She sat quietly, nearly unflinching save the occasional blink, as he began an initial assessment. Though his first thought made bitterness sting her insides like a cold blast of winter air creeping across glass freezing the dew in it’s path. Of course, he was right. Apart from changing her name and her face there was no denying who she was. As long as they were alive, here, she would always be Victoria Bennett Abercrombie’s child.
Cool blue eyes drifted to the battered news pages he gestured to. It was more of a relief than she wanted to admit to hear him says that already she was miles away from Victoria. Perhaps he was judging her to be a bit more popular than she really was but if this was really his impression from afar, hardly knowing her, perhaps she could take it at face value. Gaius had never been in her life, he’d been in her mother’s.
How many times had she met him before? Could she count it on one hand? Blurry memories of the cadaverous man drifting in and out of her mother’s sphere. As a girl in loose cotton dresses, plaited hair, and Mary Jane’s she peered through keyholes that were at eye level as her beautiful mother and the man sat close, hunched over texts or documents, sometimes maps. Her mother’s maid was never far off shooing her from any threshold she lingered in for too long.
Then a summer, what had she been? 15? Terrence had been there, sitting next to her, across from Gaius. Farren had sat staring at her father, his face ashen, wrecked, her mother had had an incident earlier that day, the mediwizards had come from the psychology ward at Mungo’s. This was the new normal, she hadn’t thought about it, it was that normal. She didn’t think into the fact that the whole meal passed in silence. It was normal now. That evening she’d left her hair down, long loose waves falling around her shoulders, a simple cotton dress with the top buttons left undone - for Terrence’s benefit. Teenage lust had blurred her curiosity about Gaius.
Finally, before the end, it was winter 1998, she knew that because it was the coldest she’d ever been, inside and out. The winter had been bitter, dark, and stormy. The Dark Lord was at his height of power and the blackness that engulfed them all struck deep in the Abercrombie house. She had loved and lost Declan. The most powerful bachelor in the UK and Ireland, a decade her senior, a Death Eater like Victoria. It had been all over the papers. A beautiful 17 year old heiress and the bizarre nearly 30 year old O’Dwyer heir. All winter the stone house was more frozen shut to the world, her personal prison, isolated from the press, public, and the Dark Lord. As her father had explained it, it was for her protection. Protection from Him and the dark mark. Protection from Azkaban. Protection from ruin, further personal ruin and family ruin. She was the designated survivor for the whole family. Someone had to be politically unsoiled. Victoria, had explained it was also punishment, detox from her romance, she’d shamed them by becoming a woman too fast and with the wrong man. Even if he was the richest most powerful one available with the right politics. She was still being punished because she’d failed. Victoria was living in London. They told her it was for everyone’s safety, especially hers. A fallen child took it as her own personal doing. Driving her mother from their home. Robbed of a mother because she had failed but also for her protection. The designated survivor had to be as isolated from the contaminant as possible. The eighteen year old girl, perched in doorways and windows looking out over the frozen, barren estate, waiting for a glimpse of her mother.
Had he seen her there? When he came with Victoria? She had become invisible to her was she invisible to him too? Broken and worn by a war she wasn’t even fighting in, emaciated physically and emotionally, hidden away from the world in her frozen country estate in the middle of nowhere? Cloaked in a black lace and velvet dressing gown, her long wavy hair pulled back loosely falling around her face in pieces, sunken purple rings under her eyes contrasted her sallow complexion. Barefoot, bare faced, beautifully unkempt, and perfectly raw, standing in the doorway of the library watching them. Gaius and Victoria, at their papers again. They seemed to not notice the young woman just meters from them. Not even enough to shoo her away. Back against the door frame she’d sunk down to sit against the door jam, her legs stretched through the doorway. The pair of them were frantic, working, arguing, writing. When the sun had risen and the birds outside began singing Farren awoke on the floor. Her cheek stuck to cold, smooth, wood plank floor, a halo of dew on the floor beside her face where her hot breath hit the cold house. They’d left.
She was no longer that girl in the doorway. Now she was the woman in the papers. He seemed to judge her as capable, versatile, and maybe if she construed his words, better. At least to her she seemed better. He had called her respectable. Victoria was castigated. She was a maker. Victoria an arsonist. While part of her wanted to dismiss what he said, the part of her that loathed herself, she had come here to hear his opinion. A prisoner had no reason to lie to her. Flattering her would get him nothing. She couldn’t even get them sugar she’d paid for in here.
Pricks of discomfort moved down her spine as he assumed a position behind her. He stood out of her sight. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of turning her head to keep him in her sight. Fear was not something she entertained often and she was too practiced in controlling herself to let this little power move get to her. Eyes forward, head held high, again she listened.
It was like…he could read her mind. Was he? Could he? Or did he know her so easily because she was in fact, so like her mother? Without realizing it, a lump had swollen in her throat. Of course she wanted power, no one else could be trusted with their society values. The other purebloods, they were all scared or traitors, no one wanted to stand up for their society. But how? What did she have for tools to do this? The work of she and Pyxis. Pyxis, had run away to solve his personal problems, she was alone to helm a ship with no compass. What was she supposed to do to get more power? People were interested but hesitant to commit. The message was....still in need for being refined. Tuned for mass consumption.
Reaching around her he took the cookies before her and spelled out a message. She blinked, turning her face to look up at him, eyes narrowed. Without responding she turned back to the table, her eyes forward. His breath was on her ear, if she wasn’t as practiced and strong as she was she may have recoiled. Not because he was revolting. He wasn’t. Men did not dare get this close to her. It was improper, to invade a woman’s space. It was almost suggestive. The only men who got this close to her were lovers. He was right. She was respected. Women who were respected were shielded from this sort of personal invasion, intimidation.
Lingering whispered words punctuated the air but for a moment. Quickly Farren reached forward and pushed the cookies away, back into the pile, erasing the word he’d made. Possible responses flickered through her mind. As usually she held her tongue, letting all the possible responses play quickly through her mind as she debated her response. Pyxis was gone. Gaius was her only immediate link to her mother. To the mark on her arm, on Nathalie’s, on Beatryx’s. Maybe he could help. He clearly thought she could do this. Perhaps she should trust him. She’d come to him for help with her identity but maybe her identity and this were inextricably linked.
Lifting her chin slightly, as she tended to do when steeling herself, she turned and looked at him from the corner of her eye. “If you were reading the papers, you would know. Or don’t you know a dog whistle when you see one?” she hissed cooly. It was unnatural for her to be disrespectful or defiant to a senior. By all accounts Gaius was her senior but he seemed to be ceding to her.
She jerked her head indicating towards his chair, it was time for him to sit down. He knew she wasn’t her mother, why was he standing so close to her?
“The war was wrong,” a pause. “Killing muggles and mud bloods helps no one. We are too few to afford murder. All we have left is cultural preservation. That is something worth fighting for. History, lineage, arts, literary tradition, fashion, social hierarchy, rules, decency….these are the things worth fighting for. Politically. You can’t market murder. You can’t justify murder when your population is going extinct on it’s own. Cultural superiority, selectivity, secrecy - that you can market. We can preserve what’s left, reform, restore, and rebuild. You take the mud bloods with you. Separate them from their filthy muggle origins, give them something perfect and shiny on a hill to chase in their new life. You don’t kill anyone. You convert them.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat she folded her arms over her chest watching him. As always she was cool, stony, and distant. Like the girl behind a keyhole, silent across a table in the midst of turmoil, a whisp in a doorway on the eve of the end - there was a veil present still. This one though was of her own making and control. Even if her idea made her tingle with excitement you’d have never known it. Abercrombie women kept secrets.