Author Topic:  one remarkable storm [freddie]  (Read 493 times)

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129 Posts 17 played by lee
one remarkable storm [freddie]
« on: June 18, 2022, 01:25:51 PM »
 “Freddie!” said Barbara.

Given the intensity of her voice and the overall gravity and importance of what she wanted to talk to him about, she thought his name ought to be a little more dignified and a little less childish, and made her wish she could have called him Frederick (that was his real name, right? Surely not “Fredward.”) If somebody had something to say to her, and had come barrelling at her across the courtyard (which had been difficult, with her much shorter legs and the wind kicking her robes wildly around her legs) to say it, she would want to be called Barbara.

But she didn’t know Freddie very well and he seemed like an exclusively-nickname sort of boy anyway, so she had to rely on her voice to carry across her sense of urgency, even though – because she’d barrelled across the courtyard for this – it was a little bit strained. Coming and speaking to him like this had been an impulsive, even a reckless one, but until she’d seen him coming out of the stairwell she had honestly forgotten about Freddie Snyder.

This was her dilemma: her problem involved her parents. This eliminated, as confidantes, most of her friends, who were (in order) orphans, family friends, or well-adjusted.

“Freddie,” she said again, not much more calmly, even though she was catching her breath again, “Do you hate your father?”

@Freddie Snyder

i'm sad but not like sad enough to be a good painter or whatever

110 Posts 17
one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2022, 05:08:02 AM »
 Had someone just called his name? Freddie looked around. It sounded like Barbara but among the other students he didn’t spot her at once. However, he decided to stop walking and waited for her to catch up with him.

A moment later she came into sight, addressing him again and without any introductory phrase asked him if he hated his father. Freddie stared at her, his mouth opening and closing as the boy tried to understand the situation he suddenly found himself in.

Freddie’s relationship with his father was rough and Barbara was one of the very few people on earth who knew about it. Still, the question threw him off a little. He took his time to respond, realising that he hadn’t even managed to say a greeting before she had shot her question at him, he grinned a little sheepishly.

“Do I hate my father…” he repeated thoughtfully, made a grimace and shrugged. “Well, umm… hate is a very strong word, but….I guess…” His voice trailed off and  knew he was being evasive but admitting to hating a parent? In Freddie’s made up world he wasn’t close to his father but he didn’t speak of him as the despicable loser that he was. In reality Freddie despised his father, he assumed.

“Barbara, what’s wrong?” he asked instead of giving her a concrete answer. “Shall we find a quiet spot and talk?” He wasn’t good at this but he was growing as a person. Ever since he could call Aase his girlfriend and had confided in Barbara he felt a little more confident when it came to serious conversations. The kind of conversation that was sincere and not filled with made up information in order to impress the other.

129 Posts 17 played by lee
one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2022, 01:55:15 PM »
 Immediately Barbara realised how inappropriate it was to ask an acquaintance – not even a friend – well, she didn’t consider Freddie Snyder a friend; it was of no consequence to her what he thought of her – such a personal question. It was rather late to take it back, though, as Freddie was already stammering out an answer. Hate is a very strong word. Obviously it was! That was why Barbara had used it – she was having very strong feelings.

It was unfair, she knew, to ask this of Freddie. All she really knew about his father was that he drank and didn’t work – she had no reason to believe he was despicable, nothing to go on but the way Freddie’s face had looked the first time he’d ever spoken of the man. It was almost certain that Freddie Snyder had better reason to hate his father than she did.

In any case Freddie didn’t want to talk about it and she didn’t blame him. He asked if they should go find somewhere more private to speak; Barbara nodded anxiously. (She was already lucky to have caught him alone – Gryffindors seemed to move in packs.) “Aye,” she said. “I’d like that.”

She led the way, walking so energetically that her hair flounced behind her, to the side of the courtyard, in the shade; there was a spot for Freddie to sit if he wanted, on the low wall, but Barbara was too restless: she could hardly even stand still.

Then she blurted it out: “My parents cheat on each other.”

This was a stupid thing to be so upset about, she realised immediately. She had suspected her mother’s infidelity for years, and knew both of her parents had been unhappy even before her sister had died – Florence had been vague but honest about that even when Barbie was a little girl. It’s not their fault they’re not in love. But Barbara had taken it for granted that it was okay anyway – what was the good of a family, otherwise?

“Sorry,” she said after a moment. “I know I shouldn’t gossip about it – I just can’t bear knowing.”

i'm sad but not like sad enough to be a good painter or whatever

110 Posts 17
one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2022, 09:39:14 AM »
 As they moved to a more private place to talk, Freddie tried to compose himself. He had been surprised by Barbara’s sudden appearance and her question. He was determined to do better now. If she came to him to talk then he’d try to be a good friend and listen and, if possible, help or give advice. He could tell that his reaction hadn’t been exactly what Barbara had been hoping for but he assumed he could still make up for it.

They reached the side of the courtyard and as Freddie came to a halt, he wondered what he should say to get Barbara to talk to him about what was bothering her. Fortunately, though, she didn’t need an invitation to speak. She immediately blurted out what was on her mind and Freddie felt his cheeks redden. He was ill equipped for that kind of conversation, he realised. Maybe Barbara had been better off approaching a girl, one of her dormmates perhaps (though as he thought of Ravenclaw girls in his year he immediately thought of Rowen Reinhardt and figured that nobody would want to tell that girl about anything like that). Maybe she should have talked to' rel='nofollow noopener' target='_blank'>Aase. Aase was an amazing listener and so kind and caring.

He brushed these thoughts off, realising that Barbara had probably deliberately chosen him for this talk because she knew about what a failure his own father was. He’d do his best to listen and calm her.

“I’m sorry,” Freddie said, running his hand through his hair nervously. “You say they’re cheating on each other. Which means they’re both unfaithful. That’s…” he tried to find the right word for it but he felt that he couldn’t quite find the appropriate thing to say. “At least it’s not like one is the innocent party who’s rightfully heartbroken because of what their partner did.” He looked at her curiously. “How did you find out? Do they know about each other’s infidelity?”

129 Posts 17 played by lee
one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2022, 05:04:56 PM »
 Freddie, even though he was obviously surprised, didn’t seem as outraged or scandalised as Barbie had expected. Maybe he was still processing it. He was getting rather slowly to whatever point he wanted to make, she noted impatiently. Well – she supposed this wasn’t the most urgent emergency of his young life, but since it was hers, she’d have appreciated a little more distress.

Not that she could begrudge him his shock when she’d sprung this on him so suddenly. It wasn’t very fair to be impatient with him – she knew that. It didn’t really help her feelings of impatience. Nor did his attempt at consoling her. “That’s not better!” Barbie said, her voice pitching louder and higher. “It just means I can’t trust them both! At least you have your mother!”

She regretted this at once – all Barbara knew of Freddie’s parents was that his father was unequivocally worse than hers. She looked away, and then back at him, finally starting to calm down, the colour draining out of her freckled cheeks. “I don’t mean that,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

She sat down, just so she wouldn’t have to see Freddie’s face. He’d asked her how she’d found out – she said, her voice still low, “I went home at the weekend and my father had his woman there, and, you know.” Barbara hadn’t seen anything really, but it’d been all over their guilty faces what they’d been doing, and she knew they’d known that she could tell. Uncomfortably, she added, “I yelled at him, I said I would tell my mother.”

i'm sad but not like sad enough to be a good painter or whatever

110 Posts 17
one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2022, 06:57:08 AM »
 “Woah,” Freddie said, taking a step back at Barbara’s reaction. The girl seemed beside herself and he wondered what she expected him to say or do. Apparently he was doing a very poor job so far but, honestly, he didn’t know what she wanted from him.

She apologised and Freddie shrugged. “It’s alright,” he said, still feeling at a loss what to say to her.

He watched her as she sat down but remained standing for now. Truth be told he would have liked to just get away now, the situation was really strange to him and he ran his hand through his hair again, dishevelling it further.

“I understand,” he said when she confided in him what she had seen and that she had yelled at her father. It was an understandable reaction. Freddie often felt like yelling at his father and in about fifty percent of the cases he followed this urge, too. It never changed anything though. The only thing that it did was to relieve some of this pent up anger and frustration.

“Did you tell her?” He asked, guessing that she hadn’t told her mother yet.

Then he sat down next to her and awkwardly patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry you…” he sighed. He couldn’t say he was sorry she had found it out like that as that meant that he wasn’t sorry these affairs happened in the first place. “I’m sorry your parents are doing this to each other and to you,” he finally said. “They don’t mean to hurt you, though, I’m sure. They’re being selfish and don’t see what this means to you.”

129 Posts 17 played by lee
Re: one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2023, 10:58:17 PM »
Barbara sighed, unable to say that she believed Freddie did understand, unwilling to tell him if she thought otherwise. It wasn't like poor Freddie would have some kind of deep insight into parental infidelity -- just, she'd thought, some insight into parents at all. Flawed parents; confusing parents; parents that were actually his.

Did you tell her?

"She already knows," Barbara confessed, staring at her hands, twisting slowly into the snail-shell of fabric she was gripping over her lap. She let it go, smoothed her robes back out, stared instead at the creases left behind. "He said, at least." A pause, before she added, "I've never shouted at my father before. I never yell. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Freddie sat next to her -- Barbie stiffened slightly at his closeness, but relaxed when he reached out to touch her. "Thanks," she said. It seemed inadequate -- she added, "very much," which also seemed inadequate, but the more she added to it the less sincere it would sound. She shrugged, as much to express whatever discontented apathy she could as to get him to move his hand. "I know it's not about me," she said. "I don't know what I'm so angry about. They're not hurting me. My sister used to tell me it's not their fault they're not in love. Are your parents -- did your parents ever love each other?"

i'm sad but not like sad enough to be a good painter or whatever

110 Posts 17
Re: one remarkable storm [freddie]
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2023, 10:58:42 AM »
“Wow,” it was a lame reaction and Freddie knew it. However, he hadn’t expected Barbara to say that her mother knew of her father’s infidelity. Adults were so strange sometimes. They made compromises that they certainly wouldn’t have expected to make when they were younger.

“It’s okay,” he said as she apologised. “I understand.” He really did. After all, he knew what pain parents could inflict on their children. He knew how much he struggled at times. Sometimes he wondered if he could ever look at his parents with indifference. He doubted it. Even if he moved out after graduation, he felt certain that he’d still worry and get frustrated with them.

Barbara asked if his parents ever loved each other and he shrugged. “I think my mother used to love my father - and she probably still does. I’m not sure he can even love anyone but himself.” He knew he was sounding bitter. However, it was true. He didn’t believe in his father, didn’t trust him to care about anyone or anything.

“I think… given that you’re so angry their actions do affect you more than you think.” His voice was rather low now. He didn’t want any of the other students to overhear their conversation. It was private and something you didn’t share with just anyone. “I know how it feels. You know it’s not about you. You cannot change it and yet, you cannot erase it from your mind either.”


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