Sabrina was past the point of miserable. All she felt now was this soul-crushing emptiness, lifelessness... loneliness. And yet, she had been anything but alone, in fact, it was quite the opposite. She was almost never alone. Her best friend (although Sabbie wasn't sure how she felt about applying that term anymore) seemed to spend every waking moment trying to hang out with the Sasseville and the ballerina thought that Maddie might as well change her surname to Sasseville while she was at it, she spent more time in Sabs' home than her actual home. Although she ordinarily would have loved spending so much time with her childhood bestie, quite frankly her presence was contributing to all the horrible feelings the sickly witch was experiencing and therefore, her constant presence was like a fly buzzing around her that wouldn't go away and it was extremely irritating. The Papillonlisse just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask?! She saw how people were seemingly walking on eggshells around her and it was quickly becoming infuriating.
All the Sasseville girl wanted to do was wallow in her guilt over Elle and her decision to do the exact opposite of what Sabrina hoped she would do. She wanted to feel the blame that was her's over Eliott as well. The regret of what Antoine had become, which was also her fault. Now that it was the Summer holidays she couldn't even sneak off and practice her forbidden passion of ballet, someone in the household would find her or hear her sooner or later and she didn't think she was willing to live through yet another lecture. She wasn't allowed to dance or run or sing, no chores, nothing that would cause strain upon the chronically ill French witch. The brunette felt like she was turning into a useless ornament that was merely to be shown off (not that she was anything to look at, especially not recently) or a fragile, porcelain doll. She wanted to be more than just decoration, more than a living parasite. She wanted to do something, anything. Sabrina needed a purpose.
As it was, for once, the ballerina was actually completely alone. She'd had phials of various potions shoved down her throat all morning and a ridiculous amount of creams and lotions and Merlin knew what else applied on her, just because she asked to go outside. What a joke. Luckily, now that she was outside, she had found the tree with the bench that she normally sat under. The tree was a blessing because it provided shade which meant she could stay outdoors for longer without the use of her parasol which remained on the ground beside her.
The Sasseville was doing nothing, however, mainly because she had nothing to do. She sat rigidly, fixated on a spot in front of her, her mind trained on some worrying thoughts that had been recently brewing. It was that book she had found in the Beauxbatons library. She wanted to read it, after all, it could finally shed some light on why she was 'cursed' to have such a life, but she was also afraid. Terrified was more accurate. If what she suspected was true, and the book confirmed her niggling doubt, Sabbie felt like it would change everything. And not just for her, but for her mother and father, her siblings (particularly the older ones) and definitely her friends. Would she even be able to bring herself to tell them? But f course, there was the possibility that it would not be what she hoped feared, and everything would be as it was before. Could she continue to live as she had? Recent events suggested probably not. Perhaps that was what she was really afraid of, that she would never find the answer to her illness, never be able to become at peace with her condition and move on.
A faint call disrupted the Sasseville's reverie and a stony expression quickly set itself upon her face. Please no. Not now. Sabrina pleaded to the heavens for the call not to be who she thought it was but alas, Madeleine's figure soon came into view and Sabbie automatically tensed up even more as her friend sat beside her. All she had to do was stay calm for a few more moments. Stay mellow. Stay patient. The brunette actually had no idea how long she'd been staring at a blade of grass for, but her response was a simple and to the point "No." Her wit was all but lost to the once charming witch. Still, the silly question that came from the blonde's lips made the corners of Sabs' lips twitch upwards as she teasingly replied, "You already have." More words followed and all the teenager wanted to do was put her hands over her ears and block it out. Every new, utterly raw, bold question that came out of the other witch's mouth made Sabs feel like she was a bubbling cauldron which was having more and more heat applied to it and that it was only a matter of time before she blew over. The Sasseville took a deep breath in and let it out through her nose noisily.
The answers to her questions were complicated and Sabrina didn't know how to answer Madeleine. She was upset with the blonde and yet she wasn't. It wasn't the other witch's fault but at the same time... she wasn't helping either. The French witch was genuinely surprised it had taking Maddie so long to finally figure out what she was attempting to do, and she was somewhat glad the blonde had. Maybe Maddie would finally get the message and leave her alone. Still, her final question pushed her over the edge and the mentally... ill witch burst out laughing. She had tried to jump off a bridge and here her best friend was asking her if she would have told her friend if something was seriously wrong. Admittedly, she did kind of tell her friend. She had written a letter to her, but thanks to Eliott's annoying intervention, Maddie had never seen the letter and nor was she likely to.
The sickly ballerina sat there blankly, blinking a few times in silence trying to figure out what to say and perhaps more importantly how to say it. One point was bugging Sabrina more than anything. If Maddie had to even ask the last question... just how much did the other girl know? Had El even told her about her 'episode'? Or was it all hushed up? Sabbie couldn't even remember the evening past the point of being carried back to the castle, so she had no clue. She certainly hadn't told Maddie, but surely someone would have said something... right? Was Maddie just tiptoeing around her like everyone else, again? Her nostrils flared in anger. She was sick of this. Enough was enough. "Why would you think I'm upset with you just because I don't want to spend every waking moment with you?" Sabrina countered defensively. Frustration and subtle deception present in her tighter than normal tone. "If something was wrong and it involved you, then I would tell you. But nothing is wrong and it defintiely isn't any of your business," she snapped, her words betraying the fact that she was lying. Sabrina finally turned to face the blonde, her normally passive, calm face twisted as if she was disgusted by the Girard witch's presence, "why can't you take the hint and leave me alone for at least ten minutes!"