[london] until it ends, there is no end. [billie]

“Right,” she said, nodding at his explanation of a dryer. She’d inferred correctly, more or less. She was silent for a while, her mind inevitably dwelling in fields of wildflowers coated in morning dew, and salty winds over craggy rocks. She fought back waves of strong feelings, her gaze focused somewhere out on the horizon.

She looked up at him when he spoke again. Her comment had been more of a fun fact, a diversion, perhaps, from their current conversational topic. She hadn’t meant to draw parallels between the Odyssey and… anything else. His words were weighty. “I’m not sure,” she answered honestly. She watched him for a moment, then continued, “is the point that it wasn't worth it?”

As the sun neared the horizon, there were a few breaks in the clouds. They were quiet again, and she gave his hand a squeeze as the pair watched some of the clouds clear. The wind picked up, catching her hair and the bottom her dress in its grasp.

After a while, thin beams of sunlight touched her skin for the first time since they’d been at the fair. “Oh,” she said, a little surprised. The light was a deep orange. She looked down at her fingers in the light; it was beautiful, but offered no warmth. Not that that was a problem, with the spell he'd cast and the fact that he was standing so closely beside her.

She turned to look over her shoulder, her eyes widening a bit at the sight. The light, deep orange with little hints of pink, reflected in the water caught in the little concave surfaces of the rocks like so many little pockets of sunlight."It's beautiful," she breathed, her voice barely audible over the wind. She glanced back at him with a smile.

Phillip wondered about her answer for longer than he should have. Was it worth it? The teenager sighed because he knew he'd spent just as long, more if he had to, trying to get his home back. And he knew that was crazy. He knew what he was supposed to take away from the story. The Odyssey may have been the first time it was told but it was far from the last. And it always ended the same. They returned, things were so different it didn't even feel like home anymore, and then it ended. He knew his story wouldn't be any different but he kept trying, searching, and expecting a different outcome. And then there was the real take away he'd gotten from the poem: Odysseus should have never left his family in the first place. That was the original crime.

He stood next to her, finding comfort when she squeezed his hand, and he let his mind drift away from the story and back to them being here. Phillip hadn't planned on ending up here today, honestly he hadn't thought about this place in so long he thought he'd forgotten it. That was by design of course. Now that they were here though he realized he'd waited too long to come back. And he realized he wouldn't of been able to come here with anyone else but her.

Squeezing her hand back gently in silent response to her affections for the location he turned to look at her. She was beautiful. He stared at her for a moment, staying quiet, and just watching her smile at him. He didn't feel the need to say anything. He never felt that way around her, like he was expected to fill the silence between them with inane small talk. He loved that they spoke about real things and sometimes nothing at all. Returning her smile the corners of his mouth tugged a little as he admired the glow the setting sun gave her.

Her hair was coloured golden at the edges, whipped around her by the wind, damp from the spray of the ocean. Billie smiled a shy sort of smile, just the corners of her mouth tugging up a little, her cheeks pinkening under his gaze.

The sun moved lower, sliding slowly behind the horizon line, and their environment got brighter; the clouds were disappearing just in time to show them the sunset. The greys in the rocks and the clouds shifted into bright oranges and pinks. The water lit up too. It was all very beautiful, but she found herself unable to look away from him, thinking that she liked this smile of his. It was plain and without fuss, like everything else he did. Also characteristically, though, there were things shifting under the surface of his expression.

She wondered a little if she was reading too deeply into the way he was looking at her. She studied the way the sunlight changed the colour of his eyes, made everything more saturated and intense. She felt a little giddy and then consequently, felt very self-aware. She cycled through a few different feelings in a short amount of time, settling on a nervous sort of determination.

“Phillip,” she said, her voice barely audible over the wind and the sea. “Can I…?” she swallowed, then shook her head slightly, wetting her lower lip with the tip of her tongue. “I have something to say."

Phillip might not have been very good at noticing things in general but when it came to her he took note of a lot more. Like the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, or the look in her eyes when she was lost in thought, or the way she smiled when her cheeks flushed. He noticed it happening now and as he wondered where her thoughts were he squeezed her hand again. It wasn't a big gesture, it was barely anything at all, but the more they did it the more he wanted to do it. He took refuge in the physical, silent, sort of connection they were sharing in this moment.

He turned back to stare out at the ocean with her. The clouds were clearing up and just in time too as the last rays of light peaked over the horizon. It made the sea look brighter and darker all at once. The pink and orange reflections of the setting sun so stark in contrast with the black waters. The little pools that gathered on the surfaces of the stones like tiny mirrors. Everyone of them was it's own little sea, shifting in the wind and rippling from the bits of mist that fell into them. Phillip loved it here, he always had, but he loved it even more now.

Her small voice reached his ears and he struggled to hear what she was saying over the waves crashing against the rocks below them. When he turned back to look at her his eyes focused on her lips. "Yeah?" Was all he asked, listening intently with a little tilt of his head.

Her heart was in her mouth.

“You’re one of my closest friends,” she started quietly. He was the closest, actually, but she felt a bit bad ranking them out loud like that. “You know that I care about you a lot.” She looked at him, searching for something in his eyes. She wanted to say that she loved him, because – being herself – of course she did. Billie was a loving person, she carried love for all of her friends. But in this space, with the rest of her confession on the tip of her tongue, she felt like it wouldn’t mean the right thing. If he took it as a teenage confession of romantic love, she felt like it would undermine the other kind of love she had; the more steady, beating kind, the deeper sense of mutual understanding.

“But, it’s not just that.” She glanced down for a second, not feeling nearly as brave as she needed to. She remembered the way Phillip had acted on the last couple of days of term last year, how awkward he’d been. How he’d avoided her gaze. It had made her feel like she’d done something wrong, even though he’d been the one who’d tried to kiss her. She remembered how confused she’d been, and how nervous she was that things wouldn’t be right between them again. Was she willing to risk that all now?

Billie wasn’t afraid of rejection, not really. It didn’t matter to her so much that he thought about her the way she thought about him – every morning and night – or whether or not he actually wanted to do something about it. She didn’t need anything from him. But she didn’t want things to change and… they might. That was probably why it had taken so long. But they were here now, in a place he'd visited as a child, after sharing stories about their families and holding hands and carving themselves into this place in both a literal and metaphorical sense. It felt bigger than her.

“I think about you all the time,” she admitted finally, still not bold enough to look at him. “When we’re in a room together, I always look for you. And I always know where you are.” The ghost of a smile crossed her lips, it sounded stupidly superstitious when said out loud, but she felt like it was true. She must just have been perceptive, but it felt more mystical than simply paying attention. “I always want to…” she hesitated, wanting to say something like I always want to touch you, but it sounded far too bold. She glanced at their intertwined fingers, gave his hand a slight squeeze. “I miss you.”

She took a deep breath, then finally looked back up at him. “I don’t know what you’re thinking – and you don’t have to tell me,” she added quickly, “nothing needs to change…” The wind died down a little just then, and Billie felt very aware of herself, and how close they were standing and how loud her voice sounded. It was a little darker now, too; the sun had almost slipped entirely behind the waterline. “...and nothing needs to be anything that it isn’t. I’m sorry if… I just thought you should know… how I feel.”

When she'd said she had something to say he had sort of imagined it was something about what they'd be talking about, about what they were doing here, even maybe that she wanted to tell him something about her family she hadn't been able to tell him until now, but when she started talking he realized it was something else all together. He blinked a few times, trying to take in everything she was saying but being overwhelmed by his own feelings. His emotions mirrored hers in ways he wasn't able to tell her back. Even though she seemed hesitant her words were still so graceful. They were so her and he could never match them.

The idea that she thought of him all the time hung heavily in his ears because he felt the same way. Every time he went to dinner or to class or even down to the common room the first thing he did was look for her. It'd been happening more and more lately, so much so he didn't even try to fight it anymore. Part of him had known for a long time how he felt abut her but he'd always been left wondering where she stood. He'd nearly ruined everything last year by trying to kiss her under the influence of a potion but it wasn't the first, or the last, time he'd thought about doing it. The idea that he'd almost done it while basically drunk had quite literally tore the floor out from under him. There was no way he could have ever expressed those feelings after that moment, not without wondering if she thought it was just lingering effects, thinking it wasn't real. And that terrified him.

"I want to..." He hung on the edge of these words as he swallowed nervously. He wanted her to finish the sentence so desperately. Phillip felt her squeeze his hand and it sent a shiver up his arms, goosebumps spreading across his skin. Anxiously he chewed on the inside of her lip as he tried to figure out some way to tell her he was feeling the same things. That he wanted to be around her all of the time, that she was his closest friend, that he never stopped thinking about her. He needed her to know just how much she meant to him but the words just didn't sound right in his head. How could he possibly explain to her exactly how much he needed her in his life. How scared he was to lose her. How because of her he actually looked forward to things now, that she was the reason he was able to step ever so slightly out of the nightmares of his past and let himself enjoy things again. None of it seemed enough.

She finished quickly as the sounds of everything around them seemed to be drowned out. He lost track of the sunlight fading and the waves hitting the stones. He couldn't hear anything except for her words and the pounding in his chest. The cold air didn't phase him because her voice was like magic wrapping him up in a warm feeling he never wanted to stop. He was silent as his eyes focused on her again and he grew still as his gaze trailed down to her lips. He didn't have words for how he felt, but that didn't mean he had nothing to say. His eyes lingered on her lips, imagining what it would be like to kiss her. His thoughts spiraled like the galaxies she visited with her telescope and he felt short of breath. He wondered what it would change for them, if this deep friendship they'd built would shift and become something else entirely. He wondered in that moment if they would lose what they were now, or become something more, and remembered her words about Odysseus' story. Would the journey be worth it? He couldn't fathom losing her as a friend but he was enthralled with the thought of being more.

Even though he felt like his mind had taken him on an epic saga in the moment since she'd stopped talking, only a few seconds had truly passed. He surged, electricity moving through his body, as his eyes flickered from hers back down to her lips. He stole one more glance at them before his body finally moved past his mind. In a fluid motion he let go of her hand and used his to cup her chin, tilting it up toward him as he sunk into her. His eyes were closed by the time his lips met hers but he still felt like he saw her. He could picture the way she looked at him, the way the sunlight had illuminated her blond hair, the way her lips moved when she'd told him how she felt. Phillip kissed her softly at first, brushing his lips against hers until he was over come by a dizzying feeling that urged him to pull her closer.

There was a long moment where she just stood there, steeped in his gaze and the feeling their locked eyes filled her with. She wasn't an impatient person, but the tension between them right now – years of tension – was a bit much for her to take. She wanted desperately for him to say something. She felt like she was made of air, like he could see right through her. She felt caught up in him too, secure in the way they were connecting. Weighty and light at the same time.

But she still couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

He kissed her and it took her a second to realise it was really happening. She’d thought about it, imagined it, far more than she would ever admit to anyone; enough so that she might have thought she knew what it would feel like to kiss him already. She’d spent many hours with him, watching him speak, watching his lips. But this was better than her daydreams or fantasies. Billie closed her eyes belatedly and kissed him back with earnestness.

She didn’t really know what she was doing, but it was all damn close to perfect anyway. Her little heart sang inside her chest, her pulse fluttering as she moved her hands to rest on his waist. She leaned forward instinctively, pressing herself against him, parting her lips a little, tilting her head. She was all covered in goosebumps, only in part due to the wind.

They were two small figures against the backdrop of a raging ocean. Just two damp and windswept teenagers standing together, sharing a first kiss, as the sun slipped quietly behind the horizon and the brilliant colours faded slowly back to quiet greys. But she didn’t feel small, at the moment. She felt part of something much bigger and more compelling than herself.

Which was silly, of course, but she didn’t think about that.

He could of been swallowed whole by the ocean in this moment and he wouldn't of noticed. He was so swept away by her lips on his, her hands, his hands, their bodies pressed up against one another in a new kind of warm, that nothing else registered. All of the fears and worries washed out to sea with the tide and Phillip surrendered to this feeling. He let it take over him as they continued to kiss for what felt like two seconds and two hours all wrapped into one. The moments flew by as the last remnants of sunlight gathered on the horizon. He felt his warming spell waning, his focus completely gone from the magic, but he didn't need it anymore.

Phillip had never felt so strongly about a person before but it was more than just a physical attraction. It was everything else that came before too. Their friendship, their conversations, everything that they had shared. All of the things he only said or did when she was around. His need to hear her opinions on things, to discuss and debate, to figure things out together. He felt connected to her on every level now. He trusted her completely, he'd do anything for her, there was no ask that would be too big. Phillip was the sort to become devoted to things he cared about, to the point of being obsessive about it. Whether it was his heart, or his teenage hormones on over drive, in this moment she meant absolutely everything to him.

And he never wanted to stop kissing her.

So this was making out.

At first she’d thought it might just be a kiss, but after the a kiss part, he’d kissed her again and they hadn’t really stopped kissing since then. She’d snuck in a few breaths here and there, but by the time she pulled back a bit, her hands somehow resting in the curves on either side between his shoulders and neck, she was breathing hard. Her lips were kiss-swollen and reddened, and her cheeks were flushed too.

It really was like a dream, she thought. They’d only clicked teeth maybe once, and she hadn’t felt for a second that she wanted to be anywhere else. She opened her eyes slowly, met his gaze, blinked a couple of times, then smiled, a proper kind of smile that lit her expression up like sunlight. Self-conscious, but self-aware too. Vulnerable, but comfortable. “Wow,” she breathed, immediately wishing that she hadn’t, but not beating herself up too much about it. She brushed the sides of his neck with her thumbs affectionately, wondering what it would be like to kiss him there.

It was darker now, a fact that she probably wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t had her eyes closed for what must have been several minutes. She tried to catch her breath, but it felt impossible while she was staring at him; her heart beat rapidly at the sight of him so close. She felt a sudden rush of emotion just then. A mix of feelings, all swirling around inside her. This was what it felt like, she thought, to want something for a long time and then to have it realised right in front of her.

She indulged in it for a moment, just looking at him and smiling like an idiot, before her hands slid down his chest and moved to cover her face, her wide-smile, her self-aware embarassment. She shook her head at her own silly self, then rested her face – still covered – on his chest. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, nestling into him. After a little while all wrapped up in him, she had a sudden thought. “What’s the time?” she asked, her voice a little muffled by his clothes.

When they finally paused he took a moment to catch his breath as he looked into her eyes. The light in the sky was nearly gone but he could still see some of it reflected in the brighter parts of her sea-green eyes. He took a deep breath, his heart was still racing and he could feel it pounding against his chest. Every part of him feel alive, ignited, and her thumbs moving on his neck sent a shiver down his spine. His swollen lips turned upwards at her wow because he felt the same way. He'd thought about this moment before but none of his ideas even came close in comparison to how perfect it really was. Nothing ever could of.

She covered her face and he wanted to stop her but then she rested her head against his chest and he stayed still. His hands had found their way to the small of her back and he held her closely then. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, but his breathing had steadied and his heart didn't feel so rapid anymore by the time she spoke. He'd been staring off the coast at the nearly dark sky, a few blinking lights from ships that were passing in the channel the only thing to break up the darkness.

"Oh, uh." He said softly, remiss to move one of his hands from her back but pulling it away to look at his wizard's watch. It glowed autonomously as he turned it toward his eyes. "It's 10:12." He told her softly, as he moved to wrap his arm back around her and enjoy this moment a little longer. It only took him a second to realize what that time meant, but it probably took him longer than it took her.

She imagined this must be what being high felt like. Billie didn’t know anything about that, but Phillip always made comments about one of their teachers when she was more spaced out or smiley than usual. Billie felt a bit spaced out and smiley herself right now. She’d almost forgotten where they were, or why they’d come. She was only just now hearing things like the sounds of the ocean again, or the wind against the rocks. Her legs were cold, and that was definitely something that had been a thing for a while, but was only apparent to her now. She swam in it all happily. It was strange that she could see little lights out on the water through her fingers; were they boats, she wondered?

She peeked out from behind her fingers at him, but then jerked back, her hands dropping to her sides when he told her the time. “Ten twelve?” she repeated emphatically, her mouth slightly ajar, her eyes wide. She stared at him for a moment, trying to speak, but at a loss for words. Only a couple of little sounds came out. It was a cute sort of panic, one where she was comically surprised and wanted to laugh at the same time. “Shit,” she said emphatically, her hands clapping over her mouth a moment after she said it.

As soon as she'd moved away it occurred to him that she was supposed to be home before now. That they weren't in London like she'd told Kendrick they would be. That she was always on time to everything. He watched her face change, his own mirroring her as she went through the motions, and hoping she wouldn't be mad at him for keeping her out to long. He was just about to get worried, nervous even, but then something he'd never seen before happened and it caught him entirely off guard.

"Shit"

And he laughed outright. Narrow eyes, wide toothy smile, and aloud chuckle that came from deep down; the whole thing. He'd never heard her curse before and it surprised him. That coupled with the intoxicating happiness he felt surging through him had him shaking his head after he'd laughed. He felt drunk as he smiled at her, big and bright. He ran his hand through in an attempt to regain his composure. It had been a long time since he'd laughed like that, so long she'd probably never even seen it, but damn it had felt good.

"I'm sorry.." He started, the smile still playing on his lips, "I don't mean to laugh. Should we, uh, we should go?" As much as he would of preferred to stay here with her he knew it wasn't realistic. If he got her into trouble on their very first outing he worried they'd never be allowed out again. And he knew how important things like this were to her. He held his hand out to her, readying himself to apparate at her signal.

He laughed, and she laughed too, feeling very much caught up in this whole thing. Very much caught up in him, and his feelings. Their feelings. She put her palms on her temples, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it all before taking a steadying breath and looking at him again. She hadn’t ever seen him laugh like that before; it was beautiful. Her smile was smaller now, no teeth showing, but it was just as bright. Her eyes twinkled.

“Definitely,” she said, “We should definitely go.” The blonde slipped her hand into his like it had been there a million times before, knew the territory. She didn’t stop looking at him as she took another deep breath, ready to – and then they were folding through space, and she felt a bit dizzy – and they arrived on the path outside Kendrick’s house with the distinct crack! of apparation. She exhaled slowly.

When he felt her hand in his he held onto it tightly and closed his eyes. They passed through miles in a moment and disembarked just about where they had left from. He squinted at the street lamps as he opened his eyes, the sights and sounds of the residential area so different from where they just were he had to adjust to it. He knew he'd need to let go of her hand, especially as they approached the house, but he didn't want to.

He wondered if she would be in trouble, if she would regret staying out, if Kendrick would be waiting at the door for her, but most of all he wondered if he should kiss her good night again. If it was up to him he'd of never stopped kissing her back on the beach but now that they were here and headed to her door step things felt more complicated. There were so many thoughts running through his mind that the warm tingling feeling he'd been enveloped in not so long ago was quickly being chased out by nervousness.

Giving her hand one last squeeze he let it go and rested his by his side uneasily. He waited for her to walk before he walked with her, the silence in these last few steps wasn't like their normal silence. He felt like he was being crushed under the weight of it. Should he kiss her? Would she want him to? Was it appropriate, especially now, as he dropped her off late to Kendrick's.

She was surprised when he let go of her hand, but resisted giving him an inquisitive look. Her smile hadn’t disappeared, though she did feel a bit nervous about telling Kendrick that they’d gone to places other than the one she’d told him about. And then come home late. She wasn’t really afraid of punishment or anything, more just… worried about hurting Kendrick’s feelings. It sounded a bit silly when she thought it so directly, but it was the truth. She didn’t want him to be disappointed or think that she hadn’t been considering him when she’d been making decisions.

Billie walked a step ahead of him, but after a few steps, she couldn’t help but shoot a smile over her shoulder. It almost didn’t feel real, especially since they’d literally disappeared from the place where it had all happened. It was strange to think that she’d been crying what, half an hour ago? An hour ago? Talking about their families, apparating from london, carving their names into the rock... Billie didn’t have a good grasp of how time had passed tonight; it all felt too fast for her.

They made it up to the porch, and she hesitated on the top stair, turning to block his path. She felt a bit giddy. She paused for a second, then reached out to rest her hands on either side of his neck, where they'd been earlier. She could feel his the edge of his hair at the back of his neck with her fingertips. One step apart, they were almost the same height. “I should go in,” she breathed, her heart racing, eyes flicking down to his lips.