set fire to the skyline { ellie }

Kai might have been joking, at least it seemed that way if she didn’t read too much into the situation, but it certainly made Eleanora feel a little more guilty than she had when she had revealed her true identity. Her therapist had told her about people who pretended that things didn’t affect them the way that they should, a defense mechanism that helped some cope with a reality they didn’t quite understand. Eleanora was a little different. Trauma had led her to experience a strange mixture of guilt and shame, the easiest way for her to cope with the tragedies that happened to others was to somehow make it her fault. It was terribly self-centered, she decided, as it had been when she had made the choice to visit him at work and relieve herself of the guilt she knew would consume her if she knew he existed and did nothing about it.

“Coffee sounds great,” she agreed readily, holding on to whatever small opportunities she had to spend more time with him, hoping that by the end of their meeting she would have somehow smoothed things over and everything would go back to normal. He wasn’t under any obligation to indulge her in any more of his time and would send her away if things got too…weird, right? “But it’ll be my treat,” she added as they continued along. It seemed the right thing to say; Eleanora had not considered what implications it might have or if he would feel offended by it. The second-guessing herself had been one of the many symptoms of being a Lovecraft child with a conscious. Over time, the gap between who she was and who she ought to be would only get wider and she would have to make a choice that would affect her for the rest of her life. A choice she would never be ready to make.

His question took her by surprise so much so that she laughed a little, “Father doesn’t seem to care for seafood, which is a shame because my--,” she paused, “well our Nana lives by the coast and complains about it every time we have a visit. Though I’m not sure if it’s an allergy, apparently he ate it just fine as a child,” she continued to explain, feeling comfortable on the topic of family. “but Father’s always been a more countryside type of person, we spend a lot of time at the estate in Bibury, you ought to visit sometime, it’s absolutely gorgeous,” she added as she continued walking, only daring an occasional glance in his direction.

Eleanora normally did not talk about her family life with others, mostly because she often felt judged by their ideas on her family’s wealth or the people the Lovecrafts associated with. It was no secret that people either associated the Lovecrafts with the beauty apothecary or, most infamously, the cousin that was sent to Azkaban for her involvement with Death Eaters.

“Oh I haven’t given it much thought, but a good start would be hobbies, right? What you do in your spare time and the like,” she laughed at her own question, “I’m terrible at small talk,” she confessed, shrugging her shoulders a little, “Hm—you talked about working in the muggle world, your mum’s alright with that sort of thing? What’s that like, working with muggles?” she asked curiously. 

The idea of her paying for him made him a little uncomfortable, but he hadn’t even brought his wallet when they’d left, and his reluctance to mess around by heading back first outweighed his discomfort at the concept. He gave a small shrug, knowing he’d feel in her debt until he could repay the favour.

It tugged at him a little, despite himself – the image of her (their) Nana by the seaside, complaining about her father not eating seafood. He smiled a bit in response to her laugh. “I think I have a shellfish allergy and a fish... intolerance?” he offered, still turning that image over in his head, then pulling back a little and wondering why he found it so compelling. “I just avoid, avoid,” he said casually. The magic dissolved quickly at her next words, however. The estate in Bibury. He nodded slowly, as if he knew where that was. He was reminded inexplicably of the room he’d shared with his mother for most of his childhood.

Kai scratched the back of his neck as they walked, wondering how he could tell her about the radioshow he had where he picked apart their current government and made jokes about eating the rich. He gave her a sidelong glance, probing out his feelings about her. About the whole thing. What did being an ‘older brother’ feel like, and was that something within a range of possible feelings for him? His first instinct trended toward skepticism.

“My mum’s a muggle,” he told her, mildly surprised, wondering if that was news to her. “But my aunt’s a muggleborn; I think that’s how they met… Through her, I mean.” He cleared his throat, glancing ahead again. He didn’t miss the your mum’s alright with that sort of thing? part of her sentence (he was nearly twenty-four?) but he chose not to linger on it. He ran a hand over the pocket that contained his packet of cigarettes, reminding himself that he was about to be indoors again. “So it’s not that strange for me, I guess? I grew up in both worlds.”

“Hobbies, I dunno, lots of art stuff... I paint a bit, write a bit…” He trailed off, slowing as they reached the cafe at the end of the street he’d been steering them towards. He stepped forward and opened the door, holding it for her to walk through before following her. The flighty part of him wanted to order a takeaway drink, but he resisted the urge. Instead, he ordered a latte, letting her order and then pay as she’d wanted. The pair moved to a table beside a window. “I go rock climbing?” he offered, giving her a look and trying to guess whether or not she’d even know what that was. “How about you?” he asked, resting his forearms on the table.

“A muggle?” she started, the surprise obvious in the way she responded almost immediately, restating the word to make sure that she had understood correctly. It was not necessarily a bad thing, Eleanora wanted to believe that she was just as bias-free as she thought herself to be, willing to see everyone as people rather than their blood status. “Well that’s certainly unexpected,” she added, because the thought of ever seeing a Lovecraft romancing anyone without a firmly established pureblood lineage seemed like a death sentence, or at least good grounds for disownment.

Then again, who knew what was going through her father’s mind at the time? He had been so hesitant to talk about the entire situation that Eleanora was still unsure of he was protecting Kai and his mother or simply embarrassed by his past actions. Her mother had certainly been none the wiser, or at least pretended not to know, which had probably made for a very hostile environment at home. Eleanora would have to ask Andy next time they met up as she wasn’t that invested in returning home to break the ice.

“I can’t imagine ever surviving without magic, especially now, you know, as an adult,” she clarified. Eleanora had heard about muggle London before but had never had a good reason to venture out and explore it. Muggles seemed a little backwards in some ways but forward thinkers in others, of course it was no topic she could discuss with anyone in her immediate family apart from possibly Andy. With the constant scrutiny of external family members, especially from her cousin Genevieve, Eleanora felt it almost impossible to explore what it truly meant for Kai to be part of two world. Eleanora wanted to think she was part of two world as well, even if she only lived in one and fantasized about the other.

“Ah—I’ve always wanted to learn how to paint, I’m no good at it, unfortunately,” she lamented, “but I certainly appreciate it,” she added, nodding and muttering a small thank you before walking into the coffee shop. The interior didn’t look familiar so it was safe to say that she probably had not been there before. She took a moment to look up at the menu, considering her options before settling on some tea with a splash of milk. Coffee had a tendency to make her overly excited, probably not the best bet in a sensitive situation like this.

Eleanora preferred tea anyway, she had spent most of her young life drinking it. After paying the cashier, she took a seat, placing her bag in the chair beside her. She looked at him curiously, “Rock climbing? Is that a sport?” she tried. Eleanora considered his question for a moment, “I like collecting things, nothing specific just whatever grabs my fancy, special quills, pretty ink, postcards, mementos, letters, that sort of thing,” she started. “I also enjoy things like horseback riding, nothing special, I suppose,” she added. Mostly things that she had been taught to like. "Travel," she finalized. "But I've never been to Japan, what's it like? Is it very different from London? Do you miss it?" she continued, the topic of special interest to her.

“Yeah,” he answered simply. “Scandalous?” he guessed after a beat, mildly amused. “I think she was kind of working with my aunt at the time though, doing, uh, accounting for her potion business.” There was so much more he could talk about there – the illegal number crunching, for one. Or the muggle grandparents he’d only met once, doing more of the same back in their home city. He felt a little wary of her surprise, and wondered what her thoughts were on blood purity. He knew there was an entire class of rich, prejudiced, upperclass purebloods that existed here – moreso than in Japan, in his opinion – but with the circles he kept to he barely crossed paths with any.

“It’s mostly just travel, I reckon,” Kai said with a shrug. He’d been on a plane exactly one time and had been one of the worst few hours of his life. Didn’t help that he was terrified of heights, though; he wasn’t sure what the experience was like for most people. “They get by fine with most other things.” Better, sometimes. He wondered if she’d heard of the internet. His discomfort with being reliant on things outside himself drew him away from the centralised muggle infrastructures that didn’t exist in the magical world (electricity, internet), but there was something cool about it too. Or at least, there could be. “You don’t spend much time in the muggle world, huh?” he asked, glancing at her. Maybe he could take her places someday.

Maybe.

He just nodded at the painting comment. When they sat down, Kai chose the seat with the wall behind him so he could look out at the cafe. “Yeah, it’s basically exactly what it sounds like,” he said, giving her a half-smile. “You just climb rocks.” Kai picked up the salt shaker on the table, playing with it absentmindedly. Now that they were sitting across from each other, there wasn’t really anywhere to look but straight at her. He couldn’t help but study her face as she spoke, wondering about the thought processes behind everything she said. He felt a little less agitated than he had ten minutes ago; it gave him more space to think outside himself. Wonder more about her mind.

She liked to collect things, but nothing in particular? It didn’t sound like much of a hobby to him, but whatever. Horseback riding? He smiled a bit; he could have guessed that one. He wondered if she knew how cliched her life sounded. “I like travel, too,” he said, though he imagined their versions of ‘travel’ were pretty different. “Pretty different,” he answered, both to himself and her question. “I don’t know – yeah? I guess I –” he stopped talking as the waiter appeared with their coffees. He dropped the salt shaker, then pulled the drink closer to him.

London had given him a kind of anonymity that he felt like he didn’t have anywhere in Japan, although he understood that that was mostly in his head. “I grew up in Tokyo,” he said, “so I’m used to the busy city thing. I think Japan as a country is nicer in a lot of ways. Prettier. But I like it here.” He shrugged. He’d come to London running away from things, under the pretense of looking for other things. But she was a stranger; he wasn’t about to unpack his entire history with her.

Eleanora held on to the fact that his aunt owned a potioneering business as the only element of commonality between his mother and her father. Even if she felt too ashamed to say it out loud, Kai was right. Not only was it scandalous for a pureblooded wizard of her father’s level and prominence to pursue a muggle, it was practically unheard of in her family. The Lovecrafts were so tied to their overbearing traditions that straying from the family’s expectations seemed altogether wrong. It had never been completely explained to her, why things like blood status mattered as much as they insisted it did, but Eleanora had more or less accepted the concept, seeing a connection between her blood status and the way other people regarded her and realizing that maybe pursuing someone familiar with the ways of her family would yield much better results.

“Not really, I suppose I’ve never been much interested in the muggle world,” she shrugged off. The truth was that she wasn’t allowed but she felt childish relaying it as such, the longer she spent with Kai the more she felt the need to impress him. He felt worldly, well-traveled, the sort of person you’d run into in some posh watering hole. Eleanora, on the other hand, felt a little sheltered in comparison. However, he was older and had spent time abroad maybe that could serve as a poor explanation as to why she felt that way.

“But I did take Muggle Studies back at Hogwarts, if that counts for anything,” she smiled a little, “so I do know a bit about it”. She placed her hands neatly in her lap as they waited for their coffee, glancing towards the door once in a while as if she expected her mother to somehow burst in through the door and demand an explanation. Realistically, her mother would never do such a thing for fear of it reflecting negatively on her pristine reputation.

“That—sounds fun,” she said as enthusiastically as she could, though she couldn’t take her mind off of how dangerous it sounded. Why would anyone want to climb a mountain that way when it was just as easy to take a hike or better yet, a broom? But Eleanora had never been the athletic sort, Andy had been the one who had inherited whatever minimal athletic genes there were in the family. Apparently, Kai had gotten some as well, if they came from the Lovecraft side of the family. She smiled at the waiter as he set down their drinks, taking a sip from hers. It was much better than she had expected.

Eleanora wasn’t really satisfied with his answer, there were so many things that intrigued her about speaking to somehow who had lived so far away from her for so long. But before she was able to formulate a question to ask for more information, he continued speaking. “I heard it’s a bit… odd?” she asked, it wasn’t the right word but it was the first one that came to mind. “Father has been once or twice,” she recalled suddenly, “Potioneering competitions are big there I heard, I think I remember him going when I was younger,” she added slowly, unsure whether that meant he was going to see Kai or going to Japan to do as he had said or something else. Now things felt suspicious in a way that she didn’t care for. “Are you planning to stay for a while?” she asked, “Do you live on your own?” she asked subsequently, wanting to know a little more about his plans.

“He probably didn’t know,” he added at the end. Not trying to comfort her or anything, but it was the truth. As far as he knew the affair had been a one night – or at most, one weekend – sort of thing.

“Really,” he replied, not at all surprised by the concept of a rich pureblooded teenager having no interest in muggles. He resisted the urge to sound a little more sarcastic. “Did you,” he asked, not sounding any more enthused than he had a moment ago. The concept of muggle studies had always been strange to him, even though it made sense. He supposed he just didn’t trust any kind of magical establishment to teach about muggles in a way that he’d accept.

He was a wizard, and by blood he wasn’t a muggleborn, but Kai had always had a bit of a problem describing himself as a “halfblood”. Most halfbloods still had two parents from lines that had been magical for at least a couple of generations; it wasn’t the same as being raised by a muggle, or even a muggleborn parent. His father was a pureblood, but he hadn’t even learned that fact until he was properly an adult. He’d caught trains and gone to a muggle primary school before he’d even known he was magical at all.

Kai sipped his coffee, then placed it back down and gave it an extra stir with the teaspoon it’d come with. Given everything that was happening, this whole interaction felt a bit too refined. The cup handle was too small, he had to hold it with only a couple of fingers in a dainty action that didn’t really fit the agitation he was feeling inside. “Odd?” Kai replied, raising his eyebrows. He glanced up at her again, to make sure he’d heard her correctly. “Is that what he said?” he asked, not quite able to keep a little sarcasm out of his voice this time.

The idea of Mortimer Lovecraft having visited Japan multiple times since he’d been born messed with him a little. He tried not to overthink it; as far as he knew, the man hadn’t even known he existed back then. Then again, he wasn’t supposed to have known Kai existed at all, even now, and yet here was his daughter sitting demurely in front of him asking him what he thought of Japan. He felt frustrated at his mother for an unfathomable reason. Then at Ellie’s father. Then at Ellie.

Odd, he thought, wanting to scoff outright. Did Japan seem "odd" to him, did it?

“I live in Brighton,” he told her, glancing up from his coffee cup. He leaned back in his chair again, seemingly unable to find a comfortable position. He stretched one leg out under the table. “I lived in London for ages, but it’s Brighton now. I used to have a lot of roommates, but now I’m on my own. How about you...?” A part of him assumed she still lived with her parents. He hadn't answered the part about staying here for a while, because he wasn't sure how he should. If he talked about how long he'd been in London it'd give away the fact that he'd dropped out of school. If he said he wasn't planning on living in Japan again, she'd probably want to know why. None of that stuff was a secret, but there was something uncomfortable about laying his whole life timeline out for her after their first coffee together.

“He said it was different,” she corrected herself, though Eleanora could not actually remember what word he used. If anything, it might have been the judgement she herself had passed as soon as he had explained the little cultural eccentricities practiced by the people he had encountered in his travels. “A completely different universe when set in comparison to England,” she clarified. It had been the small things, like how one would take their shoes off before walking into the house or how small the spaces were, or maybe it was the way in which they ate with overtly complicated sets of utensils, when in Eleanora’s world, using a spoon and fork had seemed like the most obvious way to go about things like dinner. It wasn’t that Eleanora could not appreciate difference, she was relatively well traveled and somewhat worldly in her way of thinking, but it had always been a little difficult for her to understand the way others had lived their lives. Eleanora had never truly been allowed to question her own reality, after all.

“But father doesn’t talk about his travels much,” she took a sip from her tea, “he is surprisingly introverted,” she continued, though she wondered just how well Kai knew their father. Considering that Mortimer Lovecraft had a completely different life that had been running parallel to her own all along, Eleanora felt more at ease with the possibility that he wasn’t the person who spent much of his time in his own thoughts sat at his office or relaying occasional accounts about his work and his passion for Potioneering at dinner. Maybe the more rebellious side that Eleanora had always felt isolated her from her contemporaries was a part that she had inherited from him, one that he had learned to oppress over time. And that thought in itself gave her some comfort.

“Brighton—” she repeated what he said slowly, assured that she could find it on a map but never remembering having gone there in the past. “Closest coast to London, right?” she offered the little knowledge she had on the city. Maybe he could show her around should they ever make it past this first meeting, but she did not want to bring it up just yet. “I live in London alone,” she started, “Since the summer, really, after I decided not to go back to Hogwarts,” she continued. It had been more to make a mental note of the timeline, the topic of why she could never quite readjust to Hogwarts after she had returned a topic that felt too early to discuss with a stranger. Though Kai did not seem the sort to pry, Eleanora wasn’t sure if it would be due to respect or mere disinterest. “But you’re welcome to stop by anytime you’d like, just let me know so I can give it a proper cleaning,” she offered politely. “But originally from Bibury, that’s were the family stays,” she continued.

Eleanora noticed that he wasn’t giving too many details about his personal plan and wondered if his reasons were similar to hers or if he didn’t really have much of a plan to begin with. “A lot of roommates sounds fun, just like in school, isn’t it?” she suggested. “I’ve considered it, but since Andy comes and goes during the holidays and mum is oddly private, she wouldn’t like it very much. I haven’t been out and about in London much, you think you’d be able to show me around sometime?” she suggested. “If you’re not too busy, of course,” she continued, figuring it was polite to give him a way to refuse her as well.

Kai sat straight again, not bothering to resist the urge to shift his weight impatiently, as if he was waiting for some (other) huge thing to drop down in front of him. He glanced down at his coffee cup, which was annoyingly unremarkable, before lifting it to his lips and finishing the drink a little too quickly. He felt less wired than he had when they’d been outside his work, but he wasn’t exactly relaxed. Kai placed his cup down on its tiny plate again and glanced out across the cafe, thinking that nothing about this situation seemed real at all.

“Yeah, it’s just an hour south,” he said without thinking, tearing his eyes away from the painfully mundane cafe setting to meet her gaze again. He almost felt surprised when their eyes met. “Uh, by train that is.” Kai pushed hair back from his face as he clarified. Obviously it was faster to apparate, but it was a nice trip. “Where in London are you?” He asked, before she could comment on his travel habits. Nothing she’d said had given him the impression she was the kind of witch who spent much time in the muggle world. Kai liked catching trains, though.

“I lived in north London, in Harringay for a while, then Dalston.” He ignored the bit about school – he was a bit confused about her age (she’d said eighteen, but had she just graduated? Or?), but he wasn’t quite sure what he did and didn’t want to ask. How much did he really want to know? There was a part of him that felt compelled to learn everything he could about her, but another part that had managed to leave the whole thing alone for the past few years, and would prefer to continue on that path.

“Right,” he answered non-committedly. Did it not strike her as absolutely absurd that they were sitting here drinking coffee together and talking about living situations? Kai played absentmindedly with the teaspoon that had come with his coffee. Andy. She mentioned her little brother again and Kai leaned back in his chair, glad that he’d picked the side with the wall at his back. “Yeah, sure,” he said. Why the fuck not? He imagined taking her to a gay club or his muggle climbing center and one side of his lips pulled up a bit in an amused smile. It all felt a little fake to him.

Realising he'd spent the past few minutes doing a lot more thinking than talking, Kai cleared his throat. He really did wish he wasn't going back to work; he could use a drink, or a smoke, or something. He was going to get fucked up tonight. "What kind of thing are you interested in?" he asked, still thinking about taking her out somewhere in the city. He wondered if she was the kind of person who made vague plans about "doing something together" and then let them disappear slowly, forgotten, or the kind of person who actually made things happen.

The conversation was going decidedly well, but only because Eleanora had assumed that the surprise that had accompanied her sudden appearance had all but faded into the background noise of the café. They had moved onward to other topics, much more pleasant ones that had nothing to do with their father and his betrayal so in a way she felt grateful for the change of pace. Those were feelings that she was still processing, and probably would continue to process for several more weeks if not the rest of her life. She hated knowing that yet another misguided action on the part of her parents would leave a permanent indent on her outlook on life. But as she turned her attention to Kai once again after her fingers grazed the ceramic teacup, she considered that this change might not be an entirely negative thing. But only time would tell.

“Never taken the train before but I suppose it’s a nice little trip,” she offered, based on the assumption that one took trains only for the sake of sightseeing. There was no need to take a trip anywhere lately, especially not on a train. But then again, Eleanora reveled in her little bubble of safety and familiarity, much like she had all her young life. However that did not stop the young witch from wondering about what the people of Brighton were like and if Kai was like any one of them or if he was his own person, was he well-adjusted to life here or did things still feel different? Eleanora had been living in England all of her life and it still felt foreign to her, but the woman had always had a difficult time adjusting to change.

“Knightsbridge,” Eleanora answered hesitantly, wondering if he, like others had before, would draw conclusions about where she lived and her family’s wealth. While she often sought the approval of her peers, hoping to show that she was rather independent, it was obvious that someone of her pay grade could afford to live near Hyde Park. Apparently, the muggles were drawn to it as well. “You’ve moved around a lot,” she noted but it was not much of a question or request for more information as it was an observation. A rather obvious one at that.

Eleanora had not expected him to ask her what she wanted to do as much as she had expected him to suggest something. People in her life were always suggesting things that she might do, and though she was not completely bound to the thoughts and ideas of others, Eleanora felt more comfortable that way. If this didn’t work out, then she wouldn’t have to take responsibility, right? “I haven’t given it much thought,” she confessed but felt silly for asking in the first place, “I’ve been working in a nightclub lately, well, it’s more like a bar,” she offered, staring at the tea momentarily before looking at him again, “So I’ve been interested in things like trying new drinks and music—and…” she paused, no matter what she said, it always sounded a little posh, “What types of things do you do for fun?”

Everything she said gave away how sheltered – and privileged – her upbringing had been. How could they be related, he wondered, when their lives were so vastly different? “Yeah,” he answered with a bit of a shrug. A moment passed. “I am nearly twenty-four,” he added as a bit of an explanation for why he’d moved so much, or something. He half-smiled, trying to look more relaxed than he felt.

His eyebrows shot up at nightclub, though. For some reason, he’d been picturing something more… Corporate? Or something? Some kind of daddy-got-me-an-internship-at-the-ministry gig, or similar. She followed nightclub up with bar, which softened the picture a bit, but he still felt mildly impressed. So she was probably working for minimum wage, then. He wondered if her parents disapproved, if they paid for her rent, and why she worked such a job at all.

Trying new drinks and music. Kai resisted the urge to internally label those things as bland. People were always more than they seemed – even rich, ignorant ones. People had layers, depths, traumas, hopes and fears all of their own. It was something that he loved, usually. It was a powerful thing, really coming to understand someone.

But he wasn’t sure he had that sort of patience now. It wasn’t conscious, but everything she said or alluded to reflected on their shared link – the reason she was here. Was his father a conservative, privileged asshole? What did that mean? And her (their?) little brother, was he the same? And if the disparity was so large, could he ever really know any of them? How could he tie it all together, in some kind of cohesive internal narrative? Maybe he should care less, he thought, moving his hands to his thighs because they were a little shaky.

“Oh, God…” He stalled for a moment, glancing out of the window. It was impossible to look away from her for too long, though. “I dunno,” he said, smiling again. He pushed some hair back from his face, running his hand all the way back to the back of his neck. “All that art shit I was talking about – painting, writing – but also, I guess I go out a bit. Parties and stuff? Drinking, dancing..." He trailed off, wondering how much he could say. Was he worried about her judging him, or was it something else? "You?" he asked belatedly, glancing up for a clock, and not finding any on the walls. "Should probably start heading back," he said, one hand instinctively moving to his pocket, where his cigarettes were.

Eleanora was surprised when she heard how old he was, for whatever reason assuming that he appeared much younger than she had imagined when she had first heard the news of his existence. But now that she had heard an age, she took invested interest in his face, wondering once more if she’d see traces of her father’s features and if in turn, they were more similar than she first imagined. At twenty-four, Kai seemed to be living life to its fullest potential, at nineteen, the younger witch felt as if she could barely stay afloat with the experiences being thrown in her direction on a daily basis.

The witch was well-traveled and well-read but quite green, her true colors often showing when she engaged in conversations with people outside of her family’s social circle. She had been taught what those people had wanted to hear and she committed to memory, easily able to conceal her own interests when she was told what she could and could not say. Of course now that she no longer lived at home she realized that she didn’t have many interests of her own, and that most of her ideas lacked substance because she hadn’t quite grown into them on her own.   Now that she had to be interesting on her own merit, Eleanora felt a little dull and very young.

The easiest thing was to blame her parents. After all, it had been their insistence on feeding into this general image of what a family with means was supposed to act like that had stunted her character growth. Had they been less rigid, then maybe she could have big dreams much like Andy did. Then again, Andy proved that very perspective wrong. He thought about his future regardless of the restrictions placed upon it. Eleanora stood by passively waiting for life to pass her by, in a way fulfilling her own fatalistic thoughts about how doomed she felt at nineteen.

As she listened to him list his interests, Eleanora realized that it felt very fitting of who he seemed to be, the fluid, expressive type that did as he pleased moreso than as he was supposed to. From his interests to the way he carried himself, the small things she had observed at least, had lead her to the conclusion that maybe rather than finding how much he looked like their father, there would be more significant reward in finding out how different the two were. She didn’t need another Mortimer Lovecraft in her life but someone like her half-brother was turning out to be, well that was a different story. She’d have to find a way to meet with him again.

“Writing? That’s lovely, what sort of things do you write?” she asked, though she had also wanted to ask about everything else he had listed, time seemed suddenly too limited. When he said he might need to head back, her back straightened once again in her chair and she nodded, smiling apologetically, “I’ve kept you for quite some time, I apologize I didn’t expect…” she trailed off. For him to be so nice? For him to actually exist? For him to actually talk to her? It might have been a combination of all of the above.

The whole past thirty minutes or an hour or however long it had been had been varying degrees of stressful. There had at least been a mild, persistent sense of stress that had underlined the whole experience. Kai could feel their interaction coming to a close and felt relieved, his thoughts turning once more to what he'd be doing tonight – something distracting, preferably, with lots of alcohol.

What kinds of things did he write? Again, he wondered how exactly he should answer this. Did she really want to know? Would she understand? He still hadn't quite decided how much he cared about what she thought of him, or what he wanted from or with her. “Different things, I guess,” he answered ambiguously. “Some essays... I mean, sometimes I write just to get my thoughts straight… Though that’s less for fun,” he added with half a smile.

Kai was usually a talker, and it was rare for him to find himself in situations where he had trouble speaking his mind – even in English, even at the start. Most of the time, though, he knew exactly where he stood with someone; he either cared what they thought of him or – more commonly – he didn’t care at all. He wasn’t the kind of person to adjust too much for someone else, but clearly Ellie came from a world where that kind of thing was simply expected of her. Perhaps she was used to people saying and doing what they were supposed to; he didn’t spend that much time with people like that anymore.

Didn’t expect…? He was quiet for a moment, but when she didn’t end her sentence, he spoke up. “Er, no, it’s fine,” he said, waving one hand as he got to his feet. “I’m gonna have another cigarette before I go back, though, wanna walk for a bit?” He jerked his head in the direction of the door, already fishing for a cigarette. It was a habit – a stress response. He didn’t think it actually made him less stressed aside from the ritual of it all. But, whatever. He took out his lighter as they started walking towards the door.

"Pretty bold of you to come looking for me, huh?" he commented, feeling that though the words were light, it was actually a fairly astute observation. The action was far more bold for someone like her, he thought. "Uh, I'll give you my address... If you want," he said, before popping the smoke between his lips. He leaned his back against the glass door, holding it for her so she could go through before following, flicking his lighter as he did so. He exhaled to the side as he stepped out. "So you can write or whatever."

Eleanora nodded as he spoke, wondering what sort of thoughts someone like Kai had and if any of them had to do with his other family. “And have you published anything?” she felt compelled to ask, but only because if he had been, she had every intention of using it to figure him out. It wasn’t as if he had not been giving her the information she wanted, but Eleanora felt unable to formulate the questions she truly wanted to know. It felt so out of place to have someone share your blood and live their lives parallel to yours for such a long time and know nothing about them. It stirred feelings of guilt within her as if she had not done her duty in just knowing he existed. But how could she ever know? That didn’t stop her from scolding herself because of it.

“Sure,” she nodded at his invitation, taking one last sip from her tea before gathering her things. The entire time spent in the café, Eleanora had considered how this experience might fall into her life. Now that they were leaving, however, the weight of it felt heavier upon her shoulders. It didn’t feel like a fleeting thought anymore, it was now a concrete part of her timeline that she’d have to come to terms with, and it confused her but only because she wasn’t sure of how to proceed from here onward. Were they supposed to be friends, now? Would she ever be as close to him as she was to Andy? Or, had this meeting been a once in a lifetime sort of thing never to happen again?

His question almost made her thoughts spill forward and fill the room with all of her insecurities about the situation but she refrained. “I suppose so,” she smiled, “Mum won’t be very pleased of course but I think it was necessary, I hope I wasn’t too much of a disturbance and I did enjoy our little chat,” she continued, walking through the door as he opened it for her, figuratively, too, she noticed as he offered his address. Did this mean that he hadn’t been completely disenchanted with her bold move? “I’d like that very much, and if you ever have time to meet again, I’d love to do that too but this time I’ll be sure to set an appointment in advance,” she reassured him.

“And you know,” she started, looking down at the sidewalk as they walked, “if you ever need anything or if there is ever something I can do, please do not hesitate to ask”. Eleanora was not sure if she had anything of interest to give him but it was her own way of showing him that she’d like to continue seeing him. 

“Um, little bit here and there,” he said. Kai had written for a couple of self-published political-type magazines, but for the most part, his writing was for himself. He shrugged. Kai was sure she’d disapprove of some of the shit he was involved in. He glanced at her, thinking she seemed pretty naive, and wondering if it would be disapproval he’d be met with if she knew more about him, or just confusion. He wondered distantly if she had any gay friends.

Mum wont be very pleased, of course. He didn’t react to this outwardly, but this, in particular, made him uncomfortable in a way that he didn’t think she could understand. He supposed it was kind of funny to her; a thing done against the wishes of her strict, conservative mother. Something done in cohorts with him, even. A playful, conspiratorial thing. Our little chat. God, he needed a drink.

“Yeah, do that,” Kai said, speaking in between puffs of his cigarette as they walked. An appointment in advance? Sure, and he’d make sure to pencil it into his schedule. He shook his head, but his lips were curved in a slight smile. “And I’ll get you back for that coffee,” he added. He made sure to exhale away from her, taking her earlier comment about him smoking to mean that she – at the very least – didn’t partake.

“Right,” he said belatedly, slowing down as they neared the entrance to his workplace. “Uh, same,” he said. Sure. Why the fuck not? He took another long drag on his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and putting it out with the toe of his boot. “So,” he said, glancing back up at her.

He hovered by the door for a moment before remembering that he’d offered to give her his address, then made his way back inside to his desk. It was much cooler out of the sun, but he figured he’d probably been anxiety-sweating just as much as heat-sweating. He leaned across the desk to grab his notebook, then flicked through for an empty page. He wrote it quickly, in pencil. “Here you go,” he said, offering the piece of paper to her.

Even though Eleanora had not anticipated that meeting her half-brother would end in some sort of altercation, she was unusually pleased by how things had turned out. The witch had expected someone that was maladjusted and angry, overhearing her mum talking about him at tea made him sound like he was out to get them, or that he was hard pressed for some inheritance. Not that he didn’t have every right to be; even as a half-brother, he probably had more rights regarding his part of the inheritance than she did, but there was no telling whether he knew that or if their father would even discuss it. But that was a topic for another day.

The more important thing was that he had agreed to see her again, and that in itself felt like an act of atonement, the first step in looking onwards from the mistakes of their father. At least she wanted her reaching out to be seen as a way to make amends rather than her poking her nose into his business, though there was a lot of that sentiment as well. Upon meeting him, she could not help but to grow curious about who he was, and as they spoke, that curiosity grew exponentially. She briefly considered how undoubtedly popular he would have been at family functions: exotic, interesting, and seemingly full of ideas, the women would fall over themselves for his attention. The thought was entertaining.

She lingered for a moment when he stopped, wondering if he had actually meant it when he promised to give her his address or if it had been a formality. Eleanora wasn’t going to ask but figured if she waited he might sort of remember. And he had, walked in and reappeared with pencil and paper. She took the slip of paper, giving it a look over before tucking it into her jacket, patting her pocket once again as if she assumed the piece of paper would somehow disappear or find its way out of it. Those sorts of thoughts made her a little nervous but she couldn’t really figure out why.

“I’ll be sure to write you very soon,” she promised, giving him a smile, “Thank you again, Kai,” she continued, giving him a short wave before she was on her way. And for the briefest of moments, she felt a little proud of herself.