[MP] Kukushka (Justýna)

As the lamp flickered on her bedside table, Polina let out a deep sigh. In all honesty, she really, really didn't want to be at the immersion camp but at least it was better than being at home. Learning Swedish was a far nicer alternative to allowing her voice to become hoarse from all the screaming matches she had with her parents at home, of course learning Swedish at all meant something far more unsettling. She was being forced to go back to the school of her very worst nightmares. The now former Koldovstoretz student sighed again, breaking the scritch-scratch sound of her quill as she wrote in her omnipresent journal.

Apollinariya paused, straightening out her pyjamas before glancing over at her cousin, Justýna. She was very glad to have been roomed with her for the immersion, even if she made Polina felt so disgusted with herself at times due to the jealous feelings that Justýna brought out. Her cousin was perfect. So frustratingly perfect, and she had spent the majority of her life looking up to the older witch, trying to emulate her in every way. Replacing her quill in the ink pot on the table and fanning the page of her journal to aid the drying of the ink, Polina wondered if her cousin was as scared as she was to return to the halls of Durmstrang. They hadn't really talked about it before. Did the idea of being called scum and having hexes thrown their way once again make Justýna want to cry in fear too? Was she just better at hiding it? Justýna always appeared to be so brave, Polina felt like a coward in comparison.

Once her journal was gently closed and placed under her pillow, and Apollinariya shimmied off her bed and quietly stood, her eyes shifting to and from her cousin several times, debating saying something to her. "Justýna," Polina began, as her eyes glistened with tears, realising it was too late to back down now that she had the older witch's attention. "Do you... Do you think we'll be alright?" Her head hung low, trying to hide her face. "At Durmstrang, I mean." She sniffed, sneaking a look at Justýna to gauge her reaction. "I can't believe you're as calm as you look." Well, that was a lie. She could believe it, she just hoped her fear didn't seem silly.

@Justýna Tesaříková

Justýna was silent as she changed into her pajamas, her mind buzzing as it revisited and replayed the day’s events. There had been nothing physically demanding about it, but the Czech witch was mentally exhausted. Random Swedish phrases that she’d repeated a dozen times kept popping into her thoughts, unbidden, their pronunciations taunting her. What she wouldn’t give for Anders’s company right now… and not just for him to help her much more patiently through the language lessons.

The sandy blonde sighed imperceptibly, not wanting to alarm her cousin. Polina was in the twin bed beside hers, and Justýna could hear her scribbling away in her journal. ‘That was a smart outlet, writing,’ she had often thought. But each time she had tried it, she found she couldn’t quite get the words out. Polina was much more articulate and expressive than she could ever hope to be.

She must have zoned out, then, because the next thing she registered was the sound of her name in a tone that caught her attention immediately. Justýna glanced up – and something squeezed tight around her heart at Polina’s tearful expression.
“Do you think we’ll be alright? At Durmstrang?” and then “I can’t believe you’re as calm as you look.”

The Czech witch did not answer right away. Offering her cousin a sympathetic smile, Justýna reached out and folded the younger girl into her arms. She even reached up to pet the back of Polina’s wavy brown hair gently in long, slow movements; to comfort her cousin as much as herself.

“I’m not, don’t worry – I guess I’ve just gotten good at pretending like I am,” she replied with a touch of humor, choosing to comment on her last statement first.

In truth, there was a lot broiling beneath Justýna’s seemingly-placid exterior, as even-keeled as the seventeen-year-old tried to be. She had given a lot of thought to Polina’s question – and found she didn’t really have a solid answer. The good news was that Vulchanova was not part of the equation, the political movement seemed a touch more progressive now, and they were in a completely new castle so at least they’d have a clean slate there (namely, no physical location reminders). The bad news was that – once again – Koldovstoretz students were being forced to move against their will (it was true that some Durmstrang students had been chosen in exchange, but Justýna though that was beside the point).

She didn’t want to be pessimistic; but she didn’t want to be falsely optimistic, either. So she spoke her mind.
“I don’t know,” she murmured into her cousin’s hair, “though I would very much hope and think so.” Justýna voiced the thoughts she’d had just a moment prior, about the various pros and cons to their current situation. Talking seemed to work much better for Justýna; by saying things aloud, she was able to work through them a bit more easily. Oftentimes it made her think of things she hadn’t before, when it was all kept tucked away inside her head.

After a time they stepped back, and Justýna took hold of her cousin’s hands.

“I'm worried, too,” she admitted gently – and was surprised to feel the tiniest weight lift from her shoulders at the confession. “But I think the only thing worrying will do for us, is make us miserable. We can only hope that this new Minister is as well-meaning as it seems he is trying to be, and to do everything we can to make the best of this.”

The optimism was soul-sucking, but Justýna pressed on. Polina fed heavily off of her energy, she knew. Justýna didn’t want her cousin to think she was the only one feeling desperate, because it was far from the truth and the last thing she wanted was for the Russian witch to feel inferior; but at the same time, as the elder cousin Justýna felt it was her responsibility to attempt to steer the both of them (and their younger sisters) away from the tempting pit of despair. It wasn’t easy, not by a long shot. But if there was one thing Justýna was, it was determined. She liked to think she could dig her heels in with the best of them, and all the while pass under the radar.

She gave her cousin's hands a quick squeeze, and offered her a small smile.
“I know I'm glad to not be going back to that wretched old Durmstrang castle, aren’t you? This place seems much nicer – even the villagers seem kinder. We should go for a walk along the wharf tomorrow, during our break.”

Her cousin opened her arms and pulled Polina in for a hug, and though she automatically tensed up to begin with, she quickly relaxed into the comforting hug and returned it gratefully. A small tear escaped and rolled down her cheek as Justýna began gently petting her hair and the heart that she didn't even realise was racing began to stop thumping like crazy and calm down a little. Apollinariya sighed in relief that she wasn't alone in her worry, it made her sort of happy to not that it was okay to not feel okay about the situation. Both cousins seemed good at hiding things they didn't want the other to know about.

Justýna was always so optimistic about things, even if things appeared absolutely hopeless, Polina felt like her foil, always being so cynical. She wished she had the courage to look at the bright side all the time. The former Koldovstoretz student remained quiet, listening intently to her cousin's calm and rational words bring her back from her anxiety-driven land into reality again. Her fairly silent crying soon stopped as she sniffed the last of the emotion away and Polina even managed a small smile against her cousin's hair.

Polina stepped back and let Justýna keep hold of her hands, gently grasping her cousin's in return. Her confession made Polina softly smile, it was like Justýna was somehow giving permission to feel the way she felt. She didn't need the permission, obviously, but it was nice to know she had it all the same and was being validated. What Justýna said next was the difficult part for Apollinariya, though, as she seemed addicted to causing herself more pain and suffering than was necessary. Still, her cousin was right about one thing, the new Swedish Minister did seem pretty okay. "I guess so..." She meekly replied after a beat of silence.

As Justýna squeezed her hands, Polina squeezed back and reluctantly let go, stepping back a little bit. "Yes, that is very true," Polina began, looking away from her cousin as if she was trying to convince herself of what she was saying. "We can make some new memories here, that'll be happier... hopefully," She turned her head back to Justýna to smile, "at least Sweden is pretty." Polina then paused to think about the suggestion they should walk during their break. Walking was good exercise which would certainly keep her darker thoughts at bay and she'd get to spend some extra time with Justýna and explore, maybe ground herself in the new place a little more.

"I... Uh... Yes. I think that's a great idea." Polina replied after a few moments, nodding a few times in conjunction with her words. "The fresh air would be nice, it could clear our heads a bit. Swedish is hard to learn. Don't you think?" She asked, finding a bit more confidence as she went along. Verbal communication was never her strong suit, and this conversation would be so much easier if she was writing it instead.

“We can make some new memories here, that'll be happier... hopefully.”

“Agreed,” she smiled back reassuringly. “I like this village much better than Belushya Guba, already. The fresh fish market is certainly a bonus.” By comparison, Belushya Guba was very… flat, and not aesthetically pleasing in the slightest; it felt very isolating. Luleå, thus far at least, seemed much more ‘livable’. Polina was right: it was certainly prettier.

“It is,” she agreed with Polina’s comment on the difficulty of the language. In retrospect, she wished she’d had the foresight to ask Anders to teach her more Swedish over the years they’d been friends – but that was the very nature of hindsight, she supposed.
“Russian wasn’t so bad, as it isn’t too terribly different from Czech aside from learning the Cyrillic piece… but Swedish is certainly a different type of trial.”
Justýna shook her head slightly, before nodding and adding: “I do think the fresh air will help. It will also help us learn the village, for when term starts – something will feel at least a little bit familiar.”

She climbed onto her bed, then, and patted the space beside her as an invitation for her cousin to sit.
“Are you excited for camp in America?” she asked, mostly out of genuine curiosity but also to redirect the conversation to a happier topic. “I was reading that there are opportunities to pursue just about anything you want.”

Polina tried to smile as her cousin said that she liked the new village better. In all honesty, she was still a little unsure about whether or not she liked the village. Unlike Justyna, apparently, the fresh fish market was not a bonus in Apollinariya’s eyes. In fact, that was probably one of her least favourite things about it. “Really? Do you not think the stench of fish every time you walk into the village will be a bother?”

She nodded as Justyna mentioned when she had learnt Russian. Polina couldn’t remember learning Czech, she had always just sort of spoken both Russian and Czech depending on whether she spoke to her mother or father. The advantage of having parents who spoke two different languages, she supposed. Swedish didn’t sound anything like either of those languages though, and the sounds felt so unnatural. “Definitely,” Polina agreed with a slight eye roll, “I hate how weird my voice sounds when I have to force those weird pronunciations. Have you noticed your voice change?” She asked, genuinely curious if this was just a problem she had or if her cousin experienced it too. “I feel like my voice goes higher… It is weird.”

Her cousin made an excellent point. Even if everything else around them was completely strange and unfamiliar, if they managed to get their bearings in the village then that was something they had under control. “Yes, that is very sensible. I agree.” Polina nodded, though she still felt a little unsure about their situation.

Justyna patted her bed to invite her to sit, and Polina hesitated for a second before sitting beside her cousin as she asked about the camp. She could feel that Justyna wanted a brighter topic, but Polina couldn’t provide her with a cheerful answer. She was so jealous of her cousin’s ability to be bright and happy while she was just this miserable, morose creature. “No. I don’t really want to go,” she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders and a frown. “It is better than being at home right now though…” She chewed her lip as she trailed off, not really wanting to get into all the problems the family was having at home that were mainly her own fault.

“I mean, do you not remember the last time I was in America?” She forced a laugh. “It didn’t exactly go well.”