Fate fell short this time ~ [Ruari]

So Dash had potentially made the biggest mistake of her life.

When she’d gotten home yesterday morning, Dash had thrown up again, showered and taken herself promptly to bed. Ruari had caught her coming home in the same clothes she’d left in (not to mention the messy hair and make-up), but she hadn’t had a chance to ask any questions. Dash hadn’t given her one. The brunette had slept all day and only gotten up for long enough to make a sandwich and drink more water after she was sure that Ruari was sleeping. Now it was the following day, and she still felt like she’d been hit by a truck. Her body was sore. Alcohol was evil. The only thing she felt like she had to be thankful for right now was the fact that it was Sunday and she had one more day before she had to go back to work. She was sure Lucas would be full of questions. He'd probably wondered what had happened on Friday night. She was caught up asking herself the same question.

Ruari was, presumably, at the morning markets in a nearby suburb. They were basically out of anything that could be turned into a full meal. Dash had taken to cooking for her friend, since the blonde didn’t seem able to fry an egg. It was natural for her to assume a nurturing role, and honestly? She missed taking care of someone. Ruari did most of the shopping now and Dash cooked.

After a quick shower, the brunette had started manually cleaning up the apartment. It wasn’t really messy at all, but she couldn’t help herself. There were no chunks of wood she could manually chop up, no garden to dig… cleaning was the closest she had to manual labour, and keeping herself busy was just about the only way she had to distract herself right now.

She scrubbed the walls of her bedroom and the lounge room until her fingers started aching. By the time she moved on to the bathroom, the house had filled up with the sterilised smell of cleaning potions. She was oblivious to it. The tiles were mopped, scrubbed and polished until they looked good as new. She tried to lose herself in the work, spending way too much time on each and every single mark until the house was spotless. She didn’t want to think about Sindri. Didn’t want to think about the way his hands hand felt, rushing up her waist. Skin on skin. She certainly didn’t want to think about his weight on top of her or the way she’d burst into tears immediately after he’d pulled back... Or those fucking dimples. Ugh.

Just thinking about it all made her feel slightly nauseous. She thought she’d been getting somewhere recently. It seemed constructive, finally getting back into working with clay and painting her room after months and months of avoiding anything remotely creative. She’d thought that maybe – just maybe – she was finding new ways to define herself. Ways that didn’t necessarily involve their break up, even if she wasn’t quite ready to say yes to some stupid date with a workmate just yet.

Nope.

Now, everything felt up in the air. She’d seen how together he was, and it was painful. There were too many questions in her mind. What did she want? Where was she going? What the hell had she been thinking? She didn’t want to dwell on it, but her brain wouldn’t shut up. Her anxieties and doubts ate at her. Dash moved into the kitchen and started frantically cleaning everything in there, scrubbing the benches methodically before removing everything from the cupboards and scrubbing those too. When she got to the dishes, the brunette was suddenly struck by the sheer amount of cups they had. Why did they have so many? There were only two of them. She started washing one, but ended up standing still with her fingers wrapped around it, her hazel gaze fixed on the item.

After a moment of holding it tightly in her hand, the brunette lifted her arm and threw the cup at the ground with some force. It shattered into many pieces and she felt a little rush of satisfaction before hastily repeating the action with another one. Was she going crazy? Maybe. This house was claustrophobic and there were too many cups. She was wound up so tightly that she wasn’t thinking straight at all. On her fourth one, a voice behind her made her jump. Ruari was home. “I’m making a mosaic,” she explained tensely, “and I’m sick of washing up all of our fucking cups.” Dash held the handle of a decorated mug in her hand tightly, taking quick, deep breaths like she’d just run a race.

After a moment, she blinked like she’d just become aware of what she was doing. The brunette’s gaze fell to the ground and the mess she’d caused. Uh-oh. Thank Merlin that she’d only smashed up the plain cups and none of Ruari’s nice ones. Dash tilted her face up like she was asking for help from the heavens and exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry,” she said, turning to Ruari in a slightly dazed state. The brunette placed the mug back on the bench beside their sink lightly, careful not to tread on any of the shards of broken glass. Her posture and expression crumpled from anxious and irritated to defeated in a matter of moments, her shoulders slumping as she closed her eyes tightly for a moment before shooting Ruari a dazed and shameful glance. Dash reached up with both of her hands, dragging her fingers through her hair and tucking strands behind both of her ears self-consciously. She apologised again before wiping the back of her hand across her lips unceremoniously. "I'm so sorry."

She'd been doing a lot of apologising as of late, she thought. And for good reason. The girl's eyes scanned the floor again quickly. “Crap. Let me get my wand,” she said, frowning at her crazy actions and the fact that she’d actually let someone see. "I'll clean it up." For a moment she didn't move at all. Her hands were shaky. Then she took a long step over the broken glass towards her friend.

Well then.

Dash had snuck home like a teenager that morning, even though there was no need. Ruari had seen her in the same clothes and her hair looked as though someone had run their hands through it. She must have gone home with that man she'd said she was going on a date with. Luke? Lucian? A work colleague, at least. What worried her, however, was Dash's reluctance to talk about it.

Sensing something wasn't quite right with her best friend, she slipped out to go shopping. It wasn't unusual for her to run out of food. In fact, that happened quite regularly but Sunday was market day. In the centre of Dublin, there was a large farmer's market. It was full to bursting with in season, organic vegetables. Ruari was not a cook, that much was clear but it was about time she learned. It wasn't fair on Dash to be running around after her.

She took her time as she wandered through the stalls, picking up various things and she used her brain. Before she left, she took a battered jute shopping bag and put an enlargement charm on it, making sure she could fit everything in before casting another to make everything lighter. It was a beautiful clear, crisp day and as she walked, the cool autumnal breeze ruffled the fabric of her short skirt.

She strolled along, stopping to smell various different vegetables and she ended up getting a few of everything. Big, fat, ripe organic tomatoes. Peppers, onions, strawberries, apples, beans, apricots, everything she could get her hands on. She stopped to get cheese and freshly baked soft white bread that smelt amazing. Ruari had a plan; she wanted to make cheese and roasted red pepper tarts for dinner that evening. It wasn't so hard, was it? Making pastry? Into her bag went eggs and milk and various other staples for the kitchen cupboards.

Ruari swanned around for another two hours, smelling spices, tasting samples, making conversation with the stall holders. The tall blonde found herself chatting (and flirting) with a tall, broad shouldered man called Chris. He had bright blue eyes and a head of thick red hair and a smile that would make a snowman melt. She'd seen him before. In the past, she'd said hello when she wandered through. They swapped pleasantries, chatted about their days as he bagged up her bread but today, she found herself staying longer than usual. In fact, she was talking to him for forty minutes.

Before she knew it, Chris had asked her out and surprisingly, she said yes. Relief was clear on his handsome face and she found him so endearing. He suggested the following weekend and she accepted. He wrote down his address on the back of a slip of parchment which contained a vegetable order and she slipped it into the inside pocket of her blazer and practically skipped all the way home.

It was about time she started dating again. She was lonely and Chris seemed nice and friendly and he was really into his organic ingredients, much the same as she was. Ruari climbed the steps to her home and grappled for her keys, clumsily juggling her bag full of goodies before she shoved her front door with a grunt, stepped in and suddenly stopped.

It smelt like bleach.

Gone was the warm, comforting scent of her lavender incense sticks and it was replaced by a harsh, clinical chemical smell that she didn't like. Ruari stepped in, looking for Dash, just to step into the kitchen in time to see her hurl one of her cups at the floor.

The smash made her twitch as though she'd been slapped. "Dash?" Ruari asked gently, staying firmly put as she gently rested her bag on the floor, careful to keep her distance. A mosaic? Okay. "But they're my cups," the tall blonde offered, clearly confused. "And I have a big family and they always want tea. Why are you washing the dishes?" She asked with a frown, clearly confused and upset by all of the brightly coloured bits of porcelain on her kitchen floor.

The cup that Dash was currently holding was her favourite one. It was large and had an owl painted on it and it was hanging precariously from her fingers. "Please don't drop that one," the dressmaker asked weakly, her eyes tearing up as she folded her lips together.

"It's okay," Ruari offered in a whisper, watching Dash carefully. "Don't worry about it. I do have too many cups and I'd love a mosaic," she said with a weak smile. Her friend seemed stressed and she took a step towards her. "I'll clean it. Stay there. You'll hurt yourself," she said carefully. Ruari reached for her wand, moving the shards from the floor into a bowl on the counter, leaving them aside for later. "Did your date with Louis not go well?"

As Dash came towards her, she threw her arms around the brunette's neck, pulling her into a tight, affectionate hug. "Dash, what are you doing?" She asked softly, giving her a squeeze. "You're scaring me."

Maybe she should move out? Dash wasn’t one for impulsive actions or fits of rage, but she wasn’t really herself today either. Imposing all of this on Ruari wasn’t like her either. She hated it. “Louis?” she asked blankly. Friday felt like months ago, not days. She hadn’t really had a chance to tell Ruari about the whale thing or the fact that she’d politely declined Lucas’ offer. It clicked in her head that the blonde had no idea what Dash was so upset over. “I…” the taller girl pulled her in for a tight hug and Dash went willingly, closing her eyes and enjoying the comfort.

“I’m being really stupid,” she answered honestly, leaning into the hug and resting her chin on Ruari’s shoulder. The brunette didn’t know why she was reacting like this. It was an overreaction, obviously. “I’m really tired,” she offered, as some kind of explanation. It was true, she hadn’t slept too well the previous night at all. She’d been headachey and sick-feeling and her head was too full of stuff. It really couldn’t account for her craziness though. She wasn’t sure what could. “I’m sorry for being so selfish,” she said, leaning back finally and folding her slim arms across her chest. The girl sighed, feeling suddenly emotionally deflated. Her tension was fading away, only to be replaced with more guilt.

She let her arms drop and turned back to the kitchen hesitantly. A quick sweep of the ground with her hazel eyes told Dash that she hadn’t marked the floor or damaged anything other than those cups. The cupboards were still empty though, and Dash decided to make herself useful and start putting away the jars and packets of food she’d taken out. The girl was on auto-pilot. She wasn’t used to feeling so guilty and she couldn’t shake the feeling. “I didn’t go out with Lucas,” she told her friend softly, methodically placing a jam jar on a high shelf as her blonde friend appeared beside her and started helping. “We all went out for drinks after work on Friday….”

The girl’s voice trailed off as she thought back to Friday. She’d had way too much to drink, and it was very apparent right now, when patches of her memory were blurrier than others. “Lucas didn’t drink and he hung out with me – in the group – the whole time. But things were kind of weird I guess, since I said no to coffee next week.” She was stalling and she knew it. Dash straightened up a couple of tea containers absentmindedly, before closing the cupboard and turning around to lean on it, biting her lower lip. Might as well spit it out. She rested the back of her head against it, avoiding Ruari’s gaze as she continued. “Sindri was there. With a girl.”

Stupid? "No you're not," Ruari cooed as she gently rubbed Dash's lower back in slow, comforting circles with the palm of her left hand. "I really do have too many cups," she said with a smile. Hugging was her default reaction to things. That and tea. Tea solved any crisis. Always. It mustn't be easy for Dash staying here. It was so different for her. Here was in a dirty city with no garden. It was bijoux but it was safe and she wasn't outstaying her welcome. Ruari wasn't aware that she might be feeling suffocated by her.

"I know," she commented gently. "I heard you tossing and turning," she replied with a frown, still rubbing Dash's back, much in the same way she would with an upset toddler. It was nice  being able to hug her again. Dash has been so upset, so tired, so stressed, so unwilling to let her help her in any way. "I wish you'd let me make you something," she complained as she wrinkled her nose. "I don't mean herbal tea. Something stronger. It won't cause you any damage, it'd just knock you out for a little bit. It's totally natural. Just a large dose of valerian."

As the brunette backed away, Ruari dropped her arms to her side to watch her carefully. Selfish? Dash was the most selfless person she'd ever had the fortune of meeting. "Don't say that," she offered carefully. "You aren't. Don't ever think that you are. I'd be lost without you," she said genuinely and with a smile. "Who else is going to do all the cleaning?" The Dubliner joked, gesturing to the sparkling kitchen.

Ruari sighed softly, frowning deeply to crease her smooth forehead as her friend turned her back. Absently, she slipped off her blazer to rest it on the kitchen counter with Christopher's address folded neatly inside, waiting a few seconds before stepping forward to help unpack. She bundled up some shiny red peppers and stooped to place them away, followed by the apples and the peaches, stretching up to place the pasta in a glass jar and screwing the lid on tightly once more.

Oh right. Lucas, not Louis. Got it. Trying not to make her uncomfortable by focusing too hard, she simply nodded to show she'd heard as she closed a few more cupboard doors. "That's nice," she said gently, referring to after work drinks. Ruari didn't have any work friends, she was her own boss. All she had was the supplier in London who had no interest in seeing her after hours.

The tall blonde nodded occasionally, letting Arden speak. It seemed safer. "You said no?" Ruari asked, a little surprised. She thought her friend was at the point now where she was ready to date. She'd picked up on that vibe when they and Aline had gone out drinking. "Was he being horrible to you for turning him down?" She asked, concern and anger growing. If he had been anything less than gentlemanly towards the brunette, she was going to hunt him down. It was Dash's choice and he needed to respect that.

Oh.

Balls.

Ruari visibly winced as Dash spoke about Sindri. Despite them being together for so long, she didn't really know him all that well. Whenever she bumped into him, they shared a hello and maybe a cup of tea but that was about it. But she knew exactly how her best friend felt. After Hal had broken up with her, he wasted no time in sleeping with her cousin and then a girl she didn't know. She'd seen them together and it was gut wrenching. He might as well have reached into her chest, ripped her heart out and put it through a blender. The shock had cut her so deeply, it caused her actual physical pain that lasted for months. In fact, it still stung.

"Oh dear," Ruari offered softly, looking visibly sad as her shoulders slumped in defeat. Dash wasn't over that relationship, even nearly a year on. Was she over Sindri at all? It was always the worst when an ex moved on before you did. It was twice as bad. "I bet she was a troll," Ruari offered, pursing her lips as she folded her arms across her chest stiffly and shifted her weight. "What a bitch," she added darkly.

Ruari tilted her head a little to the left. "Did you two talk?" She asked, not sure if she wanted to hear how upset Dash had been. Sindri was lovely but her loyalty was firmly to Dash and a very, very small part of her wanted him to be in bits after losing her friend. "I can't imagine that was very fun," she offered softly. That would explain all the broken cups and the crying. "I'm sorry sweetie," she cooed softly, offering a small, valiant smile. "It's always hard. Trust me, I know. What happened?"

“Maybe,” she answered uncertainly, at Ruari’s suggestion of taking something stronger than herbal tea to help her sleep. The last time Dash had had any kind of potion to try to help her sleep, she’d been a young child. Her parents had taken her to healers because of all of the “nightmares” she’d been having. She hadn’t enjoyed that feeling of induced tiredness then, but hey… maybe it could actually be helpful nowadays. The brunette glanced around the kitchen at Ruari’s attempt at humour. “Wow,” she commented, like she was seeing for the first time. A sheepish and apologetic expression crept onto her face. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said, raising her arms in a sign of defeat. She gave her friend a hopeless smile.

The topic moved on and Dash’s smile faded. Yes, she’d said no. Lucas was lovely, but she didn’t know him at all. How did people even date? What were the rules? She wouldn’t know what to wear or how to act. Or when she should bring up the fact that she had no idea what she was doing. “No, Lucas was fine,” she said with a gentle shrug of her shoulders. I bet she was a troll.

An amused smile tugged at one corner of Dash’s lips, but the moment was fleeting. “Actually she looked kind of like the Holyhead Harpies keeper. You know, the leggy blonde one?” Dash sighed, resting the back of her head against the cupboard again. The brunette almost protested against Ruari’s comment on the Sindri’s date, but thinking back to his effortless ditching of the blonde, Dash decided not to. She mustn’t have been too wonderful if lovely, chivalrous Sindri was willing to dump her without a word of warning on a date.

She nodded silently when Ruari asked if they’d talked, meeting her friend’s eyes with a heavy glance. She felt so ashamed. “I was kind of… totally trollied,” she explained, smoothing her hair down with her fingers. Her friend could probably tell she’d drank a lot from the way Dash had spent all of yesterday sleeping it off. “I made an idiot of myself… dropped my drink, dropped my money, couldn’t really walk straight…” She shook her head. It was so unlike her to consume enough alcohol that she behaved so stupidly. It would have all been totally fine though, if Sindri wasn’t there. Hell, maybe she would have gone home with Lucas. The brunette doubted it, though. Lucas probably would have turned her down too. She’d been drunk… and messy.

“We started talking and I started crying and neither of us could really apparate and he lived close by, so he took me back to his place…” Her eyes were unfocused as she stared at the opposing wall, the memory of padding feet and a wagging tail drifting into her mind. She’d missed that dog. Dash ran her tongue along her lower lip, silent for a moment as she stalled for time. The brunette’s gaze dropped to her hands. She rubbed her thumbs against the pads of her fingers. Her skin still felt a little strange from the cleaning products she’d been using. His life was so together, compared to hers. Then again, her life would seem pretty together from the outside too. She was working a lot, hadn’t picked up any bad habits, visited her family from time to time, did yoga, did a lot of work around the house… the only thing she wasn’t doing was dating. Too bad she didn’t feel together right now.

The girl raised her gaze to meet Ruari’s, her expression somewhere between guilty and anxious. She knew that Ruari wouldn’t judge her, but that didn’t mean that she felt inclined to share everything. She wiped her hands against her shirt. “I kind of… threw myself at him?” she admitted, forcing the words out. Her inflection suggested that her words were a question. Her eyebrows came together in a hopeless frown. 

"Good," Ruari said briskly with a nod, clapping her hands together. She took Dash's "maybe" as a "yes" and thus, would be making something. Fleetingly, she thought she could maybe ask Hal for some help. He was the only person she knew and trusted with prescription drugs and potions. But he'd ask questions. The tall blonde figured she could lie and say it was herself that wasn't sleeping but she knew Hal and she knew him well. Sure they were no longer dating and they weren't really friends but if she meant as much to him as he did to her, he'd be concerned.

Turning, she sprung into action. In one of the cupboards were sprigs of valerian, tied together with a length of purple ribbon which she simply tugged aside, plonking the plant into a pestle and mortar and deftly began grinding them. Easing the pressure on the pestle, she flashed Dash a comforting smile. "None of us really do," she said softly, trying to placate her friend as much as she could. "I wouldn't fret," she said kindly.

The corners of her plump pink lips down turned a little to form a frown. Fine. Fine meant she wasn't interested. Regardless, she nodded a little, a long blonde tendril escaping her loose braid as she tipped the ground up herb into a glass bowl, adding a little water and a good measure of honey from a squeezy bottle on the window ledge and stirring with a worn wooden spoon. She didn't care about this Lucas fellow. It didn't matter how fine he really was.

"Holyhead Harpies?" Ruari asked, throwing her friend a puzzled expression. She didn't really follow Quidditch. She didn't really get it. Wasn't there about four hundred rules? And it was barbaric. She dated a Quidditch player for a few weeks in her late teens. She'd broken up with him because he continually talked shop when they were out and he kept coming back with black eyes and a fat lip and missing teeth.

"Still a troll," Ruari said derisively, pursing her lips as she tutted darkly under her breath. It didn't matter who Sindri chose to date, he'd never be with anyone better, smarter, prettier or kinder than the brunette in her kitchen. "Leggy or not," she added, "She's still the colour of a tangerine."

She offered Dash another smile as she began to pour the thickened, sweet mixture into one of her various glass vials carefully. "No, I could see that," she concluded. Over the past few months, the two friends had been drinking an awful lot. Not that anyone could blame them but her friend never turned to drink in an effort to deal with her worries so that alone worried her a bit.

The dressmaker frowned as she listened. What was she doing? Getting drunk so much that she couldn't walk straight? She didn't say anything, though. She wasn't a hypocrite. She herself had been utterly paralytic a few times in her life due to alcohol, so she wasn't going to cast the first stone. She sighed gently.

"He took you home?" The blonde asked again, her slim eyebrows arching in surprise quickly. Oh. She'd gone home with Sindri, not Lucas. Ah. The Sindri she knew would have offered Dash his jacket and made sure she was safe but she was faintly alarmed as to why he hadn't brought her back here. Dash looked hurt and lost and miles away from the girl she knew so well. Why did people fall in love anyway? It always ended in heartbreak and pain.

When she heard that she'd been crying again, it felt as though someone was squeezing her heart. "Oh Dash," she sighed, wanting nothing more than to scoop her up into a big bear hug and squeeze. Or wrap her in cotton wool. Then again, a small part of her was thankful Sindri had been there. He was gentle and he knew how to deal with her when she was upset.

At her next comment, Ruari winced. She offered a small smile. "Relapse?" She offered but then frowned. "Not a relapse," she corrected herself. "Sindri's not a drug but hey," she said softly, tilting her head to the side a little. "We've all done that," Ruari said kindly with another smile. "I've done that. A few times," she said with a frown that creased her delicate facial features. "And it's nothing to be ashamed of. You still have a lot of feelings for him and alcohol is always a catalyst." Booze and booty calls. Lord have mercy.

"Dash, it happens," Ruari was quick to reply. "Okay?" She needed to make sure the brunette realised that what she'd done was perfectly normal, especially when drink was involved. "More importantly, how did it feel?" The Dubliner asked, her big grey eyes wide and interested. "What happened? Did he reciprocate?"

He took you home?

She nodded again silently. She shouldn’t have gone with him, and she knew it. What had she been thinking? The brunette remembered how confident he’d sounded, telling her that she was going to go to his house. She couldn’t have denied him, even if she’d wanted to. If he hadn’t stopped her later, she doubted that she’d have said no to much that night. Dash didn’t have much to say to Ruari’s next words, so she just listened vaguely, picking at her nails with a thumb and chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“Does it happen?” she asked in a strained voice, her tone sceptical. Dash was sure it happened all the time, but it never should have happened to her. In a lot of ways she and Sindri were completely naïve to all things love-related. She’d never broken up with someone before. She didn’t have any other exes. In fact, she had no idea what she was doing. “It felt… humiliating,” she said, crossing her arms tightly and zoning out a little as she replayed the whole thing in her head. She was horrified that she’d been unable to handle the whole thing maturely. Intoxication was no excuse. The brunette had been working through all of this methodically. Sure, she wasn’t all together yet, but she was doing all of the right things. Taking steps forward. “Selfish,” she added quietly.

Overall, it felt pretty shit, really. Unless she meant physically? Dash glanced at her friend for a moment. There would be a completely different answer if that was the case, though that thought inspired immediate guilt. The worst thing about it all was the way that she’d treated him. Or the fact that he’d seen her in such a state. Or maybe the worst part was just how good it had felt to have him look after her, touch her like he cared. She wasn’t entirely sure whether it felt like that because it was nice to have someone doing those things, or because it was him. She hadn’t had sex for over eight months, and it was a while before that since shed had good sex. But it wasn’t just about sex. It was the way he let her snuggle up to him and fall asleep against his chest. The way he wrapped his jacket around her. The way he held her when she cried. Maybe she was just missing having someone, as oppose to actually missing him?

“I don’t know… we were kind of all over each other and then he just… stopped.” Ouch. “And then I started crying.” Double ouch. Dash couldn’t even look at her friend right now. Maybe these kinds of things happened all the time, but the Hufflepuff alumni didn’t feel comforted by the fact. She was a total novice. All Dash felt was humiliated and completely embarrassed by her actions. No doubt Sindri thought she was totally pathetic, even if he’d never say something so insensitive.

“Are you hungry?” she asked suddenly, remembering exactly why she’d been waiting for Ruari to come home. “I’ll make us something.” The brunette tried to motivate herself. “I’m so sorry about those cups, Ru. One of them was mine? I’ll buy you new ones.” The girl was still frowning, but her words were completely sincere. Snap out of it, she urged internally. Her hands were still a little shaky, but her misplaced anger had fizzled out. She wasn’t the type for those kinds of emotional outbursts. Now she just felt tired again. The woman took a knife out of the draw and rifled through the newly packed cupboards for some veggies. Her voice was soft. “He put me to bed and lay down with me.” Dash methodically began chopping up onions. “…And our dog jumped up and slept at our feet,” she added, hesitating for only a moment before she started moving her knife again.

It was messy. Ruari was a very empathetic person but she was having trouble putting herself firmly in Dash's shoes. Ruari didn't often have relationships. Her mother called what she did "brief stints" and it was true. Six weeks maximum and she was out of there. She could see the pain and confusion in her friend's eyes and it made her sad that she didn't really know what to do.

With a gentle smile, she rubbed her cool palms together. "Totally," the tall blonde was quick to placate the brunette with a nod. Humiliated? Oh right. She'd been out with work friends and that Lucas fellow. "It's not all bad," she soothed gently. "You could have ended up on top of the bar one time and fallen onto someone. Or lost your underwear but listen," she said briskly, reaching out to stroke Dash's forearm very softly. "You aren't the first person to have a bit too much to drink and have a hankering for an ex-boyfriend."

Ruari took a step back and frowned, folding her arms loosely across her chest. Now wasn't the right time to tell her that she'd somehow wrangled a date with Chris, the organic vegetable supplier. In a way, both girls were struggling to move on from ex-partners. Dash had made a conscious effort where as Ruari had closed herself off.

"Because he's a good guy," she said with another smile. "You weren't yourself and he'd never take advantage of you and you must know that," she concluded as she blinked her big grey eyes at Dash again with a tilt of her head. She sort of figured that Sindri was still into her and had Dash been stone cold sober, they probably would have had sex.

"Don't be so silly," the dress maker said as she stepped forward. "You were right. We do have too many cups. I think I started to collect them," she commented with a bemused frown. "I'd like that mosaic though," she said brightly, bouncing on the spot. "I think this place needs a good splash of colour." Ahaha. The entire apartment was bright. A worn bright blue sofa, bright walls, odd placemats and cushions. It was her messy Shangri-la.

Hungry? Not really. "Sure," she ended up saying. It was clear that Dash needed to do something and she was an excellent cook. Ruari hadn't eaten so well in years. Even Jeff was eating better. "Can I help with anything?"

Ah.

"Oh," Ruari whispered, knowingly. He still liked her. Clearly Dash had been acting out of character and probably got snot on his shirt and he still slept with her. No sex, just sleep. Alarmingly, Ruari felt a twinge of jealousy as she pictured it. Looking back, she didn't have anyone close. No one that she could cuddle with. Swallowing, she looked down at her feet as she shifted her weight a little.

"And how did that feel?" Ruari asked as she stepped next to Dash, bent at the waist to grab some corn on the cob and wrap it carefully up in a brown paper bag to keep it fresh. "Better than the kissing?" She enquired, curiously.

"Dash," she began softly, keeping her eyes trained on her friend's knife for any jerky, sudden movements. "Do you think maybe…" she paused with a frown. "Maybe you're having trouble moving on is because you don't really want to?" Ruari asked as she chewed on her lower lip. "Clearly there are feelings there," she began. "Are you sure you want to move on completely? Are you sure you don't want to give things one more shot? That way, you'll be completely sure that you don't want this."

She offered her friend a smile, looking a bit unsure. "I mean, even when you were drunk, you let him take care of you. Your sub-conscious was drawn to him. If that's not true love, I don't know what is." Her left hand came out to squeeze Dash's shoulder affectionately as she heaved a sigh.

"Dante and I aren't like you and Sindri," she said gently, busying herself by collecting some tomatoes. "We have different priorities. He wanted kids so soon and he wanted to move back to Naples. I want kids but I'm twenty three and I like Naples. As a holiday," she dragged her pale hands back through her hair. "I think I knew that we weren't a good match. He kept making me veal dishes and I don't even like veal," Ruari added with a weak, brittle smile.

"You and Sindri have always been on the same page, though. I think you needed a break to realise how much you like each other. Maybe your relationship hit stalemate and you need a jolt. Maybe this is your nudge. Do you want vine ripened or cherry tomatoes?"

Dash nodded compliantly when Ruari said that she wasn’t the first girl to have gone chasing after an ex. The brunette knew that her friend was right, but it didn’t really make her feel better. For Dash, Sindri wasn’t just an ex. He’d been her everything. The only ex she had. Her actions two nights ago felt like a much bigger crime than Ruari was implying, but the witch figured that it always felt more important than it was.

“Yeah,” she answered flatly, placing her vegetable knife beside the chopping board and going to the other side of the room to fetch her wand. The brunette hesitated for a moment before adding, “He probably felt like he was doing something wrong,” Sindri was basically the epitome of a ‘good guy’. What Ruari didn’t seem to be taking into account, though, was that the man seemed to have his entire life together. Dash wasn’t convinced that the only reason he’d stopped her was because he didn’t want to take advantage of her. He was happy without her.

She was on autopilot. The woman flicked her wand at the chopping board and hesitated to check that the knife was magically chopping the onions evenly before taking a pan out of the cupboard. “It felt selfish too,” she answered softly, “and sad. And… great.” The woman added that last word reluctantly, like she was confessing a sin. Dash pressed her lips together, unwilling to say any more. Of course there were still feelings there. Shaking her head, she kept her fingers busy, cracking eggs and chopping more vegetables.

“I…” Dash blinked, shooting a tight-lipped, grateful smile over her shoulder to Ruari as the blonde placed her hand on Dash’s shoulder. She was thankful for the physical contact. “Cherry, thanks.” Silence took over for a moment as Dash wondered how to respond to what Ruari was saying. A tiny part of her had wondered all of the exact same things already, but there were so many arguments against those thoughts that it was easy enough to quash.

"I've thought about that," she said, her voice low and gentle. She still felt something for Sindri. It was a fact. But that feeling wasn’t necessary love. Their history was easily enough to leave her with all kinds of mixed emotions, even so long after their break up. Mostly it just made her feel sad. Besides any of that, though… Sindri seemed happy. “We have different priorities too,” She protested quietly. There were real reasons they’d decided to break up after so long together. Not least of all the visions that she’d repeatedly had that had shown her that he’d be happier without her. “I dunno,” she said with a half-shrug, sending the chopped vegetables floating into the frying pan with her wand.

After a moment, Dash scratched her head and then swept hair behind her ears habitually. “How… How was your day?”

She'd been in Dash's position before, years ago with Hal. She knew exactly how she felt. Hal had moved on less than twenty four hours after totally smashing her heart into a million tiny pieces. With her cousin. Her cousin, for crying out loud. Ruari knew how it felt. It was horrible and painful to see an ex with someone new, laughing, touching, acting like she didn't matter in the first place. She swallowed.

"Well he's a very nice man," the tall blonde began diplomatically with a gentle smile. Sindri, from the few times she'd met him, was lovely. He was kind and caring and treated Arden like the princess she truly was and she was thankful that they hadn't done anything. Sex had a horrible way of making things weird and complicated. "You know this other had nothing on you," the dress maker said, sounding terse. It was typical best friend behaviour. But it was true. "The horrible leggy homewrecker," she muttered as she tapped the kettle.

Ruari wasn't angry at Sindri. Their break up sounded mutual but she still felt a teeny bit of animosity towards him for causing Dash to even make that choice in the first place.

Sad.

Ruari's slender shoulders slumped in defeat as a frown caused her full lips to down turn quickly. "It's a big deal," the Irish girl went on carefully, her voice soft. "To find yourself in that situation and I totally understand," she added with a nod of her head, pouring hot water into two cups that Dash hadn't smashed against the floor. "Scary, too but I promise, it's a natural reaction. No one can  expect you two to turn your feelings on and off like a light switch," she said, trying to relax her but realising it was probably having the opposite effect.

She nodded gently as she listened and offered a wry smile. "I know," she offered softly. "You don't realise but whenever he's mentioned, you make cow eyes." Cow eyes were the equivalent of puppy dog eyes. But cuter. It was the kind of expression that someone gave when faced with a paramour; a sort of longing to touch them that was clearly painting on their face.

"Cherry? Cherry," with that, she ducked and extracted a bag, taking handfuls of small, perfectly round ruby red tomatoes and placing them on the chopping board, the smell of roasted veg filling her small apartment. Yum.

"Do you?" Ruari countered swiftly, arching an eyebrow at her friend. "Did you see something?" She asked, wondering if Dash's reluctance to have another crack at a relationship was being thwarted somehow. "I know it's awkward," she began as she stroked the counter top with a slim index fingers slowly. "Magazines tell us we shouldn't go back to our exes," she said with a thoughtful frown. "But they don't seem to understand that feelings last. They kind of…" trailing off, she sighed as she knitted her eyebrows together. "Re-emerge." Ruari replied with an exasperated sigh. Feeling like she'd said too much, she tangled her long fingers into her hair and tugged at the scalp.

"I'm a big believer in Fate, you know that," Ruari chirped happily, touching Dash's left shoulder softly. "If he's your one, he'll come back to you. You just need to be open to the idea," with that, she playfully bumped her with her hip.

"Good," Ruari said briskly as she clapped her hands together. "I got a really good deal on all the veg," she said as she spread her hands to try and encompass the entire kitchen proudly with a big smile. "I got some free strawberries so I was thinking about making a cheesecake," she flicked her eyes to Dash quickly. "I've  been reading cook books, it's gonna be fine. Or jam. Jam's just fruit and sugar…right?" Ruari asked, looking a bit panicked.

"And I'm eighty percent certain I have a date next week," Ruari stated, looking a bit dazed. "Chris. He owns one of the stalls at the market? I don't know. He asked what I was doing on Friday and I panicked and said nothing so I think we're going out," she said with an awkward smile, holding out a cup of tea towards her friend. "He seems nice. Very tall, very cute. Really into his organic fruit and vegetables," she mused as she took a sip of her tea.

"I hope we don't go to one of those vegan restaurants," Ruari asked with another frown. "I don't even know what tofu is and what to do with it." The crux of the matter was that, even a lovely as Chris was, he wasn't Hal Trickett. Damn it.

“It’s hard,” she admitted reluctantly, her voice soft. The words didn’t want to leave her mouth. Pressing her lips together, as if to prevent a further slipup, Dash turned her head slightly to look at her friend. She didn’t say anything for a moment. “I dreamt that he was without me, and happy,” she admitted. Placing her wand on the kitchen bench, her body language was tense and closed. Everything was held inside. “I don’t know how I can be open to ideas after that.” Needless to say, Dash was a big believer in fate too. For the young seer, fate wasn’t as open ended as some might believe. In her short twenty-one years, Dash had come across many non-believers. In fact, there were only a small handful of people who knew about her gift at all, and maybe half of them were genuinely comfortable with it. She counted Ruari in that group.

Despite the fact that most of the wizarding world’s public wrote off modern seers as fraudulent, Dash knew better. She knew that everything she saw was real, even though she hadn’t witnessed the majority of visions (clear enough to understand) in real life. It made it hard to consider options other than the ones laid out in front of her now. Giving Ru a tense shrug, the brunette turned back to the lunch she was cooking, certain that this information would give Ruari something to think about. Whatever conclusions the blonde came to, Dash knew that her friend would understand why she was struggling so much over the idea. If she had a vision of herself doing something, the brunette would walk calmly to her fate, whatever it was.

She was quiet for a while, focusing on the meal prep and tidying the kitchen while their food cooked. Relaxing was proving impossible, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t trying. Unfortunately, Arden Dasher was the kind of person who let dark thoughts chase their way around in circles in her head. She stewed on things. Didn’t share problems. The slender young witch felt a surge of remorse knowing that Ruari had been the victim of all of her moods over the past nine months, as much as the blonde protested when she voiced such thoughts. Ruari thought she went “cow-eyed” over Sindri whenever he was mentioned, whatever that meant. Dash thought that this was probably true. She had too many emotional ties with that man because he was a huge part of her history. She wanted to burn with the shame she felt every time her mind threw pictures of the last time she’d seen him at her.

Dash looked at her friend sharply when she suggested cooking a cheesecake. “Maybe we could cook something together,” she suggested calmly, giving her friend an encouraging nod. Last time Ruari had tried to surprise Dash with dinner, she’d almost burned the house down. Dash had arrived to a house full of smoke and Ruari running from room to room, waving her wand around and insisting loudly that everything was fine. The brunette’s smile wasn’t entirely forced as she relived that memory momentarily. “Could you get knives and forks?” She took two plates from the top cupboard and started serving their meal.

“A date?” she asked, her expression completely puzzled for a moment as she turned fully to look at her roommate. With a rush of guilt, Dash realised that she’d made this entire day all about herself. She forced a smile. “I’ve been incredibly selfish,” she told her friend, “tell me everything.” Dash didn’t have to feign interest as Ruari spoke about the man who’d asked her out this morning. She accepted the cup of tea Ruari was offering thankfully, wondering what it would feel like to go on a date with someone who was a complete stranger. What would she ask? How would she represent herself? It was thought-provoking at least. Dash picked up her plate and made her way into the living room, sitting on the floor and placing her food on the small table.

“Tofu? You eat it,” Dash teased. She was still a little too tense, a little too stiff, but her smile was genuine at least. She took the first bite of their meal. It was delicious. The thought that Sindri liked his eggs scrambled popped into her mind, but she tried to push it away with a sigh.

"I know," Ruari said soothingly, offering Dash a small, sympathetic smile. Break ups were hard. They never got any easier, even when people got older. It had been months since Dash and Sindri had split but she didn't really seem any happier. Not that anyone could blame her. There wasn't a set time before someone had to move on, there wasn't a timeframe and she shouldn't rush. He was a big deal to her and she was to him.

….shit.

Ruari was forced to swallow the mouthful of tea she had, the amber liquid burning right down her throat at her friend's words. Her heart sank. The corners of her full lips down turned to frown. Oh. That was what was causing the fresh wave of sadness. She fell silent for a second or two, wordlessly reaching out to affectionately squeeze Dash's shoulder with a warm palm. Poor little sausage. Life kept seeming to kick her when she was down.

"Are you sure?" Ruari ventured carefully and softly, her big grey eyes watching the brunette carefully. "Was it taken out of context? Maybe you just caught him on a happy day or something," she said. She didn't really understand how everything worked. She understood Dash could feel, see, taste things but how clear were they really? She chewed on her lower lip anxiously. "These things can change," she offered gently, trying to assure Dash as best she could. Nothing was set in stone, she was sure of it.

Silence blanketed the kitchen and all she could hear was the slow ticking of a clock and the scraping of one of her rings on the warm china of her mug. She didn't really know what to do. She didn't want to fill Dash with false hope but she seemed so… flat, she needed something to cling on to. "Never say never," Ruari said brightly., "You two share a bond that doesn't come along very often," she said matter-of-factly. "I've never had the kind of love you two do." She used present tense as she refused to believe any one of them had switched their feelings off.

Suddenly, Ruari laughed. "You don't trust me, do you?" She said with a grin, poking Dash playfully. "It's not gonna be like that roast dinner I ruined," she went on. "I can't ruin a cheesecake. I mean, there's no cooking involved. You mix stuff and then bung it in the fridge to set. How hard can that be?" Famous last words. "My mum's been on and on at me," she said with a deep sigh, rolling her eyes Heavenward.

"You won't get a husband if you can't cook, Ruari," she said in a high pitched but shockingly good impersonation of her mother. Her shoulders slumped as she blew at her hair. "I tried telling her that I'm perfectly happy being by myself," she added but deep down, even she knew that wasn't true. "But she's still signed me up for cooking lessons. Can you actually believe it? I love her but she's one hundred percent bonkers."

When directed, she placed her tea down to gather up the cutlery, offering Dash a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. "Don't you dare," she fired at her friend, her eyes turning stony. "Don't ever say that. You're nothing of the sort," she concluded, handing her the knife and fork she wanted. Dash wasn't at all selfish. Ruari honestly didn't mind being a shoulder to cry on. It made her feel useful for a change.

"There's not much to say," the dressmaker said as she took her place and followed the brunette into the living room, sitting down and cross-legged on one of the large, plump floor cushions she had scattered around. It was like a Moroccan tent in here. She didn't want to go into details and she was being deliberately evasive as not to make Dash feel awkward.

"We've been flirting for a few weeks," she said as she took a forkful of her foot, popping it into her mouth and chewing. "Amazing," she added before she swallowed. "He seems sweet. And sane. I just figured I shouldn't pine after someone I can't have." She was referring to her ex-boyfriend but it sounded like she was taking a dig at Arden and she wasn't. She winced. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she said guiltily, eating more food into her mouth before she made an even bigger mistake.

"Sounds horrific," Ruari complained darkly, her pretty face contorting into a grimace as she pulled tongues. Yack. "What is it, anyway?" She asked, chewing. "Some kind of fruit?" She asked before she remembered something. "Oh hey so, I got some fabric today and I was going to make you some cushions for your bedroom. I got some more to make you a dress if you'll let me measure you again later?"

“I had the same dream for months before we broke up,” she said with a solemn nod. The brunette raised her shoulders in a heavy shrug,  reluctant to go into more detail. In fact, it was one of the larger influences that had factored in their break up. How could she be in a relationship with someone who was unhappy, when she definitely knew that he could be happy if they were apart? She’d never told Sindri what she’d dreamed about. It didn’t feel right. “Yeah…” she gave a vague answer when Ruari said that things could change. Dash was sure that things changed all the time, but the belief she placed in the visions she had was practically impenetrable.

She stayed silent as Ruari continued. She didn’t know if she had the heart to argue. Or if she even wanted to. Dash was confused, that much was for sure. The shattered cups might have been cleaned up, but the reason – the feeling –  that had caused them to be there was still sitting in her chest, heavy. When Ruari finally spoke again, Dash pursed her lips, giving her friend a serious look. “I don’t,” she agreed, raising her eyebrows sceptically. She was thankful for the change of subject. A pained look fluttered over Dash’s expression at Ruari’s ‘how hard can it be?’. She was pretty sure Ruari had tried to cook pasta once with a similar result as the roast.

“Cooking lessons are fun, though!” she responded encouragingly, willing herself to be more involved in the conversation. “Look, maybe we can try cook something together, yeah? I’ll let you lead, but I’ll make sure we both still have somewhere to live by the end of it?” The brunette gave her friend a small smile, nodding reassuringly. She remained silent as Ruari told her that she wasn’t selfish. It was one of those things that Dash doubted herself on all the time. Being selfless was truly something that Dash aspired toward, but it just wasn’t possible all of the time. Her smile faded a little.

Dash focussed on her food as the conversation finally shifted focus from her. “Sweet and sane sound good…” she trailed off, giving her blonde friend a tight smile and a nod at her apology. She was totally right. What was the point in pining? Dash had been very strict with herself, and the amount of time she really let herself think and feel about him. After the other night’s events, though, it was very difficulty. Her eyes were hazy for a moment as she thought about this. She wasn’t pining, she was just… confused. The brunette lifted a forkful of food to her lips, distracting herself with the familiar motion. She swallowed.

“It sounds lovely. And Tofu is soy…” The girl had to smile faintly at her old dorm mate’s expression Dash had had tofu before and it wasn’t terrible. From what she could remember, the texture was a bit funny, but otherwise it was fine. She nodded, her mouth full. After swallowing, Dash smiled. “That would be amazing.” It had been a while since she’d had any kind of new clothing items for any reason. In fact, she’d chucked a lot of stuff out and hadn’t really spent any money shopping for clothes for months.

Ruari winced. She offered Dash a soft, sympathetic smile. She really wanted to hold her friend but from personal experience, she knew that wasn't always the best course of action. "It was just a dream," the tall Irish girl said softly, her big grey eyes watching the brunette closely. "I know your visions are usually right," she paused, remembering Dash's vision of herself and Hal and she was thankful that one hadn't been true. "But not always. For all you know, you could have seen him laughing at a joke." Even that seemed a bit too far fetched.

Ruari would always listen to her best friend, always. The break was tough and there was no time limit on grief. "Have you two spoken much?" She asked, avoiding Dash's eye to make her feel a bit better as she chased a cherry tomato around her plate with her fork. She really wanted to ask how her work party had gone. She'd left for work pretty early and hadn't had a chance to ask. Maybe it was better if she didn't ask.

Moving on was brutal. Seeing an ex with someone knew felt like someone had reached into your chest, yanked out your heart and completed a full Irish jig on it. The worst thing was that Ruari didn't know how to help her. They'd talked in length about Sindri, about how Dash was feeling, she'd even tried distractions. She must be suffering from Big Love. That was the phrase Ruari used when the loss of a relationship felt like a death in the family.

Ruari looked down and absently fiddled with one of her beaded bracelets around her left wrist before she reached into her pockets and offered one to Dash. It was thin and simple, brightly coloured with a tasselled ending. "It's a rainbow," she replied with a smile, hoping her friend would take the simple offering from her without question. "Thought it might brighten your day a little," she offered quietly, feeling a bit stupid. Little gifts weren't going to bring Sindri back, fix anything or stop Dash's living Hell.

"Are they?" Ruari asked with a crooked grin, her pretty face clearly stating that she didn't believe the other girl for a second. "I guess," she said as she chewed her lower lip nervously, frowning again swiftly. "It might be nice?" she offered. "My mum's mouth would hit the floor if I brought something over that I hadn't bought," she mused. Besides, all those awful magazines young women were reading constantly stated that the way to a man's heart was through their stomach.

"Don't be so rude!" Ruari laughed, grabbing a cushion and hurling it at Dash playfully. "It was a teeny tiny fire," she was quick to add with wide eyes. "It was extinguished pretty fast without any loss of life." Just then, her fluffy Samoyed dog, Jeff, came bouncing in and decided to come right over to Dash and lick the tip of her nose. It would give Dash something else to focus on. "If you're happy to avoid disasters left, right and centre, let's do it. But don't make me make a fruit salad," she grimaced. "Everyone thinks that's all I'm capable of."

Ruari smiled again a little. "I barely know him though," she said quickly. "For all I know, he could be a serial killer," she said breezily, rather blasé about the whole thing as she chewed on a slice of pepper and shrugged. "I don't think I like dating very much," she sighed, feeling them both slip into that familiar depressing silence. "It's all…stressy," she wrinkled her nose. "And old fashioned. I don't need fancy dinners. I just need someone who isn't a complete and utter weirdo."

"What's soy?" Ruari asked, eyes wide before her eyebrows came down in a rush to furrow. "Nah," she said briskly, pushing that notion aside. "Nor am I going to eat a wheat grass smoothie. Give me meat or give me death," she said, angrily spearing another tomato.

"Good!" Ruari exclaimed, grinning widely and clapping her hands together. "Perfect. I might need to measure you again, I think you've lost a bit of weight," she observed Dash's figure. Ruari was handy with a needle. She was best at dresses but she could make tee shirts and jeans and trousers if she was forced to. "You'll need a new dress anyway," she said breezily. "For the Trickett Christmas," she said through a mouthful of vegetables, chewing quickly as she nodded.

The blonde reached for her notebook and opened it, taking out a pencil as she rested it on her knee and jotted something down in a slanting, sloppy writing. Ruari was already sketching a female outline on her cream coloured pages. "What are you short of?" she asked with a smile. "Jumpers and stuff? Skirts?" she paused. "Don't fight me on that. You have incredible legs. Finish your food and we'll go downstairs and find some fabric for you. I'll be fun!"

“He’s not going to be a serial killer,” Dash replied, amusement evident in her tone, “and how do you know he’s a weirdo?” The brunette watched the other woman’s progress with her food for a moment before taking a bite of her own. Cooking lessons might actually do them both some good. It was probably a good idea to get out of the house together, and as much as Aline thought that going out clubbing would help them, for the Hufflepuff alumni, it probably wasn’t the answer at all. Thoughts of Sindri plagued Dash’s mind, and she didn’t think that that was going to change any time soon.

Sorting out her feelings was hard. There were some feelings there, certainly. She wasn’t sure what they were, though. It was hard to go from expecting to spend the rest of your life with someone to not having a clue. It was hard to be so close and reliant on someone and then have that all fall through. But did that mean that she missed him, or just them? The brunette wasn’t sure. She chewed a cherry tomato thoughtfully before taking a sip of water. “Maybe you should give him a chance,” she suggested after swallowing, feeling uneasy when she realised she was responding not only to Ruari, but also to herself. Ugh. It was all wrong. Time to stop thinking about that.

The pair finished their food and then moved to head downstairs. Dash glanced at the mess they’d made, but internally conceded that it would be okay to leave until later. “Maybe a dress,” she replied with a soft smile. Ruari was so intent on fixing things. When she got into one of these moods, it was impossible to turn her aside. Dash was grateful for her friend. “But I am so not going to any sort of Trickett Christmas,” she added stubbornly. The very idea filled her with overwhelming anxiety. It was much easier not to think about it.