He didn't even say goodbye (Ricky)

Finally, the first day of term had arrived. Dorothy had been looking forward to returning to the school in the few days leading up to it, however now that she was actually a member of the faculty… well, Dottie was nervous. She wondered if the impulsive decision to teach was such a good idea as she originally thought it was. Probably not. The sorting ceremony and subsequent feast had been extremely enjoyable, and it was nice to watch it from a different viewpoint, now as a professor and no longer a student. It was funny though, that she was just as nervous as she was on her first day, when her own beautiful daughter was stepping up to the knot. Dottie was so proud of Addie and everything she had done leading up to that moment. Her father (unknownst to him) was also watching. The former MACUSA worker hadn’t spoken to Gideon yet, nor even looked in his direction. She knew that wouldn’t work for long though, they had to talk at some point. She would just prefer it to not be for a while, not until she had spoken to Ricky.

When Adelaide had stepped up to the knot, Dottie assumed that Thunderbird house would choose her immediately, but the statue didn’t flap its wings. Wampus house chose her daughter instead. Wampus. Oh Merlin, Wampus. Gideon’s house. Addie’s father’s house. Help, she thought, wondering if it was too late to just leave and go back to Canada. Dottie clapped and cheered enthusiastically, just in case Addie looked. She didn’t want her daughter to think she was disappointed.

The remainder of the feast was enjoyable, and she began to get to know the other faculty members, as Ricky and Gideon were together. That was okay. The trio had shifted and broken apart a long time ago. The Charms professor watched her daughter and Selena with pride, watching them talk to fellow students with a smile. They would be fine.
After the feast ended, Dottie went to check on her classroom, nodding to Ricky as she passed, a silent invitation for the talk they wrote about to each other. Immediately, as she walked into the classroom she saw the three blackboards. It was ridiculous. The decorations were still minimal, the desks looked sad. The classroom felt like a depressing medieval torture room where everyone copied the dictionary.

When she arrived, Dottie had already begun redecorating things, but the ceremony halted her progress. The Canadian witch untacked a huge greying poster from the wall, and grabbed her wand. “Wingardium leviosa,” she muttered, smiling in delight as she wordlessly set the poster on fire. The poster began to crumple into a tiny flaming ball, and Dottie wondered if she ate something strange as she thought it looked like a burning beacon of hope that she wasn’t doing something completely stupid, and that this crazy mess was all somehow going to end up okay. She gently moved her little aloe vera plant from back home by her desk, and headed back to her chambers.

She brewed a pot of coffee and poured out some pretzels into a bowl for snacks. She had a feeling a knock on her door would be happening very soon. As if on cue, a loud rap on the door made Dottie take a deep breath as she answered it. “Ricky. Come on in,” she smiled, stepping aside to let him enter. Well, now Dottie was definitely nervous. She couldn’t delay this any longer. How on Earth was she going to spill the news to him? She couldn’t just blurt out, ‘hey, so you know Addie’s mysterious father? He was watching the ceremony and she is in the same house and he is your best friend. Surprise!’

“So… the sorting ceremony was interesting, wasn’t it?” Dottie nodded, as she made a face, realising that it was probably the least smooth conversation starter that she had potentially ever uttered. But at least it did start a conversation, which was better than awkward silence, any day. “Was not expecting Addie to be chosen by Wampus… but I think it fits her well. Were you surprised by Selena’s?” She asked, genuinely curious about his thoughts.

“Okay. I can’t put this off forever.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “What I wrote to you… It is about what happened back then.” She felt she wouldn’t need to elaborate on this. That her best friend would know the argument in question. The less she needed to say, the better, probably.

@Ricky Cortes

It felt good to be back at Ilvermorny. Sometimes Ricky wondered if professors were a special breed who never really grew up, and that was why they were drawn to teaching. Certainly spending most of the year in school surrounded by children and teens wasn't a life that would suit everyone, but Ricky positively thrived on it. He'd enjoyed running the restaurant well enough, but here there was a sense of achievement and satisfaction that he had never quite felt when creating meals and serving customers.

This year felt different though, for several reasons. Selena was here of course, and while Ricky had wondered how she would cope and how long it would be before she turned up at his office door, she had cheerfully insisted that she wanted to be treated like any other student. Oh, she was going to tell absolutely everyone that he was her Dad, she'd said in a reassuring tone that made Ricky wonder at how quickly she'd grown up when he hadn't been looking - but she didn't need any special treatment. And yes, of course she was going to write to Mum this evening and tell her everything was okay, and she'd send Little Ricky a letter telling him about her new house.

That part had made Ricky smile. While he had of course been secretly hoping Selena would be a Pukwudgie like himself, he couldn't help but be amused that there were now four professors from the same school year teaching at Ilvermorny, one from each school house. Now that the sorting was over, he was both happy and faintly despondent, the latter for reasons he couldn't fathom. Or perhaps he could. The mysterious meeting with Dottie awaited, and he felt...disloyal. Having both his best friends under one roof might otherwise be great, if only they were actually talking to each other. Ricky assumed that he was going to hear the reason that Gideon and Dottie had fallen out a dozen years earlier, and he wasn't sure he was prepared for it.

Nor had he told Gideon that he was meeting with Dottie this evening. That was just storing up problems for later on, because Ricky had no idea how he was going to defend himself against the probable accusation that he'd put Dottie first. Oh, for goodness sakes, they weren't twelve any more! He didn't have to justify himself... except he did.

With these pleasant thoughts whirling around his mind Ricky knocked on the door, noting immediately that Dottie looked nervous. That wasn't unexpected; it was her first day in a new job after all. But something about her smile seemed a little... he sniffed the air "You haven't been setting fire to stuff in here, have you?" he asked suspiciously, grinning as he glanced around the room. She'd threatened to set fire to her classroom, but he wouldn't out it past her to burn things in her chambers as well. "The Sorting...yeah. Did you get a chance to talk with Addie since then? Selena waved at me over dinner...oh, you saw, of course...but she told me not to worry if she was busy this evening..." he shook his head, grinning.

Ah. There it was. Ricky could hardly say he was surprised, but at the same time he felt uneasy. "Dottie, I...if this is about how you and Gideon split up, do I really need to know about it? It was a long time ago, and really, wouldn't you be better off talking to each other and trying to be friends?" He sounded uncomfortable and apologetic at the same time. What he was really thinking was that he didn't want to hear, certainly didn't want to know the intimate details of his friends' failed relationship. It was an awkward enough situation anyway and the last thing Ricky wanted was to be caught in the middle even more than he already was.

Dottie couldn’t help but cackle as Ricky asked if she had set fire to something in her chamber. She had done so early that morning to some parchment, but there were burning candles everywhere in the room that would account for such a smell. The pyromaniac had absolutely no doubt that she would be burning all sorts of things throughout the year. “Hmm…” She playfully hummed, tapping her finger flamboyantly against her chin. “Perhaps I have, and perhaps I haven’t.” She replied with a wicked grin, loving to play mystery. It was very likely she still had ash on her from when she burnt the poster in her classroom regardless.

The new Charms professor shook her head as her childhood friend asked if she had spoken to her daughter. She hadn’t spoken to Addie since before the sorting ceremony. She was worried, of course, perhaps even overprotective without being there to constantly watch over her every evening. Dottie felt a twinge of sadness that her dearest daughter was to live in the dormitories with all her new friends and not remain with her, but Dorothy realised that she had to let Adelaide go at some point. She knew that her daughter would be fine, as she was a great and rambunctious witch and would no doubt easily make friends. “No, I haven’t seen her properly yet,” Dottie eventually replied. “She seemed to get on fine with the other girls in her house though, from what I could see at the faculty table... I don’t need to worry there.” Dottie sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of that being true more than anything else. “I just can’t believe they’ve grown up so soon…” Dottie murmured, feeling nostalgic for the days when Addie was just a toddler sat on her lap.

It was easy for Dorothy to see that Ricky was uneasy about the subject she had brought up but she wasn’t exactly comfortable about having the conversation either. However, she knew she’d been such a chicken for eleven years and enough was enough. They certainly didn’t need to address or talk about the actual break-up. And, if Dottie was being perfectly honest with herself, she wasn’t even sure if she could. The details had become so hazy to her over the years, that she couldn’t even remember what they had argued about. Especially, since the argument ended up being completely overshadowed by finding out she was pregnant with Addie. She laughed bitterly as he suggested that sheand Gideon could still be friends. Oh, sweet, sweet Ricky, she thought. They certainly could never be just friends, as soon as Gideon, himself, found out, they’d be something more than friends again. It was inevitable when one shared a child. Dottie was desperate for a reconciliation, of course. Some naive part of her even believed that maybe, just maybe, things could go back between them how they were before? She tried to tell herself that this was absurd. A dream, and nothing more but the thought persisted nonetheless.

“No.” Dottie sighed after a few moments of thought. “How and why we broke up does not matter anymore, I can barely even remember what we fought about....” She trailed off, feeling incredibly uneasy. She moved to sit down, and poured coffee for them both silently, trying to figure out what on Earth to say. She had practised this many times, but had never found a way of phrasing it that she was happy with. “Gideon and I… will never be able to be just friends again.” Dorothy added vaguely, feeling even more awkward with every sentence. She hated talking in riddles, and knew that she was pathetically trying to delay it. Oh, just say it already! Dottie sipped her coffee, wishing that something a lot stronger was in it.

“It is actually about what happened after that…” She paused again, finding eye contact impossible. “About when I was pregnant with Adelaide.” She clarified before grabbing a pretzel that was in the bowl and crunching on it, desperately pretending that this was just another normal conversation. “Pretzel?” Dottie offered the bowl, trying to find any way out of saying what she needed to say. She took another nervous sip of her coffee, her hands shaking so much that the coffee almost spilled out of the cup. Dorothy took a deep breath, trying her best not to tear up, terrified of what Ricky was going to say or do once she told him. She had no idea what would happen once someone else knew. Other than herself, only her own mother and father knew the truth.

“Gideon is Adelaide’s father.”

Dottie finally spat it out as quickly as she could, tears pouring down her face as she slouched over in her seat and hid her face in her hands, hardly breathing in wait and not daring to think about Ricky’s reaction.

"I'd find that a lot easier to believe if you didn't have a grey smear on your cheek...one that looks quite a lot like ash" Ricky commented, grinning in return. Okay, maybe she hadn't actually set fire to anything in her chambers yet but she'd certainly been burning something already. Some things never changed. Ricky wondered - not for the first time - how he'd always seemed to end up being the sensible one in their trio. It certainly hadn't happened intentionally. It felt strange thinking back to their school days though, and he pushed the thought from his mind as if by thinking of Gideon he might accidentally summon his friend and have to deal with the sort of angry scene he felt was only a matter of time before it occurred anyway.

Thinking about the children was hardly better though. "Tell me about it...feels like only a few months since she was holding Little Ricky's hands, helping him take his first steps" he said with a sigh. Selena had fought with her little brother as much as any other kid, he supposed, but they were close... he hoped his son was okay right now. Mariana had promised to take him to see a film at the cinema this evening so he wouldn't feel so bad about his sister going away. He hoped she was okay, too and that Little Ricky didn't accidentally do any magic while he and Selena were gone...

But even that was better than whatever it was Dottie wanted to talk about. Ricky somehow knew that it wasn't going to be good news, though he couldn't imagine what she wanted to say, especially if she wasn't about to drag up the past. Oh help...did she want to somehow renew her relationship with Gideon and wanted his advice? If she asked that, he was going to have to leave right away, even if he ended up avoiding both his best friends. Maybe this school year wasn't going to be anything like he'd imagined..."Thanks" he said dully as she poured coffee. Ricky wrapped his hands around the mug, wanting the warmth it offered as if it could ward off whatever he was about to be told.

And it was as bad as he feared. “Gideon and I… will never be able to be just friends again.” There it was. She was trying to get back with him...she'd taken a job here just to be close to Gideon... what was he supposed to do now. Ricky's muscled tensed, he was seconds away from simply getting up and leaving. He'd come up with some sort of excuse of course, tell Gideon he'd just decided their friendship wasn't worth risking...he could be professional with Dottie, just talk with her about students and classes without them needing to socialise... He didn't want to lose a 20 year friendship but also he couldn't let himself get involved with whatever plan the Canadian had come up with.

She was rambling anyway, looking everywhere but his face and that, as much as anything, stayed his exit for a moment longer. The words made no sense. Something that had happened when she was pregnant with her daughter? But she and Gideon had split up before that, how could it be relevant to... "No thanks" his voice sounded surprisingly normal as he refused the pretzel, instead lifting his own mug to his lips. Dottie looked upset, terrified, enough that Ricky knew he couldn't leave yet, not while she was in this state. Ricky had taken a mouthful of coffee when four words took him by utter surprise. He both choked on the coffee and spat it across the table at the same time, the first words out of his mouth an unwittingly blasphemous phrase he'd heard many times from Mariana, twisted into an absurd variation.

"Christ on a broomstick Dottie, are you actually insane?" he practically yelled the words, still spluttering on the coffee he'd inhaled. The mug was back on the table, he was standing, pacing across the room and then back, gesturing ineffectively "You've kept this quiet for eleven...twelve years and now you suddenly decide it's the right time to tell people? No - to tell ME? What happens now? Am I supposed to go and tell Gideon, he says oh, fine, great to hear that, we can all be friends again and everything just turns out to have a happy ending? The two of you start dating again, Addie gets a little brother or sister and...Addie doesn't even know, does she?" he paused for breath, chest heaving with a mixture of exertion and emotion. Ricky rarely lost control but he was as close as he had been for a very long time "You think Gideon's ever going to speak to me again when he finds out I knew about this before he did? Did you even -"

He stopped, not even knowing what he was going to say next, the anger suddenly replaced with a kind of resigned exhaustion. He hated fighting with anyone, hated raising his voice in anger, and Dottie was crying... "Come here, you stupid thing" he said, affection in his voice, walking over to where she was hunched over, pulling her to her feet and kissing the top of her head as he hugged the sobbing woman.

“Oh, I do?” Dorothy asked, half-laughing at her carelessness as she reached up to rub off the ash on her cheek. “That’ll be the remains of that ridiculous poster in the classroom…” She added sheepishly. It wasn’t like she actually felt guilty about it though. It was hideous and deserved to be burnt. She was doing the world a favour really.

As Ricky mentioned his youngest son, Dottie smiled wistfully, feeling a little nostalgic. She couldn’t believe so much time had passed. She remembered when Little Ricky had been born. The Charms professor wondered how Selena’s brother was coping with both his father and his older sister being away at Ilvermorny. She was lucky that she didn’t have to worry about such a thing with Addie, as her daughter was right there with her. “I’m sure he and Mariana are doing fine together, don’t worry,” Dottie soothed, having a hunch that Ricky was probably thinking along similar lines.

As soon as she mentioned Gideon, Dottie could see Ricky tense up, and the empathetic witch had a feeling she knew just where his mind had gone to. But, he couldn’t have been more wrong. She just felt that perhaps, she had been wrong to keep this. Originally, she had been too scared to say anything and the longer it went on the harder it was to say something. Besides, it would have been virtually impossible to contact Gideon without Ricky. And, this sort of thing really needed to be said in person, a letter would hardly do for such life-changing details. Dottie wasn’t even sure if even a short note asking to meet would have been well-received or not, that it could have easily been rejected after so long. Adelaide really needed a father to get her through her teenage years though and it made sense to go to the actual one first.

The reaction was exactly what she had expected. It hurt, but it was understandable. She flinched as some coffee splashed near her. Yes, Ricky was absolutely right… She was totally bonkers. She knew this already. His reaction was making her believe this even more though. She said nothing as he rambled, crying more into her hands as he continued.

It wasn’t her plan to keep it secret for this long. Her original plan was to keep Addie’s paternal heritage hidden forever but within a few months of having her beautiful daughter... that didn’t seem like such a good plan. The Canadian witch certainly didn’t expect everything to go back to how it was, though it’d definitely be nice. Gideon had a right to know, as did Addie. Dorothy couldn’t help but feel incredibly guilty for hiding such a big thing from her, for completely lying to her about her father for the poor girl’s entire life.

She didn’t exactly know who else to tell. In her eyes, Dorothy felt that she had backed herself into a situation where she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. She couldn’t exactly tell her daughter first, could she? And she wouldn’t just blurt it out to a random stranger. And Gideon hadn’t even really looked in her direction during the beginning of term feast so… trying to tell him he had a kid after almost twelve years of not knowing, probably wasn’t going to be the easiest thing to accomplish. Ricky was the only one she could really tell, at first.

Woah, woah, woah. Dating? Brother or sister?! Ricky was getting way, way ahead of himself. It was Dottie’s turn to choke on her coffee. She definitely wasn’t hoping for that. And, she’d much rather tell Gideon herself than have Ricky be her personal owl. “No… she doesn’t.” Dottie whimpered, as he asked if Addie knew, not knowing what else to say.

He then mentioned how Gideon would react to him if he knew that Ricky had found out first. Surprisingly, Dottie had already thought of that, and had decided she was going to handle that. Ricky wasn’t in control of her actions after all. If Gideon wanted to be angry, he could be angry at her.

Ricky pulled her up, and hugged her as she cried. The kiss on her head calmed her a little, sobs receding into silent tears rolling down her cheeks, as she clung onto her childhood best friend so tightly as if she’d die if she let him go.

“I’m sorry.” Dottie cried, “I’m so sorry. For all of this.”  She truly meant it. She knew that she had been stupid, and was desperately trying to fix her mistake. “I know I should have said something, done something sooner. A lot sooner.” She let go of Ricky at this point and stepped back a little, pacing up and down. “I was so embarrassed and ashamed when I first knew, and I didn’t want to tell anyone ever and then…” Dottie shrugged, not knowing what to say.

“Addie needs a father, you know? Growing up is hard enough, let alone with only one parent.” Dottie sighed, her fingers twitching agitatedly, she needed the smell of burning to keep going with this conversation. Briefly, she glanced at the row of candles on the desk nearby and waved her hand to light them, breathing in the scent. “The longer I kept it quiet, the harder it got to confess the truth. But… I know how stupid that was. I thought they had a right to know. And, without you, I wouldn't even have known where he was.” Dottie sank back down in her chair, cradling her coffee, and shoving another pretzel in her mouth. She wondered if Ricky actually wanted an explanation. He deserved one, but it was an awful one and she knew that. “We haven’t actually spoken yet… and I figured it isn’t the best ice-breaker after twelve years, you know?”

Ricky had read about timeturners but never considered that one woud be useful until now. He'd always felt that messing with the past was asking for trouble, and even going back an hour or two to remember where you'd left something or to leave a note to tell your slightly-younger-self not to drink that bottle of wine was hardly going to be sufficient reward for the difficulties that were likely to be caused. But right now he would willingly have sold body parts in order to turn back time and un-hear what he had just heard. Or perhaps there was a potion he could take or...could one perform a memory charm on oneself? An hour earlier he would have asked Dottie, but now...

The anger had drained from him, replaced by an emotion that could most accurately be described as "what-the-actual-F**K-is happening-I-think-I-need-a-firewhisky-even-though-I-don't-drink". Dottie was clinging to him and sobbing; no doubt his shirt was going to be unattractively decorated with tears and snot by the time she finally got a hold of herself. Oh well. At least he was arguably better at cleaning charms than anyone else in the school. He could... and here Ricky actually snorted with something that on another occasion might have been described as laughter. A revelation like this and he was thinking about his shirt?! Clearly it was some sort of coping mechanism. A psychiatrist would have a field day if they were sitting in on this little meeting.

"I know..." he muttered, eyes scanning the room and returning to the top of her head as she cried "I know..." The trouble was, knowing how sorry she was wasn't going to help this whole convoluted situation. Why the he...ck hadn't she said something sooner - like, twelve years sooner, or even when Addie was born or a few months later, or..."You didn't come to the wedding" he breathed, shaking his head. Ricky meant his wedding, the one Dottie had been unable to attend because she hadn't been able to leave baby Addie. Or rather, the one that she hadn't been able to attend because she couldn't face seeing Gideon. It was so obvious now he knew, he didn't even need to ask.

She stopped clinging to him, and Ricky belatedly realised he could breathe more easily now as she began to pace about the room. Horrible though the situation was, Dottie was surely feeling a hundred times worse than he was, and to have held the secret inside for so long, not telling anyone at all...

No, nobody at all. He was the first. Vaguely, he thought that he ought to be flattered that he was the first to hear, though secretly he was still wishing for that timeturner so he could forget any of this ever happened. He was barely hearing the explanation, though he fixed on 'without you, I wouldn't even have known where he was'. He felt a twinge - okay, more than a twinge - of irritation. She didn't mean it that way, but how dare Dottie imply that any of this was his fault? How dare she even say something that might make his feel that way?

Recriminations were pointless. Ricky said nothing, maybe his facial expression didn't even change. Maybe he still looked shellshocked.

"I know" he said for the third (fourth?) time. Ricky wasn't even sure he knew what he knew right now. That this was a difficult situation, certainly. But how Dottie was going to handle the situation and tell Gideon...he couldn't offer advice. Idly, he pulled out his wand and cleared up the spilled coffee, siphoning it off the table wordlessly and then cleaning so that there was no sign anything had ever been there. "You want to pour me another cup..?" he asked, crossing back to his seat. He stared at the clean table for a moment and then forced himself to ask precisely what he didn't want to say

"...then you can...tell me about it?"

Could she somehow un-say the words she just said? Could she get away with obliviating Ricky, not get fired and pretend the whole conversation hadn’t happened? There was a distinct uneasy feeling, a feeling of dread that was settling in her stomach. She’d told one person, she still had two to go. And then, by that point, likely everyone in the school would know. At the same time, the idea that it wasn’t something she’d have to hide anymore was almost relieving. Dorothy was still hopeful that the whole business would miraculously sort itself out and have a happy ending. She wondered if she really was still naive enough to believe in such things.

Dottie tried desperately to stop crying, it felt wrong for her to be like this. She was usually so cheerful and peppy, but this had really worn her down. She sniffed, and took deep breaths to attempt to calm herself, trying to somehow draw energy and strength from Ricky as she hugged him so tightly. She appreciated that he didn’t say much, whether it was just the shock, or he was just taking it all in. Dottie needed someone to listen to the things she hadn’t even really said to her own parents, things she’d hidden deep down for her daughter’s entire life.

He brought up his wedding, as if he’d figured out the real reason why she hadn’t come, that her excuse of baby Addie needing her was nonsense. Her parents could have easily looked after her, she just didn’t want to see Gideon, she couldn’t face the man who had done this to her. “Yeah…” she sniffed, hoping to confirm whatever he was thinking. “I’m sorry. I just… couldn’t face him.” She wondered what had changed now, that she was willing to change her career, move her entire life for him, to see him again, to tell him the truth, when at the time she would have been happy if he had somehow ceased to exist. Funny, how time changed things.

She continued pacing as she tried to come to terms with the fact that her big secret was out. Ricky was quiet, and Dottie dreaded wondering what he was thinking. Perhaps she should set herself on fire. What did he think of her now? Eventually he spoke, repeating his words, but at least acknowledging her own. He hadn’t run off and left her there, and that was good. She watched him clean up the spilt coffee, appreciating that she didn’t have to do that herself, and she gave him a small smile. “Thanks.” Dottie muttered, her eyes following Ricky as he went back towards his seat, as she finally managed to stop pacing. Really Dottie felt that the situation called for something stronger than coffee, perhaps about an entire mug full of rum or vodka (whichever would make her black out the quickest) but supposed that wouldn’t be received well by Ricky. Plus, she was sure she didn’t have any alcohol to spare. “Yes,” she replied, coming to sit back down. “I… would like that, actually.” Dottie surprised herself that she was willing to open up completely, though she supposed she had no real motive to hide anything anymore.

Where could she begin though? It was probably for the best to leave out the night she and Gideon did… fun stuff that led to Addie’s conception. That'd just be straight up weird and awkward for herself and Ricky, even if it was an extremely pleasant memory. And the breakup… Dottie couldn’t even really remember it. It had been over something stupid, and that was all she really knew. “It was a few weeks after we broke up.” Dottie shakily began. “When I found out, I mean…” She stared at her hands in her lap, not really wanting to look at her friend’s reaction. “And it couldn’t have been anyone else… I know I’ve been guilty of a fling or two, but I was so upset at the time… that sort of thing was the furthest from my mind.” Dottie sighed, feeling how she still had a tug of sadness on her heartstrings even 12 years after they had split up. “That was why I went back to Québec… I didn’t know what to do.” Dottie looked up for a brief second before her eyes returned to her lap. “I was still angry at him for leaving me, and I was too proud to reach out and reconcile.”

She took a shaky breath, feeling like she was about to announce herself as the wizarding World’s worst mother. “I almost hated Adelaide when she was born… I couldn’t even look at her for that first week.” She hid her face in her hands, not wanting to look at the judgmental glare that she was probably being given.

As much as he wanted to pretend that none of this was real, Ricky wasn't able to do that. As soon as Dottie had revealed her news, it had made sense. Things had fallen into place. The reason she hadn't been at his wedding, why she never mentioned Addie's father - even a one night stand had a name...heck, even three one night stands who all might be possible fathers had names - why she hadn't even spoken to Gideon... It all made a horrible, horrible kind of sense.

He still wished he knew nothing about it, though, but there was no way he could change that. Well, he could take the way out Gideon would no doubt choose if faced with such a situation, but the idea of drinking that much alcohol made his stomach churn just thinking about it. What he really couldn't understand was why now? If she couldn't face Gideon ten or five years ago, what had changed now that they were arguably all in a situation they couldn't easily escape from?

Maybe that was it. Maybe Dottie had subconsciously engineered the situation so that she would have to admit the truth, and Gideon wouldn't be able to walk away. He couldn't help but fear that things were still going to go horribly wrong. He braced himself to hear the full story, even as he wondered how he would possibly be able to look his best friend in the eye once he left this room.

Pretend it was just a student who had come to him with a problem. Yes that was the best way - the only way - of dealing with this. Certainly it might make it a bit more bearable if he imagined he was trying to help an acquaintance out of a difficult situation. Ricky stared down at his empty cup, deciding not to remind Dottie he'd suggested a refill. Right at that moment he didn't care if he never tasted coffee again; it was just giving him something to concentrate on other than looking the woman in the eye. He nodded, trying to process what he was hearing. It all sounded so stupid, so...juvenile. They'd wasted years because of an argument both had been too proud to try and reconcile from.

But was he really any better? On the one hand, he could hardly be held responsible for a wife who refused point blank to believe magic existed until she'd been accidentally confronted with the truth, but couldn't he have...done something? Tried to bring them together rather than assuming that it had nothing to do with him? Some small quiet part of Ricky's mind told him there was no way he was responsible for any of this, but all the same he felt a vague, unsettling sense of guilt for not having intervented a dozen years earlier. If he had, maybe they wouldn't be in this situation now and maybe...maybe Addie would have had a father in her life.

He shook his head and sighed. Dottie's confession, if you could call it that, was barely shocking compared to what he'd already heard. "That can happen sometimes" he said "I've heard about it...one of my sister's friends struggled badly when her first son was born, and she was hapily married..." he forced himself to meet Dottie's gaze and added "It must have been so difficult for you, especially when..." he broken off and backtracked a little "your parents? They don't know either, do they?" Absentmindedly he raised the empty cup, getting it almost halfway to his lips before realising his error and replacing it on the table once again.

He was avoiding eye contact with her. That was fine, she supposed, seeming as she’d only made such an observation by glancing briefly up at him and then lowering her gaze to her lap. Dorothy couldn’t help but wonder if this was all a terrible mistake. Either she should have never said anything at all about it ever, or she should have done the sensible option and said something about this sooner. A lot sooner. It was all she could really think about now. It was all so stupid, and Dottie wondered what Ricky thought of her, if he’d view her differently now, if their friendship would change. That was what she wanted in a way though, wasn’t it? The situation was weird, she wanted things to go back to how they were but always wanted everything to completely change. She couldn’t have it both ways, she had to accept that.

Dottie could barely hide her shock that Ricky was so placid about her little confession. Of course, it was probably difficult for him to think any worse of her than he probably already was thanks to her earlier, much larger confession. Even so, she was relieved that he didn’t react the way she thought he might, and she gave a little smile into her lap. She listened as he told her about one of his sister’s friends who had a similar problem. It was comforting that she wasn’t alone, especially since Dottie felt she’d be in a much worse situation. Her parents had said it was nothing to be ashamed of, but she felt that they were unfairly biased. They tended to support her in everything she did, and as their daughter they probably weren’t able to think so logically about the crazy situations she put herself in. It was more important hearing it from the lips of one of her best friends. “Oh, really?” Dottie breathed, halfway between curious and relieved. “I’m… glad it isn’t just me then.” She shook her head slowly, daring to raise her gaze and glance at Ricky for a few seconds. “Even now… I still feel guilty about it.”

At least he recognised that it had been difficult for her, and she nodded in agreement, though Dorothy supposed that was her own fault. She could have reached out to Gideon to tell him when she knew. Hell, she could have asked Ricky how to get a hold of him at literally any point during the twelve years… Pride was a terrible thing. How different could things have been if she’d owned up to the truth sooner? How different would Adelaide’s life have been… whether it would have been better or worse? It was something that would haunt her forever, Dottie presumed.

He suddenly backtracked, and raised his cup towards his lips, and Dottie mirrored him only realising that she’d never topped up the coffee until she was looking down into an empty cup with a frown. “Coffee!” She exclaimed, jumping out of her seat in a hurry. “Sorry,” she offered, appreciative that Ricky clearly knew but didn’t feel the need to mention it. “I got carried away with myself there…” Dottie shook her head as she didn’t even bother to use her wand to brew the coffee. The Charms professor had mastered a lot of wandless magic long ago, and most of the time her wand was just to avoid showing off, or for when she was performing complex magic where she needed to concentrate.

“They know. My parents knew the whole time.” She explained, not bothering to glance at Ricky as she levitated their cups to the counter with a wave of her hand, in preparation for when the coffee was ready. “They’ve never slipped up… not even once. I owe them a lot.” Dottie shook her head again, running her tongue across her teeth. “I couldn’t let them ever think that of me, you know? That I’d sleep around like that… Even if that’s what I ended up becoming…” Having several flings within the space of a few weeks wasn’t something Dottie was proud of, but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop trying to fill the emptiness that she’d felt for over a decade.

She glanced over at the freshly brewed pot of coffee, expertly pouring it into both cups without ever leaving her seat, with a satisfied smirk. She summoned the two cups, only spilling a few drops as they landed on the table. “There, coffee. Finally.” She laughed, giving Ricky an affectionate glance.

"I think it's...not exactly common, but...some people just struggle to bond with their newborns, you know?" he said, feeling totally out of his depth with the turns this conversation was taking. Really, Dottie needed a counsellor, not a friend right now. If he'd known this was coming Ricky would have read a book about how to deal with this kind of situation...if such a book even existed. Actually, he doubted it. There was surely no point of reference for any of this.

Coffee was truly the most wonderful invention on the planet. If Ricky could have met the person who had discovered coffee beans, he would have kissed them. Even if it was only a temporary respite from this situation it allowed him to collect his thoughts before he presumably was going to need to try and help Dottie figure out a way forward. He laughed softly as she sent the cups over to the counter.

Okay, so her parents knew...he wasn't actually sure if that made it better or worse. Better, he supposed, because at least she'd felt able to tell the truth to two people, even if she'd kept it secret from the rest of th world. "I'm glad they know the whole story" he said, and then shook his head, because it sounded patronising and made him feel like he was trying to be a therapist rather than a friend, and he didn't want that. Then he frowned, though it was more in surprise than out of disapproval because really, if Dottie had wanted to sleep with a different man every night for a month he wasn't going to think any less of her as a person. Though really, he didn't want to think about it at all. She and Gideon...when they'd been at school the three had been so close they'd felt like siblings. Ricky still felt vaguely uncomfortable thinking of them together, even now.

"Thanks. Coffee makes everything better" he said, starting to reach for the cup and then remembering it was still close to boiling. A burnt tongue wasn't something he wanted to add to his woes. Okay, so maybe putting this conversation off wasn't a good idea anyway. It was twelve years too late as it was. "Okay. So...where do we go from here?" he asked, not really knowing whether he was talking about telling Gideon or the situation in general, and even less sure if he wanted to hear Dottie's answer. But he ploughed on regardless, because when you've decided to take the band aid off the wound it's easier to rip it off all at once rather than do it carefully, bit by bit.

"You've had no contact at all with Gideon since then, have you?" he asked, though he already knew the answer from their letters "I thought you had...no, I imagined that you'd reconciled and were at least on speaking terms again, because it was easier for me to imagine that. But when I mentioned you'd got the job here...well, you know he didn't take it well" He picked up the cup and took a cautious sip, immediately regretting it. Without putting the cup down he continued "Don't get me wrong, I think...I know you've got to tell him. Just...don't expect it to be a comfortable conversation..."

Talk about stating the obvious. "Sorry" he said, taking another sip of coffee because his tongue didn't already hate him enough "You know that already" and then "Have you got any idea how you're going to break the news?"

“Hmm…” Dottie hummed, looking literally everywhere but where Ricky was sitting. This conversation was taking turns that she had absolutely not planned for, and boy was she uncomfortable about it. “Yeah… I…” She paused, swallowing hard, feeling like there was no need for them to dwell on the fact that she had hated her own daughter when she was born for any longer than they already had. “Yeah.”

“Well, I had to tell someone.” Dorothy responded, glancing for a second at her friend before sighing. She couldn’t have imagined keeping such a thing hidden from every single person on the planet. Keeping it a secret for twelve years from everyone on the planet except for two people had been hard enough, but every single person? That would have been impossible. “Even then,” Dottie added, avoiding Ricky’s gaze again, “I don’t think we’ve spoken about it in years.”

The Charms professor made a face as Ricky said that coffee made everything better. It helped, for sure, but what Dottie really, really wanted in that moment was a bottle of the strongest alcohol possible and to down the lot of it. “I mean, rum would be even better but…” She mirrored him, reaching for her own cup, and making the mistake of attempting to have a sip. “Ow.” She stuck her tongue out, blowing on it moments too late, now suffering from a burnt tongue. “Great.” She muttered under her breath, putting the cup down and making a mental note not to risk another sip for a few minutes.

He asked where they would go from here, and Dottie’s scowl from her burnt tongue melted in an affectionate and grateful smile. Thank Merlin she had Ricky. “Oh… I don’t know.” She replied, shrugging her shoulders as she slightly shook her head. “I haven’t really planned it all through that far.” She added with a self-deprecating smile. Dottie never thought anything through really. She just had an impulse and acted on it, not often thinking about the consequences.

“No. Nothing.” Dottie suppressed a sigh, running her hands across her face, feeling that she really should have just grown up and reached out to Gideon a long time ago. Then, if he had refused to communicate that was his fault and not hers. Now, despite the fact that Gideon also hadn’t reached out to her either, it seemed to Dottie that she was going to be the only one who was going to get all the blame. She smiled sadly as Ricky said that it was easier for him to imagine that they had reconciled. Merlin, she wished she and Gideon had. That way this reunion of their little trio would have felt more complete, instead of the jarring sensation she now had. “Yes, well, I didn’t expect him to be waiting for me with open arms…” She half-laughed, biting on her lip a little bit as she looked down at her coffee. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, she kind of wished he had.

Ricky said it wouldn’t be a comfortable conversation, followed by an apology because she already knew that, which was certainly true. “Heh, I do. I’ve put this conversation off for twelve years so… evidence enough.” She grabbed her cup of coffee, wincing as she took a large gulp of the scalding beverage. Dottie was clearly in the mood to suffer, it seemed. “Do I know how I’m going to break the news?” Dorothy parroted, eyes wide as she let her head fall into her waiting hand.

“Not a clue.” She admitted, half-muffled from her hand covering part of her mouth. She sighed, tilting her head to the ceiling as she groaned. “I’ll admit I never got that far in my plan. Actually, my entire plan was just one - get hired as a professor and two - tell Gideon and Addie that they’re father and daughter.” She shook her head realsing how stupid it was to not have throught this through more. “I’m sure the right opportunity will present itself at some point, and I’m sure I’ll just blurt it out when it does.”

Had Addie ever asked who her father was? Had she noticed other children with two parents and asked why she only had a mother? Ricky tried to remember if Selena had asked why her parents lived separately, or conversely why other parents lived together, and found that he couldn't remember. Did some kids just assume that whatever their family situation was, it was normal, and just didn't ask questions? He supposed it was possible, but either way Ricky didn't want to ask. He didn't want to know whether Dottie had hedged around questions of that kind or, worse, if she'd told her daughter a... He couldn't quite bring himself to think the word lie. It was too uncomfortable to think that any dishonesty at all had taken place. Much easier to believe that this was just a bad case of...what? Not seeking Gideon out and telling him the truth?

Who was he kidding? There was absolutely no way this was gong to go down well, and Ricky hated - hated - that he was caught in the middle. Call him a coward, but he didn't want to face Gideon knowing that he'd known the truth even a single day earlier than his friend. He knew what Gideon would say - that he should have gone to him and told him immediately. Maybe he still should, if he wanted to salvage anything of their friendship. Walk out of here, go straight to Gideon's study and tell him everything.

And what good was that going to do? The fact that he had known that his friend was a father before he did would still be there. It was still Ricky who had been trusted with the news first. He would still feel like the bad guy even though there was no good or bad to be had here. Just a kid who was about to find out she had a father. He shook his head. "Honestly, I think alcohol is the last thing anyone needs tonight" he said, already certain that Dottie would be hunting through her supplies for some. Or maybe transfiguring her coffee into something stronger? No, he didn't want to think about that either. If there were going to be drunk professors on the first night of a new semester he would rather know nothing about it.

Ricky pushed the coffee away, sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "Dottie..." he groaned, emphasising the final vowel until it was almost a whine. She had literally had no plan beyond 'tell my estranged one-time boyfriend he's the father of my eleven year old'. Ricky didn't want to be here, in fact, had he already thought about whether it was possible to obliviate oneself? He was certainly thinking it now. Erase the last couple of hours from his memory entirely, and then look shocked when Gideon broke the news? Would that be the worst thing he could do? Except...the conversation would still have taken place, he just wouldn't be able to remember it.

"That is the worst plan I've ever heard..." he said softly. There was no condemnation in his voice, just a simple statement of fact "But it's the only thing you can do. Just..." he hesitated, not wanting to ask the question and feeling selfish for even thinking it "if there's any way you could...not mention we talked about it tonight, I think that might be better all round." Selfish yes, but Ricky couldn't help thinking that Gideon might feel just slightly less awful if he didn't imagine his best friend had heard this life-changing news before he did.

Reluctantly, Dorothy nodded her head. Ricky was right that alcohol wasn’t going to solve any of her problems. In fact, it would probably make them worse. “Yeah… I guess you are right. It’s… not going to help.” Merlin knew how she wished it did. The temptation to turn her coffee into the strongest drink she could think was still there, still strong. However, she refrained, thinking that she was causing enough trouble for Ricky as it was without having to deal with a drunken mess to boot.

She watched him carefully as he dropped his head into his hands, almost whining her name. Dottie couldn’t help but let out a puff of air followed by a lopsided smile before chewing on her lip slightly. He was absolutely right. It had been a terrible plan, a completely and utterly terrible plan. It was too late to turn back now though. “I know.” She replied equally as softly as he had said it. She nodded again as he said it was the only thing she could do, he was right again.

Dottie took another few gulps of the coffee, leaning back in her seat a little more, slightly less tense now that the immediate intensity of the situation had lessened slightly. She smiled fondly at her friend, nodding her head again as she took a few seconds to gulp down the remainder of her coffee before replying.

“I… was honestly hoping that you would say that.” She admitted with a sheepish half-shrug of her shoulders. “I had to tell you but… I still want him to believe he is the first to know. I think he deserves that much, even if I couldn’t really do that.” She placed her hands over her face and dragged them down until they landed in her lap and she clasped them together tightly. It was only really sinking in now just how much of a mess she had made. Part of her wanted to absolve herself from all the blame, saying that Gideon also had some heinous role in this, that it took two people to make a baby, but she couldn’t blame anyone really but herself.

“I know I can trust you to keep this to yourself. And well… if the past twelve years have proven anything, it's that I can stay quiet when I need to as well.” Was that such a good thing though? Dottie wasn't so sure anymore.