[April 04] Небо так близко и далеко (Anna)

10th April 2004

The season opening was one day away and Aglaya didn't feel ready for it. Her new routines were prepared but, not having been able to train properly for several months, she didn't really feel comfortable performing them yet. Nothing really came easy to her these days. While she could do most of her elements again, and was even working on getting her back flip ready for the first competitions of the season, she lacked confidence.  Fortunately the season opening wasn’t a public event - only fellow athletes, coaches, family members and some friends were invited for the occasion. It was somehow comforting to know that no strangers would be permitted inside the arena, but Aglaya still felt unnaturally tense.

There was no way she could back out of this, though. Her coach and her mother had made it quite clear that she had been hiding for long enough now and that, if she wanted to continue competing, she’d need to attend the event and perform her best. Aglaya was used to being put under pressure but somehow this was worse now because she wasn’t as mentally strong as she had been before her poisoning.

She still had a few hours until she’d have to be at the artistic flying school for her training with Aleksandra. In the past she had used the ballet and beam room at the school to work on perfecting her moves but with time she had rearranged her living room to be more of a practice room than an actual living room. While there was still a large and comfortable sofa standing in one corner and a small table in front of it. She had installed a mirror wall with a barre to its left and there was a low beam in the middle of the room, too. At the wall opposite the sofa there was a shelf with a record player and a vast collection of records and a display of all her trophies and medals.

As she stepped into the living room, she paused in front of all these tokens of her former glory and smiled sadly. Somehow she doubted that she’d be able to add to this collection and that was a scary thought. She didn’t want to quit the professional sport and yet she felt that she couldn’t really compete either. Aglaya felt anxious. She was scared of her stalker. She feared that she wouldn’t be able to compete at the same level as before again. And she was frightened what her future would be like when she wasn’t a reigning champion anymore.

Sighing deeply she switched on some classical music and then began her warm-up. Over the sound of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake she almost missed the doorbell. She paused, wondering if it had really rung and then stepped out of her living room into the hallway to check. Aglaya didn’t expect anyone and, truth be told, wasn’t prepared to face anyone either. She was wearing a simple black training outfit, had her hair tied up in a messy ponytail, and hadn’t applied any make up yet. She looked through the peephole and raised her eyebrows as she spotted Anna there. What did the girl want from her?

After another brief moment of hesitation Aglaya opened the door a little and faced her younger cousin. “Hello Anna,” she greeted her, looking at her suspiciously. She didn’t step aside and ask her in, waiting for the girl to explain her surprise visit first.


@Anna Filimonova

Aglaya said she could come visit any time.

Aglaya said she could come visit any time. She wouldn't say that if she hadn't meant it, right? That would be lying, and that would be pretty shitty of her cousin.

Still, now she was on the doorstep, a little bit of doubt was beginning to gnaw at Anna's stomach. There was music coming from inside the house. Muggle music of some kind. It sounded familiar, but Anna never really had a head for music. It was where she struggled, every performance. Musicality, docked pointed for musicality every time. She just wanted to do flips and tricks, why did it have to be to music?

Anyway.

She had early morning training most days of the school break, then more training, then even more. Her coach had to give attention to other people too, so the midday and afternoon were usually conditioning, running, stuff that didn't need an angry Ukrainian man to holler at her to reach higher! picture yourself higher! or whatever.

Technically, running laps into town, bag slung across her shoulders for a weight, ending up in from of Aglaya's house was conditioning, right?

She rang the doorbell before she could lose her nerve, brushing a loose, sweaty lock of hair out of her face. "Hi," she said when Aglaya finally opened the door, smiling brighter than she felt. Aglaya didn't move, so Anna just slipped in, sidestepping around her cousin and kicking off her shoes. If she moved with confidence, everything would be fine. "Nice place!" Then, to answer her cousin's question -- "Well, you said I could come over whenever and I was doing laps in town and I thought, maybe Aglaya wants to get some tea, or maybe she has some tips for me, and at the very least she'll let me use her bathroom --" because oh lord, did Anna need to pee all of a sudden, "--and now I'm here! What's the music?"

Anna smiled at her but Aglaya didn’t mirror that facial expression. She just stared at her younger cousin, feeling quite confused why the girl had chosen to visit her. Seconds passed during which Aglaya just wondered what had motivated Anna to pay her a visit. Then the student sneaked in and kicked off her shoes.

“Yes, why don’t you come in,” Aglaya said quietly with a slight edge to her voice that indicated that she thought Anna should have waited for her to ask her inside. It didn’t really matter, of course, and Aglaya finally mustered a smile as her cousin complimented her on her home. Anna had really never been here before.

They usually only saw each other at the flying school or at family gatherings and didn’t really talk much. Aglaya was aware that she had probably seemed distanced and maybe even arrogant at times. The times that she had an attitude that kept others at bay seemed to be over, though. Ever since her poisoning the multiple time champion wasn’t as confident anymore. She felt anxious and vulnerable and that seemed to make it easier for people to approach her.

She listened as the girl explained herself and nodded. Yes, she remembered vaguely that she had voiced an invitation last time she had seen Anna. She hadn’t really believed that Anna would take her up on it but maybe it was good that the girl was here now.

“Sure, we can have tea and I’m sure I can offer some tips, too.” Aglaya tried to smile; wanted to appear relaxed and confident instead of tense and confused. She wasn’t sure if she did a good job, but Anna seemed to have many things to think about now anyway as she rushed from one topic to the next.

“The bathroom is right here,” Aglaya said, pointing at the first door on the right. “And the music is Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky.” She paused for a moment, still taken by surprise by Anna’s visit and the number of topics she had already brought up. “I’ll make tea then.” She muttered as she walked into the kitchen, expecting the girl to follow her when she came out of the bathroom.