[The Hounded Hare] simple things [Ether]

Pike leaned against the cool brick wall beside the door, nodding at a couple of regulars as they made their way into the unassuming pub. It was only about a half hour till 2am, when the pub closed and Pike was looking forward to the lock-in that would follow - a couple of well deserved pints with the landlord and a few select regulars. He'd grab a kebab or cheesy chips, or maybe both, on the way home. Plus it wasn't raining, for the first time that week, which meant he wouldn't get home soaked and cold. A smile tugged at Pike's chiseled face. Simple things. Life wasn't perfect, but this was the best things had been since the war.

The Hounded Hare - or the Hammered Hare as it was known by its staff and regulars - sat between an abandoned barbers and a betting shop in a run down part of Hackney.  It was a wizarding pub, invisible to muggles eyes, and enjoyed by those that wanted something more easy-going than the Cauldron but not quite as dark as anywhere in Knockturn. Its neutrality was what made it popular. Lance, the owner, was happy to turn a blind eye to any dark or illegal business that went on within, so long as it didn't bring trouble to the place, and unlike some places in Knockturn, it didn't feel under the thumb of any particular group or criminal overlord. Lance was also one of the few people aware that Pike was an unregistered werewolf, and he'd been surprisingly accommodating, letting Pike avoid the full-moon shifts.

Importantly, Pike felt settled and at home there. Ok, so he was living in a squat that technically didn't belong to him, but he'd put enough charms on the place to keep the muggles from wandering in and no-one in the ministry had been knocking on his door yet. He was even selling a few paintings here and there. Life was good... it was just a shame that he didn't have anyone to share it with. Sometimes he found himself thinking about Frey and the life they might have had if things had turned out differently. But facts were facts. Frey and him were ancient history and he needed to live in the present.

He glanced up at the quarter-moon just visible between two buildings and then checked his watch. Not long. He could almost taste that pint already.

@Ether Vandross

Boots were crunching against the ground as the cursebreaker made his way forward. It was late, or so it felt, an unusual sentiment for a man who'd spent so many of his years out at all hours of the night. It was an odd thought to him now, remembering how it had always been. Things were different now. He hadn't been to the club in weeks, hadn't stopped by his favorite bar in nearly a month. He hadn't even taken his rolodex of one-nighters out of the dresser drawer for what felt like years. He hadn't had cause to, he hadn't needed any of it. He had something, and someone to fill his time.

Or at least that's what he thought. All of it was new to him, surprisingly scary for a man who was far outside his emotional teenage years. He'd never really done the dating thing, not properly, not like some of the people he knew. Not like Pike, back when he was with Frey. He'd never known what it was like, having someone so close to you in a romantic sense. Honestly? He'd never wanted it. He'd seen what a powerful spell heartbreak could cast, a curse so cruel it should've been unforgivable. Even with all their magic, the ministry couldn't regulate love.

There was a time when Pike was nearly impossible to track, save for a rogue letter here and there. Ether would wait until he heard from him, or in the best of times when the man showed up on his doorstep. The memories brought a faint flush to his cheeks in the cool October air. But tonight he'd sought him out, as a surprise, learning through a friend of a friend that Pike had, for all intents and purposes, settled in the Hackney area of London.

Ether was relieved to be out and about away from the usual Wizarding hotspots. As a muggleborn he had no fear here, no hesitation. Before the age of eleven, this sort of world had been his reality. Though he knew the place he was headed for catered to magic folk, it was good to be secluded. It was a place where an unexpected someone was unlikely to bump into you, a place where you might have a real conversation. A place where you could meet an old friend. At least that's what Ether was hoping for.

The long-haired man spotted him, leaning against the brick wall. He was impossible to miss, as handsome as the day Ether had first laid eyes on him. He must've been the bouncer, which was a fitting position for him. He was always the dominant type. He couldn't help but grin as that thought struck him. He felt just a tad nervous knowing the man wasn't expecting him. Perhaps he should've written, made sure this was a good night. He shook his head as he moved forward, running a hand through his hair. When had he gone so soft about things?

"Excuse me," he said lightly to the man, offering a most charming smile. "I'm looking for someone: tall, scruffy, painfully handsome?" he teased as he closed the distance between them. "Any idea where I might find someone like that?" he joked with a wide grin.

He straightened up from the wall ever so slightly as a tall figure began to head towards the pub, mentally preparing himself for any situation. Given how late it was, and how close to closing time, he really didn't want to spoil his night by not being ready for trouble. But as it happened, the figure was not trouble... at least not the kind that Pike had been worrying about.

A mix of emotions surged over him as he recognised his long-time friend and sometimes lover, Ether. It had been a while. Noemi and Ether had parted ways and Pike had heard Ether was dating someone - actually dating. Pike simply hadn't wanted to be in the way. Especially not if Ether had a shot at true happiness. So he'd stopped showing up on Ether's doorstep at night, stopped reaching out to him to satisfy that need for comfort he so often had. It hadn't been easy. Ether had been a comfortable constant in Pike's life. Something that tied up his Hogwarts years, the pre-war years and the time after. Someone that truly knew what he'd gone though being a muggleborn. Someone who had seen the highs and the lows of his rollercoaster relationship with Frey and helped to pick up the pieces afterwards. Someone who had seen Pike's scars and knew their origin, and yet didn't flinch away in fear or disgust. He hadn't wanted to pull away from all of that... but Ether deserved happiness. He deserved a chance with a guy, without some repeat hookup getting in the way and making things awkward. Ether wasn't the vulnerable kid that he'd sworn to protect, or the man that tried to hide his emotional needs beneath a facade of shallow physical acts anymore. Pike knew when he was no longer needed.

And yet here he was - and Pike had no doubt that this was not a coincidence. Ether was seeking him out. And that troubled him. Had things gone wrong? He hated the fact that part of him hoped it had. Part of it hoped that Ether was coming back to him for comfort and safety as he had so many times in the past. He didn't want to wish unhappiness on his friend... he just had such a strong desire to be needed. To have someone that he could look after.

"Mmhhh, scruffy huh? No, can't say I have.." he replied playfully. "Tried searching in a mirror?" he was just teasing. Ether never looked scruffy. Even when he was unshaven, it seemed to always have that perfect 'designer' look to it, like he'd spent hours honing that exact appearance. A grin spread over his face, the genuine joy in seeing Ether obvious, although it was quickly tinged with a frown of concern. "Everything ok? I get off in fifteen minutes... if you go on inside and get yourself a pint - tell em to put it on my tab - I'll be with you in a short while?"

There was something about Pike, even just being in his presence, that made Ether feel calm and on edge all at once.

Ether didn't have any constants anymore, not really. His school friends had faded into the abyss for the most part, his father was as good as dead, Noemi had packed up and left him, and the revolving door of partners he'd invited in over the years offered him little beyond physical satisfaction. But Pike? Pike had been there through it all, good and bad, and even when he'd been in his darkest places he hadn't cast Ether out. Ether envied his ability to be so unwavering, to be so brave and dedicated to a person. Pike was a survivor, in every sense of the word, and that was precisely why Ether had come to see him. He needed Pike to help him make sense of things.

"Are you telling me I should've shaved this morning?" he challenged as he gently rubbed a palm down his own stubbled cheek. "Honestly, I thought you might like it," he teased with a smirk. Ether's gaze fell to the ground as Pike continued, the man not surprised he was quick to question things. "Yea, things are good," he replied, meeting his eyes. It was mostly true. Things were mostly good. He'd hold off on the meat of the conversation until he wasn't disrupting the man's work.

Ether rolled his eyes then and shook his head. "You're too noble, you know that?" he teased. "I didn't come all this way to surprise you and make you pay for the beer," he teased with a grin. "This one's on me, I insist," he added as he made his way past the man. He stopped, backpedaling to get a good look at him. "Hey Pike," he said lightly, "you look good," he offered warmly. And he meant it in the grandest sense of the word. He was handsome, sure, but that wasn't a secret. Seeing him here, working, having a place to go home to each night and a place to make some money, Pike really looked good. He looked like he was working towards the things he'd always wanted.

That made Ether smile as he wandered inside, shrugging off his cloak before grabbing them a table and a couple pints.

He grinned as Ether stroked over his stubble, suggesting that he'd left it unshaved for Pike's benefit. "Oh I do like it," he replied quickly, not able to keep up his teasing for long. And the thought that maybe Ether did care what he thought gave him a little warmth within. He tried not to be disappointed that Ether said things were good. He was being selfish, and that wasn't who he was. "That's great," he replied, focusing on the part of him that was happy for his friend.

He wanted to put up a fight over the beers, because Ether was always buying him things, letting him crash, feeding him... and honestly he wanted to be able to return the favour now that he could. Pike found it hard to accept help, or what he saw as 'charity'. His mother had always instilled a great sense of independence and pride in him. He saw himself as a provider and a protector... and Ether was one of the few friends that he actually allowed to help him out, even when he desperately needed it he found it hard to accept. But he decided to let it go for now. He could always buy the next round, assuming there was more than one.

He didn't blush at Ether's next words, but he certainly felt the heat rising to his cheeks. "Man, you know how to get a guy going..." he teased, but honestly the compliment felt good and meant a lot to him. He felt good these days. He was starting to leave the trauma of the war and his broken relationship with Frey behind and was moving on with his life. Things weren't perfect, but they were a hell of a lot better than they had been. "See you in a mo," he said as Ether disappeared within the pub.

The minutes passed painfully slowly. Although part of Pike knew that Lance wouldn't give a monkeys if he clocked off a few minutes early, Pike's pride and honesty once more came into play. He didn't leave his post until 2am on the dot and as he came in from the chilly air of the autumn evening, he shut the door behind him. A few regulars remained within, all of them quite used to the after-hours drinking that went on at the Hare. The place had a nice atmosphere in these private hours - a few crowded around the dartboard and pool table in the adjoining room, and others sat along the bar or at the small tables that filled the main room. It was a place of simple decorations - plain wooden floorboards and walls painted a grey-green shade, broken up with a few framed posters depicting interesting brands of ale. The bar itself was wooden and traditional looking with polished copper taps.

Pike crossed over to the table that Ether had chosen, tossing his jacket onto the back of his seat and easing into it with a creak that could have been the old wooden chair, or Pike's bones, or both. He reached for the pint that was intended for him, raising it to knock the glass gently against Ether's with a muttered, "cheers!" before taking a very, very long swig. "Ahhhh, fuck me that's better!" he said with a chuckle.

Ether was surprisingly comfortable in this place. His whole adult life he'd been spending his evenings in crowded, noisy clubs; places where the beat went thumpa thumpa as it swirled around dancing neon lights. It was a change of pace to be able to hear himself think, to be able to kick back at a nice table and catch his breath. There was something about the bar that felt like Pike, it was classic and comfortable and warm. He took a sip of his foamy pint as the man made his way towards him. "Hey, stranger," he said lightly as Pike joined him at the table.

He joined Pike in cheers and watched with a raised brow as the man took an impressive drink of the beer. Ether chuckled. "I was worried I'd get the wrong kind," he said as he watched him, "evidently not," he added with jest. He joined him, taking a long drink of the cold beer and letting it fill him up. It was relaxing, and he needed it. He was still nervous about things. He and Pike had a solid friendship, at least he thought so, but they weren't usually the type to sit around and talk about their feelings. It was unusual, even, for Ether to be around him for this long without finding an excuse to touch him and start removing his clothes.

He blushed slightly as the thought hit him, but he figured he could hide it. If Pike even noticed, he'd probably write it off as a reaction to the alcohol. That wasn't why he was here tonight, honestly, for once he actually wanted to be around Pike and experience his world as a proper friend. He wanted to be supportive and, of course, pick his brain. He snorted as the man finished his drink, muttering some choice words. "I can't even make the joke with that one," he teased as he took another drink, "it's just too easy." He smiled at him, taking in his features now that they were relaxed and in proper lighting. He was content to just look at him for a minute or two.

"I like the bar," he said finally, sitting back in his chair and opening his shoulders up. "It's warm, cozy," he commented as his eyes wandered about the walls. "I think it fits you," he added, curious how Pike would interpret it. He knew there were things on his mind, things he'd like to talk to Pike about, but he was content to move slowly. He enjoyed being in the man's presence and there was no rush. He wanted to know how things were for him, he wanted to see it all. He wanted to be as supportive to him as he'd been in return all these years, whether making him laugh or holding him close.

"Oh there is no wrong beer," he replied with a grin, "I'll drink anything." His words sounded vaguely dirty in his head, so he waggled his eyebrows, flashing Ether a grin before letting out a soft chuckle. A chuckle that only got louder as Ether commented on his choice of words. "Alright alright," he laughed, "Guess I walked into that one." He wanted to add something along the lines of 'you're always welcome to', but maybe it was inappropriate. Had things changed? Was Ether settled and monogamous now?

Ether was looking at him and it felt equal parts nice and uncomfortable. He always felt like Ether had the ability to see through him - see past the facades and the cheerful mask that he sometimes wore. Ether knew when Pike was truly happy or when he was just putting on a brave face. He knew when he was lying when he said he was fine. Now, it felt like Ether was searching his soul, looking for something... but after a while he just commented on the bar. "Yeah it's nice here. Lance, the owner, is a great guy. He's very... uh... accommodating when it comes to shifts and... stuff." he said, hoping Ether picked up that he was alluding to his werewolfism. "Plus working the late shifts means I can paint during the day when the light is good." He smiled at the idea that the bar fitted him. Warm, cozy and welcoming to all... that was definitely the aura that Pike wanted to be giving off, even if he had days where he didn't feel like that.

"And I found a place not too far from here too, so I don't even have to risk apparating home after a few pints," he added with a wink. Pike had thankfully never had an apparating accident himself, although he'd heard some gory stories since he'd been working in the pub. It took rather a lot to get Pike drunk anyway, he had so much body mass for the alcohol to try and get round. "It's uh... well it's a fixer-upper, lets put it that way, but it does the job." He felt quite proud of what he'd managed to do with the abandoned terrace house just a couple of blocks from here and he felt like with a bit more time and energy it could be a really nice place. Well, so long as the Ministry didn't turn up and evict him, that was.

"How about you, how's work?"

Ether smiled at Pike's retort. He believed him, now that he said it. Even so, Ether was a bit off his game tonight. He wasn't used to being nervous around Pike. And then he conceded to the joke, and Ether waited for him to say something flirtatious. He'd flash that smile. He'd say something quick and saucy. But he didn't. Ether, despite everything, missed it. It wasn't because things were troublesome with Alain or anything that dramatic, but because that was kind of their thing, or at least it had once been. A bit of chat, some saucy lines, and then, well, the deed.

He pulled himself away from the nostalgia and focused on Pike's words. They were important. He wanted to know all about things with him now, truly. He smiled knowingly and took a long sip of his beer. "That's very good," he agreed, "you can turn into quite the party animal," he said lightly, "you know, once in a blue moon." Pike's lycanthropy had never been a burden to Ether, not when he cared about him so. Pike was very careful, very thoughtful, much more so than some of the others of his kind. Ether, personally, had found a personal sense of comfort in Pike's scars. They reminded him what he'd been through, how much he could persevere. Pike was a fighter, through and through, and yet he was as warm and friendly as they came. He really was exceptional.

"I would like to see some of your paintings again," he admitted, "sometime soon. You're such a good painter," he remembered, "I'm glad you're able to keep that up." Ether nodded as he continued. "That's excellent," he said, sitting up in his chair, "you do love a good project, something you can do with your hands," he said. It came out a bit more flirtatious than he'd intended. He laughed nervously and took another long drink, realizing he'd finished the pint. Merlin, Ether. It was the nerves, they were getting to him. Liquid courage. Pike was asking him about work, then. "Work, yes, work is good," Ether said, nodding. This was awkward. He was being awkward. "Just... one second," he said, rising from his place and going to the bar.

He returned quite quickly, a firewhiskey in his hand. Something stronger. Something that would help. He took a drink and felt a bit better. Letting out an ahh, he smiled at Pike. "I was actually hoping that, you and I, we could talk," he said, feeling a bit better now. "What I mean is, I'm sort of looking for, if you could give me advice," he managed. There was a reason for his hesitation. Ether had a strict policy about drudging up the past, but in order to speak his mind, it was a necessity. He was hesitant. He didn't want to pull skeletons out of the closet out of selfishness.

He took another drink, this one burning hot in his belly. He was feeling it, now. "What I'm saying," he leveled with him, "is that I have an odd question," he finished. His eyes were on Pike's then. They were so warm, so familiar. They felt like home, in a way. That's why he was so afraid of mucking this up. "If that's okay?"

Ether was being weird.

Or was it him? Was it that things had changed? Was it that their friendship had been based on casual hookups for so long that when that was removed they didn't know who they were in relation to each other anymore? They'd been friends before the sex, of course, although perhaps Ether wouldn't have called the older overbearing student who insisted on 'looking after him' a friend at first. But they'd evolved, become physical. Pike had often hoped for something more, but he'd cherished what they had. And he missed it. He missed being able to give Ether comfort and joy and pleasure, and he missed the comfort that he found in Ether's arms. The way they knew each other's minds and bodies and histories so well. The way they just... fitted. He missed the flirting, the turning up on Ether's doorstep in the middle of the night in the safe knowledge that he wouldn't be turned away. He missed the comfortable familiarity of it all.

Ether was flirting now, but it felt different. It felt taboo. A natural smirk settled on Pike's features, but before he could respond, Ether had let out a nervous laugh and disappeared to the bar. Nervous laugh? When was Ether ever nervous around him? As soon as Ether's back was turned, Pike raised a hand to run fingers though his own chin-length hair, frowning with concern at the back of the man he thought he knew so well. But he had no idea what was going on in Ether's mind right now. He had no idea where he stood.

And that was the clincher. Ether had always felt so comfortable because they'd always been honest with each other. They'd always been clear on exactly who they were and what they meant to each other. There was no expecting more or reading less... it was safe because they understood each other and their relationship. And that was what was gone. Pike didn't know if Ether was exclusive with Alain or not. He didn't know if Ether was here with sex in mind or if it would ever be on the cards again. And although he certainly would miss it if it never happened again... it was the not knowing, the not understanding that was hurting more. But it wasn't like he could just ask outright.

Ether returned with a glass of firewhiskey - the pungent smell identifying it to the werewolf's heightened senses immediately. He was drinking for courage. Pike's concern doubled... no, tripled. His brow furrowed once more as the younger man spoke. He wanted to ask once more if Ether was ok. He wanted to tell him that he always had his back. That he would always be there to give Ether whatever he needed - whether that was backup in a fight, a shoulder to cry on or a body to seek comfort in. He wanted to, but he didn't. Instead he simply said, "Yeah, sure, anything. Ask away."

Pike gave him permission. Ether took another drink. It burned and stung and it made him feel stronger. He could do this. He could do this.

"Well, what I'm... what's on my m-mind," he offered, blinking a bit more than usual as he tried to gather himself. Pike was sure to think him a fool, that something was wrong with him or he was otherwise ill-adjusted. Worse yet, he'd be worried, concerned that Ether was in trouble or going to drop some horrible terrible awful on him. He hoped he wasn't going to do that. He hoped this sort of talk wouldn't upset him. Merlin, this was nerve wracking, and it didn't have to be. He was tormenting himself. He was trapped in his own mind.

"When you were with Frey," he said, hanging up a bit on the name, "did you love him? I mean, how did you know? How do you know when you, when you love someone?" he said, his face turning a deep, subtle shade of red. He didn't know how Pike felt about all of it, everything that had transpired, but reason stood that it wasn't fond memories. Pike was the type of guy to want a partner, something steady, something familiar and warm like this bar. Some place to call home. For a while, Ether had wondered if Pike and Frey were going to grow old together.

Ether hung his head, his long hair falling about his face. Well, he'd blurted it, but at least it was out there. It was done. Something else had to happen now. He took another long drink, finishing the glass, definitely having had enough liquor for now. "No more," he mumbled to Pike, "don't let me have any more," he said. It was a lot, asking him to watch out for him after he'd gone and pulled the past back into the present like that. But Ether was the type to need it. He was impulsive and liked to indulge, and without someone like Pike to keep him from straying too far he probably wouldn't have made it to this day.

Ether was dragging this out so hard that Pike was getting more and more worried by the second. Sure he'd seen Ether drink before, but not like this. Not like he was trying to wash away something with the alcohol. Trying to blank something out. He was stuttering for Merlin's sake. When did Ether ever stutter? The man was a shining example of pure confidence. Pike's brow furrowed even deeper with concern. What on earth could have happened to make his friend act like this? Pike was imagining terminal illnesses or back-street murders, illegitimate children or hundreds of galleons lost on the Hippogriff racing.

Then Ether mentioned Frey. For a moment Pike was distracted by the name. It wasn't that he didn't think about Frey - he did, every day - it was just so unexpected out of Ether's mouth. Pike rarely spoke about the other wizard to his friend, especially not when they were hooking up. Pike had been faithful to Frey and a part of him had felt a little guilty at leaving Ether aside during that time. He didn't like bringing up other lovers or acting like he was comparing them. He couldn't. Ether and Frey were both completely different and Pike's love for them both was equally strong. It's just his feelings for Ether were more complicated. Mainly because he wasn't meant to have them.

The question caught him a little off guard, but then Ether's unease made sense. He was deep into a committed relationship for the first time in his life and worrying about it. Probably, if he knew Ether, feeling a little trapped. Maybe doubting himself. The question made perfect sense.

But it also hurt. It hurt in a way that it shouldn't have hurt. He felt jealous in a way that he shouldn't feel jealous. He had to rights to Ether, and yet he felt the stab of longing in his chest seeing Ether this hung up on another man. He wondered vaguely whether Ether had felt like this when he'd been with Frey, but then dismissed the notion right away. Ether didn't feel jealous over him, Pike was sure. And that hurt too.

"It's not a simple question," he said quietly. "Not like in the movies." Ether was, at least, one person who actually understood what Pike meant when he said that. "There wasn't butterflies or lightning or whatever else Hollywood makes you think there should be. It just felt... comfortable. And when I imagined my future, he was there. I couldn't think about a future without him." He swallowed heavily, eyeing Ether's empty glass and then his own. Even though he'd come to terms with the loss of his relationship with Frey, talking about it like this made those wounds open up once more. "I think that's what love is. Just, simply, wanting to be together." He shrugged, picking up his own glass and taking a sip.

Of course, what he didn't say, was that he always saw Ether in his future too. That he'd thought that their irregular nights together would never stop. That he'd always find himself circling back to Ether's doorstep, or see that familiar handsome face seeking him out.

But things changed. Effectively, he'd lost them both.

Instinctively, he reached across for Ether's hand, shifting the glass aside and then giving Ether's hand a squeeze. "Do you think about him like that? Think about a future with him in it?"

Ether smiled wearily at Pike's reply. Wouldn't that be so much simpler? Fireworks, butterflies, parades, little sparkles in the air? Ether was desperate for certainty within an uncertain emotion. Love was perhaps the most unpredictable of all forces. It lacked any rationality, most of the time, fueled by passion and the heart alone. He wanted his brain in on this. It felt too important. It felt too serious. "Comfortable," he repeated, like he was tasting the word. Trying it out. Seeing if it fit. He shook his head a bit. That didn't quite make sense to him. He wasn't sure how to articulate himself, possibly due to the firewhiskey. Mostly due to his own emotional naivete.

He felt a jolt, a sense of alertness when Pike reached for his hand. There was power in his touch, always had been. His gaze fell to the table, his brows furrowing. "I... I don't know," he offered, the nerves and uncertainty of it all evident in his voice. "I mean, do I see him in my future? Yes, yes I do," he said plainly, "I almost lost him... I almost... I was, you know how I am, how I need it sometimes, physical things," he said, his eyes darting up briefly to meet Pike's. Ether's sexual addiction had never been something he viewed as a problem, not even a concern really, until Alain had come along. Alain had nearly been lost to him forever over his dalliance with Zachary. An encounter in which he didn't even go all the way. What would become of them if Ether slipped? If he did find himself in another man's bed all night long?

"When I thought about the future without him in it, it felt wrong," he explained, "it felt like it wasn't right, like... I don't know, like it was a mistake," he added. It was one of the first times he'd ever felt guilty over an encounter like that. He'd always been one to be proudly promiscuous, openly wanton, driven by pleasure. "I mean, he and I, we're not monogamous or anything," he clarified, "but... sometimes I wonder, sometimes I feel like we're progressing towards something," he explained. "I just don't wanna mess it up, Pike, I don't want to fuck up," he said, his voice getting a bit thinner and a bit more emotional. "I don't want to lose him, I want him in my future," he offered.

"But I mean, is that enough? Is that what love is? Or is it just fear of losing him?" he challenged, shaking his head, squeezing his hand harder. He wanted answers. He hoped Pike would have them. He'd always looked up to him, always hoped he was the man with superior knowledge. He was the leader, the alpha, after all. "I mean, when I look at my future, I see you too," he added with a little nod, "you're my best friend Pike, you've been with me since we were kids," he reminded. "But we're not in love with each other," he said, the words coming out slowly. Too slowly. He swallowed hard. Suddenly, something felt off, like a warning siren had sounded. Like danger was imminent. Ether's gaze was upon him, a nervousness deep inside. Pike was always there for him. He was always in his thoughts. He was a constant in a sea of ambiguity.

"I mean, we're not, we're just... you know, we're casual, or whatever," he said, sitting back in his chair. There was something in his voice seeking confirmation, but there was also a part of him that wanted to leave it up in the air. That was the part that made him the most nervous of all.

He listened to Ether's words, not trying to jump in or pass judgement. He saw confusion and vulnerability in the other man's eyes. Fear too. Pike wondered whether Ether was going about this the right way. Whether he was trying to fit a round piece into a square hole. Ether spoke about messing up - almost losing Alain. Pike assumed through cheating, although Ether was vague about the details.

But then Ether stated that they weren't monogamous.

Another rush of reaction and emotions hit Pike. A sense of... relief? That there was maybe a chance he'd be able to be intimate with Ether again? But also confusion - if they weren't monogamous then what had been the issue that Ether had just been talking about? And finally, he felt... neglected. Pike had stayed away from Ether because he'd assumed the man was in a monogamous relationship, and yet Ether was now telling him that he wasn't. But he hadn't come to Pike. It had been... several months.. and Ether hadn't once contacted Pike. And if that wasn't because he was being faithful... then maybe it was simply because he hadn't wanted to.

Ether moved to talking about them. Pike's eyes dropped to his drink, trying to still the turmoil in his stomach. He would not be responsible for ruining Ether's happiness. And yet, if Ether thought that he needed to change himself to fit the standard shape of a relationship then maybe Pike was ruining his happiness by not giving him honest advice. And maybe he wasn't the right guy to give advice anyway? Clearly he'd managed to fuck up his own relationship, who was he to tell others how to live out theirs?

"I feel very deeply about you," Pike said, honestly. He couldn't lie about that. He wouldn't lie about that. "But I've always known that... you're not mine, Ether. That doesn't mean I don't... " he too trailed off, reaching for his drink and taking a swig. "But anyway. Going back to what you said about your physical needs. Different people need different things. The one-size-fits-all Hollywood example of love and romance is lies. You gotta find what works for you and Alain. Maybe that will always involve other people. As long as you're both on the same page about that and following the same rules. You obviously care about him and want to be with him. Why the rush to define that? You're not signing your name in blood, no need to start freaking out about..." or maybe there was a reason. Maybe their relationship had reached a defining moment, "Unless... you're thinking about marriage or something?"

Ether was squirming. He suddenly hated this room, this chair, this table. He felt suffocated, like his clothes were too tight and he was being constricted. Very deeply? What did that mean? That was too vague, too ambiguous. He and Pike had always been close, after Ether had gotten over his petulant childhood years anyway. Pike was his best friend, the closest thing he really had to family anymore. Why had this never come up? Ether had always just assumed this was their way… Pike had Frey, Ether had his rolodex, that was just the way that it was.

But before his mind could run too amuck with that idea, Pike pulled him straight back to Earth. Marriage? What the f- “No,” Ether said quickly, shaking his head a bit too firmly. “God, no, not… we’re not, I mean, can you imagine me getting married? Me?” he said, sounding a bit too panicked. Ether had never wanted to be married, he’d never even wanted to be tied down. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe Ether was the problem. His stomach was twisting up in knots and he wondered if he’d made the wrong decision to bring this to Pike. He’d burdened him, he’d brought something that was too loaded and too powerful to bear. He should’ve known better. Ether was a ticking time bomb.

“I just, I have a lot of… I get nervous? I want to make him happy, I don’t know why I want to define it,” he said, a little bit angrily, a little bit defensively. He ran a hand through his hair. Why hadn’t Pike finished that sentence? Why hadn’t he finished the thought? Was there a chance that all this chatter, discussion about Alain, was hurting Pike? Ether’s eyes went a bit wide as the thought struck him. He always did this. He always fucking did this. He’d never wanted to hurt Noemi, and yet he had. He’d never wanted to hurt Alain, and yet he had. He never, ever wanted to hurt Pike, and yet here they were, precious seconds ticking away until the explosion consumed them both.

“Why didn’t you finish?” Ether asked of him, presumptively, a bit forcefully. There was something in his voice, maybe it was panic, maybe it was concern. Maybe it was fear. “Your sentence, why didn’t you finish your sentence,” he said, closing his eyes and thinking very hard to make the words form together. All of this time, all of their friendship, had Pike wanted more? Had Ether been too stupid or too stubborn to notice? Had he been failing him all these years? “I really need to know the end of that sentence,” he said, hazel eyes meeting the other man’s. “You know I’m not yours, but that doesn’t mean what, Pike?” he said, apprehension in his words. He didn’t want to ruin this. He didn’t want to lose Pike.

The thought alone could turn him to stone.

Pike couldn't deny the relief he felt when Ether flat out rebutted the marriage idea. And then he felt guilty because really he should have been placing Ether's happiness above his own. "Ok, ok," he said with a slightly forced chuckle, taking another sip of his beer, which turned into a glug and an empty glass. Ether seemed to have gotten angry and Pike decided to just keep quiet and let the other man talk himself through whatever it was he wanted to get out. Ether had come to him for advice, but Pike wasn't sure he had any to give. Not besides the age-old chestnut 'just be yourself'. Honesty was best, but even Pike knew that it was hard to be honest all the time. You wanted everything to be smooth. You didn't want to admit how bloody hard everything was.

Ether's sharp question caught him off guard and his eyebrows raised in confusion. Finish what? As Ether continued, colour started to flood his cheeks. Fuck. This was exactly what he hadn't wanted to do. Ether was not here to talk about him and Pike. He was not here to make Pike happy. And it was not Pike's place to ruin what Ether had just because he was a little jealous. Jealous? Was that the right term? No... more... feeling neglected. He didn't want to interrupt what Ether and Alain had, he just didn't like being pushed to the sidelines. But the sidelines was where he belonged in Ether's life, where he'd always been. A protective force ready to step in in times of need and provide comfort... and Ether had been the same to him. And yet when Ether and Alain had gotten serious, that had just... vanished.

Pike's brow furrowed as he tried to think of a way to answer the question without fucking everything up. No, there wasn't one. And lying or brushing it off would just cause more trouble than it was worth. "...doesn't mean I don't love you," he muttered quietly, "or see you in my future." He picked up his glass, but it was empty, so he set it back down. "I dunno, maybe it's stupid but I thought we'd carry on... y'know... whatever or whoever came along. But I don't... I mean, you have Alain now, and I don't wanna get in the way, and like you said, we're... casual..." The word came out oddly. Like he couldn't get his mouth around the shape of it properly. Like he really, really didn't want to say it. He automatically picked up, and put down, his glass again.

He felt something rising within, and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, it wouldn't stay down. When it came to things and people he was passionate about, he found it hard to rope his emotions in. Especially since he had the wolf. His hand clenched the empty glass, and eventually, something snapped inside. "You know what? No, fuck it. Casual is bullshit. Yes, we were never regular and, you know, sometimes more frequent than others, but we were never fucking casual." Not to me anyway. He'd always needed Ether. And he'd always assumed that Ether needed him back. Maybe he'd just been kidding himself. "Need another drink," he muttered, getting to his feet and heading to the bar. His heart was pounding and his hands clenching. Damn it. Damn it. His eyes turned back towards Ether, worried the younger man would run away. "Don't leave... please."