I overeat, I lack purpose [Jam]

It had been a few days since he was dumped, and Ezra was sitting around his apartment moping. He had eaten too much and felt a little sick. He had homework to work on for class, and he felt a little lame about everything. He hated this, that feeling of inadequacy that always came after a girl turned him away. It was harder this time, though. It wasn’t just some girl it was Circe, the girl that had basically been the girl of his dreams since he started Hogwarts. He didn’t know how he was going to get past this. He didn’t know how to move on, or who to move on with. Maybe there was some other girl somewhere out there for him to date, but for now he felt like he was likely to be alone forever.

He wasn’t even feeling up to smoking tonight, just because he wanted to stay sober to do his homework. He flipped through the same few pages over and over and sighed heavily. This wasn’t going anywhere. He hated school. He hated dating. Well, no, he hated what inevitably came after dating—the disappointment of a breakup. He hated being an adult. If he didn’t have his job, he didn’t know what he would do. He loved his job, he loved talking for a living and being where the cool kids were. He remembered he had that interview with Oliver soon, but that seemed ages away.

When he wasn’t in the man’s presence, he didn’t seem all that cool anymore… right? Or maybe he still did, but then Ezra had more space to realize how small he was in comparison. He remembered looking up into the sky and feeling like a tiny ant in the universe’s vastness, but it made him queasy to think of his life as being insignificant.

He looked up as Jam came in, late, and smiled lightly at his best friend. “Hey bud.” He greeted, his eyes a little red from the way he had absolutely not been crying. “You’re late again? Work suck that much?”

@Jam Tate

Jam hated being wrong. Even more, he hated when he knew Sid had been right and that he'd been wrong. The auror department was just like he'd said. He felt like he had even less of a voice instead of more of one. The only time he felt like he had a voice was when they were performing, but.. they hadn't even made it big yet. They'd gotten booked for a NYE show and he supposed that he had that to look forward to. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and kept his eyes on the floor as he moped into the apartment and then closed the door behind him.

Ezra had noticed that he was late. Jam smiled back and shrugged his shoulders. "Was just talking to that guy at the club about our gig. Seems pretty chill. I really like the whole hell theme he's got going there." He put his work bag on the floor and took off his cloak, hanging it up neatly before turning his attention back to his best friend and roommate.

"You okay? You've seemed.. really down since... well, y'know." It was awkward for him, too, but he wouldn't say that out loud. It was rough seeing Ezra so upset. It was rough knowing that Circe was probably equally upset, and had been for quite some time for her to do what she'd done. He understood both sides and was doing his best to remain neutral but still seem caring to both parties. It was also hard because Jam knew what it was like to be infatuated with her. He was pretty sure Ezra had been so blinded by his own crush on their friend that he hadn't noticed his own, and he wasn't about to bring it to his attention-- especially not now.

"Wanna order food?"

“Oh?” Ezra asked, perking up. “Was he cool? Did he say anything about us?” He wondered. He had been surprised that their demo had gotten even one person to give them a chance, but a chance was really all the needed, right? They’d played in public a few times, but never like this. This was an actual gig, at an actual cool club in front of people, for New Year’s Eve of all times. They were going to get so much publicity! He hoped Oliver would come. And Rheya. And Circe, even though she would definitely come. He really wondered if he did a good enough job at playing on New Year’s, maybe Circe would want him back. He tried not to think about it that way. Even he wasn’t sure they were good for each other, but he hurt so much thinking of losing her.

He slighed a little, being kind of a terrible friend and not thinking about how unhappy it was obvious Jam was with his job. He was preoccupied with his own unhappiness. Maybe they could commiserate? “Yeah, let’s get food. Any ideas?” He asked. “I can even pick up this time, I’m stone cold sober.” This was a rarity, as Ezra had usually had at least one or two joints by this time of night.

“You wanna go for a drive? Hurry up and change into something less… cop-y. We can go down and get whatever we want.” He suggested, neglecting his homework again.