[thd] [9¾] strange mercy • • c a r l a

Marin bounced impatiently, checking his watch obsessively as he hovered by the counter. For such a tall teenager, it didn't take very much to make him look the opposite of imposing. The goblins of Gringotts were a third his height but they were far scarier than him, and he was a little scared right now. "You didn't bring it?" he asked, panic making his voice a little higher in pitch than it usually was. Over the summer, Marin's voice had been deepening at a rather alarming rate. Occasionally, it cracked. He didn't like the changes happening to his body at all; hopefully he'd stop growing sometime soon. He was already pushing 5'11.

The boy flicked his blue eyes over his mother's hands as she searched through her bag for his vault key. Why he had his own vault was beyond him; Marin's father had suggested it in some kind of weird attempt to make him feel more independent or something. It wasn't like he had his own source of income though, so it really made no sense. Marin checked his watch again, feeling his heart rate speed up a little with every little tick.

"No we need to go now."

The teenager anxiously adjusted his new prefect's badge as his mother took him out of Gringotts, trying to assure him that she'd send him money he could use while at school. She pressed some silver coins into his hands after apparating them both right to the Hogwarts train station so he could buy some snacks on the way to school. The platform was full of parents dropping their kids off for school. He was glad to see they weren't too late after all. After a quick hug and a sentimental goodbye, Marin left his mum and hopped onto the train. He wiped his sweaty palms on his new robes, reaching to adjust his badge again even though he didn't need to.

Carla and Eira had come to London together but somehow parted ways for a while there. Carla actually didn't like the idea of being separated from her friend but she still needed to withdraw money and Eira had offered to look after her trunk while she'd go to Gringotts.

As she entered the wizarding bank, the girl felt a little awkward. The goblins always made her feel intimidated. They were clever beings but not nice at all in her opinion. As she had withdrawn some cash she hurried outside. She briefly stopped to buy some sweets for the first evening at Hogwarts so she had something to share with Eira and the other girls in their dormitory and then made her way to platform 9¾. She ran to make it to the platform in time, already feeling panicky. What if she missed the train? She got through the barrier alright and almost bumped into a boy with full speed.

"So sorry," she shrieked. A blush reddened her cheeks and she looked at him shyly. She knew the boy. He was a Hufflepuff and, quite obviously, a prefect now. Hopefully he would not take points from Ravenclaw for her mishap. "I'm sorry," she repeated, feeling terribly embarrassed. "Congrats on the position," she added, gesturing at the badge. She looked around, hoping to spot Eira on the platform but as she could not see her anywhere, her heart sank. She had to be here, of course. However, all that Carla could see were mothers and fathers saying goodbye to their children. She took a deep breath, trying to stop the negative emotions that were coming up now. She had not seen her parents in weeks and neither her mother nor her father had offered to bring her to the station.

"No it's okay!" Marin said back, alarmed as he stumbled to one side to get out of her way. The tall boy regained his balance and swallowed, trying not to look shaken. "Oh... thanks," Marin said. Don't stutter or fumble your words, he thought to himself. The teenager knew most of the people in his year - by name, at least. He knew Carla. Marin was not a popular boy, however. He knew that there were plenty of people in his year who'd probably be surprised when they found out he was prefect, as there were plenty of people in his year who had no idea who he was. Marin was a quiet wallflower. He knew there were going to be some troubles this year as he adjusted to his new position of both power and responsibility. Marin checked his watch compulsively; even though there were still parents saying their farewells to their children, Marin didn't want to get on the train late. He felt like he probably shouldn't.

"Guess we should hop on," he said lightly, his words leaning towards the passive side rather than being active. He just wasn't used to being forward. Most of the time he hung out with people who made their wants known and they made the decisions. Wini, for example. She was so good at making decisions. After resisting the urge to play with his new badge again, Marin figured he should take some steps towards being more amiable as a prefect. "How was your summer?" he asked, walking slowly towards the train.

Carla smiled briefly when Marin told her that it was okay. She didn't feel like it was and it was not like her to bump into people. Feeling incredibly awkward, the girl brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and stepped from one foot to the other. She wished she could just become invisible...

Marin seemed equally embarrassed when Carla congratulated him on his position which again made her feel even more uncomfortable. She had thought it was the right thing to say, that it was only nice to comment on the badge but maybe she was wrong.

"Yeah, we should," Carla agreed when he said that they should get onto the train. It was about time. The platform was less crowded already, mostly parents and younger siblings were left, most Hogwarts students seemed to have left already.

"My summer?" The girl's voice was unusually shrill as she echoed his words. "It... it was alright, I guess? How was yours?" Carla's cheeks felt hot now, she knew they were visibly reddened by now. Marin couldn't know that things at home weren't good, that her father had sent her away and her mother's company had not been pleasant either. Just a few days into the summer holidays Carla had fled to Eira's place.

They reached a wagon now and got on. Not having Eira around made Carla feel strangely nervous. However, she found that Marin's company was better than the company of most and, therefore, she offered him a little smile, hoping that he would not leave her alone just yet.

Marin didn't want to be weird and awkward. He really didn't. In the past few years, the boy had learned a lot from his friend Wini about social interactions, but without her by his side he still felt quite stilted and strange. There were only a couple of people that he could spend time with without being hyperaware of all of his actions and second guessing all of the things he said and did. Carla was not one of them.

"Yes," Marin agreed, walking towards the train with his yearmate. He felt a little relieved. He'd suggested the correct thing. Marin followed the Ravenclaw onto the train with a little skip as he hopped up onto the wagon from the platform. He glanced quickly over his shoulder but his mother was already long gone. That was okay, he thought. "Oh, you know. Fine." Marin gave a slight shrug, mentally scrambling to think about interesting things he did over the break. "I went to a 3spelled concert," he said, glad that he'd found something. Marin didn't know anything about Carla's music tastes, but 3spelled were quite popular amongst girls his age. He gave his new Ravenclaw friend a tentative smile in return, mentally congratulating himself on not being awkward enough to scare her off.

The pair had just hopped on when Marin heard a voice say his name from a nearby compartment.

"Marin Clare?" the voice said, sounding angry. The Hufflepuff felt his heart drop to his stomach as he recognised the voice as belonging to a bully in his year level. The boy had spent a lot of time last year picking on Marin when they'd shared a dorm and everyone was stuck in the dorm. "Clare got prefect over me?!" Marin's face went white as he blinked several times in shock. The kid hadn't seen him yet, he thought. Marin glanced at Carla, his face clearly a picture of shock. "Uh..." He looked at the direction the voice was coming from over his shoulder and then started walking quickly away, Carla in tow.

It was probably the first time that Carla was on the Hogwarts Express not knowing where Eira was. Even in their first year they had found each other early. The girl tried not to think about it much, tried not to let it get her down. They'd find each other again. Maybe only at Hogwarts at the Ravenclaw table but everything would be good. Nonetheless the girl felt a little helpless without her friend who had been on the run with her when muggleborns had not been allowed to Hogwarts.

"Oh," Carla said, "that's pretty cool. I never went to a concert myself, but 3spelled are great." She offered a slight smile and scolded herself for not saying more in response. She knew that she could hardly make friends if she didn't allow a real conversation.

Carla was surprised when she heard his name being called from a compartment. What was that about? The voice sounded angry and it actually served to make the Ravenclaw feel uncomfortable. She didn't want to get involved in any fights. Apparently the other student wasn't happy about Marin having been chosen to be a prefect. The Ravenclaw looked at Marin questioningly as he walked away quickly pulling Carla with him. "What...?" She was confused but she knew how it was to be running away. She had run from snatchers during her year on the run, had run from dogs that had found them resting in a barn, she had run a lot, really.

"Let's get in here," she muttered and pulled Marin into an empty compartment, closing the door behind them and closing the curtains. "Are you okay?"

Marin knew he was supposed to be heading to the Prefect's compartment but right now he was headed in a totally different direction. The opposite direction, in fact. The prefect's compartment was right at the front of the train. The Hufflepuff panicked as the Ravenclaw girl pulled him into a compartment and shut the door, then the curtains. As soon as they were inside, he leant his back on the compartment doors and looked at his hands, focussing on his breathing. It had been so long since Marin had had his last panic attack; he really didn't want to have one on the Hogwarts express on his first day of school. The teenager took a deep breath, counting as slowly as he could before exhaling just as slowly.

It was okay, he thought. The boy traced the little crinkles in the skin of his palms with his gaze for a second, paying extra attention to the little details in an attempt to stop thinking about what had just happened. "Yeah," he said breathlessly. Marin paid attention to his body as his heart rate dropped slowly from frantic to mildly alarmed. "Sorry about that." After a second, Marin ran his hands through his hair and looked up at her. "Sorry, I just panicked." He was such a wimp, he thought, and now she knew it too.

"He's a..." Marin searched for the right expletive, but he didn't often swear so he struggled to find the right insult. "...A dog," Marin finished lamely. He shook his head quickly, then rephrased. "I mean, he's horrible. Sorry." The apology slipped out by accident. Winifred often told him he needed to stop saying sorry so much, but he couldn't help it. Aside from socially awkward, apologetic was basically his natural state of being. A few years ago his social skills had been so lacking that he hadn't really understood when eh was being weird or awkward. Nowadays, however, Marin had enough world knowledge to know when he was being weird. He wasn't sure which was better.

Carla looked at Marin slightly worried when she saw how panicky he was. They weren't close so she wasn't too bothered but during this short interaction with the Hufflepuff Carla had developed a friendly feeling for him. She wanted him to be at ease just like she wished to be at ease herself. She knew these panic attacks herself. However, this was not the time to confide in Marin. However, seeing him in such a miserable state made her feel stronger than usual.

"I understand that," 'better than you know', she added in her thoughts. "don't worry about it, please."

She nodded understandingly when Marin said that this other student was horrible. "I'm sorry he's bothering you," she whispered and offered a smile that she hoped was consoling.

Her eyes caught sight of the prefects badge again and she suppressed a sigh. "I guess you should find the prefects compartment. And..." she paused and blushed a little again, "I should find Eira. I mean, I've spent the summer at her place and we've always been on the Hogwarts Express together. She's probably already searching for me and..." Carla realised she was rambling and looked at her feet. "Sorry..." she muttered. "I'll see you around?" There was a hopeful undertone in her voice and she opened the door of the compartment and hurried out.

[out]

Marin felt his world come back to him slowly as he regained control of both himself and his situation. It was okay, he thought, really meaning it this time. The prefect adjusted his robes a little around his shoulders, loosening his collar to give himself a little more space to breathe.

Sometimes, in the world of competent social butterflies, it was easy for Marin to forget the fact that he wasn't the only one who struggled. His anxiety and weird thought patterns often got the better of him - he'd had to teach himself to actually make eye contact when people were speaking to him, for example - but he wasn't the only one who wasn't as good as Winifred at social interactions. He nodded at her words, wondering if she really did mean what she was saying. Did she really inderstand? It was possible, he thought. He didn't know much about Carla Dashwood.

"No, of course," he said, stepping out of her way to let her leave. "Sorry," he said, at the same time she did. Marin didn't know if he'd hung out with someone as apologetic as he was. He shook his head a little, dismissing her apology. "Yeah," he said, sounding a little breathless. He gave her a small smile as she left, then sat down in the empty seat beside him for a moment. He needed a second to collect himself, he thought. A moment to calm down. Then he'd be okay to head back up the train and brave the path to the prefect's compartment.