied the girl?). Wini glanced up at Marin, meeting his gaze.

Marin dodged the bit about telling lip, letting things move on quickly enough. He didn’t plan on actually doing it but he did feel a little vindicated being able to hold it over her. Terrible, probably, but oh well. So Billie wasn’t crying before Winifred approached her and then she was crying after? “Mm-hmm.” It sounded like a pretty flimsy sort of explanation to him. Wini’s next sentences built up as she tried to get to a clearer conversational vantage point.

“No, no I get that,” Marin said, sensing her feelings intensifying. A bit much was probably honestly an understatement, given the her fault and the I hated her parts. Not to mention the making-her-cry thing. He wasn’t Wini’s mum though; he could disapprove from afar. After a moment, he shrugged too, copying her action. “I guess it’s just, we just don’t really know what happened,” he said. She’d basically said the same thing to him a zillion times these past weeks, but with a harder, more curious, more frustrated edge. “Like, he’s obviously pissed, but was it her fault?” Lip had been quite frugal with the details.

Apologise, though? "I don't know. Probably not," he said.

She frowned at her best friend's lack of response. His 'mm-hmm' felt patronizing and she didn't like it. He really was in a bad mood, wasn't he. This couldn't just be about her little chat with Billie, could it? Wini felt slightly mollified when he admitted to understanding part of what she was saying so she slumped a little in her seat as she nodded. But then was shaking her head in the next second too.

"Well, all we do know--" not like she hadn't tried to get more information from Lip about it "--was that she lied about something and plus, he was half in love with her so I doubt he would do anything that would-- Oh hey Lip!" Wini said, stopping herself midsentence as she saw the familiar skulking outline of her friend coming closer to their table. She tried to play it cool, trying to school her expression into something innocent that wouldn't give away what she had just been confessing to Marin. She gave her best friend a little warning glance, trying to helpfully remind him of his promise to Say Nothing.

"What are you doing here?" This was a first in a while, she thought. Then she realized it was because he had taken to hanging out with Billie in the library instead of them. Guess that wasn't happening anymore. Whoopsies. 

Walking past the section on Magical Plagues of the Dark Ages, Phillip, consumed by heartbreak and an unhealthy dose of self-pity, wondered who had it worse. Realistically, he knew it was the scores of witches and wizards referenced in those history books, but right now, it didn't feel like it. Phillip felt like he'd trade places with them to escape. The teenager would have done just about anything to forget the currents of anger and sadness mixed inside him.

"Look, maybe it was, but I was just trying to look out for him."

"Like, he's obviously pissed, but was it her fault?"

Just before reaching the aisle, Phillip heard a pair of voices on the other side of the bookcase, and the words made him stop dead in his tracks. Another wizard might have convinced themselves that there was no way his friends were talking about him. That there were a hundred other students they could have been referring to, but that wasn't how Phillip's mind worked. Instantly he assumed the worst. Winifred and Marin were discussing his breakup, and as much as he had hated talking about it with them, he somehow hated the idea of them talking about it without him even more. It grated against him, and he leaned closer to hear better.

"Do you think.. I should apologize or something?"

"I don't know. Probably not,"

Apologize for what? He wondered, and before the question even rendered in his mind, Phillip was launching into terrifying possibilities. Did they know Billie was actually Sybil and not tell him? Was everyone lying to him? His stomach lurched, and anger surged through him. Gasoline in his veins, Phillip's skin felt like it was on fire. It didn't matter what they were talking about. Whatever Winifred had to apologize for or that Marin had counseled her not to, Phillip wouldn't have accepted it anyway. He moved out from behind the bookcase, stalking toward them.

"Well, all we do know--"

"--was that she lied about something and plus, he was half in love with her so I doubt he would do anything that would--"

Green eyes darted from Marin to Winifred, nostrils flaring, fists clenched. "Anything that would what?" Phillip stopped just short of the table, looming over them and impatient for an answer.

Marin’s eyebrows raised fractionally when Phillip appeared out of nowhere. Winifred tried to play it off, but it was clear that their friend had overhead what they’d been talking about. He skipped right over Wini’s question, looking like he was about to smash something. Marin blinked, a little taken aback at the blatant emotion rolling off of his friend in waves.

Anything that would what?

Ah, so Lip was pissed.

Marin felt himself bristle internally at the confrontation. What a world! Two years ago he would have shrivelled up and died on the spot, but these days he felt more annoyed than scared in stressful situations. It was a helpful shift, he thought distantly; thank Merlin he wouldn’t be heading out into the world in June with the same fears he’d held onto all through school. Or, more accurately, thank Merlin the fear was far less debilitating than it had ever been before.

Now, to business… It clearly wasn’t his fault, he thought firmly, a part of him wanting to make a case for himself right away. He hadn’t been the one who’d brought up Lip’s personal life, or like, harassed his girlfriend — ex girlfriend! Whatever. Not him. Nope.

Marin sniffed. “You’ll never guess what Winifred got up to today,” he said, throwing her under the bus immediately. He dropped his gaze to the paper in front of him, Lip’s glare really testing his new ability to not feel afraid in social situations. More importantly, he didn’t really want to see the look of utter betrayal Wini was probably shooting him right now. Did he feel a bit guilty already? Yes. Was he going to do anything about it? Well, no. He’d already said it, hadn’t he? Marin scratched a note into his parchment with the tip of his quill.

"What?" Wini said automatically as she took in Lip's expression, sliding back in her seat instinctively as he loomed over her, his green eyes hard, that angry look on his face. In light of him showing up, especially with that look on his face, she had forgotten what she had just been about to say. "Here, why don't you sit with us?" she said trying a gentle, soothing tone that worked on nervous sheep back on the farm at home. Or well.. her old home. She wasn't sure she was welcome now with the drama with her parents. Not that she could think about that when Lip was glaring at her like that.

She pushed out the chair, turning it to face him as she started to explain what they were pretending to work on, gesturing to her books when Marin piped up. Wini whipped her gaze to his, her mouth open, surprise and betrayal in her gaze as she hissed his name. "Marin!" she said in rebuke. They had literally just agreed to say nothing! But he was too busy writing something so the full effect of her glare was wasted and she was upset even more by that.

But of course, she knew she had to explain, especially with Lip being on edge already and Marin being a little pest. No help at all, honestly. She tried to give Lip a little smile and shrug, aiming for an apologetic look. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "So I ran into Billie today in the bathroom and we just chatted a little. It wasn't a big deal." She shot Marin another quick glance, silently telling him not to make a big deal out of it! Couldn't he see that Lip wasn't really in the mood to handle much right now??