hold on to me 'cause I'm a little unsteady [lucas]

A small smile played at the corner of the blonde girl's lips. Tugging gently, it wanted to be there, but she was struggling to let it. The sun was warm on her pale skin, sat here out from under the shade. She was wasting time, sat outside Fortescue's with a half-eaten sundae and a newspaper.  It felt good to be outside, with people bustling past not knowing nor caring who she was. Not fretting over her, or avoiding her gaze. Just oblivious. Wonderfully ignorant. Everyone should strive to be blissfully unaware at least once in a while.

Angharad was waiting for an appointment. Well, actually she had just been to one, and was now awaiting another. It was useful to try and get everything organised for the same day. It meant she only had to travel to London once, get it all over and done with. Except, who was it useful to? Not to her, really. It was very liberating being out and about. Nice to be amongst other people. No, it was useful to her mother. Her mother didn't have to worry so much if Harri only went out once in a while.

The Welsh girl had been for something of a check-up at the Ministry. A follow-up on how she was 'getting on'. As if that's all that was to it -- to get on with it. To get on with people being ever so nice, then suddenly fumbling through excuses when they realised what you were. To get on with not having a stable job, with having to live at home when all of her peers had since carved out amazing careers for themselves and moved out into the wide world. To get on with her life, like it was that easy.

It had been nearly three years; there had been a year of recovery, then a year of catching up, and one more year trying to 'get on'. Keep on keeping on. Be positive, see the glass as half-full.

Angharad picked up the long spoon and had another bite of her sundae. She had approximately an hour to kill before her interview, well, Enid's interview. That was the only way to get an appointment, to lie.  Harri had been full of hope when she'd learnt they had a new Minister of Magic, that he was fighting for rights for house elves and muggleborns and.. oh wait, not much had actually been done for werewolves. Well, a little. They'd gotten rid of some of the anti-werewolf legislation, but they couldn't make people want to hire you. To help you. To be near you.

She tucked her blonde hair behind one ear, then glanced up from her paper to look along the Alley. There were some over-eager parents with children who looked about to start Hogwarts at the next term, some just trying to get errands done with even younger children in tow, and then mostly everyone else appeared to be on their lunch break -- whether it was healers in their luminous robes or stuffy looking ministry officials, they all looked furiously important. Battling hard against each other to get whatever it was they needed to get done in their precious lunch hour before they dredged back to work. The nine-til-five. Oh, what she wouldn't give to be one of them.

It felt strange to be back on British soil.

The weather here wasn't much different from where he'd just come from; Buenos Aires. The name translated as "good air" which was hilarious considering he struggled to breathe most days. Lucas cut an imposing figure as he strode down the street, dressed in smart black trousers and a pale blue button down shirt that was open at the neck. It was like his feet were beating out a familiar rhythm and he was on autopilot.

When had he last been home? Two, three years? Luke was a pretty normal guy but after a while, he grew bored with the mundane. He'd had enough of the rain, of not fitting in, of treading water. This was his time to break free and he hadn't looked back, not even once. Not when his awful mother screamed at him for "ditching her". Not when his tearaway younger sister pleaded for money. Not when his bullying older brother needed Lucas to help him out of another tricky situation. No. No. He'd had enough.

Did he miss home?

He wasn't sure. The hustle and bustle was warm and comforting and familiar. He saw children with their parents, excited for the new school year in a few weeks. There were couples, young families, friends catching up in the summer sunshine. His freedom, however, came at a price. He'd been lonely ever since he set off for the continent.

One of the reasons he was keen to get away was a certain girl. Well, no. She was a woman now, he imagined. They'd shared a moment, or at least he thought they had, in the aftermath of the Battle. She'd clung to him fiercely and in that embrace, he saw his future. She was his future. Lucas wanted to marry her. He wanted to move to the suburbs and settle down if that was what she wanted. They'd adopt a dog, maybe have kids, whatever she wanted. The illusion was shattered, however. It was like breaking a mirror. Shards exploded as he realised it was completely one sided. She hadn't felt the same way about him as he did about her.

It wasn't the main reason for Lucas leaving but it was certainly a catalyst. He hadn't stopped to consider her feelings because he was sure she felt as though he was just a one-time friends with benefits. His long legs walked the familiar cobbled and everything came screaming back to him in one go; her smile, her touch, her perfume, the way she made fun of his glasses but not in a bad way. Instinctively, he reached up to adjust them and shook himself, as though trying to shoo those skewed memories away.

Travelling had been amazing. Lucas had been so immersed in so many different cultures that he just hadn't had time to miss home and when he had a minute to think, it felt uncomfortable and claustrophobic. He'd had a string of girlfriends since he'd left but nothing serious. The South American girls found his accent funny and charming and he went along with it, despite a very small part of him was resisting on some level. He'd been off the grid, heading far and wide. Luke was a travel writer now but for a Muggle publisher. It was freeing and he was away for months and months and he loved it.

His previously pale skin was sun kissed and healthy, his freckles fading rapidly. His curly hair needed a trim. He'd beefed up, too. This version of himself was unrecognisable, except for the glasses he still had to wear. But it was good. He'd been able to reinvent himself in a glamorous manner. People didn't know that he sometimes stammered when he was nervous or that he used to be a Prefect. They didn't know of his superior intellect which made it hard for him to connect with other people. They didn't know about his uncomfortable upbringing or the lengths he'd gone to to keep his family together before realising it was just best that he let everything fall apart. He wasn't Lucas anymore. Now, he was Luke. Tall, tanned and athletic with a passion for culture and travel and a way with words. But then he saw her.

It was impossible not to, he'd never forget that face. Luke pulled up short, causing a small backlog of people who tutted and bumped into him. Her hair was lighter, he noticed. By sun or potion? He swallowed as his bright blue eyes trailed over her skin, vividly remembering that it was warm and felt like silk beneath his fingertips. She seemed preoccupied and he didn't want to intrude. He was caught between tearing open old wounds or leaving her in peace. The latter seemed the better choice, he was sure.

Blinking his eyes back into focus, he looked around. He was a tall man so he couldn't fit in anywhere and hide. He was also about to break a promise that he'd made to Angharad; he'd once said that he'd never avoid her. He just couldn't face her now. It was all water under the bridge. Years had passed but the idea of her maybe being engaged turned his stomach. She'd never been his. There was a dull ache in his chest as he watched her. She was so close but he felt like she was an ocean away from him. They were perfect strangers.

When her head was down, Luke made his move. Bolting, he rushed forward, accidentally jostling a passer by which sent him tripping -- right into her table. He hadn't banked on the lightning bolt that shot through him as he met her eyes and it was clear he needed to talk. Instead, he offered her a small smile. "Hi."

Harri glanced back down, her warm brown eyes perusing the jobs advertisements. No, no,... maybe, definitely not. There was nothing. It wasn’t like she had high standards – at this point she would clean toilets if it meant a steady income. A steady income and a possibility of leaving—

The table rocked with a jolt, the metal spoon whirling around in her sundae glass, which in turn toppled dangerously.

Angharad reacted quickly, and then slowly. Her hands reached to steady the table and she pushed herself up halfway out of her chair, almost standing. Then her gaze flicked up to see who had disturbed her and she froze. Froze in midair, like she’d seen a ghost. Well, she had. Only this one wasn’t some pale, ethereal spirit. Most definitely not pale, maybe a little ethereal.

”Hi.”

The spoon was still rattling around, but all she could focus on was him. The blonde’s jaw dropped, her mouth staying slightly ajar as she lowered back into her seat. “Luc..as..” The word got stuck in her throat and so only the first syllable was really audible. 

She blinked. Good lord. “Hi...” She swallowed and tried to compose herself. “Uh, how are you?” If she had to answer for him she’d say ‘great’. At least, he looked amazing. It was hard to believe that he couldn’t feel as good as he looked. Gone was the shy, retreating boy who hid behind his books and here was this man in his place. Tanned, strong – was he taller or was it just because she was sitting?

Her dark eyes drank him in deeply. Every aspect, every detail, as quickly as she could without appearing to stare. But there was just so much to take in. His dark curls had grown out, she wrung her hands to try and ignore the memory of running her fingers through them. She felt like a poor imitation of her former self, whereas he’d blossomed. It felt like just yesterday she’d seen him in Hogsmeade, bumbling around with a honking daffodil. 

Angharad had thought she’d never want to see him, that it would be easier to avoid him, but now that he was here she didn’t have a choice, but she was glad. She wanted to do anything she could to keep him here, it was like he erased everything that had happened to her. “Where have you been?”

Luke had  never believed in the whole the-one-that-got-away adage but Angharad seemed to fit the bill. In fact, she was the bulls-eye except for one thing; she'd never actually been his. Not officially and he was all about absolutes. She seemed similar, yet different. She didn't glow as  brightly as she had before…well, before whatever the heck she'd been through.

"I'm alright," he said vaguely, as though some part of him was holding back. They were practically strangers now, he supposed. All he was left with was a bunch of confused teenage memories. He wasn't the same person that she'd known at school. Shifting his weight awkwardly, he didn't really want to sit down. He wasn't prepared for a chance meeting. A meeting with Angharad needed careful consideration and a plan of action.

"South America mostly," Lucas told her honestly, a little affronted but not offended by her probing question. It almost sounded like she'd been looking for him, which was silly. Where have you been? he wanted to counter but managed to bite his tongue. Feeling uncomfortably, he avoided her eyes swiftly and began to people watch as he slid his hands into the back pockets of his trousers. Truth be told, South America wasn't a perfect fit. It didn't matter how many margaritas he has poured down his throat, he was too British to be carefree. He'd partied hard at first. He stayed out until three in the morning, frequenting salsa clubs with feisty woman in short skirts. The only thing he'd left with, besides crippling shyness was the ability to complete a perfect hammerlock.

He longed to ask about her parents and her siblings. He'd liked them all so much more than his own band of misfit family members. It just didn't seem appropriate. They were both to blame, he imagined. Luke had left swiftly because he felt that Harri needed her family more than she needed him and he was convinced it was best to leave her with her father after the Battle. Mr. Hughes had appeared just in the nick of time. Had he been a minute later, Luke may have told Angharad that he loved her. What a disaster that would have been.

His bright blue eyes looked her over swiftly. Though still a beautiful girl, she seemed a little thinner, quieter, not quite the radiant star he remembered her to be. Or maybe she'd never been that way. With a writer's mind, Lucas could easily have made it all up. Her hair, for example, had always been brighter than the colour she had now, despite him being confident that she hadn't altered it. Hair like flaxen gold, the same shade as a wheat filed at sunset.

"Can I get you another ice cream?" He asked gently with a lopsided grin, motioning to the one that he'd almost sent flying. Turning and just about to head inside, he paused, his face looking uncomfortable as he chewed the inside of his lower lip anxiously. "It's really good to see you again."

This was hard. Not because she didn’t want to see Luke, but because it felt so alien. She’d played over the moment several times in her head, imagining different scenarios of how they would meet again, if they ever met again. This wasn’t one of them. If she was ever going to see Lucas again, it was going to be on her terms, she would of had time to mentally prepare herself. Questions to ask him, things to tell him, to explain... But her mind was blanking. Now that they were really face-to-face all her plots and machinations just floated out of her brain and left her with nothing. All she could do was stare at him in disbelief.

“Wow.” Her Welsh lilt caused the word to extend and sound almost over-emphasised, but she was impressed. “That sounds incredible.” Something in her gut opened up, a gaping hole, a wound. She was jealous. Jealous of Lucas and his ability to just whisk himself away without a care in the world. 
Angharad hadn’t wanted to see him for the longest time because she was convinced it was the best way to protect him; if she hid herself and the truth he’d never have to be repulsed by her or put himself in danger by trying to be noble and be with her despite everything – Harri had known Lucas still liked her when they broke up. Or at least she was fairly certain. She wasn’t wholly ignorant to his tells, just his feelings – they were teenagers and she had so much more to do before settling down with the first boy she kissed. How could she know if he was right if she'd never been with anyone else?

Maybe she had been wrong – if he’d been off jet-setting around the world he couldn’t have really cared that much. He hadn't reached out, that should have been a fairly obvious sign that he wasn't interested in her anymore. The petite blond cleared her throat. "Are you still writing?"

It was for the best. Better that he moved on - for all she knew he had a girlfriend now, or a wife. He hadn't needed to put his life on hold just because she did. Angharad tucked a loose strand of dulled blonde hair behind her ear, trying not to let her smile waiver. “Uh, sure. A knickerbocker glory please.” She glanced at the remnants of her first ice cream: a motley melted swirl of mint, peach and chocolate. The old Angharad would have been worried about the number of calories in one scoop, let alone two full sundaes, but she could probably do with gaining a little weight. As it was she still fit most of her clothes from sixth year - the pastel blue blouse she was wearing being one such article.

"It's really good to see you again."

She sat there in stunned silence and he disappeared through the doorway before she could work out a reply, a typical Lucas thing to do – say or do something meaningful and scarper before anyone had a chance to react. For once she was glad, as tears welled in her eyes now that she was alone again, albeit briefly. She blinked them away as best she could, using the back of her hand to wipe the stray tracks on her cheeks away. She wasn’t truly sad, or she didn’t think she was. But nor did she feel elated so they were not happy tears. Was he saying it because he meant it, or because he felt like he had to? All her pent up emotions were brimming just under the surface waiting to pour forth if she let them. A silent prayer went up hoping he'd return soon so she couldn't stew in her own misery. Merlin knew she had had quite enough practice at overthinking every minor detail in her life these last couple of years.

Luke offered a self-conscious shrug before he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's not that glamorous," he was quick to assure her with a smile. Angharad knew him. Or least, he assumed that she did. She knew he wasn't a big drinker, that he couldn't dance and that he wasn't the fast and loose type. "It's not home, is it?" He asked with a smile that seemed a little bit sad. Harri didn't make him sad, she never had but he lived alone and without anything or anyone to distract him, his mind wandered.

He gave a laugh. "Sort of," the tall young man replied honestly. His life was like a rollercoaster he imagined, filled with ups and downs and twists and turns. "I write travel guides," he explained to Angharad patiently. Once upon a time, she was full of life but since the time around and after the battle, she'd become withdrawn, a shadow of her former self. It  was unlikely she'd picked up a travel planner. "I like it," he added in a swift, smooth, sunny way in hopes of packing full any awkward silences. "It's always different. You should see a Full Moon Party in Thailand," he joked. It was an experience.

"Perfect," he said with another smile. If she wanted an ice cream, then she at least didn't want to run away from him, screaming like a banshee.

The words slipped out before he could stop them and he practically threw himself into the crowded shop. The place was packed, full of the clatter and clinking of cutlery and the delighted squeals of children hopped up on sugar. Lucas was happy to queue as it gave him a chance to gather his thoughts. Harri had always been a ray of sunshine. For years, he'd been in love with her so when they finally got together, the break up had been such a shock to his system. It had been clumsy and brief and rather than trying to fight it, he'd accepted it because it was what she wanted; he'd do anything she wanted. But what if he'd fought for her, for that, for them? Would they still be dating? Engaged? Married? Would they be going on this globe trotting adventure together?

When finally served, he ordered Angharad her knickerbocker glory and himself, a single scoop of chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone. "Here you go," his deep voice floated over as he placed the tall glass down in front of her and sat opposite. He felt rather nervous, like he was attending a job interview of some sort. At a loss of what to say, he hastily licked a dribble of ice cream that was rapidly melting in the hot afternoon sun.

"I haven't had one of these in years," Luke said with a tinkling laugh, both confused and warmly reminded at his time a student. He liked learning and he liked trying new things but he did not like the people he went to school with, the only exception sitting close to him now. "Are you okay?" The former Ravenclaw asked Harri swiftly. Though they might be strangers now, they'd been close once and he always managed to figure out when she wasn't quite herself. She looked the same as she always did, beautiful and bright but there was something…off about her. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he missed her but she was the one to pull the trigger, she'd ended their teenage dream. "I got you extra meringues," he said, nodding at the crisp white sugar shells that had been crumbled over the top of her sundae in an effort to make her laugh.

Angharad smiled, reciting “Home is home, however poor it is.” Almost cheerfully before she faltered; It was a reasonably well-known Welsh proverb, but that didn’t mean Lucas would know it, and out of context it might sound rude. “That is-- my Nan used to say it.” She blushed lightly, a little unused to feeling flustered in his presence.

“Oh, that makes sense.” Not so much gallivanting without a care in the world as being paid to travel. “Bit of a step up from Herbs and Harmony?” She let out a soft chuckle, remembering his honking daffodil. Good for him. She was happy if he was happy. He seemed it. And just when she was starting to relax in his presence-- “A what?” Her eyes widened, the smile wiped from her lips. Was that a hint? Did he know? How? Surely not... there would be no one to tell him. Her brothers wouldn’t dare, and Luna had only figured it out because she’d been around Harri so much since the accident and had known Professor Lupin so well. No, he couldn’t know... could he?

She sat frozen, as frigid as the ice cream in the glass he set down before her. “Thank you,” she couldn’t look him in the eye for a good minute. Her brain was furiously trying to work out what to do. Did she broach the subject and get it all out in the open? No, not here. Perhaps he didn’t really know, it could have been a simple coincidence – that’s all. Better to ignore it, for now at least.

The blonde blinked hard a few times as if focus back in on the task at hand: acting normal. She smiled weakly at Luke, “I used to get one every time we came to Diagon, until... until it all shut down.” She frowned slightly at the memory, “I’m glad they reopened.”

“Hm?” Lost in her own thoughts his question took her off guard. “Oh, yes – sorry. Just thinking.” She hadn’t realised she’d been prodding at her ice cream, hastening its demise into a melty gloop. As he said it her dark eyes focused on the meringue crumbs and she involuntarily laughed, it seeming to bubble up from somewhere deep within. Despite her slightly worn appearance the twinkle in her eyes returned just for a moment, “You remembered!”

"Cute," Lucas replied easily with a smile. For years, he'd been so jealous of other people's childhoods. They always seemed so loving, so golden and he had a bad case of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. His mother jumped from man to man and his older brother, Christopher, hadn't taken it badly. He'd become violent and bad tempered and despite him wanting to help his sister, Raleigh, she was too far gone to care. He would have loved to meet his grandmother.

He laughed softly. "It wasn't bad," he assured Angharad as he licked at his ice cream. "Until they found out that I wasn't at all green-fingered and then they sacked me on the spot," Luke added with a wan smile.

Her sudden stiffness and surprise made him frown. Had he said something wrong? Did Harri suddenly not like the moon? Lucas was floundering and the aching distance between them seemed to be stretching further and further, now not so much a crevice as a chasm. As he refused to meet his eye, he dropped his own, suddenly not feeling that hungry as his ice cream began to melt. She'd never been scared of the dark, as far as he remembered but what did he know? She'd changed, so had he. It wasn't a bad thing, it was inevitable. They'd both had to grow up fast, that was life.

Luke was still upset and perturbed at his former friends sudden change in mood. It had elicited one of his own. The gladness from seeing Angharad was still present but now he felt like a reprimanded child and the sheen had worn off. How was he meant to know that moon parties made her upset? He could only assume she had a pretty shitty sandcastle building experience.

As she smiled, bright and twinkling, he was rewarded with a glimpse of the girl he'd fallen in love with. Back then, Lucas hadn't minded Harri's reluctance to be public. She was beautiful and charming and popular and he…well, he wasn't. Back then, he'd accepted her terms and conditions. He didn't mind being a secret. Looking at it from a different perspective, it became clear that she might not have been as into him as he was to her. Which was fine. He couldn't force someone to love him.

"I remember everything you told me," he said softly with another smile. It was a genuine fact that just slipped out, unintentionally. It wasn't meant to make her feel sad or entitled. No. The feelings he had for her had never really gone away. They'd shifted, warped and look different forms but never truly dissipated. "You're not that easy to forget," he said with a cheery smile, hoping to downplay his words and make her feel at ease again. Chances are after this awkward reunion, she wouldn't want to see him again so he took full control. "How's your family?" Luke asked, hoping she wouldn't be polite and ask him the same one back. He remembered being utterly terrified of her eldest brother and smiled at the memory. Then he remembered her looking dressed up. "Did you have somewhere that you needed to be?"

The blush remained in Angharad’s cheeks for a moment after Lucas spoke. In their time together he’d rarely gotten her flustered – she’d always been the one in command of the relationship, he’d been the shy boy and she the social butterfly. The dynamic had changed. She felt like a little girl with a crush all over again.

“Oh no,” she let out a small laugh, caught quickly as she raised a hand to her mouth. “That’s terrible.” Another soft chuckle leapt out before she could stop it, a sly grin spreading across her lips, “You were always appalling at herbology.”

Lucas didn’t say anything further on the topic of moon parties, so the petite blonde took that as an opportunity to glance over the subject. She didn’t want to talk about it if he didn’t, and evidently he was either blissfully unaware of the problem, or he knew and just didn’t want to bring it up yet. Not that either option was fine as such, but she was happy to ignore it for the time being.

Still in mild shock at the realisation Luke still remembered her teenage ice cream order, Angharad’s lips were parted in a wide smile. Her dark eyes focused on the monstrosity of dairy, nuts and sauce before her, but at his next words she quickly flicked her gaze up to meet Luke’s. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, a leaden feeling in her chest followed by a flurry of butterflies in her stomach.

The background chatter of people on surrounding tables and walking by along the cobbled Alley seemed to fade away and it felt like they’d been transported back to that instant right after the battle. She remembered it as clearly as though it was yesterday; they had somehow been alone amongst all the rubble and confusion and in that moment she hadn’t wanted to be with anyone else – she felt the same now.

Angharad cleared her throat lightly, not sure how to respond. Thankfully he quickly proffered another topic of conversation. “Good. They’re good.” She replied quickly, grateful to have something to talk about. “Taran’s thinking of transferring to the Tornadoes, Aled’s engaged. Emyr’s in for a promotion at the Ministry, I think.” Of her three brothers Emyr was the one she was closest to and that Luke had met the most, largely because he was nearest in age. It was as Harri rattled off their current state of affairs that she was harshly reminded what she was missing out on. They all seemed happy and successful in comparison to her. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

“What?” she looked down at herself, appraising her outfit as if she’d forgotten what she was wearing. “Oh! Yes, I mean—no.” Angharad sat up straighter in her chair, smoothing her skirt down with one hand under the table. “I have an interview.” She stated with a little trepidation, her nervousness quite visible. “It’s not for another half an hour or so, she paused, “Don’t laugh - it’s for Spella Weekly.” A gossip magazine was not Harri’s first choice, but it was intended to be a stepping stone to something better. If she could just get a few articles under her belt she might be able to write for someone with a bit more respect.