instead of myself; { p h i l l i p }

"Yeah, Egyptian Hieroglyphics," Phillip repeated with a short nod. "I like the symbols, it's like a secret code." Remembering when his father had told them about the ancient Egyptians and all of the great things they had built. Phillip had been intrigued by the side profile drawings of pharaohs and queens, the birds, and the things he didn't understand. The construction of the Pyramids and the tombs had always seemed so magical to the young wizard. He was convinced there must have been a wizard or two, if not more, even though he knew the history of how they were really built.

A childlike fascination with a forgotten language wasn't something Phillip would have shared with anyone other than her. Mainly because it probably wouldn't have been a particularly useful thing to learn. Maybe there were some texts he could decipher, but after thousands of years, he doubted any of their magic would be helpful.

Following her down the aisle of shelves, Phillip admired the delicate way she moved. Her hands tucked away to keep from accidentally brushing against something fragile. It was something he noticed her doing quite often, a reserved style of making herself as small as possible in a space. So careful not to disrupt a thing; observant without interfering. It was far different from how Phillip occupied space, he was destructive, even with precious items like books and parchment. He devoured the information and left a mess in his wake, so consumed by his own pursuits that he forgot to leave things the way he found them.

"I would like that," Phillip had never considered learning French until just then when he'd found out she could speak it. Like another layer of intimacy, they could share, and he immediately wanted to learn it. "French is a Romantic language, right?" Phillip used the word Romantic technically, but he imagined it would sound sweet coming from Billie's lips. "I'm pretty good with Latin," he offered, remembering that it was the base of all Romantic languages.

“Would you want to travel to Africa, then?” Billie asked curiously. Again, she was a little surprised. Perhaps she needed to think more broadly about the world outside of the UK and continental Western Europe.

“A romance language, yes,” Billie said. “Along with Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and Romanian,” She added, counting the languages on one hand as she listed them quietly. The fact felt like textbook knowledge to her; the kind of thing she’d rote learned when she was a child, and forgot about until it was brought up. She hadn’t ever attempted to learn any of those languages, anyway. Vaguely, the girl remembered having a Russian tutor but it must have been brief; in her memories of that man, her mother was still at home. These days she suspected that her parents – at the time that her family had been living in Germany – had considered sending her to Durmstrang.

“Then you’ll learn quickly,” Billie said in French, testing out the shape of the language she hadn’t spoken regularly for years. She smiled over her shoulder. “You’ll learn quickly, then” she added in English, for his sake. The blonde didn’t know anything about the institute, but she was glad she’d ended up at Hogwarts – the same school her parents had gone to. The same school Phillip (her boyfriend, she remembered with a start) attended. She didn’t want to think about the fact that he’d be graduating in less than a year.

"I did," Phillip reflected on the places he used to dream of going. As a little wizard living in the boring suburbs of Ireland, he'd fantasized about adventures far away. Every little kid did, he supposed, but as he grew up, he put those ideas aside. Traveling to the great beyond still had its appeal, Merlin knew there were times he'd wished to be literally anywhere other than where he was, but his motivations had changed. It wasn't to explore or experience but to escape. He'd started focussing on just going away, the place didn't matter, so long as it was far from who and where he was right then.

That, too, was starting to shift now. The more time he spent with Billie, the more he looked forward to new things to visiting new places, but only if he was with her. Like learning French, Phillip found more of his aspirations and wants having everything to do with his girlfriend.

"Maybe one day, there are a lot of places I'd like to go," With you, he thought the last part silently, green eyes watching her.

He had no idea what she said when she spoke, but he knew from the context it must have been something about the French language or learning it. While he didn't recognize the words, the smile on her face was all too familiar. It made his own shine a little brighter. Phillip learned most things quickly, but languages weren't like mathematics or scientific facts. It was a balance of memorization and understanding, it was hard work. He had been studying Latin for years and was barely fluent. And reading was far more accessible than being able to hold up a conversation, the Ravenclaw assumed.

Phillip moved closer to her, wanting to walk side by side again as they passed an old globe. The metal that held it on its axis was rusted, and the top hemisphere was covered in dust, evidence that it had been some time since it was spun or used. "What would you learn?" He asked as he took a moment to study the world shaped ball.

"What would you learn?"

Billie wondered what all of the places were. She was a naturally curious girl, but her world had always been very small. She’d grown up incredibly sheltered, something that she’d only really started understanding in the past couple of years. This summer marked the first time she’d floo’d to Diagon Alley on her own, the first time she’d been someplace when her guardians had no idea where she was. she’d been to so many new places this summer; it was a whole season of firsts, and newness. She glanced at Phillip again, thinking about all of these things, and the part he’d played, too. 

He fell into step beside her and she smiled at him. She wanted to go to all kinds of places too, but until recently the wish had only been an abstract one; newness was scary, in a way, and travelling alone had never really appealed to the girl. She slowed as he did, her gaze following his to the rusted globe. She hadn’t actually seen many of these before, and it still surprised her how small England was compared to a lot of other countries in the world.

“I don’t know,” she answered. It wasn’t a very exciting answer, or an imaginative one, but it was honest. “Maybe… German?” She didn’t need to tell him that she spoke German quite well already. It wasn’t like French, though, or English (obviously), but she was sure she could still hold a simple conversation. She and Gaius had spoken it together when she’d visited him last. Her reasoning behind wishing for fluency was sentimental in nature. “I like the UK,” she told him, honest again. “But I saw a photograph collection taken in Iceland, and… Wow,” she breathed, a little light in her eyes. “I want to go there.” She glanced back at the globe, her green eyes finding Iceland in the ocean. "So perhaps Icelandic," she added with a smile.

German was a reasonable choice and it sounded far more useful than ancient Egyptian did, in hindsight Phillip felt a little silly about his answer. He was usually quite serious, a mix of driven and apathetic, which made his answer seem somewhat out of place. He typically did or chose things based on how valuable they could be, how much knowledge he could gain or how useful they were, but once and awhile (always around Billie) something else came to light. A part of his personality he had buried deep, deep down. The part that still had foolish dreams and fantasies about doing things just for fun.

"Iceland has a lot of cold beaches, I'd expect," He told her with a little smile, remembering she'd mentioned them before. They'd been to Ireland not long ago and he wondered if a trip to Iceland would end up the same way. The two of them standing close together, embracing as the waves surged. He wondered if she'd want to apparate there sometime. "Icelandic," he repeated, thinking back on the books he'd read about different sorts of languages and knowing there was more than just the romantic ones. "Germanic," He nodded when he remembered the term and turned back toward the globe to find Iceland on its map.

Even though he probably shouldn't have touched it the wizard couldn't help but spin the globe that was in front of them. A little dust cloud circled the ball like some kind of atmosphere before falling to the ground. Even though it was old, rusted, and dirty, it seemed like the magic inside was still just as stong. One good spin and the kinetic energy sprung back to life. Phillip watched as the sphere began to glow on it's own, rotating slowly on it's axis, and little waves crashing against the brown and green coast lines.

“The pictures I saw certainly looked cold,” Billie agreed with a small smile. “And I want to see the northern lights someday,” she added. She’d heard you could see them from the very north of Scotland, too, but she hadn’t been there, either. That was probably someplace that Phillip could take her; she wondered if he’d want to, or if she’d be allowed to go off with him late at night in the middle of winter. “That’s right,” she said. She shouldn’t have been surprised; even as someone who hadn’t really been taught to speak another language, Phillip knew a lot about the topic.

She wondered if he had any interest in going to Germany itself, and then she wondered if she did. Billie could barely remember the house she’d lived in when they’d been there; she thought it was probably a friend of a friend’s. A distant relative, perhaps. For a moment she wondered if she should check her father’s will, to see if it was actually hers (another empty house left to her?) and then she felt overwhelmed at the concept. How would she even go about it? She’d have to ask Kendrick to help her. Maybe she’d look into it when she was older.

“Where else would you want to go?” she asked, curious now. She tried to put thoughts of wills and empty houses aside, but the setting made it difficult. They’d talked about places to go to before, but it had been more in the tone of places they could actually visit together. She doubted Kendrick would let her boyfriend whisk her off to the other side of the world, for example. The blonde moved closer the globe, smiling a bit at the way the picture moved. She glanced back at Phillip, who looked very handsome illuminated, just so.

Phillip liked the idea of traveling with her, especially after how the trip to Ireland had turned out, and he let his mind roll over the possibilities for a moment. He wondered where they could go, if he'd be able to make enough sickles over the summer for little trips, and especially if she'd be allowed to go. He didn't know Kendrick very well, but so far, it hadn't seemed like he had said no to any of their outings. Then again, there was a big difference between traveling to a neighboring country in Europe to travel across oceans. Even though he knew geographically, it wasn't, sometimes Ireland, Scotland, and England all felt like one big slice of land. They were so connected, especially in the wizarding world, and apparating made travel times so short it almost skewed the distance between. It was a trick, though, and he knew that.

"Not sure," he told her with a little shrug, eyes turning back to the globe to look over the continents as they passed. Phillip had thought a lot about leaving, about traveling, but not a lot on the actual places he'd like to go. He'd was far more preoccupied with leaving than where he was going. It was a mentality that carried over into a lot of different aspects of his life. So caught up in escaping whatever he was running from, Phillip often forgot to decide which direction to head in. He never planned too far ahead, never hoped for things, just kept moving.

Now he wanted to know, though, Phillip wanted to plan things to do with her. "Maybe more places in Europe? I haven't really been anywhere besides here," he circled his index around the cluster of landmasses that made up Ireland, Scotland, and England on the globe as they passed and then looked back to her. "But we could go anywhere," he said without thinking, but its gravity hit him seconds after the words had left his lips. Shrugging again, he smiled sheepishly and continued the thought, "I mean, if you wanted to,"

I haven't really been anywhere besides here.

“Me too,” Billie said with a small smile, and it was only half a lie. She hadn’t even been born in this country, and thinking about it like that made her nervous about lying to him. But in truth, she hadn’t spent much time in Germany, and most of her childhood memories revolved around Sinnoway Isle, and that was technically England… She hadn’t set foot on the mainland once in all of the years that she’d lived on that island with her father.

Sometimes she wondered if losing his wife made Cygnus a more protective man, more willing to live in isolation to guarantee the safety of his daughter. Just as likely, though, was the idea that he just hadn’t wanted her to grow up exposed to muggles and mixed-blood witches and wizards. She felt a chill settle on her shoulders and did her best to brush it away. It was difficult not to think of things she wasn’t supposed to think about in a setting like this.

Less difficult, when he said things like that.

“Phillip,” she said, watching his expression, the way the soft, golden light played across his features. She reached for his hand, slipping hers into his larger one. She moved in a little closer, her arm brushing his as the globe spun slowly in front of them. “I would, you know. Want to go. Anywhere.” Her thoughts slid from her lips in a slow, lulling sort of rhythm. She repeated his words back at him with more care and tenderness than he’d delivered them, her eyes meeting his evenly.

The way she spoke his name, keeping eye contact in the glow of the magical orb brought a smile to his face. She was the only one who called him Phillip, other than authority figures, and she was the only one he liked doing it. When she said his full name, it never felt formal or distant; it felt closer than that. And the words that followed made his grin deepen, reaching to green eyes that couldn't take themselves off of her. She was terrific, Billie was one of those people who was just so authentically kind, and while he knew she said things sometimes just because she thought it was the right thing to say, he also knew she meant them.

"You would?" He asked, a twinge of hope dotting his words as her arm brushed across his; Phillip could have stood here all night talking about places they could visit together. He'd always wanted to get out of Scotland, to escape everything and everyone, but there had never been any real plans as to where he went. That would mean he'd have to look forward to a future, and that wasn't something he'd been able to do for a long time. Not until Billie, anyway.

Turning from the globe as it continued to spin lazily in the direction they had nudged it in, Phillip moved closer to Billie. His fingers moved under her chin, lifting her face a little as he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her lips. Phillip knew he'd take her anywhere she wanted to go, or stay right here with her, for as long as she'd let him.

Billie nodded, her feelings completely exposed. Of course, there were logistical things to consider – like where she would or wouldn’t be allowed to go, or when she would or wouldn’t be allowed to go there. Et Cetera. But at its core, the concept of letting him take her anywhere they decided to go was more than romantic; it was compelling. She hadn’t had a lot of stability in her life – especially in the past year – and it was easy to want that here, in this relationship.

She felt a blanket of something like serenity settle on her shoulders as their lips met, but it wasn’t there for long. As he pulled back from the kiss, the blonde felt a small swell of something bad. She smiled anyway though. “It feels a bit surreal,” she said simply, her words a pale, pale reflection of the feeling she’d just felt. What was it? Something like fear? There was a part of her that was convinced that sitting in this feeling with him wouldn’t last. This thing they had was solid, it was real – she believed that – but like all things, it would end. She squeezed his hand, feeling a bit guilty about it all.

“Shall we keep going?” she asked.

Surreal was a good word for it, considering how things had changed between them so wholly. Last year things were so different. They still spent plenty of time together, but not in the way they did now. Even then, though, Phillip had always felt more comfortable telling her his secrets than he had anyone else. He'd shared more with her than he ever would another person; the wizard was sure of it. He nodded silently as he admired the elegant way she had put her thoughts into words. Billie was soft-spoken and never said very much, but somehow Phillip always felt like they understood one another.

"Yeah," He agreed with her and held his hand out toward her, hoping she'd take it and let him keep showing her around the rest of the library. There was plenty to see in the estate at large, lots of rooms covered in dust and falling wallpaper, but Phillip had only really wanted to show her this room. Its expansive book collection something that he thought would speak to her the way it spoke to him. He liked that they shared it.

"There is a whole section on Astronomy over here," He told her as he led her out of the glow of the rotating globe and toward a darker, more secluded area of the library. Phillip could, and had, lost hours in here.

[/end]

Billie remembered the first time they'd spoken. She'd been so shy back then, such a timid little thing. Of course, she wasn't that much more bold these days – and hadn't grown an inch – but there were some unmistakable differences. Positive ones. Billie was sure she'd only been able to make new friends last term because of the confidence she'd built through her friendship with Phillip.

Well, friendship–plus, she supposed.

That thought made her smile, even in the face of her darker thoughts about things inevitably ending, or the fear she had that seemed to linger in the back of her mind whenever she was lucky enough to have her fingers buried in something good. She slipped her hand into his. "Oh," she said, raising her eyebrows as if astronomy was just as interesting as just... being here with him. "I'd like to see," she said softly, and let him lead her away, into the dark library.


/end